Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Xander directs me to sit in one of the swivel chairs surrounding the mahogany table in the boardroom of his office. Hanging on the beige walls are three large gold frames, each with a portrait of an old white dude. They’re painted like they’re fucking royalty.
We’d walked past the whimsical older lady who looks like she’s been the receptionist since prehistoric times, and who’s also the mother figure of the office and knows everyone’s secrets.
A knowing smile had passed over her face as she said, “Boardroom one is ready for you.” Xander had thrown her a grateful smile.
Clearly he has only one thing on his mind: his fucking job.
Or is this his pro bono work?
Great, I’m his charity case.
And now, I’m standing in boardroom one, which reminds me a lot of Principal Holland’s office. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is where Xander’s corporate clients come to circle jerk about how successful they are.
Still, with two other lawyers sitting in the boardroom, I do what Xander says and take a seat. I gave up my right to resist when I left the café with him—willingly—even if I was dragging my feet the entire way up to level thirty-four.
I’m introduced to both lawyers, and one of them, Liam, takes a seat next to me. He emits a warmth that makes me wonder if we’re going to do good cop/bad cop.
I briefly glanced over the deposition preparation papers before deciding I’d get my job back myself. Good cop/bad cop was one of the tactics lawyers are prone to using to elicit responses.
I look at Xander, who stalks around the table and takes a seat opposite me.
He’s seeing red.
“So you’re definitely the bad cop,” I say, cocking my eyebrow.
A laugh escapes from the lawyer sitting next to him.
Jake, I think it was. I’m assuming his role is to be the court reporter in this scenario because he starts typing.
I feel a small victory, but it only lasts a second before Xander’s straight-set face blooms into a mischievous smirk.
“Why, am I destroying your focus?” He volleys this quip like he didn’t even have to think up a witty comeback. It’s just there. On the tip of his tongue. My body heats up as he raises one eyebrow, challenging me.
Yes, you’re destroying my focus, but no way I’m admitting that to him.
He scrapes his teeth over his bottom lip, knowing exactly what he’s doing, and immediately a core memory of Xander flutters behind my eyes.
Him, on top of me. His arms, caging me in. My teeth, scraping the skin of the small tattoo on his bicep.
I squeeze my eyes shut hard to cut off the image supply. When I reopen them, Xander’s smirk hasn’t left.
“Stop fucking with me,” I say before I’m able to control myself. I watch in horror as Jake continues to type.
“What have you prepared?” Xander says, ignoring my request.
“What have I prepared?” I say, repeating his words with a lace of mockery. His eyes flare in irritation at this. Then, he leans back and crosses his arms, like I’m a total inconvenience.
What a fucking asshole.
“What is your educational background?” Liam says, his gentle voice cutting through the tension. “Let’s start there.” I can see Xander glaring at him, but he doesn’t argue. Instead he sits back up straight and waits for my reply.
“I’m a chemistry teacher,” I say, neutral. I’m thankful for the redirect.
“What do you know about love and chemistry?” Xander says, not letting up.
“Excuse me?” I say, letting his attitude get the better of me.
“Do I need to repeat the question?” he says. God, he’s arrogant when he’s in full lawyer mode. Fuck him.
“You want to know what I know?” I say, leaning forward, taking the bait.
“Well, I asked the question, didn’t I?”
Exasperated at this little game he’s playing, I let loose with my new theory.
“While you can experience love without lust or lust without love, it’s possible to experience both at the same time for the same person.
In fact, studies have shown, contrary to popular belief, that lust and love aren’t mutually exclusive.
” I’m practically shouting but now that the floodgates have opened, I don’t stop.
His lips part slightly, but nothing comes out.
“While lust is something that can hit you like a brick wall, lust is also something you can cultivate. Same with love. Lust and love can develop over time through shared experiences and self-disclosure,” I say, the words tumbling out in full fucking confession for Jake to document forever.
And yet, I have more to say because I can’t seem to shut up.
“Lust developing over time. It happens to people. It’s science. My experience, though? Love and lust—they both hit me the day I met you. I was just too scared, too heartbroken, too afraid to let you in,” I say, shaking through my rage.
It’s only after I stop that I realize what I’ve said.
I’m standing now. So is Xander.
I can almost hear his heart beating, it’s so loud. Like maybe this is too much for him.
Then, without looking at Jake or Liam, he says to them, “Leave now.”
They get up and leave without saying a word until it’s just Xander and I staring each other down on opposite sides of the boardroom.
There’s a slight frown. Concern. I see his Adam’s apple bob up and down.
And all the rage dissipates. Fuck. He’s shaken at this half-cooked love confession. The look on his face tells me I’ve got more to do if I have any chance of salvaging this. And there is a small chance, because he hasn’t kicked me out of here yet.
“Xander, I’ve been a complete fucking dumbass,” I say, walking my way around the boardroom table.
“Not going to argue with you.”
“Not only am I in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for eleven years, I’ve just been too scared to let myself be in love with you,” I say, coming around the oval table. There are now only five steps between us, and I hesitate.
“My one-night-only rule was a neat little party trick I used to protect my heart, but I kept it up for eleven years to keep every other guy at a distance because my heart belonged to you. Belongs to you,” I go on, making it clear this isn’t a thing of the past. This is now. “It always has.”
He turns so he’s facing me.
“I fell in love with you the moment you walked up to me at the quad,” I say. I test the waters and take a step closer to him. He doesn’t move.
“I’ve been in love with you from the moment we kissed,” I say, taking another step closer.
“I’ve been in love with from you the moment I commando crawled out of your place.
I’m in love with you, Xander,” I say. It’s time for the grand finale here.
Go big or go home. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be in love with you forever.
” I’m now standing right in front of him.
Our breath mingles. I let my arms reach up and around his neck.
When he doesn’t pull away, I step closer.
He lingers. Teasing me. The first time, he waited for me to kiss him.
This time, he kisses me.
This time, we’re not slow. We’re not gentle.
We’re not pretty. We’re desperate. We’re practically mauling each other.
It’s hot. It’s heavy. My heart and my head, who’ve been fighting for eleven years, high five like they’re two cops in a buddy action comedy who caught the bad guys.
And for the first time in eleven years, I feel whole.
A knock on the door jolts us out of our impromptu make-out session. We break apart, laughing.
Liam pokes his head into the room. “So that was fucking terrible,” he says, a wide smile on his face.
“The worst deposition I’ve ever seen,” Xander says, agreeing with Liam.
“I’ll schedule in another session,” Liam says, his eyes darting between the two of us. “In a couple of days.”
Liam closes the door.
Xander turns to look at me. A lazy, lingering smile rests on his face. That’s when I notice the faint red-rimmed look around his eyes. “You tired?” I ask.
“I’ve never felt so alive,” he counters.
And my heart fucking grows tenfold.