Chapter 27 #2
“We were friends,” Thomas continued. “We were good friends. I knew it at the time, I knew it afterwards, but I didn’t want to wait for you to cut me out of your life, so I cut you from mine first.”
“It hurt,” Scott whispered. “It really fucking hurt, Thomas. We might not have told each other our darkest secrets, but I trusted you. I trusted you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone.
I didn’t want to lose you from my life, was working up the courage to ask you whether we could still hang out, but then you were gone, driving away from me. You didn’t look back.”
Thomas flared his nostrils. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t look back.”
“You wanted to keep me in the past.”
“I did, even though I hated it, even thought I was so tempted…”
“Tempted?”
Thomas opened his eyes. “To book you, Scott, not for anything sexual, but just to…reminisce. Those three years were mundane, and not worth remembering, but you were. You are.” He smiled. “In four months, I forgot what your hideous laugh sounds like.”
“My laugh is not hideous.”
“I forgot what you look like when you let your walls come down, when you’re not Scott the escort, but just Scott, my Scott who draws and eats beside me.
Who cried when I sang and who I had to hold back from licking the walls while off his face on mushrooms. It was impossible for you to keep that mask you wear on in our cell. ”
Scott frowned. “I could’ve kept it up, but there was no need for it. You didn’t judge me for not looking preened and perfect all the time. You preferred me like that, unwaxed, with knots in my hair, smelling of cheap deodorant and sweat.”
Thomas hummed like he loved the imagery Scott was conjuring.
“Weird,” Scott muttered.
“Real,” Thomas countered. “I froze when I saw you by the fountain that day. Everything about you was too controlled, too…scripted, from your clothes to your hair, to the smell you left in your wake. The smile on your face reached your eyes, but your eyes themselves were cold. Even the way you walked was pretentious, then you let it all go, and I saw my Scott, my exhausted Scott, you only showed him for a few seconds, then he disappeared, the veneered Scott came back and screamed at the sight of me. I thought we got passed that on month one.”
“I didn’t scream at the sight of you. I didn’t know anyone else was there. You were so damn silent, and I wasn’t expecting it.”
“I saw how you were with Anthony.” Thomas tensed. “I didn’t like it.”
“It’s a job.”
“I know, but you’re not you. And I like you.”
“Well, you’re one, if not the only, person who has seen me, warts and all.”
Thomas chuckled. “Yeah, I remember you freaking out over the pimple on your arse.”
“Hey,” Scott snapped with no heat. “It was traumatic. I thought it was a tic.”
“You need an animal with fur to bring that into the prison.”
“Excuse me, but did you see some of our neighbours?” Scott shook his head. “Keanu in cell eighty-two had fleas. His whole back looked like it was moving.”
They both shuddered.
Thomas pushed the bowl in front of him away and twisted in his chair to fully face Scott. “When I walked in that room, and saw that man on top of you like that…” He took a deep breath. “I kept an eye on you inside Brixton, you know that right?”
“I know,” Scott said softly. “You hissed at anyone who looked at me for too long in the showers.”
“And outside of them too. I wanted to run Warren through, but he was threatening to cut you. I felt helpless, like I might have to do what he asked, give him my keys, lead him out, watch him drive away with you… It was unimaginable, but I couldn’t see any other choice except for you to be cut up in front of me. ”
Scott squeezed Thomas’s hand. “You threw the keys like I told you to.”
“I did.”
“Penelope took care of the rest, and you let John loose to finish the job, and cleaned up afterwards.”
Thomas nodded stiffly.
“I’m safe, Thomas.”
“I know…but what about next time?”
Scott scrunched his brow. “What do you mean?”
“The next customer who wants to hurt you, or takes things too far, or roughs you up and you’re too scared to tell them to stop.”
Scott lowered his gaze.
“What if your luck runs out and there’s no one there to help you?
” Thomas shifted in his seat. “I don’t like thinking about it, Scott, but sometimes it goes over and over in my head until I want to lock you up in this mansion.
” He let go of Scott’s hand. “I won’t, I’m never going to trap you. It’s going to be hard, that’s all.”
“What is?”
“You going back to escorting.”
“Oh.” Scott blinked a few times. “I was unaware I was.”
“Warren’s gone.”
Scott nodded. “Not to be technical, but he’s still here.” He pointed his thumb at the wall. “A few rooms away.”
Thomas rolled his eyes. “Okay, smart guy. He’s dead. You don’t need to hide away in the mansion. You can return to your apartment, carry on escorting…”
“I could do that.”
“We’ll stay friends regardless.”
“What if I kind of like it here?”
Thomas frowned, searching Scott’s eyes.
“What if I kind of enjoy making the videos with you?”
Thomas licked his lips, still searching for something in Scott’s open expression.
“What if I kind of like being with you, and by kind of, I mean, completely?”
“You…want to be with me?”
“Yes.”
“Me,” Thomas said with emphasis.
“Yes,” Scott said back to him in the same tone.
“Even though I look like this?”
Scott huffed. “Fucking hell, Thomas, are you really bringing appearance into this right now?” He gestured to his own face, molten purple, blue and red from cuts, swelling and bruising. “Am I repulsive now I’ve been beaten around a bit?”
“Of course not.”
“I’m… I’m really attracted to you.”
Thomas scoffed, shaking his head. “Don’t be ridiculous –”
“I am,” Scott said firmly. “It’s you as a person, although you can be a grumpy arsehole at times.
It’s how you make me feel safe. How I want to spend my time with you, make you happy, get you out of this damn mansion and into the sunshine.
It’s the videos we make, the way you talk to me.
” Scott nipped his lip but stopped at the flare of pain.
“It’s how much I want to make you feel good, how badly I crave your voice, and it is your appearance too. ”
“How can it be –”
“I love your size. I love how unique you look. I love your tattoos. I love how I can see through them sometimes, and how you sometimes let me in.” He fixated on Thomas’s blue eye.
“I love how you took away a piece of your mask when you knew I couldn’t keep mine in place.
I’ve loved two people in my life, my mum and my sister, and they loved something else more than me, something that they put first, and it destroyed them.
My love wasn’t enough, so if it’s not enough for you, Thomas, you’ve got to let me know now before I fall any further. ”
“What do you mean?”
Scott took a deep breath. “I’m not your type.
I don’t have tattoos or piercings, and I’m a novice in the kind of sex you enjoy.
You said we’d stay friends no matter what, but what I want is more than that.
I want intimacy both in and out of the bedroom.
I want to be with you. But I can’t keep trying and trying to please you, do right by you, only for you to pick someone else in the end.
I want to be your first choice, the same way you’re mine. ”
“Jesus, Scott…”
He raised his hands in surrender. “I know, I know. But I’d rather get it all out there now, while I’m bruised and battered, than wait and have my heart broken later down the line.”
“I’ve also loved two people in my life. My mum and my dad. They exploited me, wouldn’t listen, and only saw me as a means to make money. My love wasn’t worth anything to them. It still feels like that, like any love from a monster like me is nothing, but you sit there and say you want it.”
“I do.”
“And even weirder, I want to give it to you. A part of me wants to lock it away somewhere so you’ll never find it, but the other part wants to hand it over right now. It would be so easy, but the sceptic in me says you want what I have not who I am.”
“You know me,” Scott whispered, leaning forward. “You know that’s not true.”
“I do,” Thomas admitted. “I won’t ever break your heart, Scott.”
“And I’m never going to break yours either.”
“It’s going to be a…challenge. Neither of us has been in a relationship before.”
“What about Russell?”
Thomas glared. “It was a booty call, and nothing else.”
“You still wanted him when you got out.”
“The same way you wanted to book your regulars. It’s like picking up where you left off without acknowledging you and everyone else has changed. I want the change. I want what I have with you, but more.”
Scott’s smile made his lip sting. He winced, and Thomas pulled him out of his chair and onto his lap. “Careful,” Thomas told him, cupping Scott’s cheek.
“I can’t help it, I’m happy.”
“Well stop being happy.”
Scott laughed, and his lip hurt worse. Thomas pressed his thumb over the stitches. “You need rest.”
“Where am I going for this rest?”
“Preferably a bed.”
“My bed?” Scott murmured. “Or yours?”
Thomas looked away. “Mine. I need to keep an eye on you, and we need to get you up to speed with mine and Tim’s version of events when the police finally come knocking.”
“Oh…”
“And I want you there.”
“I like that answer better,” Scott said softly.
Thomas sucked in a breath when Scott leaned in to kiss him. It was small, a gentle peck, but Thomas exhaled afterwards like it was momentous. He smiled, but it faded when Scott smiled back.
“Your lip is bleeding.”
Scott sighed dreamily. “I’m too happy to care.”
“I think those drugs are finally starting to kick in.”
Scott hooked his hands behind Thomas’s neck. “More like the love drug.”
“Urgh, don’t make me take back everything I just said.”
“You won’t,” Scott whispered, shoving his face into the crook of Thomas’s neck.
Thomas held him close.
“Come on,” he mumbled, getting to his feet and taking Scott with him. “Let’s get you to bed.”