Chapter Seven #2
She’d never harbored serious fantasies of marrying the man who’d been her closest friend for years. Of course, she’d been attracted to him from the start—had felt enough for him to want him to be the man she invited to her bed—but this… This was beyond even her wildest imaginings.
Caroline jumped as the door to the chamber clicked open and Gideon slipped inside.
Having changed from his formal clothes into a loose shirt and breeches beneath a loosely tied robe in burgundy silk, he looked relaxed and breathtakingly handsome.
She tried not to feel self-conscious about her own state of dishabille, but she struggled when he managed to look like that without trying.
Sinfully handsome.
Erotically charming.
Every fantasy she’d ever held rolled into one.
And now…he was her husband.
“How are you? Not too fatigued by today?” he asked, his tone gentle and solicitous.
“Not at all,” she murmured in reply, wanting to add that she wouldn’t object if he decided to toss her over his shoulder and have his way with her.
She cast her eyes back at the fire and hoped he would not see the flush on her cheeks at the memories of how he’d done just that and brought her to shuddering releases again and again.
“I hope the rooms are to your liking,” Gideon said, joining her by the hearth and dropping into the other armchair. It was a marvel that his large frame did not cause it to collapse entirely. “The staff did their best on such short notice. We can change anything you do not care for.”
“Oh no! It is lovely, thank you.” It was not lost on her how Gideon did not take any of the credit for the care taken with her rooms—not even for the flowers or the comfortable chairs positioned perfectly between the hearth and the windows.
“I enjoy the view of the gardens quite a bit. There is nothing about the room that cannot wait to be changed or updated should I decide in the future.”
Gideon nodded, seeming pleased by her answer.
They sat in silence for several minutes after that, both lost in their thoughts and unsure of how to approach the new status of their relationship.
Finally, Gideon blurted out, “We do not need to consummate the wedding night if you do not wish to. I know it is expected, but since when have we done anything the proper way?”
“Oh…” Caroline’s stomach did a swooping loop. Was she relieved? Disappointed? Hurt?
“Or, if you wish to…”
“Do you? Wish to…consummate it?”
“No—I mean, yes,” he laughed and raked a hand through his dark hair, making it curl boyishly. “I have never been at a loss for words in my life. Since when did we become so awkward around one another?”
They both laughed at that, helping evaporate the tension between them. He leaned forward and covered her hand on the arm of the chair with his own. Did he feel the same tingle there that she did?
“Please know, Caro, that there is no pressure for anything. This situation will take a great deal of adjustment for both of us.” She nodded in agreement.
“For now, we can resume as friends while we learn one another’s private habits.
I dare say we have a better foundation than most married couples with our years of friendship, but that doesn’t mean there is still not a great deal to learn. ”
“I could be a horrible snorer,” Caroline said mischievously, then laughed heartily at Gideon’s stricken expression.
“You aren’t, are you?” She shook her head. “Thank God,” he breathed a dramatic sigh of relief.
“Though I suppose that is the benefit of separate bedchambers.”
“Who says we will always inhabit separate rooms?” he asked cheekily.
There was a brief moment where Caroline thought that might have been an invitation, but the flirtatious glimmer in his gray eyes told her that he was no more serious than any other time he’d jokingly propositioned any number of other women who struck his passing fancy.
He’d been dubbed a rake for a reason, after all.
She needed to bring herself under control before her pregnancy-addled brain made more of this situation than it really was.
Yes, Gideon was her husband.
Yes, he was the father of her unborn child.
Yes, she’d always found him intensely attractive both in physical appearance and manner.
But he was her friend.
Despite the fact that they’d shared a bed once and then married due to the consequences of their choice, even though she would be the woman to bear any legitimate children he had, he’d likely never viewed her as anything above a close friend.
She’d convinced herself that she could be like most males and set emotion aside from physical pleasure, but this was proving her sorely mistaken.
Their marriage was all about making an inconvenient situation more convenient, of allowing Gideon to fulfill his sense of right and duty, and of assuaging his guilt over what his father had done to this mysterious half brother of his.
Caroline forced herself to return Gideon’s quip with a good-natured eye roll and, with effort, settled back into her role as his good friend…
even though the last time they’d been in each other’s presence in such a state of undress, they’d wound up panting and sweating in bed.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. “How do you expect we shall pass the time?” she asked steadily.
It was humbling and slightly mortifying to realize that everyone—even the staff—believed them to be busy copulating.
Gideon cocked a brow and it sent her pulse racing. After a beat, he said, “Shall we play some cards? I believe there is a deck of cards somewhere in my bedchamber.” He spoke so casually, as if his look hadn’t sent awareness curling through her veins like fire.
Gideon did not return to his bedchamber until the wee hours of the morning.
Caroline had been a good sport for several hours, but he’d recognized the undeniable signs of fatigue upon her face as the clock ticked over past midnight.
Despite her denials and determined efforts, her stamina wasn’t what it once had been.
As he all but deposited her into her bed, he wondered if this was common in pregnant women.
He’d done what he could the past several days since learning Caroline was expecting to learn of what a woman went through when she was enceinte, what she might need, what changes might occur.
Of course, he’d learned precious little; few men he knew were fathers (intentionally or otherwise), and a man could only make so many subtle inquiries of his staff before people grew suspicious.
It had been uncomfortable and deuced awkward, but he knew it was something he needed to do to better understand what Caro was experiencing—even more, he wanted to do it for her.
It was the least he could do after impregnating her; it was something he owed to her.
To be honest, it allowed him to feel even closer to her than he already did.
He’d believed he understood her like no one else, but this line of inquiry afforded him a very personal insight into her life as she lived it.
He was starved for every bit of knowledge he could obtain.
She’d become as much a part of his life as his right arm; without her, he would be lost. It was a privilege to have the opportunity to care for her, and it was thrilling to realize that he no longer had to mask his gestures beneath the guise of simple friendship.
He was her husband and could do whatever he damned well pleased.
Now, if only he knew how she felt about him in return.
Gideon had lingered in Caro’s bedchamber just long enough to see her crawl beneath the coverlet, looking small and virginal—and unaccountably enticing—in her white lace nightdress, before forcing his legs to move lest he give in to his impulse to follow her there.
More times than he could count, he’d pondered what it would be like to hold her as she dreamed, to be lulled to sleep by the gentle sound of her breathing.
He knew enough that this was not simple male desire for a woman; this was nothing he had felt before. Rather than slaking his desire for her, sharing her bed had only torn open whatever sensible defenses he’d prepared to safeguard their friendship.
From the day they’d met, he—and likely every other man who knew her—had been of the opinion that Caro was remarkably enticing.
Her sultry laugh, playful sense of humor, willingness to explore, sense of adventure, and, of course, her attractive figure were all intensely pleasing. This, however, was different.
And it hadn’t begun the moment they repeated their vows.
This went back to the night they’d shared in each other’s arms. He needed to possess her in a quintessential way. He’d already planted his seed, but he wanted more.
Oh, yes, he wanted her.
In a way, he always had.
It had been apparent from the first that their personalities meshed with the simplicity and ease of two people who were meant to be in one another’s lives.
They’d become so comfortable as friends, so much so that it became painful to consider asking if she might want more for fear that it would send what they had up in flames.
Caro had become an integral part of his life, and he liked to think she felt the same after all this time.
Gideon supposed this was the reason why, when she’d propositioned him that night, he’d thrown all caution to the wind and relinquished control to his baser instincts.
He’d desired her for so long, had given up all but the slimmest of hopes that she desired him, and then, faced with everything he’d secretly longed for and never hoped to act upon, he’d dove in without forethought or sense.
To be fair, she seemed to lose a bit of control, herself.
His back bore the marks of her passion for days following their assignation…and he’d loved it.
Gideon climbed into his cold bed, now aching and frustrated by the memory of that glorious night and the fact that the object of those desires was just on the other side of a wall, and well within his right to claim.
Instead, he lay awake a long, long while, wishing he wasn’t so alone.