Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
DECLAN
I have three thoughts when I wake in the morning.
First, why does my dick hurt?
Second, why does my head hurt?
Third, why the fuck is it so bright?
With a groan, I pry open my heavy eyes, squinting against the sunlight shining on my face. Blinking rapidly to clear my vision, I stare at the window from where I lie. "Where the fuck am I?" I wipe my eyes, groaning in pain at the stiffness in my aching body.
My vision clears enough for me to see where I'd slept. An ugly, small green couch is below me, which explains why I'm stiff. One leg is thrown over the back of the sofa, and the other hangs over the arm of the couch, my body too long for the small space.
Rubbing a hand down my face, I move my hand down my chest, desperate to ease the discomfort of my aching dick. The moment my fingertips touch my bare cock, I freeze.
Holy fuck.
Why the fuck am I naked?
I sit up quickly despite the protest of movement from my throbbing head and tighten the blanket across my lap.
I'm in an apartment; the space is an open floorplan with a kitchen directly in front of me. The coffee pot on the counter is the first thing to draw my attention, making me desperate for the bitter taste of caffeine.
Elbows on my knees, my head falls into my hands, and I take a moment to remember where I'm at and what happened last night.
Closing my eyes, the memories seem to rush back to me.
The meeting with Camille.
Drinking a bottle of vodka.
Snorting coke in the kitchen of the penthouse.
Leaving with a woman I had just met despite Adam's protests.
The tattoo.
Holy fuck. The tattoo.
Shoving the blanket off my lap, I stare down at my exposed cock with wide eyes.
Oh my god, I tattooed my fucking dick.
Along the shaft, in bold black letters, is a name.
Andy.
Shiitttt .
Somehow, I don't think she'll find it as funny as I had last night. Especially when she finds out the reason I did it was because I was out of my fucking mind with drugs and alcohol.
"Good—" a familiar voice catches me off guard. "Oh, god! Put your dick away!" I scramble to cover myself with the blanket, looking up to see Amber standing there with her eyes closed. Peeking through her fingers, she gives a nod once I'm covered.
"Good morning," she says, entirely too fucking cheerful. "Coffee?" She makes her way into the kitchen and begins preparing a pot of coffee.
"Yes, please," I mumble, my voice raspy. My tongue is heavy in my dry mouth, my head throbbing. Every part of me aches, but what hurts more than the physical pain is my heart.
My heart fucking aches at the memory of seeing Camille break down and everything she said to me afterward.
"Do you have Tylenol?" I ask, finding my jeans on the floor and pulling them on, followed by my shirt. I don't see my boxer briefs anywhere, but with how tender my dick is, I don't want any more fabric rubbing against me than required.
"What happened last night?" Reaching the island, I sit on one of the stools, graciously accepting the bottle of pain reliever and water that Amber passes toward me.
"Well, my girlfriend tattooed your dick, we came back here, and the two of you decided to see who could drink the most. She's already left for work this morning, so clearly, you're the winner." She clicks her tongue, looking me up and down.
Shaking three pain pills into the palm of my hand, I pop them into my mouth and then wash them down with a glass of water. The cool liquid slides down my throat, easing my dry mouth.
Amber continues explaining our night. "You were complaining about your dick hurting, so you took your clothes off and then passed out on the couch. Neither of us wanted to move your naked ass." She grins, grabbing two mugs from a cabinet as the bitter aroma of coffee fills the air.
I watch silently as she pours two mugs and then slides one over to me. Thanking her, I lift it to my lips and slowly sip the burning liquid, needing the caffeine in my body as quickly as possible.
Glancing at the clock on the stove, I groan at the red light displaying the time.
10:37 a.m.
"Fuck, I need to go." I'm late for rehearsals, and no doubt Benny is going to have my ass for it.
"I'll take you wherever you need to go," she offers.
"Thanks, but I'll call a ride."
"Up to you, but it might be quicker if I drive you." She's right. Plus, I don't have anyone to call for a lift, considering everyone I know is likely at the venue already for rehearsals. And I'm not about to call an Uber and risk having my photo all over the media, being shown leaving a random apartment building in the morning. Andy would see that shit and get the wrong idea.
Andy. Fuck.
She will never speak to me again once she finds out what I did last night. After I promised to fight for her, she'll never forgive me for relapsing.
Fuck it.
It'll be okay.
It has to be.
It's fine.
I'll do what I've always done in the past. Have fun and party for two weeks, then when it's time to return home, I'll clean myself up and get sober again.
Nothing I haven't done before.
Fuck it. I deserve it. Just a little fun, a little pick me up to get through the next two weeks to make myself feel better.
It'll be okay. I can control myself.
As if reading my thoughts, Amber holds up a familiar baggie in front of me. "Is coffee good enough for you, or do you need something stronger?" She smirks, my hand already reaching out to grab it.
This time, I don't bother cutting lines. I pour some out on the back of my hand and snort, needing the instant boost it will give me.
Inhaling, I wipe away the excess powder from my nostrils and lick off the residue from the back of my hand.
The drugs hit my system, my body becoming free from worry and aches. "Fuck, that's good. Can I have this?" Reaching into my pocket, I grab my wallet and tuck the baggie inside, tossing some cash onto the counter before she has a chance to answer.
"It's a pleasure doing business with you." She grins smugly, scoops up the cash, and tucks it into her bra. "If you need more of that, or anything else, let me know. I can help you out while you're here."
"You a dealer?" I chug the rest of my coffee, then shove my wallet back into my pocket, standing to my feet.
"Don't ask questions, Declan. Just give me your phone so I can give you my number, and text if you need me." Considering she was at the party in the penthouse last night and came with drugs, I'm sure the answer is yes.
Good to know. I'll see her before I leave. I know that for sure.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I unlock the screen, ignoring the notifications, and slide the phone across the table toward her. She picks it up, yellow-painted fingernails flying over the screen as she types in her number and saves her contact. Once she passes it back, I check the notifications, cringing at all the messages and missed calls. Rather than reading and responding to the individual messages from my friends and Benny, I send a quick text in our group chat.
Me
Overslept. On my way to the venue.
Exiting the chat, I slip my phone back into my pocket, giving Amber my attention. "If you don't mind, I'll take a ride."
"Grab your shoes, and let's go."
By the time we reach Amber's car, a sleek back BMW SUV, I return my phone to my hand after giving her the address and read over the messages from Andy, sighing at the words on my screen.
I'm so fucking sorry, baby.
Andy
How'd it go with Camille?
You okay?
I'm here if you need me.
Have a great show tonight.
I watched clips of the show online. You were amazing, Dec. Wish I could've been there with you.
Good morning. I hope today is great for you.
I know you're busy. Sorry if I'm texting a lot.
We'll talk when you can. I don't want to be that girlfriend who blows your phone up daily.
While she's been worrying about me, I've been out all night with a woman I just met, getting a tattoo and getting high.
Boyfriend of the fucking year.
I send Andy a quick text just as we arrive at the venue Riot will be playing at tonight.
Me
Sorry, Mama. Busy as fuck. You have no idea how much I miss you.
Andy
I miss you, too.
Me
You have all of my fucking tomorrows, I promise you that.
Got to go. Know that I'm thinking about you and can't wait to get home to you.
"Thanks for the ride. We'll be having another party tonight, so you should come." I offer, taking my seat belt off and opening the door.
Amber smirks. "Alright. I'll bring the party favors and see you tonight." With a grin, I climb out of the car and then make my way inside.
Before going to find my manager and bandmates, I make a brief pit stop in the bathroom long enough to splash water over my face and appear more alive than I am. Since I wasn't able to brush my teeth, I pop in a piece of gum and cut a line on the side of the bathroom sink.
With the drugs coursing through my veins, I feel invincible. My mood has already improved, and I feel strong enough to put on the best fucking show possible tonight.
Staring at myself in the mirror, the sight of my wide eyes makes me chuckle. "I'm back, baby!" I yell at my reflection, daring the unrecognizable person in the mirror to say something.
Backstage, I find Benny pacing as he speaks on the phone, his left hand on his hip while his right has a white-knuckle grip on the device. The moment he notices me, his dark eyes narrow into a scowl, and he abruptly ends the call, smashing his finger against the end call button.
"Where the fuck have you been?" He holds his arms out, demanding an answer.
A lazy smile crawls across my face. I won't let him ruin my buzz. Not when there's nothing to worry about. I feel energized and ready to give the best show and have the best night possible.
"Overslept." My answer comes easily since, for once, I'm telling the truth.
"Where were you?" I open my mouth to lie, but he must sense that's my plan because he cuts me off by pointing a finger in my face. "And don't fucking lie and tell me at the hotel because I know you weren't there." Of course, he knew I wasn't there. He probably had someone check my room and found my bed empty and cold.
"Out with a friend. Passed out and overslept. "
His eyes narrow as he studies me, but I keep my gaze on him and a smirk on my lips.
Benny is like family to me. He's been cleaning up my shit for far too long and only wants the best for me. I know this. He jumped through many hoops to make these shows happen and to fast-track our upcoming tour, so I'm not going to disappoint him by allowing him to find out I'm using again.
Besides, it's only temporary. Just long enough to keep my energy up for these next two weeks and the demons at bay. Then I'll be better.
"Relax, Benny, I'm okay." I release a breath. "Saw Cam yesterday and needed to clear my head after that. Really, I just had a late night with a friend. Won't happen again." Seemingly convinced, he nods, then pats me on the shoulder.
"Get out there and don't be late again."
"Yes, sir!" I run away from him and make my way toward the stage, arms outstretched as the beat of Damon's drums syncs in tune with my heartbeat, the two of us becoming one.
Stepping behind the microphone, I jump in with vocals at the exact moment I need to, falling quickly into place beside my bandmates.
I ignore Adam's gaze, not wanting to hear anything he says. He's the only one who saw me last night, but it isn't the time for a lecture.
Right now, I need to let the music feed my soul and soothe me in the way only it can.
When the concert ends, I'm the first one off the stage, rushing into my dressing room to get my hands on the mini bottles of vodka I'd taken from the bar and hid in here for after the show. My thirst is too intense, and waiting until I return to the penthouse is too far away.
I need a drink now.
Locking the door to my dressing room, I dig in the back of the cabinet where I hid my treasure and pull out the four mini bottles. Victory shines on my face at the sight, my mouth watering for a taste.
Twisting off the top, I toss the lid behind my back, then bring the bottle to my mouth and swallow it down in one gulp. The vodka is the cheap shit that tastes more like rubbing alcohol, but it does what I need it to do, which is calm my mind and give me the warmth in my veins I've been needing.
Once one bottle is finished, I repeat the process by gulping down the other three, warmth settling in my stomach.
I hide the bottles in the bottom of the trash can after popping a piece of gum into my mouth, hoping it'll be enough to get the scent of liquor off my breath.
When we return to the penthouse, another party is happening when we enter our room. I make a mental note to ask who is allowing these people into our room and arranging for the parties, but it'll have to wait for another day.
Girls swarm to me the moment I enter, but I shove them all aside, pushing through the crowd until I reach my temporary room. I've been dying for a shower, and before I can relax and enjoy myself, getting under warm water is exactly what I need to do.
Locked safely in my bedroom, I remove my clothes, letting them fall silently to the floor. Reaching into my duffle bag, my hands close around the small familiar bottle of cherry vanilla-scented body wash, the same one Andy had on the shelf in her shower. I took it the morning I left, wanting her scent while we were apart.
Besides, I'd bought a new bottle of soap for her while we were at the cherry festival, so I took it upon myself to steal the half-empty bottle she'd had in her shower.
With the soap in one hand and my phone in the other, I step inside the glass walk-in shower and set my phone up on the little shelf on the opposite side of the shower head.
Turning the water on, I let the cold water rush over my heated body, sending chills down my spine as I bring up my contact list and FaceTime, my girl.
Five rings pass before she answers, and her smiling face fills my phone screen.
"Hey, Mama," I rasp, relief rushing over me at the sight of her. The purple glow from the hanging lights in her bedroom illuminates her face, cascading her in the soft purple hue.
"Hi, baby." The sound of her voice has my heart racing. She's the calm to my storm. She's all I needed—this moment, right now. She'll be all I need, and as I stare at her beautiful face, I promise myself to do better—to be better—because that's what she deserves. "Are you in the shower?" she asks, bringing the phone closer to her face to study the background.
I chuckle, "Yup. Just got back to the hotel a little bit ago. I was sweaty as fuck and needed a shower." She nods in understanding. " Plus, I was hoping to see your tits to help me take care of this." Grabbing my phone, I tilt it downward until she's able to see my hard cock jutting between my legs.
Taking my phone from the shelf, I move it up to the higher shelf so she has the perfect view of my face and dick in the same frame, double-checking the image. A slow smirk spreads across my mouth once I confirm she can see all of me. The distance is far enough away that she won't be able to spot my tattoo, especially once my fist is wrapped around my cock.
Grabbing her soap bottle from the lower shelf, I squirt some shower gel into my palm, put it back down, and rub my hands together to lather it up.
Andy notices the familiar bottle and clicks her tongue. "I knew you stole my body wash."
I shrug. "What can I say? I wanted your scent with me." I wrap my hand around my shaft, lathering the hardness up with the cherry-scented soap, the smell invading my nostrils and making my dick ache even further. Thankfully, she won't see my latest tattoo from this angle with the suds. Thank fuck. I'm waiting until I see her in person to show her.
With the tattoo still fresh, I'm probably not supposed to jerk off or fuck with it yet, but I have to do something to relieve the ache between my legs.
"Wish you were here in front of me, down on your knees, taking me down your throat like the good girl you are," I say, groaning, my fist pumping over my length.
At the sight of me pleasuring myself, her lips part, breathy sounds escaping her. "It's not very nice to tease me when we're not together for me to do anything."
"What would you do, Mama?" My strokes are slow, and groans caught low in my throat, "Get naked, then tell me."
Andy sets the phone down long enough to remove her clothing and then returns the camera to her face. There's some shuffling, then the click of a switch. The warm glow from the lamp on her nightstand illuminates her body, revealing bare, soft skin. She lowers the camera until her tits come into view, showing nipples as hard as my dick.
"I'd let you lie back while I get on my knees and take your cock in my mouth all the way to the back of my throat." She lowers the camera until her pussy comes into view. Spreading her legs wide, I'm given the perfect view of her glistening cunt.
"Fuuuuck, baby." I groan, tightening my fist as I continue stroking myself root to tip, squeezing the crown. "Look how wet you are. Touch yourself."
Like the good girl she is, she obeys. Using two fingers, she spreads her pussy lips open to reveal her wetness. Two fingers press against her entrance, then slowly sink inside of her. Bringing the wetness up to her clit, she slowly begins massaging herself, moans filling the speakers.
"Yeah, baby, you'd swallow my dick so good, but I want you on my face as you suck me off. Let me fuck that sweet pussy with my tongue and fingers until you're drowning me with your juices."
She adds a third finger, alternating between rubbing her clit and fucking herself with her fingers. "Not enough. I need your fingers on my clit and your cock filling me."
"Soon, baby. The minute I get home to you, I'm going to fill your pussy every chance I get." My balls tighten, and my movements quicken, warm tingles settling at the base of my spine. "Fuck, I'm close."
"Me, too." She gasps, thighs beginning to tremble with the onslaught of her upcoming release.
"Let me see your face as you come," I grit out with a clenched jaw as I chase my climax while inhaling the sweet scent of cherries.
She brings the camera to her face, revealing curly hair spread across her olive-green pillowcase, mouth open with soft cries, eyes hooded with pleasure.
I know the moment she gives in and falls off the edge of the cliff she's been climbing because her eyes roll in the back of her head before closing, her mouth widens, her back arches, and her cries become almost silent whimpers.
The sight of her giving into euphoria is what sends me over the edge. I give in, and with a long groan of pleasure, I release warm ropes of cum shooting across my hand and the shower wall.
"Fuck," we say in unison, sated smiles spreading as we come down from our release.
I quickly rinse off my hand and the wall, watching as my cum circles the drain before disappearing.
"Thanks for that, baby. Two weeks, then we'll be together."
She flips onto her side, pulling the blankets over her naked body. "Two weeks," she agrees with a yawn.
"Get some sleep. We'll talk later," I say, quickly washing the rest of my body .
She hums, eyes closed and already giving into the lure of sleep.
With her sleeping face on my screen, I mute myself so any noise in the background doesn't disturb her, and I watch her while I finish my shower, get dressed into a pair of black boxer briefs, and climb into bed.
Despite the party going on outside my bedroom door and the loud bass of the music, I ignore it, focusing solely on the angel sleeping on my screen.
My body fills with torment. "I'm sorry, baby," I whisper. "Please forgive me."