Chapter 4 Stassi
STASSI
The brick wall scrapes against my back as Theo pins me. His grip on me is firm, maybe enough to bruise, but the pain barely registers against the storm of emotions in his eyes. Fury. Confusion. Something deeper that looks dangerously like hurt. It's worse than anything I imagined.
I can't speak. My voice is trapped somewhere between my racing heart and dry throat.
This close, I can smell him, and it instantly unlocks memories I've tried my best to keep hidden.
It's what used to cling to my skin after nights in his bed.
His body radiates heat, and I hate how familiar it all feels even now.
"This was a mistake. I'm sorry," I say, shaking my head and looking down. "I—I should just go."
"What are you doing here?" he demands, his voice a low growl. "What does the note say you left on my car?"
"Nothing. Forget it," I try to move, but he won't let me.
"Bullshit," he says, moving in closer.
"Please, just let me go."
"No."
I can see there's no way out. And if I've come this far, under these circumstances, obviously whether I believe it now or not, he's the only one I can turn to.
"I—" The words stick. "I need your help."
His jaw muscle twitches. "Four years," he says bitterly. "Four fucking years of silence, and now you think I'd just roll over? Welcome you back like nothing happened?"
His hand tightens on my wrist, and I wince. The movement catches his attention, and something inside him shifts. He drops my wrist but places his palm against the wall beside my head, keeping me caged in, unable to move.
He's right. Dammit, he's right.
I try to duck under his arm and run, but he shifts and pushes me back against the wall.
"Clearly, you're not going to help, so—"
"What kind of help do you need?" His voice is flat, emotionless.
"A lot maybe? I—I don't know, Theo. I'm in trouble," I say. I hate how my voice shakes. I've survived so much, stayed strong through everything, but standing before him now, I'm crumbling. "Serious trouble, I think."
He looks around for a moment, and I can't tell if it's to make sure no one is coming to see how he's pinning me in place or if it's because he's debating leaving me to fend for myself.
After a few moments, he sighs, and I can see he hates himself for what he's about to say, and I don't blame him.
"How serious is it?" he asks.
"The kind that gets people killed." I swallow hard. "Please, Theo. I wouldn't have come back if—"
"If what?" His face is now inches from mine. "If you had literally any other option? Because God forbid you actually want to see me."
"That's not fair—"
"Fair?" He laughs. "You want to talk about what's fair, Stassi?
How about vanishing without a trace? How about me calling your phone for days until it went dead and you changed your number.
Or about me tearing apart everywhere between Athens and Chicago looking for you," he says and then rubs his face, "No goodbye, no explanation.
Just gone. Three years we were each other's lives and then you're fucking gone. Is that what you consider fair?"
I push against his chest, desperate for space, for air that doesn't smell like him. "You don't understand."
"Then make me understand."
"I couldn't—" My voice cracks, tears threatening. I blink them back. I can't be weak.
"Whose fault is that?"
The anger in his voice should frighten me. Instead, I find that I've missed it. The Theo I knew always burned hot. It's the coldness I never could handle.
"I need your protection." I force the words out. "Just for a little while. Then I'll be gone, and you'll never have to see me again."
Something dangerous flashes in his eyes. "Is that a promise or a threat?"
I flinch. "Theo, please—"
"Who's after you?"
"I can't…I don't…I can't tell you right now. Especially not here where someone could hear anyhow," I say, my chest rising and falling rapidly with every emotion possible, some I didn't expect to feel.
He studies me for a long moment. His eyes rake over my face, reading me like he always could. "You're genuinely scared."
I nod.
"Please," I whisper. "I promise, if there was—" I clear my throat, "I wouldn't have contacted you if there was any other way."
"Yeah, I get that." His voice is suddenly more stern and controlled now. "The note on my windshield. You were going to leave it and disappear again if I hadn't seen you. Would you have even shown your face to me?"
The truth burns on my tongue. "I wasn't ready. I needed time to prepare, but I put my number on—"
"For what?" he demands, not letting me finish. "What exactly were you preparing for, Stassi? My reaction? After what you did, what reaction did you expect?"
"This one," I say softly, closing my eyes, not wanting to see his face when I admit it. "Exactly this one, Theo. And you're not wrong, it’s just I thought it would be easier over the phone.”
He goes rigid, and for a second I think he'll walk away, which would be the right thing for him to do I guess, considering everything. But Theo never did the smart thing when it came to me, even when he should have.
Theo stares at me, those blue eyes assessing what I can only imagine are my dark circles and shaky demeanor and the way I keep glancing over his shoulder toward the street.
"Fuck," he mutters, stepping back, finally giving me the space I need.
"Look, I know what I did. I know you hate me."
"You don't know shit about how I feel."
I flinch. "I deserve that."
"You deserve a lot worse." He looks away, then back at me. "Let's go."
I blink. "What?"
"My car. Now." He grabs my elbow, not rough but insistent. "Before I change my mind."
I feel a sense of relief so strong my knees nearly buckle. "Thank you."
"Don't." His eyes are hard. "This isn't forgiveness. This is me wanting answers, and you needing protection. Nothing more."
His words sting, but I get it. "I understand. What about my things back at the hotel?”
“Forget them,” he says and we walk back to his car in silence.
He unlocks the doors but doesn't open mine. He always used to.
I slide into the passenger seat and as I swing the door closed, I'm hit immediately by memories.
Weekend drives along the coast, nights parked in secret overlooks above Athens or Kalamata.
His hand on my thigh as we raced through empty streets or the back seat where he took my virginity.
We didn't have a care in the world. Unfortunately, the world finally decided to pay attention to us.
I'm snapped out of my thoughts as Theo starts the engine.
"Where are we going?" I ask as we pull away from the curb.
"Kalamata," he says, one hand gripping the steering wheel while the other slides my note into his jacket pocket. "My estate there is secure."
"The family summer house?" The one where we spent those two weeks together before everything fell apart.
His jaw clenches. "Yeah, I guess you'll remember it well. Especially since it's the—" He cuts himself off. "It's a three-hour drive. I suggest you use that time to figure out exactly what you're going to tell me when we arrive."
I nod, unable to find words. There's so much I can't tell him. So much he deserves to know but can't.
We drive in silence as the city gives way to coastal highway. I lean my head against the window, watching the Aegean stretch out beside us, blue and endless. Just like the distance between us now.
What would he do if he knew the whole truth?
The thought makes my chest ache. He might help me, or he might hate me more. Either way, once he knows, nothing between us will ever be the same again.
It's ironic that I left to protect him and now I'm back because I need his protection.
Life has a twisted sense of humor sometimes. I'll be lucky if I can laugh when all this is over.
Either way, I don't know if I'm running toward safety, or straight into the jaws of something even worse.