Chapter 4 #3
I did it again, sniffling, still holding my nose. “Ugh.”
“You get used to it.”
Even with my eyes shut, the room still spun. I guess I just tried cocaine for funsies.
Great, Noah. You’re really proving everybody right tonight, huh?
“When does it kick in?”
He slapped my thighs lightly, and I straightened up.
River tilted my chin with his fingers. “Well, are you still shitfaced?”
“Yeah. Pretty much.”
He laughed, but it didn’t sound right. Not fake—just flat. His fingers slipped into my hair and tugged. He bit his lip, and my eyes locked on it. I’d seen that exact look in a campaign somewhere. A billboard, maybe.
He shook his head slowly.
“What?”
“It’s a shame.”
My stomach dropped. What the hell did I do now?
“What?”
He didn’t answer, just kept shaking his head.
My nose was runny. I sniffled again and wiped at it.
“Here, you can have this,” he said, pressing the baggie into my palm. “If you ever need more, gimme a call.”
“So you’re a dealer too?”
He chuckled, tilting his head. “No. I’ll just hook you up. That way I’ll keep you on my radar.”
His hands settled on my thighs. My eyes dropped to his mouth. He was into me—no question. It radiated off him. And honestly, it felt good to be wanted like that.
I leaned forward, aiming for a kiss.
He held me back with a palm on my chest.
The sting of rejection hit hard.
“No, hotshot. I don’t do jailbait.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I muttered, trying to hide the bitterness.
“Don’t be like that.” He leaned in, fingers twisting in my hair, his lips brushing my ear. That skin-crawling sensation crept back—but everything was too numb. I didn’t care. Was that it? Had it kicked in?
“I’d fuck you in an instant, Noah. We can revisit the idea in a couple of years.”
He stepped back, that smug smirk still plastered across his face.
“Whatever.”
Pocketing the bag, I hopped off the counter, trying to move past him. But his arm shot out, blocking my way.
I eyed him carefully. He wasn’t much taller than me, but something about the move felt threatening. I needed to get out of this bathroom.
Heart hammering, I tried to push his arm aside. He didn’t budge.
“Let me leave.”
He gave me that head shake again.
“I was jailbait three seconds ago.”
“You are,” he said slowly. “But what’s wrong with a little taste?”
Before I could even process what he meant, he shoved me back against the wall. I nearly slipped, but he caught me, held me in place—and then he kissed me.
No—he crashed his mouth onto mine.
I tensed. Froze.
He grabbed my jaw, forced my mouth open, shoved his tongue in. He didn’t stop. Didn’t care that I wasn’t kissing him back. His grip in my hair tightened, angling my head as he took what he wanted.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a little voice trying to speak up:
I don’t want this.
This doesn’t feel good.
I want to get away from him.
But that voice was faint. Drowned out by something louder, sharper:
Just give him what he wants.
Why does it always have to be about you?
This is why nobody can stand you.
So I kissed him back.
Mechanical. Empty. My eyes drifted to the wall instead. Tiny red and yellow flowers danced across the wallpaper, trimmed with gold foil. Probably the ugliest thing I’d ever seen.
His grip tightened again. I winced. He pressed harder against me.
The lights were too bright. The music from downstairs thudded in my chest—or maybe it was my heart. I couldn’t tell the difference. He tasted like cheap liquor and something acrid.
My stomach churned.
A knock rattled the door. “Noah? You in there?”
The kiss broke. He lingered close, breath fanning over my lips. His hand was still tight in my hair.
River let out a huff of a laugh, eyes scanning my face with something like satisfaction. “I’ll be expecting your text.” He ran the pad of his thumb across my lips.
Then he stepped back, and my head lolled without his support. I watched as he adjusted himself, then unlocked the door.
Holly stood right outside, glaring at him. I tried to walk out, but she pushed me back inside and closed the door behind her. The look on her face nearly wrecked me—equal parts fear and concern.
“What did he do?”
“Nothing.”
It was like living in a fucking hamster wheel.
How did you fuck up this time, Noah? What did you do?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Just shut up. Stop being such a whiny b—
“Noh, that guy has been looking at you all night like he’s ready to eat you. What did he do?”
I dragged my hands through my hair and gripped tight. “Holly, I just want to go,” I said, voice cracking.
A tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it. Fuck. My vision blurred as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
“I just want to go.”
“Do you want me to take you home?”
I shook my head. “Somewhere safe.”
She wiped my face with her hands, but the tears kept falling. She was crying now too. She looked so upset.
And I’d done that. I dragged her here, forced her to take care of me.
All you do is take, take, take.
That hollow ache in my chest widened. A black hole. Ever growing.
Why won’t it stop?
How the fuck do I make it stop?