Chapter Twenty-Nine
It took me a few wrong turns and a couple dead-end streets, but eventually I found the deceptively simple white house with the cactus-lined driveway that I was looking for. I pressed the buzzer and smiled up at the camera.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Drew greeted me at his front door. “How did the rest of your date go?”
“This large brute of a man came and crashed it,” I complained, pushing him away and walking directly through the living room, past the first kitchen, and into the second one where I knew the food was kept.
“I can’t believe someone would do that,” he said as I started rummaging through his fridge.
“I know, so rude.” I opened the crisper drawer. “But he brought me fries with cheese, so I forgive him.”
“What are you looking for?” Drew asked as I searched through the various containers of meals Serena had prepped for him.
“Meat!” I said, pushing aside labeled containers.
“I’ve got just the thing.” Drew moved me over and opened the bottom drawer. Inside were multiple white packages of butcher paper. He grabbed the one marked “bacon” and put it on the counter next to me.
“My hero!” I cried, throwing my arms around his neck and standing on my tippy toes to give him a peck on the cheek. Drew wrapped his arms around my waist and turned me toward him.
“You know, I would never take you to a raw vegan restaurant,” he said.
“I know,” I replied, his lips dangerously close to mine.
When our meal was over, I’d said goodbye to Sam and wished her well, knowing I would probably never see her again in my life. That version of me was over. I no longer associated with people who wanted me to shrink. As I drove away from my ex, I thought about my future…and Drew. He’d never asked me to be something I wasn’t. He’d never wanted me to be smaller, quieter, less than. He was surrounded by boisterous, larger-than-life women, and he reveled in it. Loved them for it. All the things Sam had tried to change about me, Drew had embraced. And so instead of heading back to Janelle’s house after my date, I headed toward his.
“We should make this bacon before I waste away,” I said, pulling back from Drew. I reached up for the griddle above his head, stretching and grunting and failing to come even close to getting it. Drew chuckled, easily handing it to me.
“Show off.” I scoffed, turning on the gas stove, then placing the griddle over it. “Not all of us are as vertically blessed as you are.”
“It’s a curse.” Drew grabbed some maple syrup out of the fridge. “Are you staying to watch a movie or just using me for my bacon?”
“I’m a wham bam, bacon ma’am,” I sang, flipping the strips. “In and out as soon as the bacon is gone.”
“So if I keep supplying you with bacon you’ll stay here forever?” Drew asked.
“Basically.”
“I feel used.” Drew placed a hand over his heart.
“At least I’m not using you for sex.”
“At least there’s that,” he responded, plopping down on a kitchen stool.
We sat in heavy silence, listening to the bacon pop on the griddle as I weighed the pros and cons of what staying here would mean. Back in WeHo, I’d been so certain that the time was right. I’d finished my fries with cheese and ran to my car, ready to give in to my desire for Drew. But now that I was here, I found myself completely lost in the logistics of it all.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Drew brought me back to the present.
“They’re going to cost you a lot more than that,” I countered. “Haven’t you heard? I’m a very important screenwriter now, with lots of interesting things to say.”
“You’re absolutely right, excuse me,” Drew said as he flipped over the bacon. “Slice of bacon for your thoughts?”
“That’s more like it.” I placed paper towels down on a plate to soak up some of the grease.
Drew sat back down, looking at me, waiting patiently to hear what I was thinking. He was a handsome man, there was no denying that, and I wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like to have his naked body pressed against mine, even if he had a whole different set of equipment than I was used to.
But it wasn’t his looks that pulled me in. There were plenty of beautiful humans in L.A., and none of them had made me feel as seen as Drew did right in that moment. He’d pulled me out of a crowd, offered me his support, and had been there for me even when I turned him down. He’d taken me to putt-putt, introduced me to his family, and brought me into his life. The person sitting in front of me right now was not famous action star Drew Williams, but Andy, the person who had become my friend over the past five months, the man who, against all odds, had made me rethink what I knew about love, desire, and identity. As crude as the saying was, Jaqueline had been right: it was time to shit or get off the pot.
Gathering all the courage and confidence I could muster, I walked over to Drew and took his hands in mine. “I was thinking that I would like to kiss you right now. If you’ll let me.”
Drew lifted his hand and placed it on the side of my face. With nervous excitement, I closed my eyes and moved my lips close to his, not yet touching, giving him the option he’d given me right here in this same kitchen: lean in or pull away.
Drew stood up quickly, and I prepared to feel his lips on mine, only to have him abruptly push me away. My heart stopped, shame and rejection filling my body as Drew hurried to put distance between us. I felt so stupid, completely misreading the situation and assuming he’d felt about me like I’d felt about him. Full of apprehension and remorse, I opened my eyes to see where he’d gone and saw a kitchen full of smoke and Drew rapidly moving the bacon off the griddle and onto a plate.
“I think some of it is still salvageable.” Drew waved a hot pad in the air to help dissipate the smoke. “Especially if we pour maple syrup on them.”
“I love maple syrup on bacon,” I replied, trying not to show how dejected I felt. “Cecily thinks it’s disgusting, but it really is the best.”
“Cecily is absolutely wrong.” Drew grabbed a bottle from the cupboard and handed it to me. “Maple syrup and bacon are the ultimate duo.”
“Agreed.”
While Drew turned on the fan and opened the kitchen doors, I headed over to the pile of bacon to see what could be saved and stared at it a little too long, avoiding having to look up and meet Drew’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said from the doorway.
“It’s okay.” I patted the burned bacon with a paper towel.
“Would you believe me if I told you I’m nervous?”
“About cooking bacon?” I turned around to look at him. “I can see why.”
Drew chuckled and stepped closer. “I do seem to be off my game tonight.”
“What if there is no game?” I closed the gap between us. “What if we just hang out, eat bacon, watch a movie, and see where the night takes us?”
Drew reached out and touched his fingers to mine, entwining them just slightly enough to send shivers up my arm. “That sounds great.” He squeezed my hand once before dropping it and heading over to the refrigerator. “How about some BLTs?”
“Brilliant!”
Drew got out a loaf of gluten-free bread, a head of lettuce, and some beefsteak tomatoes for open-faced BLTs, complete with homemade aioli.
“So I was thinking tonight I could make you finally watch the original Total Destruction ,” Drew said, compiling the sandwiches.
“Oh, were you?” I mocked. “What makes you think I’d like a movie like that?”
“ Entertainment Weekly said it was action-packed fun,” he defended. “And Maxim called it a total panty-dropper with great eye candy.”
“Elena Marino isn’t really my type, and I hear that Drew Williams guy is a dick.” I winked at him while I grabbed a glass for water.
“You’re just biased against action stars,” Drew said. “I see the way you hate on Chris, too.”
“Not true!” I protested. “I love The Rock.”
“The Rock, huh?” Drew gave me an appraising look.
“Absolutely. You know how married straight women make lists of men they have a pass to fuck? Me and my vagina have that same agreement. Dwayne Johnson is number one on my list.”
“I’m a little jealous,” Drew said, grabbing our plates, and we headed to the living room.
“Don’t worry, it’s just a fantasy,” I reassured him, carrying the extra plate of maple bacon with me. “I’d never actually hang out with a famously buff action star.”
“Because fat girl?” Drew asked, placing our plates on the coffee table.
“You do listen when I talk!” I cheered, plopping down on the sofa.
“You’re so loud, it’s hard not to.” He ducked as the pillow I threw sailed past him. “You have lousy aim.”
“Yeah, the sporty dyke gene seemed to skip me,” I admitted, settling into his sofa.
The original Total Destruction was about what you’d expect from a high-budget action flick. Lots of explosions and gratuitous shots of Drew and his costar shirtless. He was great eye candy, Maxim had been right about that, but I wasn’t the type to swoon over defined abs. Sure, flat abs could be sexy, but I was a sucker for a panza, that soft, comfortable paunch of fat between hips. I liked to lay my head on it, to listen to what it had to say.
I wondered what Drew’s stomach would murmur to me. I figured a stomach that defined would deem me unworthy of speaking to. That was the problem with rock-hard bodies; they usually didn’t pair well with soft ones like mine. They opted instead for bodies like Elena Marino, Drew’s co-star.
“What’s she like?” I asked as Drew and Elena jumped over turnstiles and skidded into a New York subway train just minutes before it closed, leaving their pursuers standing on the platform.
“She’s actually really cool. Studied mathematics at Oxford and planned to quit acting once she was done with her degree. Then she landed that big rom-com she was in, Lovely Rita , and it propelled her career. But she still does math for fun.”
“Who does math for fun?” I scoffed.
“She’s a special one, that’s for sure.” Drew chuckled, endearment in his voice.
“Sounds like you like her.” I bit into my sandwich, trying not to sound too jealous.
“I do,” Drew said. “We got close on set.”
“Did you two, you know?” I made a humping motion in the air. Drew laughed and blushed. “You did, didn’t you? I’m glad you’re giving pretty, thin girls a chance. They really have a hard time getting laid.”
“It happens sometimes on sets. Long hours. Late nights,” Drew explained.
“So I’ve read in the tabloids.” I took a bite and dropped a chunk of aioli on my shirt. “Dammit.”
“Ooh!” Drew jumped with way more excitement than the situation warranted. “I’ve got something for you.”
He disappeared into his house, leaving me sitting alone on the floor with food all over my shirt. I looked up at the screen and watched Elena Marino running toward Drew in impossibly tall heels, her short black dress exposing her cellulite-free, long legs.
“What are you doing here?” on-screen Drew asked as he wrapped Elena in his arms.
I could ask myself the same question , I thought, wrapping my own arms around my suddenly insecure waist.