CHAPTER 17
The Carmichael house Thursday morning was something similar to boot camp.
Or, what I decided to call it, the Day of Chores.
At seven in the morning, I went from sister to drill sergeant, waking everyone up without mercy. Even little Theo, who was deep asleep when I flipped his light switch on. I relayed the same thing to each of them: “Get up and get dressed now, or no screens until Sunday.”
I wasn’t sure if it was because they felt bad about yesterday, or because they were mostly acting on autopilot, but ten minutes later, each of them sat at the dining room table, dressed in their day clothes. Even Penn, even though she had on her best scowl.
I was tired, too, waiting for my coffee to brew, but I refused to show any weakness.
“Juniper,” I said, using her full name with my no-nonsense voice.
I stood above them all, arms folded. “You’re on laundry duty.
I want you to do your laundry, Ivy’s, and Theo’s—separately.
That’s three loads, Junie. If you come to me because you mixed your clothes with Ivy’s, I’ll make you do my laundry, too. ”
Junie just blinked tiredly.
“Ivy, I want you to collect all the trash in the house. From the kitchen, the bathrooms, the bedrooms.” Then I narrowed my eyes at her, remembering the debacle with Junie’s toothbrush.
“Do not throw anything away that shouldn’t be thrown away, or I’ll take all the stuffies off your bed and donate them to the Harringtons next door. ”
Ivy gave a horrified gasp.
“Theo, I want you to clean up your toys that you have all over the house.”
He leaned his little head on the kitchen table. “I don’t have that many.”
“Tell that to the soldier I stepped on in the bathroom this morning.”
His little lip jutted out in a pout.
“When you’re done,” I told them, taking turns looking each in the eye, “come find me for your next chore.”
“I don’t want to do chores so early,” Junie said, and then yawned. “I didn’t sleep good last night.”
“That’s what you get for staying up when you knew you shouldn’t. It’s called consequences. Now hop to it before I start a timer.”
Penn sat still at the table, glaring at the woodgrain as the kids slowly moved off to do their chores.
I waited until I heard Ivy grab a trash bag from the kitchen, and until I heard footsteps on the stairs, before I lowered my voice.
“You want to be the babysitter?” I asked her, planting my hand on the table.
“You want to prove you can watch the kids all on your own, right?”
She hesitantly lifted her eyes to mine.
“I want you to make breakfast, then. No cereal, and no help. And you’re in charge of the dishes when we’re all done.
” It was only one of the tasks of a thousand, but this was a better spot to start.
“Being a babysitter isn’t just letting them do what they want.
You have rules to follow—feeding them, making sure they’re safe, making sure they’re in bed on time. ”
“I tried to get them into bed.” Penn dropped her eyes back to her hands. “It was… harder than I thought.”
Because the tone wasn’t set correctly. In their little minds, it was like they’d been given a substitute teacher at school, one that was easily able to be run over. “Then I guess we have to practice, then, huh?”
Penn’s scowl slipped then, finally revealing the barest hint of a smile.
While the kids all did their chores, I finally, blessedly, was able to brew my morning coffee. It still wasn’t quite eight o’clock yet, but I couldn’t help but wonder if Jamie was awake. Probably not. He’d had to drive home after leaving my house, so he would’ve gotten into bed even later.
On the kitchen table sat the piece of paper he’d given me, blank. I’d sat down to draw what he’d requested—intestines, gore, disembowelment—but as soon as I’d uncapped my marker on my keyring, I’d hesitated. For the first time in forever, I didn’t want to draw death. Not for Jamie.
So I’d capped my marker and gone to bed.
Or tried to. I’d tossed and turned all night, unable to turn my mind off.
My brain couldn’t visualize a drawing, but it could remember how Jamie and I had danced at the club.
His palm on my hip, the two of us dancing mostly in time with the music.
The same palm that’d pressed against the brick wall, his arm propped above me, shielding me from the rain.
Vivid. Helpful.
As I watched my coffee drip from the machine into my mug, my thoughts wandered further. Dancing with Dalton was like a dream that was hard to remember—if I focused, the scene took shape, but barely, like brushing the tips of my fingers to the memory. World’s different than with Jamie.
My phone started vibrating in my pocket, and I pulled it out, half afraid of who I’d find on the caller ID.
My mood soured a little anyway. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Daisy,” she replied in a light, slightly groggy voice, as if she were just waking up.
Then again, she might’ve been—she’d gotten to stay in the city last night, so that meant she could sleep in.
“I was waiting for you to call last night, but you didn’t.
Did Penn call you and tell you I had to stay in the city? ”
“Yeah,” I said shortly. “She did.”
“You didn’t come rushing home, did you?”
I blinked, surprised. “What?”
“She’s been asking to babysit, so I figured she could handle a couple hours on her own. I called Mrs. Braxton next door, and she said she’d keep an eye out in case they needed anything. I didn’t want it ruining your night with friends.”
So Penn hadn’t kept it to herself on purpose—Mom had been the one to keep it from me. Unease buzzed through me. “I—I don’t really feel comfortable leaving Penn alone with the kids—”
“Why not?” Mom’s voice was curious, but something else—firm. “It was only for a few hours. Penn texted and said you were back for bedtime.”
I didn’t want to tell Mom how much Penn had struggled, or that Penn had lied about me coming home. I didn’t want to make Penn look bad, but I also didn’t want this happening again. “I just think she needs to be eased into it more. It’s… a lot of responsibility.”
There was a long pause over the phone, one that unsettled me further. “We’ll talk more about it later,” she ultimately said. “Did you have fun with your friends?”
I didn’t want to shift off the topic, though.
I wanted to ask her not to keep it from me again.
I wanted to tell her I’d been so worried when I’d gotten home and hadn’t seen her car in the driveway.
But telling her my concerns, my worries, and my fears wouldn’t do any good.
It’d only put more pressure on her shoulders. “Yes.”
“Good.” She made a soft noise, sounding like she was stretching. “I should start getting ready for work. See you when I get home.”
I hung up first, feeling upset, and then feeling guilty for being upset. Mom thought it was okay for Penn to watch the kids, so why did I have such a hard time with it? I should’ve been grateful they hadn’t interrupted my night of fun—so why did I feel so guilty?
I sucked in a hard breath, pulling my phone from my pocket. My coffee was almost done, but I shot off a quick text.
Text me when you wake up :)
And then I shoved my phone back into my pocket. No more thinking about anything. Not the kids, not Mom, and definitely not Jamie. Not until after coffee, when my thoughts would be less jumbled.
“You totally disappeared last night,” Nellie said as she curled her legs up underneath her on the couch, propping her elbow on the back of it and watching me.
“I thought you were just taking a break, and then I get a text from Jamie that you bailed. Bailed. You should’ve come gotten me! I would’ve gone with you guys!”
“Please, you were having the time of your life, dancing with your little leather-wearing bad boy.” I raised an eyebrow at her. “You wouldn’t have left with us.”
A sheepish smile pinched at her lips. “I might’ve.” But we both knew the truth.
Nellie texted me back a little before nine and came over a little after eleven, with a pack of donut holes tucked under her arm.
The kids had finished most of their chores—Junie was just waiting for the last load of laundry to finish in the dryer—so I let them go play outside in the backyard with a bowl full of donut holes.
Penn was supervising, but I had one of the nearby windows open to listen in.
“Why didn’t you want Jamie to come along this morning?” Nellie asked. “Did something happen last night?”
“No, nothing happened.” I sat on the opposite end of the couch from her, rolling a powdered donut hole between my fingers.
Penn had made blueberry pancakes for breakfast—which only Picky Eater Theo had a problem with, and plucked out all his blueberries—so I wasn’t hungry, but felt like I wanted to munch on something.
“I just feel like we haven’t had much time together lately. Alone.”
“No kidding. We need quality girl time.” She nudged me with her socked foot. “We should do a sleepover or something. Where we paint our nails and do face masks, and all the girly things that’d make Jamie cringe.”
A sleepover with Nellie, though, meant that Jamie would just be a room away. It had me nervous just thinking about it. “We do.”
Nellie glanced around the living room idly.
The kids did pretty well with their chores this morning.
Ivy had finished collecting the trash first, and when that was done, her next task had been to tidy up the living room, folding the blankets and wiping down the coffee table.
After Theo had finished picking up his toys, he helped clean the bathrooms, taking all the knickknacks off the counter so I could wipe it down.
They’d done really well. Maybe I needed to scold them more often if it meant they’d listen.
That thought immediately soured. Bad parenting.
“Jamie said the kids were up when you got home last night.”
“He told you?”