Chapter 36
CHAPTER 36
TOBIAS BARRETT
T he sound of rain pelts the windows, and I look outside again. No sign of Noah yet. Skyler comes into the living room. “Is Kiki home yet?”
“No, sweetheart.” I pat her head. “Go into the kitchen and help Uncle Levi make his biscuit muffins. It will be bedtime soon.”
“Okay.” She leaves, and I stare out the window once again. My anger has subsided, and now I just feel empty. Abandoned. Kiki never planned to stay, and that hurts deeply. Was everything she told me a lie?
I think back to all our conversations and shake my head. I know better than to think that. She shared a lot of herself with me. I remember the times she pulled away from me and I could see a war going on behind her eyes. All the times she got emotional, and I didn’t understand why. It all falls into place now. She felt guilty for lying, but she wanted to stay near Skyler. Her daughter.
I know how deeply she wanted to be a mother. It makes sense why she didn’t tell me the truth. She was afraid I would have sent her away. And she’s right. I would have if she’d approached me and told me that first day.
I clench my fists and close my eyes. I was not kind to her when she arrived. I probably would’ve had her arrested.
I think about how she must have felt, alone and pregnant, locked up in prison. It must have been awful. My heart rips in half thinking how terrifying that had to have been for her.
If that had been me, I might have gone looking for my child, just to know they were safe. To see how they were doing.
Noah’s squad car pulls up the driveway, and my heart beats fast in my ears. He gets out and walks to the front door. I don’t see anyone else in the car, and disappointment settles in my gut.
He opens the front door and wipes his feet on the carpet. He looks at me, then lowers his gaze, adjusting the belt on his uniform. “I found her.”
Pain slices through me. He talked to her, but she didn’t want to come home. “Where is she?”
“I took her to the shuttle bus. She insisted on leaving.” He sighs, his shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry.”
Pain wells up in me, and I stare out the window. Was I that much of a monster? Is she scared of what I’ll do to her?
“Did you tell her I wanted to talk?”
Noah nods. “Yeah. She said there’s nothing to talk about. I tried to convince her to come, but in the end she decided leaving was better. She promised she won’t come back.”
A cold ball forms in my stomach. “But that’s not what I want.”
“I know. But I couldn’t force her here. That wouldn’t have been good for either of you.” Noah puts his hand on the doorknob. “I’ve got to head to work. Will you be okay?”
I nod, feeling miserable. “Yeah.”
“Okay. See you later.” He leaves and gets into his squad car. I watch as he pulls away.
I walk into the kitchen. Skyler’s sitting on a bar stool, stirring a mixture in a bowl. Levi sets down his phone and looks at me. He doesn’t need to say anything. He knows what happened, and he’s silently asking me if Kiki’s back.
I shake my head, and his expression sobers. “Sorry,” he says quietly.
I walk to Skyler and help her finish making the dough for the biscuit rolls. They bake, and I let her eat one before I send her off to brush her teeth and get into her pajamas.
After tucking in Skyler, I go into the kitchen. The lights are off, and I walk to the backdoor to look out at the ocean. The rain is still coming down, but I can see the moon peeking through the clouds. It reminds me of the night Kiki and I walked along the beach. The night we shared our first kiss.
I pull out my phone and stare at it. Would she pick up if I call her? I swipe to unlock it and find her number. I press to call, my heart in my throat. What will I say if she answers?
“Hello?”
It’s not Kiki’s voice on the other end. “Who is this?”
“Oh, Tobias, dear. This is Ellie. I found this phone at the gallery. I wasn’t sure who it belonged to. Is it Miss Kiki’s?”
My heart sinks. “Yes.”
“I’ll give it to her tomorrow at church.”
I don’t have the heart to tell Ellie that Kiki won’t be there. “Okay. Thanks, Ellie.”
“Goodbye, dear.”
I hang up with her, disappointment settling over me. I miss hearing Kiki’s voice. I don’t know how I’ll go on without her. It hurt when Courtney left me, but this is different. It’s a deeper pain. Kiki and I connected in a way I can’t even describe. She breathed life into me. Part of my soul has been ripped out.
I stare at the rain outside, feeling like a hollow shell of a person. She left, and she won’t ever come back. The realization that I may never see her again settles over me, and tears prick at the backs of my eyes. I was just getting used to the idea that I was in love with her. And now she’s gone.
She lied to me, and it hurt me, but I finally understand why she did. She’s never had a fair shake. I’ve come to terms with what she did. I’ve even forgiven her for it.
Movement catches my eye, and I look over to the porch swing. It moves again. I squint, trying to see in the dark. I can just make out a shadowy figure, and I swear it’s Kiki. I blink, sure I’m mistaken.
No. I’m not mistaken. It’s Kiki, sitting on the swing, alone, in the rain. I flick on the lights above her and step outside the door, under the awning. She jerks her gaze to me, her eyes wide. She’s drenched to the skin, her hair hanging limp.
I look at her, somehow frightened that if I move, or speak, she’ll disappear into thin air. Is it really true she came back? Or do I want to see her so badly I’m imagining she’s here?
“You didn’t leave.” The words come out without me thinking about them. Talk about stating the obvious. Duh.
She looks down at her lap. “I couldn’t. I got on the shuttle, but it only went two blocks before I made them stop and let me off.”
“At least you didn’t look like a crazy person.” I clench my jaw. What’s wrong with me?
Her lips turn up in a small smile. “Yeah.”
The rain continues to fall. “Come inside.”
She shakes her head but doesn’t speak.
“But it’s wet.”
“I’m not made of sugar,” she mumbles.
I stand there for a moment. Finally, I can’t stand it anymore. “Why did you come back?”
She blinks, and tears form in her eyes. That’s when I notice how puffy her eyes are. She’s been crying. “I have something to say.”
I wait for her. She blinks a few times before continuing. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I shouldn’t have come here looking for her. It was wrong.” Kiki’s voice breaks, and it cuts a hole in my heart.
I walk to the swing and sit next to her, the rain pelting me. “You may have gone about things in a backwards way, but I understand why you did it.”
She stares at me, eyes wide. “You’re not mad at me?” Her voice is small.
I slowly reach for her hand, afraid that if I move too fast, she’ll disappear. I slide my fingers through hers. “Not anymore. It’s true, I was shocked and angry when I first found out, but I understand now. I’m glad you came.”
She lowers her gaze. “You’re glad?”
“Yes. You brought something into my life I haven’t had in a long time. You brought laughter and fun. You awakened a part of me that I thought was dead.” I swallow and lift her chin so I can stare into her deep blue eyes. “I fell in love with you.”
She slowly shakes her head. “How do you not hate me?”
My throat grows tight, and I have a hard time breathing. I cup her face as her tears mix with the rain. “Oh, Kat. I couldn’t hate you. You spent so much time hating yourself, there’s no hate left for me.”
She closes her eyes, a pained expression on her face. “You see me so well.”
I kiss her forehead. Her skin in cold and wet, and it makes me ache for her to be in my arms. I kiss her nose. Then each of her cheeks. “I love you, Kat. I’ve loved you ever since you dragged that ragged suitcase into my home and shook up my life. I need you with me. Your daughter needs you. Will you please stay?”
She opens her eyes. “How could I leave? I’m so utterly in love with you, I couldn’t even leave when I was sure you never wanted to see me again.”
I take in a deep breath, hope filling my chest. “I love you, more than words can express. You are my other half. When I’m not with you, my world falls apart.”
More tears slide down her cheeks, and I wipe them away. “Please stop hating yourself for what happened in the past. It’s time to move beyond it.”
Kiki places her hand on my cheek, and stares into my eyes. “I will try.”
I tilt her chin with my finger and place a kiss on her lips. She wraps her arms around me, and I hold her tightly. I was worried I’d never see her again. That I’d never get a chance to tell her I loved her. Pure joy fills my chest, and I pull back from her. “I’m so glad you came back to me. I’m a better person because of you. Because you loved me.”
She pulls me close and kisses my lips as rain slides down my face. “I could say the same thing to you.”
“Come inside. You need to get changed.” I stand and pull her up. She doesn’t argue this time.
KIKI EMMERSON
I follow Tobias inside. He sends me up the stairs to change. My fingers shake as I put on dry clothes, a pair of capri jeans and a crop top. I can’t believe Tobias knows everything and he hasn’t sent me away. He didn’t yell hateful things at me. Instead, he told me he loves me. My heart fills with emotion.
I walk down the stairs. Tobias waits for me in the living room. He turns to look at me, but balks. “You’re bleeding.”
“I am?”
“Your feet.” I look down to see several places where those sandals rubbed me raw. He’s right. I’m bleeding. “Sit down,” he says softly.
I sit on the sofa, and Tobias leaves the room, coming back with a first aid kit. “I’m so sorry,” he says as he pulls out the ointment.
“Sorry for what?”
He sighs as he kneels before me. He gently picks up my foot, placing it on his lap. “I bought you sandals that hurt your feet.”
I hold back a laugh. “That’s not your fault.”
He bandages up the cuts and blisters on my feet and heels. A sense of love for him overwhelms me as he stands and takes the first aid kit back into the bathroom.
“Kiki?” a small voice says from the stairs.
My heart jumps. Skyler steps off the stairs and runs to me. I scoop her up onto my lap, and she throws her arms around me. “You’re back.”
Tears well in my eyes as I hug her to me. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m back.”
Tobias comes back into the room and sits next to us on the sofa. He puts his arms around us both. “Kiki’s here to stay.”
I’m so happy my heart could burst. I finally feel like I belong somewhere. Like I have a family. I hug both of them close to me. This is the start of something beautiful, I can tell.