Chapter 48
Chapter Forty-Eight
Hallie
M y fingers fly over my laptop keyboard, typing furiously. Sometime between when Ben left for the gym this morning and now, I was consumed by a flood of righteous indignation. Every time I think about Julie, I want to scream. I’ve stopped myself at least ten times from running out the door straight to her house and telling her exactly how I feel about her and her “no fucking way.” Fuck her is how. But I can’t go to her like this. I need spreadsheets. Facts and figures. That’s Julie’s language, and if I’m going to get her on board, I need to speak it. I’ll be fucking damned if I’ll grovel, but I will go to her with a plan.
I’m almost finished when there’s a knock at my door. When I open it, it’s Ben with a bright smile and a coffee cup. He leans in to kiss me and then hands me the cup.
“Vanilla latte. Thought you might need one.”
“God, this is exactly what I need right now. How did you know?”
“I—”
“Yeah, yeah, you see me and whatever. Are you ever going to tell me how you do the coffee thing?”
“Maybe one day, Hal. Maybe one day. So, you’re spicy today.”
I lead him back into the living room, which is currently covered in files, papers, and my laptop. “Fucking right I am. After you left this morning, I started thinking. How fucking dare she, you know? I know it’s our firm, but this is my career. I want this, Ben. I want it so damn badly. And I’m going to have it.”
Ben positively beams. “Damn straight, Hallie girl. Looks like you found your mad. I’ve been waiting for it.”
He has? “You have?”
“Sure. I knew you wouldn’t stay sad forever. You do your best work when you’re a little bit angry.”
He’s so right. I do. How is it possible that this man knows me better than I know myself?
“Well, I’ve done some of my best work today. I contacted all the clients who are coming over with me from my old firm and they are all happy to have their files transferred to Julie. I created a whole bunch of lists and spreadsheets and plans to explain how it’s all going to work. If I’m going to talk to Julie, I need to speak her language.”
“I’m proud of you, Hal. I know you want this, and you’re going to have it. So, here’s what’s going to happen. You are going to tell me all about these plans you’re making. Then, we have dinner with your parents. After dinner, we are going to come back here, and I am going to worship every inch of my gorgeous girl who is going to be a fucking brilliant adoption lawyer. What do you say about that?”
“I say, I’ve never loved someone more than I love you right now.”
Ben scoops me up and tosses me onto the couch, covering my body with his and raining kisses all over my face until I am breathless and hysterically laughing. He buries his face in my hair and whispers in my ear, “I love you too, Hallie girl. Always.”
After spending the afternoon with Ben sprawled around my living room and going over all my plans, we’re late getting to my parents’ house. My family is already sitting down in the dining room when we walk in the door.
“So, Hallie, what’s going on at the firm?” My dad asks, once we all settle around the table.
I hesitate, and Ben squeezes my leg under the table. My righteous anger from earlier today disappears and is replaced by bone deep exhaustion. I’m suddenly so tired. I’m tired of keeping secrets. I’m tired of hiding the thing that has me happier and more excited than anything has since the day I first started the family law clinic in law school. I’m tired of tiptoeing around everyone. I’m doing this, whether Julie likes it or not, so it’s time to let it all out. I take a deep breath and start to talk.
“I’ll be changing my practice when we open the firm in January.” Every head at the table swivels in my direction.
My dad gives me a quizzical look. “What do you mean changing your practice?”
“Charlie Callahan is retiring at the end of the year, and I’ll be taking over his adoption practice. I am going to move that part of his practice to our firm, so I’ll still be practicing under our firm name. We just won’t be exclusively estate planning anymore.”
“Honey, that sounds wonderful. I know it’s something that you have always loved, and you are so good at it.” I give my mom a grateful smile.
“But what about your clients who are following you from your old firm?” asks my dad.
“I contacted all of them, and they are happy to use Julie, or even Molly for the more complex clients. I will still be there to consult whenever necessary to make sure the transition is as smooth as possible. We were always planning on hiring an associate at some point in the first six months, so I’m hoping that we can speed up the timeline. That will take a lot of the burden off Jules and Molly.”
“How does Julie feel about that?” asks Jo.
“Yeah, is she mad? You’re changing the whole game. It seems like something she wouldn’t be too thrilled about,” Hannah chimes in.
“Totally. Julie hates anything that messes up her spreadsheets. And, like, all change.”
“Oh, speaking of change, Jo, I hired a guy to come here tomorrow to get the old living room furniture that’s in the basement. I have the perfect place for it in my new apartment.”
“What?” Jo shrieks. “No. No way. They were saving that for me. Mom, tell her she can’t.”
“You don’t have a place for it, Jo, and you still have a year left on your lease. I have a place for it now.”
“She’s right, Jo,” says my mom. “It’s silly to just let it sit there. We’ll figure out something for you when the time comes.”
I’d like to figure out a way back to the conversation we were having about me before my sisters walked all over it. My entire body tenses, another hot bolt of anger washing through me. It feels good though. Not like the constant hum of anxiety I usually have when my sisters take up all the space while I’m left looking for mine.
I open my mouth to start talking, but Ben beats me to it.
In that calm way of his, he says “Jo, Hannah, Becca, Hallie wasn’t finished.”
They turn to look at him.
“She was in the middle of talking about something important to her, and you all steamrolled right over her.”
I feel a rush of love for Ben and his desire to defend me, but for the first time, maybe ever, I’m ready to speak for myself. I put a hand on his arm, lean over and whisper, “Thanks, Benji, but I’ve got this.”
He grins at me, then kisses my forehead and whispers back, “Give ‘em hell, Hallie girl.”
I look every member of my family in the eye and take a deep breath.
“Ben was right; I wasn’t finished. Like I was saying, I’m switching my practice. Charlie Callahan wants me to take over his adoption clients when he retires, and I’m going to accept. I’m moving the whole thing to our new firm. This is what I’ve always wanted to do. I have the chance now, and I’m taking it. As for Julie, that’s between her and me, and we will figure out how to make it work. Even if she doesn’t agree, I’m doing it anyway because this is what’s best for my career. And ultimately, it’s going to be what’s best for our firm. I am a whole ass adult, and I can make my own decisions about my own career. And Hannah, Jo, as for that little scene earlier? I love you both, but I’m finished with your shit. I have never stood up for myself in this house. I’m the oldest. I never wanted to upset anyone. I always thought it was better to stand back and let the two of you take up all the space with your melodrama of the day. But no more. Both of you need to learn that the world does not revolve around you. The faster you learn it, the better, because I’m done standing back and waiting for you to figure it out. Mom, you have three daughters. Not two. I’m not the loudest, and I don’t always ask for what I need. But that doesn’t mean I need nothing. Sometimes I need you to look up from Hannah and Jo and notice me. I’m right here. I’ve always been right here. Dad, just fucking notice what’s going on once in a while. I’m done shoving my heart into a box to make the rest of you happy. I matter too. Pay attention. Now, I’m really sorry that we can’t stay for the rest of dinner, but I have something I need to do. Right now.”
Breathing hard, I grab Ben’s arm and pull him up. I walk him straight through the living room and out the front door. Before I can storm down the front steps to Ben’s car, he grabs me and spins me around. He presses me up against the door and attacks my mouth with his. The kiss is wet and hot, and it sends desire straight to my core. He pulls back, his mouth hovering over mine.
“Fucking hell, Hal. Watching you stand up for yourself? I have never been prouder of anyone in my entire life. And it was hot as shit.”
“Well, Benji, you might be prouder still because I’m not done. Can you drop me off at Julie’s on the way home? I’m done dancing around this. I’m ending it. Tonight.”
The most dazzling grin explodes on Ben’s face, and he drops his lips to mine in one more punishing kiss.
“Fucking yes, I will. You’re a badass, Hal. But she’s not home. She’s at the office, and I happen to know she’s alone. Come on, I’ll take you.”
I fumble around in my purse on the way to the car. Once we both slide in, I hand my house key to Ben. “Can you wait for me at my house? I want to see you after I talk to Julie.”
He takes the key from me and then lifts my hand to his mouth and plants a soft kiss on my knuckles.
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Hallie girl.”