CHAPTER 3 #3
“I saw the way you looked at him.” Beck stopped a foot from me, green eyes tracing my frame as if committing me to memory. “You don’t look at him the way you used to look at me.”
It was as if he’d stuck a knife between my ribs, my body tensing with the shock.
It was strange to be alone with Beck in between the rosebushes now, steps away from the serenity garden that used to be our place, and to truly have his undivided attention.
I became acutely aware of how much space Beck took up now.
How the years had settled into his shoulders, his stance.
I hated that my body noticed before I could tell it not to.
My heart couldn’t quite reconcile the fact that the person before me was practically a stranger, pulse still hammering like it recognized his face.
But a lot could change about a person in four years.
I’d changed.
“I let you have your moment last night,” I began, something buzzing in my chest. “You spilled your drink on my feet. I didn’t tell anyone that you’d done it on purpose. Let’s just… leave it at that, and leave each other alone.”
Beck tilted his head. “Why didn’t you tell?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious. “Why didn’t you throw me under the bus? You didn’t have a problem with it before.”
It was a dig, but a shallow one. I could still claw my way away from the memory before it swallowed me whole.
“Because it was meaningless. Harmless. A power grab. You think you’re the only one who can read people?
” I took a half-step closer. Ten inches between us now.
“You spilled the drink on me because you felt like you needed to be in control.”
The amusement dimmed in Beck’s expression. I’d seen his face when he’d recognized me last night—forced politeness blinking into something dark. Something more unsettled. I’d seen the waver of his hand before he dumped the cup over. Grappling for power to appease his ego.
In the same steady voice, I went on. “I can let you have last night, but if you ruin this for me…” I lifted my eyes to his, and this time, nothing in me lurched at the connection. No, I was steady as I stared him down, as were the words that left my mouth next. “I will ruin you.”
I watched as my threat washed over Beck. Instead of shaking him to his core—the final drive of my hammer to his nail—it did the exact opposite.
A wide grin bloomed across his mouth, making him almost look manic.
He took a step closer, mirroring me, until not even six inches stretched between us.
He leaned his head down, bringing it near level with mine.
Four inches apart. His platinum hair seemed to glow with shining sunlight, and one might’ve thought he was angelic-looking, until they saw his eyes. Vividly green and laced with venom.
“I wish you could’ve felt the thrill that raced through me when you said that,” Beck murmured, a delicate, shameful drawl. “Say it again.”
My mouth went dry. “I’m serious.”
“I know.” Beck lifted his hand, reaching. “You get this little line right between your eyebrows when you’re serious—”
He’d stretched his finger toward me, and I smacked it away without thinking twice. The sound echoed into the air like a gunshot.
Inexplicably, Beck’s smile stretched wider as his hand fell back to his side. “I remember you being more fun, Nellie.”
“I go by Eleanor now.”
“Case in point.” Beck didn’t take a step back, and despite how badly I wanted to, neither did I. It would be admitting defeat. “You don’t want him, Nell.”
“You don’t know me.” And then, unwillingly, I added in a whisper, “Anymore.”
Something shifted then, in that split second. The new emotion flitted across his face, a ripple that I spotted but couldn’t name. For that split second, his eyes weren’t sharp and venomous; they were filled with something else.
The memory I’d clawed back from threatened to consume me again.
Do you ever just feel like… you want to explode? I’d asked him once.
I’ve never wanted to explode. The memory of a young Beckham Jennings filled my mind, swathed in moonlight. But I have wanted to disappear.
And then the strange expression on Beck’s face was gone, replaced by the nothingness that I’d seen last night. Beck’s eyes were so flat. Almost like there was no spark of life in them, like it’d been snuffed out ages ago.
“A-G-A-I-N,” he spelled suddenly.
“W-What?”
“What, you don’t still do that spelling thing?” His teeth caught at the edge of his lower lip. “I spelled again. You said if I ruin this for you, you’ll ruin me. You already did it once before. So you’ll ruin me… again.”
A soft breath slipped past my lips, as if he’d knocked the wind out of me. A-G-A-I-N.
“Maybe I should make the same threat,” Beck mused, slipping one hand into his pocket and taking a step backward. “After all, it’s fitting, isn’t it? If you’ll get your revenge, I should get mine.”
R-E-V-E-N-G-E. One of the things I’d been afraid of with his sudden appearance, almost as much as that sudden appearance itself.
The space between us grew, but the space to breathe only shrank as Beck considered me. Considered his next words. “I’ll remind you what it’s like to really want someone.”
And then, with his other hand and with a lightning movement, Beck nudged my chin up before pulling away entirely.
I still tried to swat at him, and then ruefully rubbed my chin. I tried to erase the ghost sensation of his touch, as if pretending he hadn’t affected me might make it true.
As he slipped past me toward the garden, toward the place I’d never go, Beck called back in a lazy way, “Maybe this summer won’t be so boring after all.”
A second later, he disappeared between the rosebushes.
I’ll remind you what it’s like to really want someone.
I stood frozen in the pathway, trembling even in the warm sunlight. V-E-N-O-M-O-U-S. Beck was unpredictable—always had been, even when we were kids. But now, with that crazed look in his eye, I knew he was true trouble.
I’ll remind you what it’s like to really want someone. Both a threat and a promise, and they caused me to shiver harder.
The sheer audacity of him showing up now, of all times, made something bitter coil in my chest. Four years later, and he thought he could weasel his way back in.
Not now. Not before finals, not when Dr. Pembleton’s approval was within reach, when I finally had the perfect opportunity to impress my own father for the first time.
The crush I’d had on him before was gone now, burnt out like a flame out of oxygen. Life was too important now to be crushing on bad boys.
If Beck ruined this for me, I’d do more than throw him under the bus.
I’d bury him six feet under.
Keep telling yourself that.
“Nellie!” Daisy burst around the corner, wide-eyed, waving her wrist. “There you are. Hello! The clock’s ticking!” And then she scanned the space around me. “Where’s Carter?”
I swallowed hard. Beck’s name lodged in my throat, unspoken and unwelcome. There wasn’t room for him in my life anymore—I’d made sure of that. So I grabbed Daisy’s hand and forced a smile. “I’ll tell you later,” I said, already pulling her along. “C’mon, let’s go cream Lydia and Raelynn, shall we?”
Daisy secured her hold on my hand. “Duh.”
And with that, we raced down the Alderton-Du Ponte cobblestones, leaving all thoughts of Beck and his stupid threat behind.