CHAPTER 20 #2
I smiled again, because Dalton’s expression of ew was the exact same as it’d been last year. Disgust that she’d even ask such a thing. “You just get a washcloth, wet it under warm water, and twist,” I told him, remembering. “It’s not hard.”
I hadn’t done it, though. Jamie had. Gentle Jamie had helped Junie twist off her tooth because I’d been too squeamish, and had cheered with her when they’d gotten it.
Jamie had been there for Ivy, too, when she’d fallen at the park two years ago and had broken her wrist. He’d calmed her down, told her he’d be the first to sign her cast. And he had, too.
He’d signed his name with a heart for the dot of his i, and Ivy had giggled that it was girly of him.
He’d told her, I thought you would like it.
I had tons of memories of Jamie with the kids, and Nellie, too, but none of Dalton. We’d dated for two years, but I couldn’t remember a single sweet interaction he’d had with them.
“Last year,” I began, lifting my head. “Last summer. How did I do it?”
“Do what?”
“Balance everything. Time with you, time with Jamie and Nell, time with the kids.” I forced a scoop of ice cream into my mouth. “I don’t remember it feeling this hard.” I don’t remember feeling this unhappy.
Dalton frowned a little. “I don’t know, DD. You don’t seem any different this year than last year.”
I looked at him a little quizzically, because the difference felt obvious. “No?”
“You’re struggling, though?” Dalton’s eyes lit up. “Is it Jamie?”
It’s everything, I thought. My world feels like it’s imploding. Can’t you see? Instead, I said, “You wish.”
“It’s the kids?” he guessed again.
I thought about the way Mom had looked at me—how all the kids had looked at me. My stomach tightened. “I kinda… snapped today. I told Mom I didn’t want to watch the kids anymore.”
Dalton leaned over and nudged my shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”
“Proud?” My fingers tightened around my spoon, and something in my chest sort of caved. “I shouldn’t have said it. It was a horrible thing to say.”
“No, what’s horrible is her dumping all the responsibilities on you these past five years.”
My jaw actually dropped. “She had to work—”
“Still doesn’t make it fair.” A dribble of ice cream slid down his wrist as his eyes met mine. “You know why last year felt easier? You still had the promise of escape. You hadn’t fully given up on NYU yet.”
The anger only lasted a moment, though, before it felt pointless. All at once, a lot of things did. I knew he had to be partly right. Without the thought of NYU, without my comforting mantra, there’d been no defuser to my bomb.
That still didn’t make it right, though. The way I’d yelled was nothing to be proud of. Jamie wouldn’t have been horrified with me, but Jamie wouldn’t have patted me on the back either. He would’ve been calm and reassuring. Everyone snaps sometimes, he’d say. It’s okay, Daze.
“Daisy, I need to ask you something.” Dalton turned toward me, then, eyes only on me. He had ice cream smudged beneath his lower lip. “I mean, I don’t know how much you’ll care, but I just… I want to throw it out there.”
Daisy. Not DD. “What is it?”
“I’ve been thinking about it—for a while, I guess. A few months. Batting the idea around in my head, thinking it’s a good one, it’s a bad one—”
“Dalton, spit it out.”
“What if I didn’t go back to ASU in the fall?” Dalton’s fingers gripped his cone so tightly that it cracked. “What if I transferred my credits to Fenton County Community?”
“What?” That’d been the last thing I thought he’d say. “Why?”
“ASU… isn’t what I thought it’d be. I thought it’d get better as the year went on, but…
I missed home too much. Missed you.” He ducked his head a little, blue eyes locking onto mine.
“When I mentioned we could pick back up where we left off, I didn’t mean just for the summer.
I was thinking of staying, DD. And you can take all the time you want to forgive me. I’m not walking away again.”
I stared up at him, struck speechless, partly because they were words I’d dreamed of him saying. The phrasing was almost exact. I’m not walking away. Over the year since our breakup, imagining him begging me back had been comforting. Like my mantra with the kids when things got hard. Think of NYU.
Now, both calming thoughts were useless. Meaningless. “I’m with Jamie,” I said, voice strong and sure.
“Daisy, I know—” Dalton stopped. Regarded me. “You’re with him for now. Until he leaves for college in the fall.”
“Jamie won’t throw me away like you did.”
“No, Jamie would rather die than disappoint you.” He scoffed at it, though, as if it weren’t a good thing.
But the coldness of his voice settled over me. Every part of me screamed to get off the bench. “We should go.” I shoved my napkin into my cup and stood, already walking to the trash can. “I don’t think there’s anything else to say.”
A part of me felt like I’d made a mistake calling him, but a different part of me felt reassured. Not that I thought I was making the wrong choice, but rather finally realizing for myself what my friends knew all along.
Dalton Giovanni was no good for me. Liking Dalton had been easy. He was handsome, easygoing, and could always make things feel light. It’d been easy to be around him, because he’d never looked deeper than surface-level. He saw a smile on my face and never tried to look deeper.
Last summer, I’d planned to hold on to Dalton with all my might while he’d already been at work prying my fingers out of his skin. Dalton liked me, but he didn’t like the two most important things about me—my art and the kids.
The drive home started out silent. It was almost seven, with the sun and puffy blue clouds still in the sky.
Mom and the kids would be eating dinner by now.
Book club would almost be over, if it weren’t already.
I didn’t have the drawing, but maybe I could still go to Jamie.
Heck, even if not to confess, I could use his shoulder to lean on right about now.
And maybe I could confess about half of it.
That I didn’t have feelings for Dalton anymore and that I actually hadn’t ever been drawing Dalton—I’d been drawing Jamie all along.
I turned my phone over in my hand, wishing it weren’t dead so I could text Jamie, wondering if it’d be obvious to Dalton if I asked him to drop me off at Alderton-Du Ponte.
“Jamie will never let himself be the bad guy,” Dalton said suddenly, like he was answering something in his thoughts.
“He’ll tell you what you want to hear because you have him wrapped around your finger.
He won’t say anything you don’t want to hear—he’ll just agree with whatever you want every time. ”
You have me wrapped around your finger. Something sharp in my chest twisted. “What are you even saying?”
Dalton glanced at me, as if hesitating. “Is that how you got him to agree to a fake relationship?”
At first, the words didn’t land—and when they did, my stomach dropped so hard it hurt. The beat of silence lasted far too long before I tried to play it off. “W-What are you—"
“I heard you. In the library. I went to ADP to golf, and Raelynn said you were in the library.” Dalton tapped his fingers languidly on the steering wheel. “I heard you ask him why he wouldn’t kiss you.”
Heat flooded my face, searing my cheeks in a rush that left me dizzy. That shadow in the hall I’d seen—it hadn’t been Raelynn lingering. It’d been Dalton. No. No, no, no.
“I wasn’t going to call you out on it, DD, but—well, you really got me, you know that?”
I squeezed my phone tighter in my lap, throat working as I tried to come up with words. Any words. Any that would sound convincing. “Y-You don’t know what you’re talking about—”
“Daisy.” He exhaled softly, almost pitying. “Come on.”
The pity was worse than if he’d laughed. As everything unraveled before my eyes, I realized how stupid I must’ve looked to him. Amusing. “It’s real,” I got out, this time turning in the passenger seat to glare at him. “It’s real. You said yourself, the way he looks at me—