Before and Now

Chapter 1

Colleen POV:

New school year, new classes, new problems.

That was my current state of mind. Everyone seemed happy about the beginning of a new school year with big smiles plastered on their faces. Excited to see their friends again and go to school, maybe.

Don't get me wrong, I liked some things about school like the classes, the library, some teachers.

It's just the other things I didn't like.

That I hated actually. The bullies mostly.

I was one of those unlucky students who got bullied.

So, no fun in that. That was the reason why I started hating school. And now, it began again.

Deeply in my thoughts, avoiding eye contact with everyone, head down; I was quickly walking in the hallway on my way to my first class when I violently bumped into someone. Luckily the choc didn't bring us down but it was violent enough for us to have to step back not to fall.

Shooting my head up, my eyes widened when I saw who I had bumped into. Gracie Slater. Oh shit. Four of her friends were standing next to her, shooting me death glares. As usual, if I might add.

I tried to apologize to Gracie but Sarah (one of her friends) was the first to talk.

? Well, Well! What a surprise to see you, Colleen. Didn't kill yourself yet? ?

What a bitch! But I didn't dare to say anything aloud. Instead, I tried to walk away, wanting to avoid any confrontation that might emerge but Gracie grabbed my arm.

? Hey! Why such the hurry? Are you that excited to go to class? ?

? Fucking weirdo ? mocked Paige, one of her other friend.

Gracie snatched the two books I had in my hands and examined them.

? English...and chemistry, such a turn on ?

Her friends laughed loudly while Gracie threw my books on the floor with a little smirk. The bitch. She turned her heels and started walking away with her friends behind her.

? Come on girls, we have a class to go to ?.

They continued laughing while walking away. I kneeled to grab my books on the floor, I looked up instinctively and saw Gracie looking over her shoulder at me with a big smirk on her face. As our eyes met, she sent me a kiss and turned around. Fuck her.

I got up quickly, my books in my arms, I was both slightly annoyed and angry. I walked far behind Gracie, on my way to first period.

A few moments later, still behind Gracie, I heard her say to her four dumb friends that she was going to the restroom and that she'll see them at lunch.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I watched Gracie passed the restroom door. Something took over me and I followed her inside, unable to stop myself. She was a magnet and I was within range of her force field.

Once inside, I checked that we were alone and locked the door.

Gracie was fixing her hair, looking at herself in the mirror in the far back of the room. I put my bag and my books on the floor with a loud ? boom ?. Gracie jumped at the noise, putting a hand over her chest. She looked at me through the mirror before turning to face me, eyebrows frowned.

I slowly walked toward her, my heart pumping in my chest so fast.

? You scared the shit out of me. Don't do things like that ? She exclaimed looking at me. ? But what are you doing here anyway? ?.

She had a questioning expression on her face, looking confused. Knowing I wasn't supposed to be here. I tried to calm myself down but around her I couldn't so I continued toward her, looking deep into her eyes.

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Gracie POV:

What the hell was she doing here? That was the cheerleader's restroom. We could get caught.

She was walking closer to me with a determined expression on her face. Her eyes looked like they were burning with such intensity it could have melted me. I stepped back a bit, looking around, hoping no one was around. Hopefully, the restroom looked empty.

? You shouldn't have done that, Miss Slater ? She said calmly with her husky voice, moving closer.

I stepped back, my back colliding with the wall. I was trapped. Fuck. She walked closer, so we were now inches away from each other's faces.

? You really shouldn't have ? She whispered. As she spoke I felt her hot breath on my face. It sent electricity through my body, I swallowed heavily, she caught that and smirked. That damn bitch. Two can play this game.

Feeling suddenly bold and playful I asked in a whisper as she did before.

? Oh yeah? And... what are you gonna do about that? ?.

Unexpectedly, Colleen closed the gap between us and crashed her lips against mine in an aggressive yet passionate kiss.

Once I got over the surprise, I instinctively deepened the kiss, allowing her tongue the passage, starting a beautiful dance that only we could feel.

We kept kissing until the bell rang, stopping us abruptly but our bodies were still connected in each other embrace.

She had her hands on my waist and I had one hand in her hair and the other resting on her shoulder.

We looked into each other's eyes. Her's were electric, darker than usual, full of desire and lust. Mine were probably the same.

Smiles spread across our faces at the same time and we started laughing like idiots. It wasn't the first time it happened to us. Spontaneous make-out sessions in hidden places around school.

At the beginning of our second year of high school, Colleen had been outed by a bunch of football players. Immediately after she started getting bullied by the entire school.

That's actually when I started to have a crush on her. I had never noticed her before.

I began to admired her, she kept coming to school every day despite the glares, the insults, the violent pushing, etc. She was all alone but I could see full universes inside her.

One day, after sports practice, some girls had broken into Colleen's locker and put all of her clothes in the showers. The sight of Colleen retrieving her wet clothes from the ground of the showers one by one while the girls laughed made me feel sick. My heart broke into million pieces.

When everyone left, I took some spared clothes I had in my locker, went to Colleen who was still in her gym clothes sitting on the bench and handed them to her. She looked at me with her beautiful yet sad, confused eyes, so I decided to speak first:

? I had some extra clothes in my locker and its look like you need them more than me ?. I smacked myself internally. Really! I could do way better than that.

I was supposed to be one of the school queens, making people kneel before me but somehow Colleen made me lose all my means.

I couldn't understand what happened to me at that time.

Why was I nice? What were these feelings creeping in?

All my life, people told me that gay people were demons tempting others to follow them on the path to hell and Colleen was one of them.

A girl dressed in sheep clothes, yet I didn't feel any wolf underneath.

Colleen sighed and shook her head.

? No, I...I'm good, thanks ?.

Stubborn, I see. I put my clothes in her hands, leaving her no choice.

? Just take them, ok. I don't need them but you do. So, just accept it. I know you probably see me as a bitch but I...I ca...care, so wear them ?.

She seemed shocked by what I said, her eyes locked with mine and I felt a tingling feeling in my stomach but she quickly diverted her gaze.

? Ok, thank you, I...uh, yeah thanks ? She mumbled, her hand rubbing the back of her neck.

She stayed there with the clothes resting on her legs, I started walking away when I felt her smooth hand softly grabbing my arm. I turned around and looked at her.

? I will return your clothes tomorrow...washed ? She quickly said, not looking at me.

? Ok,...you know what? I'll give you my number so we can set a moment ?.

What was I doing?

She looked really lost by the situation but she handed me her phone, I put my name and number in the device and handed it back to her, she gave me a weak smile. Before I walked away again, I decided to tell her.

? For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what they did to your clothes ?.

She looked away, shrugging.

? Don't be. You didn't do it and... I'm used to it ? She said before going to her locker and change.

In that exact moment, I knew it was the saddest thing I had ever heard in my entire life. Violence, bullying, insults, hate were so ordinary for her that she got ?used to it ?. No one should ever get used to it. It's not something that should be common.

But here I was, in front of a girl that despite the constant violence was still standing. Despite her difference, despite all the dark part of her life, this girl was more human than all the people around. She was the most beautiful human being for me and I didn't even know her.

That's how I started to fall in love with Colleen Witzel.

The next day, she brought back my clothes clean as promised.

After that, whenever we met around school, we subtly smiled at each other. One evening, I felt curious and started to text her and she texted back. My inner homophobia slowly faded away, only to be replaced with new exciting feelings that I never knew I could have felt.

I discovered a girl with a heart and mind of gold.

After two months of texting back and forth, of subtle glances and smiles around school, we started hanging out outside of school.

We went where no one in town could see us, the forest in the north of town.

We grew closer and closer until one evening at our special place (which was an old tree house) we kissed.

From there, we started dating. Keeping our relationship a secret since the town and our families were so close-minded and basically assholes.

Colleen didn't want that what happened to her happened to me.

She was the only out gay person in town and she was getting so much shit for it.

Her family didn't like her but rather tolerated her.

Her parents and siblings were going to the same church as mine and they never once talked about her.

Colleen told me she was saving up money to leave once high school will end and it began being our thing.

Imagining our life away from this town, together.

When we were alone, we were inseparable but in public, we decided we had to sell the lie, so we pretended that we didn't like each other. Sometimes I was sad that we couldn't be together publicly, that I couldn't hold her hand, kiss her or even just be close to her. I had to love her from afar.

But sometimes this kind of ? roleplay ? was quite...exciting. It sure played with our shared anger and our playfulness which resulted most of the time with angry make-out/sex. And I was not going to complain about that.

Back in the restroom, after our laughter died, Colleen looked at me with her eyes full of love and said:

? You go first? ?. She gestured toward the door. It took me a few seconds to get out of my dazed but I nodded, making my way disappointedly to the door.

? Yeah ?. I took one last glance at the women of my life before unlocking the door and disappearing into the hallway.

2 Days Later

Text Messages

Beautiful Girl (Gracie): Hey there! Miss me?

Secret Lover (Colleen): No, not a bit.

Beautiful Girl: :(

Secret Lover: Just kidding, you know I always do.

Beautiful Girl: I miss you too :).

Beautiful Girl: Can we go to our place Saturday? I really want to see you.

Secret Lover: You see me every day.

Beautiful Girl: You know what I mean. Not what we are faking. Really see you, talk to you...kiss you ;).

Secret Lover: You...Dirty mind.

Secret Lover: I want that too :).

Beautiful Girl: :) Ok, I'll bring some food.

Secret Lover: And me the drinks.

Beautiful Girl: See you Saturday :).

Secret Lover: You will see me tomorrow, idiot.

Beautiful Girl: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY THAT, DUMBASS.

Secret Lover: yeah :) but I love messing with you.

Secret Lover: PS: I love you too.

Beautiful Girl: Love you.