Chapter 31
CHAPTER
THIRTY-ONE
AFTER
My eyes opened slowly, reluctantly focusing on the image in front of me—Atty’s desk, with my overnight bag sitting neatly on top. A sliver of sunlight filtered through the blinds behind it. I yawned, stretching in his arms before turning to face him.
He was still asleep. His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, soft puffs of air slipping past his parted lips. Every inch of his face was at ease.
I loved waking up next to him.
Carefully, I traced my finger along his cheekbone, hoping not to wake him. I just wanted a moment—to look at him without the world pressing in.
Last night had been a whirlwind. Paxton and the guys had crowded into Atty’s tiny living room, talking for hours about the opportunity. What it could mean for us. Whether we were actually ready.
I didn’t feel ready.
Atty had stayed quiet, seated behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist while I leaned back against his chest. He hadn’t said a word, but I knew exactly what was on his mind, because it was all I could think about too.
What did this mean for us?
I wouldn’t go if it meant losing him. If this was a dealbreaker for him, then it was one for me too.
When everyone finally left and we were alone, the first thing he’d done was cup my face and hold me steady.
“If this is what you want,” he’d said, “we’ll make it work.”
I’d started to protest, but he’d shaken his head.
“Noah, if we can be here—happy—after everything we’ve been through, then we can get through anything. I don’t think there’s any other way for us.”
I’d smiled. “Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?”
He’d nodded, and we had fallen into bed, wrapped around each other. It’d taken me a while to slow my mind, to stop it from spinning in circles, trying to figure out how to make this work. Atty had already drifted off by the time my eyes gave in to sleep.
And now, here we were. Morning again. Another big decision hanging between us. Another thing that could pull us apart. Another hard conversation. Another promise to hold onto.
I pressed a trail of kisses across his face—his cheek, his eyelids, the corner of his mouth—until he began to stir.
His eyes fluttered open, soft and sleepy, locking onto mine. He smiled and stretched, like we had all the time in the world.
“What time is it?” His voice was thick with sleep.
I glanced at my watch. “Five past five.”
Atty groaned and closed his eyes, nuzzling into my neck. His fingers slid up my side, tickling me, before resting on my chest. They found the medallion that hung over my heart and tugged at it gently. “We could’ve slept in a little longer.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m still just reeling.”
He shifted to look at me again. “Last night?”
“Last night,” I echoed.
“It’s going to be okay, Noah.”
I nodded, pressing my lips together.
Atty smiled softly, a little spark of something flashing across his face before he pulled the covers over our heads. “Just us.”
I nuzzled my nose against his. “Wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“Tell me what’s on your mind.”
I exhaled, eyes slipping shut. “I’m scared of this, Atty. The whole thing.”
“Why?” His fingers kept tracing lazy circles along my necklace.
“I don’t know if I’m cut out for it. The pressure, the parties… Rock stars have a reputation, you know?”
“I know,” he said. “And that’s why so many are in recovery too. You wouldn’t be the only one. You wouldn’t be alone. And Paxton will be there.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “And you?”
He leaned in and kissed me, soft and sure. When I opened my eyes, his gaze was steady.
“I’ll always be here. I’ll always love you and wait for you. There’s no one else for me. Just you.”
“Atty…” I breathed, my voice breaking.
“I don’t want you to give up on your dreams,” he said, cutting me off gently. “You just got them. Don’t throw that away. This is yours, Noah. Fight for what’s yours.”
“You’re mine,” I whispered.
“Yes, but you already have me. We can make this work.”
“How?”
His gaze flicked away for a heartbeat before settling back on mine. “We’ve got a cheat.”
I huffed a quiet laugh. “A what?”
“I’ll stop being stubborn about it. If you go on tour and you can fly me out, I’ll come. I’ll rearrange my school schedule, plan around long weekends, whatever it takes—I’ll follow you.”
The words hit me like a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. My throat tightened, and my heart pounded too loudly for how quiet the room had gone.
“I can’t ask you to do that.” I wanted to believe him. I did. But that voice in the back of my head—the one that never shut up—kept whispering that something this good couldn’t last. That I wasn’t allowed to have it. That I didn’t deserve it.
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. And I won’t tag along every time, but I bet we can keep the longest stretch apart to two weeks, tops.
Plus, we live in LA—this is where this stuff happens.
You might not need to travel as much as you think.
And in a year, I’ll be done with school.
After that, I can work from anywhere. I’ll make sure of it. ”
“But…” I whispered, the hope too sharp to hold. Could I really have this? All of it? There had to be a catch. Something waiting to fall apart.
“We’re not choosing, Noah,” he said, threading his fingers through mine. Something in me cracked open. “We’re getting everything.”
Just like that, the whole course of my life changed.
He was everything. What we had was everything. And I wanted forever with him.
My hand clasped his hip, holding on to him. “I’m on the verge of asking you to marry me right now.”
Atty grinned and shook his head. “That’s not how that’s going to go. Let’s focus on this first. You said you wanted us to go everywhere, right? Well, I think we just figured out how.”
I was still reeling. “What about school?”
“Take fewer classes. Do what you can online. It’ll take longer, but…”
“Who the hell cares at this point?” I finished for him.
He nodded, that easy smile reaching his eyes. “You can do this. Just don’t give up before you even try.”
And then I let it in—the hope. It rushed through me like light flooding a dark room. I could do this. I could have this.
“Okay,” I breathed.
He leaned in and kissed me. “Okay.”
I closed my eyes, overwhelmed. “Wasn’t this supposed to be hard?”
He laughed softly. “We’ve done hard. Maybe now we get to do easy.”
Wouldn’t that be something?
He kissed me again, and this time it lingered. We shared that feeling—the joy of finding our way back to each other and actually making it work. It turned into a million kisses, each one adding kindling to the fire.
“Do you want to make good on your promises from last night?” I asked.
He nodded.
“I’ll be right back—I’ll just hop in the shower.” I started to shift away, but he caught my arm.
I paused, waiting. He hesitated again.
“What is it?”
“Nothing,” he said, releasing me.
I moved in closer, cupping his face in both hands. “Nah. None of that. We’re still under the covers. This is safe space time. And you’ve been holding something back—so, out with it.”
His eyes widened just slightly. Gotcha. His cheeks flushed, and he looked away.
“Are you embarrassed to tell me?” I asked, surprised.
A nod.
“Is it a bad thing? Am I doing something wrong?”
He met my gaze again. “No, no. Nothing like that.”
I scanned his face, searching for a clue in his expression. “Is it something you want?”
His ears flushed pink.
I licked my lips. “Do you want to play twenty questions? Because you know I’ve got a vivid imagination,” I warned, half-teasing.
Atty chuckled, but it was a little on edge.
My thumb brushed gently across his cheek. “You know you don’t have to be nervous, right? Anything you’d want, I’d want—just because you want it.”
He stared at me, lips pressed tight.
“I’m serious, Atty. If this is about you wanting to try water sports, I’d hop in the shower right now and let you have at it.”
He tilted his head, confused. “What’s that?”
I let out a laugh. Okay, definitely not that.
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I tried to think of a way to make him feel safer. My hand slipped to the small of his back, and a lightbulb went off.
“What if I go first?” I offered. “If I tell you something I really want that we haven’t done? I’ll be super blunt about it, too, so yours won’t feel as intimidating.”
Atty thought it through for a second before nodding.
Oh boy. Hope he was ready for this.
My grin stretched into what I was sure were catlike proportions as I leaned closer to him. With my finger, I nudged his chin so I could say the words in his ear. “You know I love absolutely every inch of your body, right?”
He shivered. “Yeah.”
My hand dropped lower, curving around the swell of his ass. “Well, I’m particularly taken with this”—I cupped it. Or tried to. It didn’t really fit in my palm. He flinched slightly but didn’t pull away—“part of your anatomy.”
“Yeah?” His voice trembled, like he was bracing himself.
Time to let him have it.
“Almost every single time I’ve jerked off fantasizing about you,” I said, “it’s been about eating you out.”
Atty stiffened, startled. He leaned back to face me, and I had to bite my tongue not to laugh at his wide-eyed expression.
His lips parted—once, twice—but no sound came out. His cheeks were red.
“Does that turn you off?”
He shook his head immediately, and my heart nearly punched its way out of my chest.
“No. It doesn’t. You just threw me off base,” he said, voice uneven.
“Your turn?” I asked gently, hoping he understood he could back out if it was too much.
But he didn’t. Instead, he nodded. His eyes flicked down, and he muttered something that sounded a lot like, “I want you to top me.”
The whole goddamn planet went silent.
Or maybe that was just my brain short-circuiting.
“You want me to do what?” I needed confirmation that I hadn’t hallucinated that.
He clicked his tongue, a small crease decorating his brows.