Chapter 45 Noah
FORTY-FIVE
NOAH
Sienna: Seeing you in your jersey makes me think about the last time I was in your jersey…
Me: I’m in the locker room with your brothers.
Sienna: So? Worried they’ll find out you like seeing your name on my back while you spank me?
Fuck. Now I’m hard while her brothers mingle nearby.
I covertly eye them, making sure their attention is occupied before I reply.
Me: You know I don’t give a fuck if they find out about us. But I’d rather they not know the details of what we do in private.
Sienna: If you’re so worried about keeping our private life private, then maybe you shouldn’t have gone down on me at the club last night…
A chuckle escapes me before I can stop it, snagging Snow’s attention. He eyes me as he ties his shoe, then straightens and lifts his chin in question.
With a shake of my head, I slip my phone into my pocket, ensuring no one gets a peek at that message.
“Want to grab a drink?” He asks as the guys begin to file out. “I’m guessing they’re all going home to their wives.”
I feel for the guy. He’s lonely, so when we’re not playing hockey, he’s looking for people to spend time with or he’s out prowling for women.
Though that’s slowed down a bit, and even when he meets a girl, he doesn’t often take her home.
If I had to guess, he’s looking for a real connection.
One that I’m lucky enough to have found.
I shake my head. “Can’t. It’s my night with Ollie.”
Camden nods and breaks into a small smile. “Tell him I said hi.”
Lips pressed together, I assess him. “You ever think of having kids?”
That smile turns rueful. “All the damn time.” He shrugs. “Just haven’t found the right person to do that with yet, I guess.”
I nod. “You will.”
He shrugs. “Maybe. Enjoy your night, Harry.”
Once the locker room has emptied out, I take out my phone again and find another message from Sienna. This one, thankfully, is much more tame.
Sienna: Dinner?
There is nothing in this world I’d rather do than spend time with Sienna. Except see my son. It’s been a week, and I can’t go another day without a hug from him.
It figures that the first time she initiates plans, I have to turn her down.
Me: Where are you?
Sienna: Down the hall, make a left.
Grinning, I stride out of the room. Knowing I get to see her, put my hands on her, makes me giddy. She makes me giddy. Happy. Fucking joy-filled.
I round the corner, and Sienna comes into view. She’s pressed against the wall, phone in her hand, a smirk on her lips.
“Very covert,” I tease.
Her emerald eyes glitter when they lock on me. “I would make an excellent spy,” she whispers.
Fuck, she’s adorable. I want to push her up against the wall and kiss the shit out of her.
Instead I slip my hands into my pockets and nod.
“So, dinner?” She gives me a hopeful smile. “I want to show you something.”
My smile falls, and a heartbeat later, hers does too. “It’s my night with Ollie.”
I’m gearing up to explain that I want to be with her, but that my kid needs me, that the dad guilt is weighing on me more than ever now that I have to break the news that I have to miss his T-ball tournament.
But before I can put my jumbled thoughts into words, she shakes her head and gives me a soft smile. “I get it. You’re a dad first.”
My heart sinks. Yeah, Ollie is my world.
But I hate that she’d think that what we have has to take a back seat to my relationship with him.
It’s not one or the other. And if Sienna and I are heading in the direction I hope we are, they’ll both come first. Because she isn’t just a hookup or a fling.
If I have it my way, she’ll eventually be my family.
I take a step closer, looking down the hall to ensure we’re alone. “What if,” I say as I cup her cheek and revel in the feel of her smooth, warm skin, “you come over for dinner? Hang with Ollie and me?”
Her green eyes are fathomless as they widen in surprise. “Are you sure?”
Warmth blooms in my chest. “Yes, baby, I’m sure.” I lean in close. “I’m a dad, but I also want to be yours.”
She clutches the fabric of my shirt and tugs me closer. Lips brushing mine, she declares, “You are mine.”
And fuck, now I’m hard again.
Before Sienna arrives, I sit Ollie down for a chat.
Not about Sienna. Not yet. She and I need to have a conversation before that happens.
No, it’s better if I break the news about his tournament now.
He arrived this afternoon bursting with stories he’s been waiting to tell me. Ted bought matching swim trunks for the two of them this week after Jen brought home a coordinating set for her and Ollie’s sister.
Poor Ted. I feel bad for the guy. The gesture was a good one, and I tell my son that. But when he went on to explain that they were bright teal with pink ice cream cones, a chuckle slipped out.
“Like I’d be caught dead matching him,” Ollie grouses. “Let alone in that.”
I school my expression, still trying to channel benevolence. “What did you do?”
“Told him that while I think his fashion choices are daring, and he should be proud of himself for being so authentically himself, I’m a scaredy-cat who’d rather be liked by the masses.
” While he keeps a straight face through the whole explanation, I have to smash my lips together to keep from cackling.
“And how did your mom feel about that?” Sometimes I worry that Ted and Jen will tire of how few fucks the kid has to give, but I find it mostly hysterical.
“She pulled me aside after and thanked me and offered me twenty dollars to take the shorts with me when I came here.”
“Please tell me you have them.” I give up on fighting the amusement flowing through me.
“Obviously.” Grinning, Ollie darts for his room and returns with his overnight bag.
He has a full wardrobe at both houses, but he still takes a bag back and forth so he has his T-ball gear and school supplies wherever he goes.
He rifles through his things and yanks out the hideous trunks with a triumphant smile.
The teal is so bright it’s almost blinding, but what he failed to mention was that along with the pink ice cream cones, the fabric is printed with watermelons and strawberries. “We should send a picture to the grandpas.”
Biting back a snort, I snag my phone from the table. Ollie poses with the offending suit, wearing an exaggerated look of shock, then bounces over and peers at the screen while I tap out a message.
I hit Send and set the phone down again. “They’ll get a kick out of that.”
He tosses the trunks onto the floor without a thought. “What are we having for dinner? I was thinking pizza. Mom’s been on a health kick, and the last one she ordered had cauliflower crust.” He sticks his tongue out and makes a gagging noise.
A shudder runs through me. That sounds awful. “Pizza is good. Sienna’s coming over. Is that all right?”
“Really?” The way his eyes light up makes my chest warm.
“Yeah.”
“What about Aunt Hannah and Uncle Danny?”
“You want me to invite them?” I’d rather not, but it’s hard to say no to this kid, and he hasn’t seen them in a week.
He shakes his head. “Nah, maybe just Sienna tonight. I haven’t seen her in a while, and Mav hogs everyone’s attention.”
His words tug at my heartstrings. I can’t blame him for being possessive of Sienna’s attention. I feel the same way.
We still have a little time, just the two of us, so I take a deep breath and steady myself for the change in topic. “I also needed to talk to you about something.”
He settles quickly, the energy radiating from him waning. The kid is so damn intuitive. He impresses me every day.
“I found out today that the team has to be in Michigan next Saturday.”
A frown mars his sweet face. “But my big game is that day.”
I nod, my heart clenching. “I know. And you know there’s nowhere I’d rather be—”
“But you have a job,” he says, his tone gentle, like he’s comforting us both. Like he’s the adult.
I hate it.
I love my son’s sense of humor. I love how wise he is.
I love his snark and his giant personality.
But this part? I think I’d prefer it if he threw a fit.
If he cried and begged because he’s too young, too egocentric to understand.
Because fuck, even I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I have to miss out on so much time with him.
I don’t understand why, no matter how hard I try, I always feel like I’m letting him down.
And I don’t understand how I’m not letting him down. It’s unfair, how understanding he is.
“I’m sorry, bud. I really wish I could be there.”
He nods, though he focuses somewhere over my shoulder. “Mom can send you a video so you can watch it later.”
I grasp his arm and wait for him to look at me. When he does, his blue eyes are wide, depthless, and sad. In this moment, with his small body next to me, I’m reminded of how young he truly is. And how much I’m missing out on. “I’d still rather see it in person.”
“Next time,” he tells me.
I swallow hard and nod. “Yeah, next time.”
We’re still sitting quietly when the doorbell rings. And as if a switch has flipped, he perks up and darts across the apartment. “Sienna’s here.”
Over pizza, Ollie and Sienna carry the conversation. I’m in awe of them both, and the whole time, I’m in my head, wishing I could make this a nightly event.
“Last time I saw you, you mentioned you had plans for a hug. Did it happen?” Sienna asks as she takes her second piece of pizza.
My son sets his slice down like he’s about to settle into a good story. “Oh yeah. It totally happened.”
Her lips twitch and her eyes gleam. “What were you wearing?”
Without a second’s hesitation, he launches into a description of the outfit. It’s one that the two of them discussed as an option while we were in Florida when he was dead set on making sure his first hug went off without a hitch.
“You planning on kissing her anytime soon?” Sienna asks with a quick glance in my direction.
I fucking adore the genuine affection radiating from her. And I adore spending time with the two of them.