Chapter Ten
AMIRA
E lla doesn’t shut up, the whole drive back from the airport. I’d hoped she would be exhausted from the flight—even though it’s such a short one—and just want to relax against the headrest. But peaceful silence has never been her way.
“Thank you so much. Seriously.” She’s sitting curled and twisted on the seat with her knees to her chest, leaning her side against the back of the chair. I doubt her seatbelt would offer her much protection if we had a crash with her in that position, so I continue to focus on the highway as I respond to her for the umpteenth time.
“It’s nothing, honestly.” I’ll keep the fact I’m being far from honest to myself though. “I have a … spare room …” I choke on the word, coughing a little.
“But you and Noah have just moved in together. I’d hate to have someone encroach on my space if I’d just moved in with my hot-as-fuck boyfriend.”
If there’s one thing I can agree on, it’s that Noah is hot-as-fuck. My lip must twitch, or my eyes glisten with the memory of Noah’s ass as he carried his suitcase up the stairs, because Ella pokes me in the ribs.
“Look at you all smitten and blushing. Ugh, young love. It’s fucking sickening.”
I straighten my face and take a chance to glare at her. “I’m older than you.”
“But your love is young. And that’s the point.”
Shaking my head, I pull the sun visor down even though we are driving away from the setting sun. Just to have something to do with my hands so I don’t try to strangle her across the car. That word is like a dull knife on a cheap plate. Love . It pierces through my eardrums and makes me wince.
I can barely look at Noah without wanting to grimace. Because okay his butt looks damn fine in a tight pair of chinos and his sun-tanned skin always looks so delectable against his dark work clothes. But every time I look at him all I can think about is how I’ve trapped him in my web of lies. And lately how I wish it wasn’t all lies.
When I don’t respond to her playful jabs, Ella finally succumbs to the low tunes of the radio. She sits straighter, gazing out the window as we drive through the city towards the Eastern suburbs. I focus on the drive, counting exits and spotting yellow cars to keep my mind off what I’m about to return home to.
Noah’s car is reversed into the empty parking space next to mine. His sleek black SUV is a stark contrast to Cassidy’s bright and tiny hatchback, and it’s parked so meticulously it looks out of place in the dingy underground garage.
“I was so pissed you barely introduced me to Noah at Kaya’s wedding,” Ella huffs as she pulls one of her large suitcases from the back of my car.
“It is not my fault you found a groomsman and a dark corridor to hide from your mother. I was not going to go looking for you.” Besides, when I did catch her to introduce them, she spent the whole conversation joking about my sexuality and how my family had been placing bets. I’m willing to let it slide because if there was one person more drunk than me, it was Ella, but I’m not sorry she didn’t get to talk to Noah more than she did.
“He was a good groomsman too. Knew how to hike a woman’s dress up and play her like an instrument, if you know what I mean.”
The suitcase falls to the ground with a loud thwack that echoes through the large space. I pull out the other, larger one—convenient for her—and hit the trigger to close the boot. Sucking in a large breath, I wheel the suitcase across the concrete flooring. In hindsight, I should have done what Noah did this morning and parked out the front. Reduced the number of stairs we’d have to lug these things up. It’s too late now though, but regret hits me as we enter the stairwell.
I could call Noah. I have no doubts he would sprint down the stairs and do all the heavy lifting for us. It’s what any caring boyfriend would do. And maybe since we are trying to play the part …
Shaking my head, I groan as I drop the handle down and pull the suitcase onto the stairs. I don’t need a man’s help. Only, maybe I do. This shit is hard.
Behind me, Ella is grunting with each step.
“You never told me there was no elevator,” she groans. “I would have brought less stuff.”
I pause on the stairs, balancing the oversized luggage against my hip. “You would have bought just as much stuff and you know it.”
With a sigh, I turn around. Hurried footsteps echo through the stairwell as someone makes their way down the stairs towards us, and I haven’t even made it to the mini landing between levels when Noah rounds the corner. He wears the same dark chinos from earlier, but they looked ruffled and creased after the day’s wear. In his hands is an oversized rubbish bag.
“You know there’s a chute, right?”
“Yes, but you let the bin get so full it wouldn’t fit.” He glances between me, eyes a little wider than normal. “Or I did, we did. You know.” He tries to correct himself.
With a newfound burst of energy, Ella pushes past me and onto the landing. She drops her suitcase at Noah’s feet. “Thank God ,” she says with a deep sigh. “There was no way I was making it up any more stairs. I’ll take this down.”
She grabs the rubbish bag, turning to face me before Noah even has a second to register. “Hot as fuck,” she whispers as she bounds past me down the stairs. Something buried and green twists inside me.
“Door directly opposite the stairwell,” I call out after her. “And we’re apartment thirty-three. Level three.”
She waves over her shoulder as she steps back into the parking garage.
“She’ll catch up to us anyway,” Noah says. He drops the smaller suitcase and reaches out to take mine. “You go ahead this time.”
“You wanna check out my ass?” I give my hips a little wiggle. Behind me, Noah lets out the slightest laugh. More like a hasty exhale, but I’ll take it.
As we walk, the silence is only broken by my huffs and grunts. I thought carrying Kitch in her plastic carrier was hard, but Ella’s suitcases are something from my nightmares. Cardio and I do not mix. Neither do me and weight training. I am not okay, but I refuse to let Noah see. I hold all the tension and exhaustion in my face and chest, hoping he can’t tell from his position a few steps behind me.
Aside from the occasional check that I’m ‘still good’ he doesn’t seem to notice my struggle. Maybe he’s too busy checking me out to notice. Just like always, I can feel his gaze through my clothes, searing itself onto my skin. Today though, I don’t hate it.
Ella catches up to us two flights later, and by the time we make it up the third, I’m spent. She so kindly takes the suitcase from me once we hit the third floor, wheeling it along the corridor towards the apartment.
“Thank you,” she preaches once we are all inside.
After leaving the suitcase by Ella’s new bedroom, Noah heads into the kitchen.
“Are you hungry?” he calls from beside the stove. Kitch has jumped onto the bench next to him, watching him stir the contents of a large pot. I’ll have to scrub the bench with bleach before I make the next lot of bakery treats. Don’t get me wrong, I clean it regardless, but I make a note to form a habit of using something stronger than spray and wipe.
Flopped on the couch, with her feet hanging over the armrest, Ella grouches, “Famished.”
It’s late. Too late for dinner, technically, but after the drive to the airport and back I’m just as hungry as I am tired.
“I was going to order something.” It doesn’t matter, because Noah has clearly cooked, but there’s an itching need to make sure he knows I had something that resembled a plan.
Pulling out three bowls, Noah shrugs. “I can’t cook much, but I’ve been told I make a mean carbonara, and all the ingredients were in the fridge. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I will eat anything, and I promise I’ll be a better house guest starting tomorrow,” Ella calls from the couch.
She better. I did not agree to babysit an overgrown teenager. Ella doesn’t seem like herself today though, so I’m crossing everything she’s just tired from travel and overwhelmed with the fact she’s in another state.
Ignoring her, I move to the kitchen to help Noah dish up the meal. Our hands brush together when I pass him a stack of bowls, and he jerks away like my touch burnt his fingers. He sucks in a hissed breath.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
He clears his throat, dropping his head low to whisper in my ear. “For what? For the touch of your skin feeling like electricity through my veins? I’m not sorry you touched me Amira, I’m sorry it’s all for show.”
My mouth falls open. I want to snap back, to be witty and clever. Maybe tell him part of me wishes it wasn’t just for show or maybe remind him that’s all this is. But I can’t. He’s still so close to me and all I can focus on is his dark fruity scent and the little hint of spice that trails after it.
Unmoving, he talks in a voice so low and soft I can practically feel it on my skin. “I’ve never been good at doing things by halves Amira, so are you ready to put on a show?”
“What do you mean?” My breaths falter, my chest heaves into his.
“Your cousin is watching.”
“Oh … well …”
I still hadn’t figured out what I was going to say, but I fall silent as his lips press against my cheek.
“Is this okay?” he murmurs into my skin.
All I can do is nod, humming my agreement and forcing myself not to turn into him. “Is she still watching?”
Noah responds with a growl. The rumbling in his chest reverberates through my own. “What if she is?”
I want to tell him that it doesn’t matter, that we aren’t puppets on display for her and whether or not we kiss right now isn’t going to change her opinion of us or our so-called relationship. But I really, really want to find out if he tastes as decadent as he smells. Even if it is all for show, I want to claim his mouth and show Ella that Noah belongs with me. Noah is mine.
“Amira,” Noah growls. He reaches behind himself to put the bowls down, then wraps his arms around my waist. Large hands and strong fingers grip my sides as he pulls my body further into his. “What if she is?”
I can’t breathe in his embrace, but I don’t want him to let go. Instead, I turn my head, inching my mouth towards his. I feel his breath against my lips as he hesitates before crashing his mouth into mine.
At first, our kiss is forced, a little hesitant. Our mouths are closed and we hold still as we both realise what we are doing. And then his fingers press into my sides and my body leans into his as I whimper under his touch.
Dropping my lips open a fraction, I dart my tongue across them, across his. Testing. Teasing. Seeing just how far he will take the performance. He meets my tongue with his own, and then we aren’t just kissing, we’re exploring. We’re frenzied.
What started as a gentle peck to play a part becomes a lust-filled kiss. Our lips and tongues and teeth crash together. I can’t hold back, and it feels as though neither can Noah. He clings to me, and I’m revelling in it. His large hands are splayed across my back, and one reaches up to hold the back of my head. I quiver under his touch, my body desperate to know how it would feel if we were to give in completely. What it might be like to have his large hands trail over every inch of my skin.
My belly flutters at the thought and a throbbing begins deep inside my core. Kissing Noah was the best idea I’ve ever had and also the worst. I want more immediately but warning signs are flashing behind my eyes.
With a gasp, remembering, I press back. My eyes are wide and I fumble with the front of my top, straightening myself out.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
I turn away, cheeks burning. Ella is half asleep on the couch, watching something on her phone. Not watching us, at least not anymore. Before I can move away, Noah leans down over my shoulder to whisper in my ear.
“I’m not.”
And then the warmth of his body is gone from behind me. I catch a chill instantly, and before my body can gravitate back towards his, I step around the island benchtop and take a seat at the table. Without thinking, I default to my favourite red chair. Ella peels herself from the couch to join me, choosing the blue upholstered chair that was Cassidy’s favourite. I try not to think about how odd it is for someone else to be sitting there. Our mismatched chairs are my favourite thing about the whole apartment, but without Cassidy, they feel a little gaudy. Soon, Noah is placing bowls of creamy spaghetti and bacon in front of us. His chair has an industrial vibe, with a black steel frame and wooden base.
“Thank you,” I mumble, once everyone is seated, keeping my head dipped low. I’m fairly certain my cheeks are still a vibrant shade of pink.
“Thanks Noah,” Ella chimes, batting her eyelashes. She’s not flirting, just flirty. At least that’s what I reason with myself. She’s always been outgoing and friendly, despite her apathy earlier. Now she seems closer to her usual self, I’m feeling a little more enthusiastic about her being here.
As long as she keeps her fluttering eyes off Noah. A sickly swirl of emotions still curdles when I think of Noah being with anyone else, or anyone else even daring to think about Noah in that way. My eyes are once again drawn to the ring on his finger, and I’m trying to list all the reasons he might wear it. I’m stuck on it being from another woman though, and spend the meal trying to process what that means for our arrangement.
“So, how did you two meet?” Ella asks after we’ve finished our food. She scoops all three empty bowls from the table and starts washing up.
Noah twists in his seat to face her, leaning over the back of his chair. I do my best to ignore how the position stretches his simple henley across his back, or the veins that bulge from his forearms. I try, mostly in vain, to remind myself I’m only feeling this weird mix of lust and attraction because I’m acting. Method acting, apparently.
“Amira’s old roommate is my cousin,” Noah responds without missing a beat. I was too focused on his stupid back muscles to remember that Ella had asked a question.
“You must have known each other for a while then?”
“Kind of, I’ve had a crush on her since I helped Cassidy move in, but I was living in Sydney then. We’ve only been together for a few months.”
I smile from my seat at the table, nodding along to the story. I should pipe up, offer my own insight to this tale of how we became a couple, but if I do I’m bound to shove my whole foot in my mouth by mistake. Noah’s doing just fine at fielding the questions.
“Cute,” Ella chimes. With the dishwasher loaded, she moves towards the hall. “I’m wrecked,” she adds with a yawn. “What’s the Wi-Fi password? I’m going to put Netflix on and get all my stuff unpacked, then call it a night.”
Noah turns to look at me, one eyebrow slightly higher than the other.
“All too Wi-Fi ten TV, capitalise each word and use numerals for ten.”
“Got it, thank you!”
Once Ella has left the room, an exaggerated yawn forces its way out of me. I stretch my arms above my head, squeezing my eyes shut as they begin to water from the strain.
“We should figure out how this is going to work.” Noah speaks softly once I’ve wiped my eyes. “Like, rules or something. I don’t want to keep acting like you’re my girlfriend if it’s going to make you uncomfortable. You need to tell me where the line is.”
The craziest thing is that I don’t want there to be a line. I enjoyed our kiss in the kitchen, and I want more any chance I can get.
“I’m sorry if that was too much, earlier,” Noah adds.
“It wasn’t.”
Kitch creeps out from under the couch, circling our legs before pawing at my ankle. I scoop her onto my lap, taking comfort in her purring under my scratches. Noah frowns, but I can’t tell if it’s because of what I said, or because his cat clearly likes me more than him.
“I mean,” I continue, looking down at the cat because Noah’s gaze is too much right now. “I think when Ella is around it’s okay. Just act how you would if we were really in a relationship, and I’ll try to do the same.”
Noah hums his agreement, but the sound seems forced. “How will I know if it’s too much?”
“I’ll let you know.”
My cheeks begin to heat, because the truth is I don’t think any physical contact with Noah would be too much and knowing it’s all for show has me all flustered. I stand, moving to drop Kitch onto the couch before heading towards the hall. Knowing he’ll see the blush if I turn, I keep my back to Noah.
“I’m going to bed. I have to be up early to bake for the shop.”
Noah’s chair scrapes against the floor, he mumbles before his footsteps start to move towards me. “Well, um, me too. I have an early shift at the winery.”
And fuck , because I was really hoping to be fast asleep before he called it a night, so I wouldn’t notice him climbing into bed next to me.