Chapter 16
Ringo’s hand comes down on my jigging knee, trying to settle my nerves, but it’s no use. I’m far too anxious to relax.
“Angel, we have hours until we stop for the night. Why don’t you try and get some sleep?”
I glance over at my husband as he drives the Landy, not a lick of worry etching his features.
But mine?
Well, shit. Maybe someone can just knock me out and wake me up when we’re there.
“I don’t know if I can sleep,” I admit, and his expression is soft and thoughtful as he glances away from the road to me.
Ever since Daniel spoke to his mum last night, I’ve been a wreck. Lewy managed to track the location and confirmed that Daniel didn’t even hint to his mother that he was in trouble, or that we were listening.
I wanted to ask Daniel why he didn’t rat us out, but I also didn’t have it in me to talk to him at the time.
“Wanna play a game or something then?”
A laugh bubbles out of me. “A game? Like car games? You?”
He narrows his eyes at me, darting between me and the road. “I haven’t always been an old guy, Angel. I know about car games.”
I scrunch my nose. “What car games did you play back in your day?”
His deep rumbling laugh does wonders for my nerves, and I finally start to relax.
“You’re a real brat when you’re on edge,” he chuckles.
“Maybe you should pull the car over and punish me,” I tease, feeling a little bold after what we did last night.
Shit. Even thinking about that has my cheeks heating.
I know we were completely covered by the blanket, but in the end, the guys knew what was happening, and I… ohhh… I like, had an orgasm, loudly, right in front of them.
“I don’t need to pull the car over for that, Angel. Just loosen your jeans, and I’ll slide my hand in.”
My cheeks flush hot, and my lips part as I stare at him.
“You’re driving.”
“And?” he asks. “You don’t think I can multitask, Angel?”
My gaze darts out the windows, at the hordes of motorcycles in front, behind, and next to us on the road.
“They will see,” I point out, and he chuckles.
“My club brothers won’t mind.”
I roll my eyes, and reach over, slapping his shoulder.
“Stop it.” I scold him as I sit back in my seat, my jigging knee starting back up as I chew on my nail.
“Talk to me then, Angel. What’s going through your head right now?”
My eyes flick to him, worried he can read my thoughts, before I glance over my shoulder into the back seat.
There’s camp gear packed for an overnight stay, but amongst it is a baby car seat, the product tags still attached.
Millie bought it online back when I was… pregnant. When Bobbi died… shit, no… when we thought Bobbi had died, Millie packed it away in her room so I wouldn’t have to see it.
It’s like she knew, just like I think I did, that my little girl was never really gone.
“Abs?” Ringo’s voice drags my attention back to him, and I sigh, dropping my hand to the seat and shoving it under my thigh to stop me from biting my nails.
“What if I’m bad at this?” I practically whisper as I admit it out loud. “What if she’s better off without me?”
I can feel Ringo’s eyes on me as I stare forward, straight out the windscreen.
“Your worry is just another one of those mum things that all the good mums worry about, Angel.”
“But for real?” I turn and look at him this time. “I don’t know the first thing about being a mum. I’ve never cared for a baby before. I’ve never looked after anyone. I’ve been controlled by people my whole life. How am I supposed to raise a child? I—”
“Angel, stop.”
“No, Ringo.” I shake my head, refusing to let him try to comfort me with words meant to appease. “I’m not a good person. I’ve killed people. I keep seeing their…”
I trail off, clenching my jaw as I fight the threatening tears.
“You see their faces?” Ringo asks, and I nod.
“What if Bobbi finds out what a monster I really am?” My eyes plead with him for brutal honesty.
“I think she’ll just see a woman that was fighting for her little girl.”
“But I thought Bobbi was dead then. I didn’t do those things to protect her. I did them out of hate. Anger.”
“Revenge. Justice,” Ringo corrects. “Don’t forget, those people meant you harm. Some meant Bobbi harm too. They needed to pay for what they did.”
I consider that, wondering if I would have killed them if Bobbi had been alive.
If those Rebels had come to the hospital intending to take her, then yes, I still would have killed them. Maybe my mind wouldn’t have been ruled by so much hate and anger, but I still would’ve picked up a gun. I still would’ve pulled the trigger to protect Bobbi.
The same with Wendy. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so… violent. But she willingly put Bobbi in danger. That alone would have been enough.
Some of the people I’ve killed were fuelled by rage. I know that now. But I also realise something else. I still would have killed every single one of them. The only difference would’ve been the reason. Rage versus the wild, desperate need to protect.
“I still would have killed them,” I admit out loud, and Ringo nods, his expression soft with sympathy.
“And since you can’t change the past, you need to focus on the future and what sort of mum you want to be.”
“I know what sort of mum I don’t want to be,” I rush out, cringing as I shake my head. “I can’t get her voice out of my head, telling me I’m not fit to be a mother.”
“Force it out,” Ringo growls. “That bitch is the one not fit to be a mother. You’re already more of a mother than she ever was. Look how you’ve fought to protect Bobbi. Look what you’ve done for Tahli.”
His hand squeezes my thigh again, and I turn in the seat, resting on my side as I stare at the man I married.
“I just want all of this to be over. I just want us to be happy. I swear I don’t normally cry so much. Or kill so much.”
Ringo chuckles, his lips kicking up in a crooked smile as he glances at me.
“I’ve seen your playful side, Abs. Happiness is just around the corner. I’m sure of it.”
Reaching out, I run my hand up his arm, feeling the thick corded muscles, and wonder how I got so lucky to have found him.
I stare at him for a long time until my eyes grow heavy, then wake hours later as the car slows, turning off the main road.
Blinking past my sleepy haze, I realise we have made it to the other side of the state since the sign on the side of the road says the Victorian and South Australian border is only twenty-five kilometres away.
“Welcome back.” Ringo’s voice is light, and I take in his smirk.
“I was snoring, wasn’t I?”
He shrugs. “There was more drool and fly catching than snoring, but you did have a go at one stage. Thought a truck was coming for me.”
I gape at him as he chuckles, my cheeks heating with a dash of embarrassment.
“Next time you snore, I’m recording it on my phone so you can hear yourself,” I rush out, and he simply shrugs.
“That’s fine, Angel. I’ll just record your come cry and play it back to you.”
My eyes narrow. “That will mean war.”
“War with you sounds fun.” He smirks, wagging his brows as he flicks on the indicator and the car slows again. “We can’t get across the state border until the morning, when the cops the Angel sisters have on their payroll are working, so we’re staying here for the night.”
I want to protest. Scream that we need to keep driving to get my little girl back, but also, I’m kind of terrified to see her.
What if she doesn’t like me?
What if she sees the monster I really am?
I get jostled as we turn onto the pothole ridden driveway of a dingy old caravan park, the rumble of the motorcycles idling around us as they roll in too.
I’m not sure what business owner would be happy about a horde of bikers wanting to stay and use their facilities, but whatever charm JD and Spud wield seems to work.
Within minutes, we’re waved through to the back section of the park to set up camp for the night, and I’m a little amazed at how everyone seems to know their role to get the job done.
Some set up swags and tents, while a group of club brothers assemble what I quickly realise is an outdoor kitchen. Someone gets music going, and another guy starts handing out beers, and it all just flows, like they’ve done this a hundred times before.
The only odd one out is me, since I’m the only female.
The Doxies were ordered to stay behind, along with a group of club brothers, to watch over the compound and keep up with the construction of their little village.
No one but me, Ringo and Lewy knows where we are headed exactly.
Ringo wanted to keep it quiet, which of course, pissed off Smitty, but he still insisted the club join the hunt.
Ringo has parked the Landy off to the side, and moves the baby seat to the front before showing me how the seats lay down, and how the self-inflating mattress works.
I’ve never slept in the back of a car before, and if it weren’t for my need to pee and eat, then I’d happily slip inside and hide for the rest of the night.
Once we’re set up, Ringo acts as my bodyguard, leading me to the women’s facilities, slipping inside to make sure it’s all clear.
We are the only people staying in the park so I knew it would be, but I enjoy this protective side of him. It makes me feel cherished and special.
Once I’m done, Ringo leads me back to the camp, and I spot Daniel tied to a tree behind the van, eating a bread roll as two club brothers watch over him.
We needed to bring him along with us. That was quickly decided last night. He’s our leverage, should we need it when we arrive in the little seaside town Elizabeth is hiding in with Bobbi.
A barbeque dinner is cooked up, and Ringo fetches us a couple of plates filled with food, and just like he did months ago, he feeds me, clearly enjoying having me on his knee and ordering me to open my pretty lips.
It’s not long before the men get a little rowdy and bored, and some start to have a competition to see who can piss the furthest.