CHAPTER 15 #3
Jamie’s skin was fire hot, as if he was running a fever.
Or maybe it was me, infected with something from the bodies I kept bumping into.
That had to be it. That had to be why my pulse was slamming like a drumbeat itself, and why I kept inching closer to Jamie, closer, until there was barely any space between us.
Jamie, Jamie. My thoughts echoed his name like it was a song lyric the subpar band sang. His hands were not like Dalton’s, who shifted and sought out things they shouldn’t have. Jamie’s hands were exactly where I’d planted them, all ten fingertips keeping me close.
The memory of his hands here before, lifting me onto the dresser, filled my mind with perfect clarity. His eyes, pupils wide, locked onto mine. The things I do for you, Daisy Carmichael.
My fingers inched from his shoulders to the back of his neck, tangling in his wavy hair.
He was impossibly tall, but his legs were out slightly, lowering himself closer to me.
Jamie’s breath hitched, something I felt as his chest rose more so than heard.
My eyes dropped, once again, to his lips, but this time, I wasn’t waiting for him to speak.
I’d kissed exactly one boy in my life, and for years, I thought I’d be content to never kiss another again.
But ever since that night at Lydia’s party, the thought had been there.
Kissing Jamie. His soft, glancing kisses to my neck, then my jaw, then to the underside of my ear—they’d been little touches that’d murmured I adore you, and they’d shaken something loose inside me.
Then, I’d barely been able to keep myself from drawing his face up, from kissing him fully, and that’d been before I knew we’d been pretending.
Now, I fully knew this was fake, and I still wanted it anyway.
Mind-numbing. All-consuming. If I leaned up right now, if I just pushed onto my tiptoes, Jamie wouldn’t stop me. No, because in his mind, he’d think I was doing it because there were eyes on us. He’d take my lead. Like always.
Jamie leaned further forward, down, and something in me felt on the verge of snapping. He’s thinking about this too; he wants to kiss me too—
But Jamie bypassed my lips. His voice was a desperate gasp in my ear. “I’m too warm.”
I gasped, too, because the building tension in my chest seemed to shatter like glass. I yanked my hands out of Jamie’s hair, pulling myself out of his embrace—which resulted in me bumping into a girl behind me.
Honestly, I needed a fresh air break too, because whatever just happened had to have been a case of overheating. I started to slice through the crowd without him, but Jamie caught my hand, making sure we moved together.
You cannot kiss Jamie, I told myself, still dazed. Dizzy. It’s not allowed.
And then, another thought whispered, Why not?
After a minute of maneuvering ourselves off the dance floor, I all but dragged Jamie through the double door entrance. The fresh air hit me hard, like a bucket of ice water. You cannot kiss Jamie, I repeated in my head. Stop thinking about it.
Jamie did not stop underneath the awning, though. With his hand still holding mine, he pushed ahead and dragged me out into the rain.
I yelped, raising a palm, but it did nothing to keep me dry.
It wasn’t raining hard, but the cool droplets quickly soaked through my semi-sheer shirt to the camisole underneath.
Jamie took us around the side of the building to the mouth of an alley, where we were mostly out of sight, before he pushed me up against the brick wall.
“Lydia and Raelynn were following us,” he told me as he peered around the corner of the alley. One palm was braced on the wall behind me, and the other was carefully holding the corner of the alley. “I don’t know if they’d come outside in the rain, though.”
I blamed the loud music for being unable to comprehend what Jamie was saying.
He continued to peek around the corner. “Or Dalton. He might’ve followed us. Did you see his face?” Jamie turned back to me then, but froze when he realized how close we were. Inches. Maybe six. The height difference helped, but Jamie’s head was leaning down.
He propped an arm above my head, tilting forward as if trying to become a human umbrella. It didn’t work, though. We were both soaked.
Outside, as rain plastered his hair to his head and water dropped onto the lens of his glasses, everything was much, much clearer. This was just Jamie, the person I was the most comfortable with in the world. And I’d wanted to kiss him.
I still… wanted to kiss him.
And the thought scared the crap out of me.
What would it be like? Would it be natural, just like breathing? Would it be awkward, and we’d both giggle about it? What if I felt something, and he felt nothing?
What if, what if, what if?
Jamie was tense, as if bracing himself. “I—” He swallowed hard. “Daisy, I—”
“Let’s pull an all-nighter,” I said suddenly.
“What?”
“An all-nighter.” I reached up, and with a gentle touch, I nudged his water-spotted glasses up from where they’d slid down his nose. “I just want to have fun.” And then, I said the other truth that felt guilty to say. “I don’t want to go home yet.”
Tonight felt like Senior Skip Day, but far more charged.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I wanted to do it all.
I wanted to go get a coffee, swim in the bay, and play stupid zombie-killing video games until my eyes burned.
I wanted to take the train into the city because that was a wild thing to do, and I wanted to do it anyway. I wanted and I wanted and I wanted.
And I wanted to do it all with Jamie.
He blinked at me, and from the complicated look on his face, I almost thought he’d tell me no.
That maybe he’d had a long day, and was tired, and was trying to figure out how to let me down easily.
I couldn’t imagine why else he’d hesitate, but he did, looking like he’d been offered something forbidden and knew he should say no.
But he didn’t. A good thing or bad, Jamie could never say no to me.
He slipped a piece of wet hair behind my ear, fingers lingering there for a moment. Another raindrop slipped off his pointed nose, and it fell onto my cheek like a kiss. “Deal.”