Chapter 22
Hayleigh
This man and his magic fingers are going to be the death of me.
My back arches off the bed as Nate expertly wrings my fourth orgasm from me. I tap the side of his head, a whimper leaving my lips. He removes his fingers from me and gently caresses my neck with his lips, slowly moving up until he captures my mouth with his.
He kisses me long and slow, building up that sweet pleasure. Resting on one arm, he pulls back from the kiss, a smile on his face.
I reach one hand up to sweep away the hair that hangs over his eye. “You look happy, Nate.”
“I always am when I’m with you.” His words hit me in the centre of my chest. My eyes sting as the tears build. He cups my face as he softly says. “It’s okay to cry, Hayleigh.”
I nod and offer a watery smile. “I’m ready.” And I realise I am ready, not only for this but for it all. With him.
Only him.
He places a quick kiss on my lips before leaning over to the bedside table, pulling a condom from the drawer. I arch a brow at him, and he offers a nervous laugh while the tips of his ears tinge with red.
Shrugging, he says. “I bought them last week–manifesting, I guess…” He trails off as a giggle escapes my lips.
“Can we leave a note in that drawer that says I’d like a million pounds?” I quip.
I’m soon choking on my tongue when Nate takes the condom and rips the packet open with his teeth, and then he’s rolling it down his thick length. It’s easily the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
He leans down on top of me, nudging my thighs apart with his knee. His kiss is searing and consuming, and when I moan, he takes hold of himself and notches his hard cock at my entrance.
I gasp at the pressure. I haven’t done this since…no, don’t go there.
Nate kisses my cheeks. “Breathe, Hayleigh and tell me when you’re ready.”
I tighten my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me. “I’m ready, Nate. I promise.”
He captures my lips with his, tangling his tongue with mine while the hand that he used to hold himself in place glides over my clit, dragging a moan from me.
Then he pushes forward, and my eyes roll to the back of my head at the sting of pain from being stretched and the pleasure of being full.
He stops moving to let me adjust, but I need him to move, and so I wiggle my hips, urging him on by tightening my legs across the backs of his thighs and pushing him forward.
Nate kisses me while he picks up speed, the pleasure building quickly, and it isn’t long before I’m moaning. He leans up on the arm at the side of my head while the other hand continues to circle my clit. With each thrust into me, he grunts, the sound unbelievably sexy.
It feels like a coil tightens inside me. “Oh, g-god…Nate, I-I…”
“Come on, Hayleigh. One more.” He strains out.
I scream out. “Naaaattteee…” As my orgasm barrels through me.
Nate picks up his pace as he removes his hand from my core, instead lifting my leg to angle himself deeper as he relentlessly pounds into me, grunting as he does.
The sound sends shivers through my body, so as he lowers his head into my neck, I whisper. “Come for me, Nate.” My words must spur him on because he shudders before shouting out as his orgasm takes over.
He slows to a stop, and he rolls us onto our sides, breathing each other in. His arms tighten around me, cocooning me in safety.
“That was…” I trail off, my breath coming in quick pants.
“Yeah, that was…” Nate trails off, too.
I giggle quietly. “People of many words.
He kisses my forehead. “I don’t think words can fully explain what that was; it was too perfect for boring words.” I have to swallow down the lump that forms in my throat.
I want to tell him that I don’t need words, that I only need him, that I love him, but I don’t say anything, because a part of me is still scared that this is too good to be true.
Nate doesn’t push for an answer; he never does. Instead, he kisses me quickly as he says. “Let’s take a shower.”
We get out of bed, and Nate leads me to the bathroom, where he turns the shower back on and helps me step in. He guides me under the spray as he stands facing me. His hands move to my hair, massaging it as the water runs through it.
He grabs the shampoo bottle from the shelving on the wall and squeezes some into my hair.
He resumes massaging my locks, working the suds through the strands before guiding my head backwards to wash it out.
He repeats the motion with conditioner, letting it sit in my hair as he gently turns me around.
He lathers a sponge with soap and begins washing my body, placing soft kisses across my skin every now and then.
This time, I don’t choke back the tears; I let them fall freely because, as Nate says, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to let them fall and let out the sadness inside of me.
Only this time it isn’t sadness, it’s love.
This is what it feels like to be loved, to have someone look after you because they want to, to have someone to tell you that it's okay to break apart because they’ve got you.
A love that I need.
A love that I want to return.
When Nate finishes washing my body and rinsing the conditioner from my hair, I do the same for him. Neither of us is uttering a word because words aren’t needed right now. I know what he needs.
When we finish in the shower, Nate turns it off and climbs out, grabbing two fluffy white robes.
He wraps me up in one and puts the other on himself.
There’s no rushing about; it’s still morning, but suddenly I’m so tired.
We climb into the bed. Nate pulls me closer to him, my back to his front.
He wraps his arm around me and holds me tight as I drift off into a peaceful sleep.
**********
It’s been three whole days since I arrived back at Nate and Archie's, and in that time, I’ve spent my time either curled up on the sofa next to Archie, watching old movies, or in bed with Nate.
It’s been bliss.
But I can’t hide away forever.
I haven’t been fully at work since everything went to shit with Pete. I decided to drop my hours and finally take some leave because I couldn’t stand being there, but I’m not sure what I want to do anymore.
None of it feels worth it anymore, going into an office from nine to five, giving them everything I have and at the end of the day feeling tired and worthless.
Then there’s my mother. I don’t regret walking out when I did; I don’t think I’d have survived another day of endless insults, but I do regret leaving Thea behind.
I also regret not trusting my friends enough to confide in them.
I hid away and smiled through all the pain because that was better than having to say the words I hated out loud.
Things are different now. I know I have them, and they’re there for me.
I have to push myself to talk, to get it all out and ask for help.
Before I could change my mind, I opened our girls' group chat, and although I already sent a quick message to Emmy telling her I was back, I didn’t exactly go into detail.
Me
Okay, so, I kind of left my mother's house because she was rude to Nate when he came for a visit, and I realised it made me feel shit listening to someone be so horrible to him and what that might mean…soooooo for the past three days I’ve been holed up at his house, I know I should have told you all that I was properly back.
I’m sorry I didn’t, I just…didn’t know how to say.
The little ticks turn blue within seconds, meaning they’ve all read the message, and then the bubbles show someone is typing. I bite the edge of my nail as nerves swirl around in my stomach, but then a message appears.
Emmy
You don’t need to explain anything to us, and I don’t need the details because he’s my brother now, but plllleeeeaaassseee tell me you two have finally done the deed *praying gif*
Lacey
I’m officially heavily pregnant now and can no longer see my feet, so I am going to need all the details. I’ll just pretend you’re talking about someone else instead of Nate
Daisy
Lacey, don’t pretend you’re not getting some. I’ve seen that glow.
Daisy
Also, Hayleigh, it’s okay. We’re here, we always will be *heart emoji*
Me
Can we all still go out as planned? I’ve invited Thea, but obviously, it will be in Roselake now instead of where she lives. Is that okay?
Emmy
We were coming for you, silly, not the views of where you were staying with your parents
Lacey
I second that *pointing finger up emoji* all we want is for you to be happy, and we will support you in whatever way we can
Lacey
Daisy, are you not getting any from the big, broody twin?
Me
Oh, what have I missed?? *shocked gif*
Daisy
*fingers in the ears gif* I’m not listening, and all I have to say on the matter is this; it’s been a long time since I had sex, but it’s okay because my anxiety fucks me hard every day anyway, so *shrugging emoji*
Me
*Crying laughing emoji* you’re definitely unpacking all of THAT when we meet
Thank you ladies, I’m sorry I’ve not been present but I am now
Emmy
We love you, Hayleigh
Lacey
Me too, Hayleigh
Daisy
Me three *heart emoji*
I close out of the chat and open a separate message with Thea. I’ve checked in with her every day since I left. Part of me still wants to go back and take her away, but it has to be her choice to do that, not mine.
Me
I hope everything’s okay still. I’m sorry again for leaving you…
Thea reads the messages almost straight away.
Thea
Hayleigh, stop apologising. I’m glad you left. It was very brave. I have work to do, talk later
Love you
I smile at the little add-on to the message.
Me
I love you too. Don’t forget: girls' day. You can stay with me while you’re here. No buts.
Now that’s done, I need to work on the next thing: telling Nate and Archie that I’m moving out and into my new home. While I love falling asleep in Nate’s arms and relaxing with Archie, I still need to learn what it’s like to be by myself.
When I walk downstairs, I find Nate cooking dinner and Archie watching a rerun of Friends. I gravitate towards Nate, placing a kiss on his cheek. I lean against the island as he moves about the place with ease.
“What are you making?” I ask, stalling for what I actually want to say.
He stops what he’s doing and rounds the island, picking me up. I let out a squeak as he sits me on top of it.
Archie groans from the living room. “Will you guys please get a room?”
Nate rolls his eyes. “We are in a room; this is the kitchen.”
“Oh, ha ha, very funny. The kitchen is open plan; I meant a room I can’t see into.” He shouts out the last part, and I have to cover my mouth to quieten my giggle.
Nate smirks. “Still a room!” He shouts back.
Then we hear Archie mimicking Nate as he turns up the TV.
Nate presses a soft but quick kiss to my lips. “So, what’s on your mind?”
I rear back slightly, my brows creasing. “How did you know I had something on my mind?”
He shrugs. “I can always tell. Use your words, tell me what it is.”
I look down, suddenly worried, what if I tell him and I don’t get the response I want or need? What if he decides that being with me is too much, or that my not wanting to live with him yet isn't something he’s willing to wait for?
He places his finger underneath my chin and encourages me to look up at him. “Hayleigh, I’m in this for the long haul, but to do that, we have to communicate with each other.”
I take a deep breath before I speak. “I want to move into my new home. Tomorrow.” I squeeze my eyes shut; if I can’t see the disappointment, it isn’t happening.
Nate’s lips glide over mine as he captures them in a kiss before pulling back and murmuring. “I’m going to miss being able to kiss you whenever you’re near. I’ll make sure my brothers are ready to help, minus Cole because he’s got his hands full at the minute.”
My eyes fly open. “You’re not mad or upset?”
Now he rears back, his brows drawing together. “Why would I be mad or upset? I’m happy for you, Hayleigh. It’s a massive achievement to buy your own place. Do I wish you could be here, with me? Yes, of course I do, but that’s not where you’re at right now, and that’s okay.”
“But Emmy moved in with Cas pretty much straight away, and Cole built Lacey a home. Don’t you feel…cheated?”
His hand pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t follow. What do you mean?”
I huff out a breath. “Well, they’re all shacked up, and they have their happily ever after, all I can give you is happy for now...” I trail off. Why am I like this? Why do I always push people away? I mentally high-five myself, in the face…with a chair.
I want to scream at myself. I want to tell Nate to ignore me. I have no clue what I’m talking about, but it’s like watching a car crash, knowing it’s morbid and awful, but also not being able to look away.
Nate steps closer to me and grabs both of my hands in his own.
“Our timeline is our own; we don’t have to follow the same path as my brothers.
Real life isn’t as simple as meeting the person you love, moving in and living happily ever after.
Some people take time, some people never get there, and I’m not saying that’s us, because I firmly believe we will get there, but you have to do what’s right for you, Hayleigh.
You have to give yourself time to grow, but I promise you I am not going anywhere. I will be here for it all.”
“Who’s going where?” Archie’s voice makes me jump as Nate throws him a dirty look.
I take another deep breath, knowing this isn’t going to go well at all. “Well, Archie. I have my new home now, and thanks to you guys, it’s ready to sleep in. So, from tomorrow I’ll…”
Archie’s bottom lip trembles, so I hop down from the island and walk up to him, wrapping my arms around his middle.
I whisper to him. “You can come round anytime.”
He sniffles above me. “I was just getting used to your fruity, smelling shampoo and being able to borrow your books anytime that I want. That’s all…”
I huff out a laugh. “Sure, it is, I wondered where my shampoo was going.”
Nate joins in the huddle, wrapping his arms around both of us.
Archie mumbles. “It’s not going to be the same without you here, that’s all, but I get it, you have to stand on your own two feet.” That I do, Archie.
It’s time for me to learn to live again.