Chapter 5 #2
I didn’t say it out loud, but I didn’t need to. The look he gave me was pure understanding. His forehead rested against mine, his eyes closing. A soft smile curved those perfect lips, melting me all over again. I traced it with my fingertip, then kissed him.
“We could go together sometime,” I whispered.
His nod was immediate. “I’d love that.”
Our eyes met again, and I almost caved. Almost said Screw it, just stay over. All I wanted was to kiss him and never stop.
A throat cleared beside us.
Right. Forgot about that.
“So, are we calling it a night?” Ezra drawled. “Because things are getting awfully cozy, and Col and I haven’t discussed where we stand on foursomes.”
“Honey, please. Not in front of the kids,” Colin replied, unfazed.
Atty chuckled and pulled away from me. “We should take off.”
They both gave us a look.
“We’re leaving?” Colin asked.
“Yeah,” Atty said, voice uncertain as he turned to me. I gave him a small nod. He shrugged. “Yup. Let’s go.”
They pushed up from the couch, and I followed them to the elevator, Atty holding my hand the whole way.
“See you at nine?” he asked Ezra, who answered with a lazy salute.
Colin patted my shoulder before walking in.
“Talk to you tomorrow,” I said, just before Atty leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. He stepped away with a smile, and I rested my back against the doorframe.
As he let go of my hand, something in his expression shifted. Panic replaced ease in an instant. Just as the elevator doors began to close, he stopped them with his forearm.
“Did you forget something?” Colin asked.
No. That wasn’t it.
His eyes flicked from the elevator to me, then back again.
Fuck.
“I’ll walk you downstairs.” I stepped in beside them and threaded my fingers through his again. His hand clamped around mine. Hard.
No one spoke on the ride down. Colin glanced from his phone to us, uneasy. Atty stared straight ahead.
The rock in my stomach was heavy and suffocating. Watching your boyfriend spiral because of something you caused? Not fun.
Also—not my boyfriend.
The rock doubled in size.
I walked them out the front doors and toward the car waiting at the curb. Before Atty got in, I hugged him tightly, hoping he understood what I was trying to say.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said anyway, just in case he needed to hear it too.
“I know.”
“Call me when you get home. On video, if you want. We can fall asleep like that.”
He pulled back and seemed to consider it. Then he nodded. “Okay.”
I rose on my toes to kiss him. “I love you.”
His lips parted slightly before he leaned in again. “I’ll call you.”
He climbed into the car, and I watched as they pulled away.
It was off. We were still off. One foot in and one still drowning in doubt. Like we were playing parts that didn’t quite fit.
I shifted on my feet and shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweats.
It was going to be fine.
This was Atty and me.
We just needed time. Then everything would be fine.
Sunday was a bit of a bust.
My ankle gave out while running, putting me off my feet for the day and out of commission for two weeks. I spent the whole afternoon icing it, sprawled out on my bed, doing nothing.
Atty asked me at least half a dozen times if he could come over after work, but that wasn’t technically a date, and we had seen each other yesterday. We could go back to regular programming next week. Plus, I was going to be no fun if I couldn’t even get out of bed.
I’d only seen Ezra right after it happened and again after work.
Atty had sent him a pint of ice cream for me.
Ezra passed along the message, then disappeared into his room.
I thought I heard him walking around the kitchen a few times, but that was it.
Up until now, sharing an apartment had been awkward—but not unbearable.
Between half-watching whatever Netflix decided I’d like and drifting in and out of sleep, I lost all sense of time. So by two a.m., I was wide awake—and starving. Normally, I was strict about what I ate. But tonight? One indulgence wouldn’t kill me.
I was perched on one of the stools, eating straight from the container, when the lights flicked on.
Ezra took one look at me and stopped short.
My spoon was still in my mouth. “Busted,” I said around it.
He let out a quiet laugh. “What are you doing up at this hour?” He looked rumpled, like he’d also been tossing and turning.
“Half past two is prime ice cream time. Grab a spoon.” I nudged the pint in his direction—though not too far from my side.
He arched an eyebrow, shrugged, and did just that, leaning over the counter to scoop some out. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“It’s not one of my talents, no.”
“Mine either,” he said, but left it there. We ate in silence for a moment.
“How’s your ankle?”
“Better. Just annoying when I try to put weight on it. I’ll need a crutch tomorrow.”
“You’re still going to class?”
“I can’t skip the first day. Besides, it’s only a couple lectures.”
He shrugged, unconvinced. “You should tell Att. He could help you get around.”
“I’ll be fine. He has work.”
“Yeah, but it’s you. He’d drop everything if you asked.” The bitterness was so subtle it barely clung to the words, but I still felt it.
I placed my spoon down with a clank. Guilt surging back, tangled with that same fucking shame he always managed to dig up.
Ezra closed his eyes and grimaced. “That didn’t come out how I meant it.”
“Then?” I kept my tone as neutral as I could manage.
“I’m sure he’d be happy to help.”
I shook my head and picked the spoon back up, stabbing the ice cream harder than necessary. “I’ll be fine.” Depending on Atty to function wasn’t going to be my default anymore. I was done making him responsible for my well-being.
Ezra exhaled hard. “Okay, Noah. Let’s just talk about this. I can’t stand the awkwardness. Let’s just say what we need to say and move on.” He planted both hands on the counter, looking at me straight on.
“We already talked. You said you accepted my apology,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but it’s not just that. It’s the fact that we can’t find common ground, and there’s a general feeling of dislike in the air.”
I let out a sharp laugh. “We both know where that comes from…” I started, trying to dodge the conversation.
“I thought you were a spoiled brat,” he said, cutting me off.
I pressed my lips together.
“Notice the past tense?”
I nodded once.
“I meant it. First time I came here, I made up my mind about you. And I wasn’t wrong about everything, so…” He gave a small shrug. “But I got over it. I know this life is what you’re used to, but you’re not necessarily spoiled.”
“Okay,” I said quietly.
“It pissed me off that Att had a crush on you. And it pissed me off even more how easily you pulled him into your world.”
The air thickened with dislike again. This time, it was definitely coming from me. “Why?”
“Why do you think, Noah?”
I shrugged. Couldn’t find the words around the tight knot forming in my chest. Truthfully, there were too many possible reasons to choose from.
He leaned back against the counter, arms crossed.
“Just picture this for a second.” He bit down on the inside of his cheek, seemingly gathering his thoughts.
“Imagine Holly isn’t as outgoing as she is.
Imagine watching her for years, stuck in her own bubble, keeping to herself, never letting anyone in because she doesn’t know how.
Imagine her giving up and hyperfixating on something else—say, volleyball.
And you’re trying, over and over again, to get her to live a little, to come out of her shell. ”
He paused, eyes steady on me.
“And then, one day, this guy walks into the picture. This smooth guy with all the charm and all the smiles. And she falls hard. No parachute, no safety net. Just free-falls because he held out his hand. He gives her every comfort she’s never known, and the only thing she has to give back is all her time and attention. ”
My heart thudded against my ribs. My palm was slick around the spoon.
“Overnight, he becomes her whole world. And then you find out he’s not exactly a good guy. So yeah, I think a little overprotectiveness was warranted.”
I swallowed thickly, dropped the spoon again, and rubbed my palms down my sweats.
My first instinct was to bolt. To walk back to my room and shove this conversation into some dark corner of my mind where it could sit and rot.
But life had proven, again and again, that my instincts weren’t always right.
So I fought against it and pushed the question past my lips—one that terrified me but that I needed answered. “What changed your mind?”
He let out a light chuckle—not humorless, exactly; more like a breath of relief. “You did.”
After the year I’d had, I thought I was past being surprised.
I was so fucking wrong.
“I beg your pardon?”
This time, his laugh carried more certainty. “I know, right? Against all odds. But yeah, you changed my mind. Because you changed around him. Everything stopped revolving around you, and you gave him space. You were selfless with him, and I’d never seen you do that—much less keep it up for months.”
My jaw hung open. I snapped it shut.
“What do you think? Is that enough for us to put things behind us?”
“Are you going to stop being a pain?”
He grinned. “Being annoyingly opinionated is part of my charm, Rossi. You either take it or leave it.”
I smiled back before I could stop myself. Then I shrugged, chewing on my bottom lip while I thought. There was still one more thing I needed to ask, and well, no time like the present.
“I have another question—before we come up with a secret handshake.”
He rolled his eyes but nodded at me to go ahead.
“All that animosity you had toward me—none of it had anything to do with you having a thing for him?” The words tumbled out faster than I intended.
He narrowed his eyes behind his thick frames. “I fucking knew it.”
Heat climbed up the back of my neck. “It was just a thought—”