Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
ANDY
I was an anxious mess yesterday. I was looking forward to getting back to work. Usually, I enjoyed the weekend and dreaded having to return on Monday, but I've also spent the last two weekends with Declan. I see him briefly throughout the week, but the weekends have been unofficially reserved for our time together.
After he left Saturday night, I ripped my clothes off and jumped into the shower, then used the showerhead to give myself multiple orgasms until I was panting and my clit was throbbing. The things he'd said to me had left me hot and bothered and with an ache that I know only he can fill.
Declan has awakened my inner hoe, and I don't think I'll be satisfied until I get some relief. It's been a long time since I've been fucked. Never have I wanted it as badly as I do now. He drove me so crazy with his words that I was ready to throw caution to the wind and beg him to take me right then and there. But the rational side of myself didn't do that. Instead, I remain horny, even after all the orgasms I've given myself since then. My touch hasn't been able to come close to the touch of someone else.
It's Monday morning, and as much as I hate leaving Max at daycare, I was thrilled to get to work. I know it's ridiculous to be excited over seeing him or even asking him out on a date, especially considering I know that his time here is only temporary. He assured me Saturday that his trip to Vegas would only be a few days and he'd return, but eventually, that trip would become permanent. He's already said he'll be moving in a month and a half, but foolishly, I've wanted to ignore that fact and pretend that we're just an average man and woman getting to know each other and having their first date.
There's no future for us. No chance of a relationship, I know that. Yet that didn't stop me from asking him out. One day, he'll leave, and I'll just have been someone for him to pass the time with while he goes on to live his exciting rockstar life.
That thought alone is enough to ruin my mood. I'd been so excited, but now I'm upset and hoping he doesn't come to see me before he leaves.
Fuck the fact that I'll never have a happy ending. I'll never be anything other than a page in someone's story. Someone they leave in their rearview mirror as they move on and begin a new chapter in their life. It's happened too many times to me. No one has ever wanted me for more than a night.
We should've hooked up on Saturday. That way, he could begin putting distance between us after getting what he wants, and I wouldn't be too invested. I could've given him the green light. Could've begged or told him how badly I wanted him. Instead, I kept my mouth shut, hoping he'd be willing to get to know me and wanted to spend time together as just the two of us.
Fuck my life.
Rolling my eyes, I click away on the computer at the front desk, compiling a list of room assignments for when the housekeepers come in to start their shift so they'll know the status of each room the hotel has to offer.
Seeing movement from the corner of my eye, I turn my head just in time to see Declan standing outside smoking a cigarette. The ember glowing as he inhales, his dark eyes already on mine.
My heart stops at the sight of him. God, why does he have to be so damn attractive? His dark hair is longer on the top and shorter on the sides, the perfect length to tangle my fingers in as he's between my legs, using his tongue to spell his name on my clit.
Nope. Not going there this morning. I will not get horny while at work and be forced to be uncomfortable in wet panties all day.
After stomping his cigarette out, Declan walks inside the lobby, a smile already on his face at the sight of me. He's dressed in black jeans, black boots, and a white, perfectly ironed T-shirt, so crisp and free from any wrinkles.
He winks at the sight of me, leaning his forearms on the counter as he looks at me. "Morning, Mama." He greets me in that raspy morning voice that has me swooning.
Ironically, I hate the smell of cigarettes, but smelling them on Declan doesn't bother me. The smoke mixed with the clean scent of his cologne has me leaning toward him and inhaling discreetly, needing to fill my lungs with his scent as much as possible.
"Hey." I brush my hair away from my face, noticing the designer duffle bag down by his feet. The smile falls from my face at the sight of yet another reminder that his time in my life is only temporary.
"Don't do that."
"Don't do what?"
"Don't start thinking this is goodbye. I promise I'll be back." Promises mean nothing to me anymore. Too many people have made me promises they never intended to keep.
My mother promised all the time she'd quit doing drugs for me. Pinky promised that she was going to get her shit together and be the mother I deserved. She lied. She never got sober or got her shit together. Every single promise she made was broken the very next day.
My grandpa promised he'd be okay and come home the day he went to the doctor to have his two-week-long cough checked out. He lied. He never came home. Instead, he went to the hospital and died three days later from pneumonia.
My grandma promised that she'd be at my high school graduation one day. She lied, too. She missed my grandpa so much that she went to sleep one night, dreamed of the man she loved, and never woke up, leaving me to find her cold body the following day.
The point is: everyone who has ever mattered to me has broken their promises. Actions speak louder than words, and that's all that matters to me. Words are pretty. You can say anything.
"It's okay, I get it, Declan. You have a job to get back to. A band and fans that need you." Sometimes I forget that the man standing before me is the Declan Valentine, the lead singer of Riot, the most popular rock band in the world. The man whose voice I fell asleep to on many nights and whose lyrics have imprinted on my soul, buried themselves deep into my heart and helped me through the darkest moments of my life.
Luckily, Loganville lives under a damn rock and is too much of a religious town to listen to rock music, and no one has figured out who he is. Though, I'm sure that's only a matter of time. One of these days, I'm sure someone will figure it out.
To me, the man standing in front of me is the man who took my car for an oil change last week while I was working because I briefly mentioned I didn't have time to do it. He's the man who carries my daughter on his shoulders and runs around the park playing with her. The one who holds her hand while she gets her face painted and then buys her new toys. The man who climbed onto a jungle gym and squeezed himself onto the slide because Max asked him to go down with her.
The man standing in front of me is nothing like the drug- addicted, womanizer portrayed in the media. Perhaps I have been too hard on him and should give him a chance. It's the very least that he deserves.
Looking at me, his eyes narrow. "I'm coming back, Andy. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone yet, but I promise I will be here for our date." He reaches out and takes my hand, "You'll see."
"Okay, we'll see what happens."
"Sure will." Bringing my hand to his mouth, he presses a kiss to the back of it, a faint smile on his lips as he pulls away.
"My driver should be here, so I've got to go. Say hi to Max for me." I nod, watching as he grabs his duffle bag and leaves.
Before stepping outside, he looks over his shoulder and winks, then disappears, making my heart skip a beat.
Holy fuck. Falling for that man will be easy, but I already know he will destroy me. He's going to be the worst heartache I'll ever have.
After my shift ends, I pick up Max from daycare and take her home. She's playing in her bedroom with the new toys Declan bought, and I'm in the kitchen preparing our dinner when my phone pings with a new text message.
Considering I have a small contact list, I pause momentarily before grabbing my phone, an instant smile spreading across my face at the sight of Declan's name on the screen.
Declan
Arrived safely. Sorry I didn't let you know sooner. Been catching up with my buddies since getting here.
Me
Don't be sorry, I figured you were busy.
Declan
What are you doing?
Me
Cooking dinner. You?
Declan
What are you cooking? I'm waiting for Damon to stop eye fucking himself in the mirror so we can go eat.
Me
Spaghetti and garlic bread. Are you all going out tonight?
Declan
Yum. We are, but not like you're probably thinking. We're going to some new sushi place Adam has been crying about trying.
Me
I've never had sushi.
Incoming FaceTime call from Declan
Quickly straightening my posture and brushing the hair from my face, I answer the call, unable to keep the smile from my face at the sight of Declan on my screen.
"You've never had sushi?" he asks, seemingly alarmed by my answer. As I shake my head, I can't contain the laughter that escapes me.
"Never."
"Friday night. I'll take you for sushi."
"I'll look, but I don't think Mesquite has any sushi restaurants. They're mostly steak and seafood."
"Do you want a steak, Mama?" My insides become gooey every time he calls me that. A light blush tints my cheeks.
Not going to lie. Thinking of a perfectly cooked medium-rare steak with some lobster makes me want to drool. But I also want to try something new with the man on my screen. "I'll try sushi."
He smirks. "Good. I'll plan everything then. I'll pick you up on Friday at five. Does that work for the sitter?"
"That's perfect." There's yelling in the background, and then I watch as a pillow is thrown at Declan's face, knocking the phone from his hand.
His deep chuckle comes through the speakers moments before he picks up the phone and blesses me with another sight of his face. I watch as he throws up his middle finger to someone off-screen.
"Fucking Cole," he grumbles, a broad, relaxed smile on his face. "We're getting ready to go, but let me say hi to Max quickly."
Nodding, I quickly carry my phone into my daughter's room and hand it to her. At the sight of Declan, her eyes light up, and she quickly grabs the device, bringing it right to her face, "Hi, best friend! I missed you!"
"Hi, Max. Are you being good for your mom?" he asks.
She nods frantically, "So super-duper good!"
"That's good. I miss you two, but I'll see you soon."
"Okay! If I continue being a good girl for mommy, will you bring me a new toy?"
"Max!" I hiss at the same time Declan chuckles and says, "Yes."
"Yay! Thank you, best friend." She returns the phone to me, and I bring it to my face just in time for him to see my dramatic eye roll.
"You're going to spoil her." He shrugs, flashing me his panty-dropping grin.
"I've got to go now. Let's talk later."
"Okay, Declan. Have fun tonight."
"Later, Mama."
I've just finished my nighttime routine when my phone pings with a new text message. It's nearly ten p.m., and Max went to sleep two hours ago, but I stayed up cleaning the house, then took a shower and did my skincare routine.
Dressed in my fluffy black robe, I grab my phone from the counter and swipe up, my body heating at the sight of Declan's name.
Declan
Hey, Mama. Are you up?
Me
Yeah. I was just getting ready for bed.
Declan
Oh yeah? What are you wearing?
I hesitate momentarily before channeling my inner flirty hoe and being honest. Sure, I'm wearing a robe, but underneath, I'm naked.
Me
Nothing.
Declan
You're killing me.
Me
What are you doing?
Declan
Laying here in bed, trying not to imagine you also in bed… naked before me and spread out.
Me
Why wouldn't you want to imagine that?
Declan
Because my best friend is in the room next to mine, and I'd feel weird about jerking off. I have a hard time sleeping in new places.
Me
You've never slept at his house before?
Declan
Not here in Vegas. This is my second time here since we all moved out here. The day I got here was the same day I went to Loganville. It even took a few nights before I felt comfortable sleeping in the hotel, too.
Me
Try some hot tea and honey. That always helps me sleep.
Declan
Fuck no. Tea tastes like hot piss water.
Me
LOL. I assume you've drank warm piss water before.
Declan
Fuck no, I haven't. I just hate the taste of tea and assume that's how hot piss water would taste.
Me
You're ridiculous. Be a baby then and stay awake all night.
Declan
I hate not having my own bed to sleep in. It's too quiet here at his house. Noise is the only thing that helps calm my racing mind. It's hard to sleep without it.
Me
How do you sleep when you're at the hotel?
Declan
Ehhhh. I get a few hours each night, but it's not the same as having your own bed. It's been years since I've slept more than a few hours.
Me
That's not healthy.
Declan
LOL. I've done a lot of unhealthy things, Mama. Losing a little sleep isn't going to kill me. The drugs were more likely to take me out.
Me
How are you doing being in Vegas around your friends? Did you play your new songs today?
Declan
No, we just hung out today. We're going to the studio tomorrow. Honestly, I was worried for nothing. I felt embarrassed about seeing them again. I've done so much shit and am the reason for all our bad media attention. They were all there when our manager told me I wasn't allowed to stay in Vegas because I couldn't be trusted to not buy drugs. But seeing them again, everything was normal. I was worried for nothing. They're my brothers. I shouldn't have doubted them.
Me
That sucks that you were embarrassed. I'm sorry you felt that way, but I'm glad everything felt normal seeing them today. I don't want to be insensitive… but did you feel like using or drinking today?
Declan
Drinking, no. They ordered drinks at dinner, but I didn't feel the need to drink like I used to. But using… I know you won't like the answer.
Me
Be honest with me. Always.
Declan
I felt like using because I felt anxious. During the drive, I had myself convinced they'd think of me a certain way since I'm not staying in the same city as them, but once I realized it was all in my head, I felt better. Every day, I have the urge, but I fight it. I don't want to be that person anymore.
Me
I’m proud of you for resisting those urges. I know we never talk about it, but you can share anything with me. I understand more than you may realize.
Declan
I don't want you to be disappointed in me. I've disappointed too many fucking people in my life.
Me
I won't. You can talk to me.
Declan
Okay, as long as you won't think of me differently.
Me
My mom is an addict. I have unresolved childhood trauma because of her, and that's why I was so quick to judge you for being an addict. She always chose drugs over me and was okay with us struggling as long as she had drug money. My grandparents raised me because she was incapable, but they died, so it was just the two of us. I have no sympathy for her. It's easier for me to share my feelings over text rather than have to look someone in the eye and do it. I hate being vulnerable.
Declan
I figured someone in your life was an addict. I'm sorry, baby. That shit fucking sucks, and no child should have to deal with anything like that. My mother was an addict, too. She used to lock me in my bedroom while she got high, but one day, she stopped locking the door and encouraged me to sit with her while she shot up. I was a fucking kid watching his mother do heroin. I swore I'd never be like her. LOL. How pathetic am I?
Me
You're not pathetic, Dec. You're strong because you are fighting your addiction. I will help you however I can. Just promise not to lie to me. I can handle anything but lies.
Declan
I've broken so many promises. I broke every promise I made to my ex-wife, so I don't want to give you false promises. All I can do is tell you that I will try my fucking best every single day to be the man who can be trusted. To be the type of man a woman like you deserves.
Me
Lying is my dealbreaker.
Declan
I got you, Andy.
Me
Don't make me regret anything.
Declan
I'll do my fucking best.
Me
Goodnight, Dec.
Incoming FaceTime call from Decla n
With butterflies in my belly, I hesitate a moment before answering the call and quickly adjust my position in bed, ensuring my robe is closed and my red bonnet is out of my face.
Clicking the green accept button, I smile, seeing Declan's face lighten up my screen. The room around him is dark. His face only lit up from the light on his phone. The phone provides enough light that I'm able to see him lying on his back, his arm propped behind his head, and his chest bare.
"I wanted to hear your voice before I went to bed," he says, eyes on my face on the screen.
After being so open with him while texting, I was a little worried about how I'd feel seeing him, but now I realize it was all in my head. He makes me feel comfortable, even when I'm vulnerable. What I shared about my mom is something I've never shared with anyone.
"I'm glad you called. It's nice to see your face."
He squints, bringing the phone closer to his face as he studies the background. "Why does it look like you're on the floor?"
I swallow. Fuck. I did not plan on telling him about my sleeping situation.
"Um, I don't know. That's weird." I shrug it off with a little white lie, hoping it is too noticeable.
"Andy," he says my name firmly, shifting his position to lean against his pillows.
"Ugh, fine." I roll my eyes. "I'm using an air mattress until my bed comes in." Another minor white lie. Wasn't I just telling him I don't like liars?
Pot meet kettle.
"Did you order a bed?"
Rolling my lips, I keep silent, nodding instead. Another lie. Damn, I'm on a roll tonight.
"Why didn't you tell me you didn't have a bed?"
"It's not a big deal, Dec. I've slept on the floor before when my mother could not provide me a bed. It's not a big deal."
He shakes his head. "You should've told me."
"Why are you so concerned with my sleeping situation?"
"Because I care about you."
"Appreciate that, but it's fine. It's not like I can do anything about it at this hour. So, let's just go to bed."
He smirked but didn't say anything else about my sleeping situation.
"Goodnight, Mama."
"Goodnight, Declan."