Chapter Fifteen #3
“Nay,” he finally said, rising from the chair and weaving about. “I must have hurt it somehow. It is sore.”
She nodded in understanding, noticing that he was looking at the bed. He caught her expression and the pleasant mood that had he tried hard to establish was fading. Charles resumed unconsciously rubbing his hand as he faced her.
“If you do not want to,” his voice was quiet. “I will not force you. I would be happy just to talk to you.”
It would have been so easy to accept his offer.
Lord knows, she wanted to. She was incredibly close to agreeing.
But in the last moment she restrained herself, knowing what must be done.
There was no use in delaying it, especially if Charles was to think the child was his.
Tears threatened, those of fright and revulsion and sorrow, but she fought them.
“We are married, my lord,” her voice was small, tight. “It is your right. It is expected.”
“But we do not…”
“I appreciate your kindness. But we must.”
Suddenly, he seemed more reluctant than she did.
He yanked the mantle off his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground in a sloppy action.
Sitting heavily on the bed, he almost fell off but caught his balance.
He just sat there a moment, staring at the floor.
Avalyn watched him, growing increasingly curious about his behavior; when the man should clearly be eager to assume his husbandly duties, Charles seemed very reluctant.
“Is… is something wrong, my lord?” she asked hesitantly.
He shook his head. Then he nodded. The hand-rubbing grew more furious as he refused to meet her gaze. “I… I should have told you this before, but I could not…”
He trailed off and her brow furrowed with concern. “Told me what? Is something amiss?”
He still refused to look at her. He took a deep breath. “I was afraid that you would call off the marriage. You would have every right to, you know.”
“Know what?”
“Your uncle did not know. He would have never allowed the betrothal had he possessed an inkling of…”
Avalyn suddenly stood up. “Inkling of what? Charles, you’re not making any sense.”
He looked at her as she raised her voice. His big brown eyes glimmered with emotion, perhaps those of sorrow and shame. “Please do not be angry with me.”
He looked like a scolded child. Calming herself, she went to him, kneeling down beside him and laying her hand on his arm. “I promise I shall not become angry. What is it? You must tell me.”
He gazed down at her for several long moments before taking another deep breath. Then he looked at his hands. “I cannot… that is to say, it has been years since I have been able to… perform as a man should.”
She didn’t understand for a moment. Then, a slip of a thought occurred to her, what he might mean, and her eyes widened. “You cannot…?”
He nodded, now completely ashamed. “I cannot bed you this night, Avalyn. I cannot… I mean, my… well, it cannot be aroused and the physics have told me that it is because I have gone too much to fat and my heart is weakened.” He suddenly looked at her, his expression one of near panic.
“I do not know if we can ever have children, my lady, but I swear to you that I will still make a fine husband and….”
Avalyn’s hand flew to her mouth and she suddenly bolted to her feet, turning away from him.
Dear God, it couldn’t be true? If he could not perform as her husband then there would be no coupling this night or any other, and he would know that the child she carried inside of her was not of his loins.
Panic surged in her veins and she stumbled away from him, towards the lancet window where the cool salty breeze wafted through the opening.
She needed a breath of fresh air and she inhaled deeply, struggling to calm herself. Behind her, Charles rose from the bed.
“I am so sorry,” he whispered. “I never meant to deceive you. I know this must be horrifying for you, but I promise I will do everything I can to right this problem. The physics have even given me an eating schedule to follow. I promise I will adhere to it if you will only… not tell anyone, especially your uncle. He could have the marriage annulled immediately.”
Hand still over her mouth, shock written all over her face, Avalyn turned to look at him. He looked so pathetic.
“You lied,” she whispered.
“I did. I am sorry.”
She just stood there, unable to react for a moment. She could tell that he thought she was repulsed by him when the truth was that she was terrified for herself. She had to think fast.
“Have you… tried?” It was hard to spit out the words.
He shrugged, embarrassed and upset. “I have. Many times. But nothing works.”
“You have not tried it with me.”
His eyes widened at her. “That is true,” he said, almost hopefully. “But I could not ask you to do this with the very real possibility of no end result. It would be demeaning for you, not to mention a horrendous experience for your wedding night. Nay, my lady, I would not allow this.”
Now it was she who was wringing her hands as she moved towards him, struggling not to let her anxiety show. “I will insist. How are we to know if it will not work unless we try?”
He just looked at her, his embarrassment fading as sorrow took hold.
With every ounce of strength she possessed, Avalyn reached out and took his left hand.
Smiling wanly, she put it against her left cheek, hoping to spark some embers into him.
Charles gazed back at her, an odd expression coming over his face as he lifted his other hand and gently cupped her face.
He stood there a moment, gazing at her with wonderment.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he breathed. “Surely you cannot be too angry with me for wanting to keep you at all cost.”
“Let us see if it was worth the lies and deceit on both our parts.”
He nodded, licking his lips as he moved towards her.
Avalyn could feel his hot breath on her face, smelling of alcohol, and it was a struggle not to vomit.
She could hardly believe the revelations of the night and now the event of something she was loathe to perform.
But it had be done. She had to do her very best to make it happen.
She prayed that Brogan would forgive her, wherever he was.
She screwed her eyes shut tightly. Maybe if she couldn’t see what was happening, it wouldn’t be so bad.
As his lips hovered above her, Charles suddenly let out a loud groan. Avalyn’s eyes flew open just in time to see him clutch his chest and collapse in a heap.
He was dead before he hit the ground.