2 The Girl Without Hobbies
The Girl Without Hobbies
“I was late to my first class,” Naya complained, dropping her backpack on the floor in front of me. I was in the cafeteria eating a burger, which was passable, at least compared to the rest of the offerings there.
“Why?” I asked, chewing.
“Gross! Don’t talk with your mouth full!”
“Sorry,” I said, swallowing.
“Whatever. I slept in because we were over at Will’s so late. That’s why I didn’t make it to class on time.” She stole one of my fries. “It was worth it, though. I hadn’t seen him in ages. Still, my teacher was pissed…”
“It can’t be that big a deal. In my class there were so many people you couldn’t even tell who was who.”
“Same with mine. It’s also me, though. I hate being late.” She gave the soup she’d just gotten a sniff. “This smells weird.”
“I’ll bet it tastes weird, too.”
“How do you know? Did you try it?”
It was just a guess, but it was a good one. She took one small spoonful of it and said, “Yeah, you’re right,” pushing it aside in favor of her turkey sandwich as she asked me whether I’d talked to my boyfriend.
“He sent me a message this morning like Yo, what’s up? But that’s basically it.”
“You could do it over Skype,” she said. “That’s what Will and I used to do when we couldn’t see each other much.”
“Do it?” What was she talking about.
“Yeah, you know, cybersex. Hey, don’t look at me like that! It’s normal.”
“Why is this what we always end up talking about?”
“Because sex is interesting, Jenna. Then again, you could just buy yourself a vibrator on Amazon.”
“Great, that’ll be my backup plan.”
I returned to the dorms soon afterward and saw Chris sitting behind the counter playing Candy Crush . He looked up when the door opened and said, “Hey, Jenna. How was your first day?” He was much calmer than when I’d first seen him.
“Kind of boring, honestly. It was all just introductions.”
“Tomorrow, you’ll get into the material and it’ll be more interesting,” he reassured me with a smile.
“Or less interesting.”
“Now, Jennifer, that’s not the kind of positive attitude we like to see around here.”
“You can call me Jenna, you know?” I told him. Back home everyone called me Jenny, but now that I was at school, I’d decided to make a change. “Even my mom only calls me Jennifer when she’s mad.”
“OK, Jenna it is.”
He put his phone aside and commented, “Naya told me you two were getting along. That’s good news. When people want to change roommates, it’s always a major ordeal.”
“Do they do that a lot?”
“You can’t even imagine. This girl came to me yesterday and was telling me that her roommate kept a corkscrew hidden under her pillow and she was scared she wanted to stab her with it and she needed to move immediately.
But of course, nothing happens immediately around here. Weirdly, she hasn’t come back today.”
“Maybe she’s a victim of the Corkscrew Killer,” I said.
“Maybe.” He laughed. “She can poke her eye out with it for all I care, as long as they don’t mess up the dorm furniture.”
“I’m glad to see you’re a man with principles, Chris.”
He glanced over at his phone and yelped. “Shit! I’m out of lives.”
I said goodbye to him, but he didn’t even notice.
On my hallway, a couple of girls were yelling at each other over a T-shirt, and I had to duck as I walked by to avoid being hit by a flying pillow.
I’d been lucky with Naya, I thought. Once I’d made it through the war zone into my room, I sighed and looked around at what was starting to feel like my new home, now that I’d arranged my things.
Staring at the wall, I wondered if a poster with a red pig on it might not be just the accessory I needed.
My phone rang as I dropped my backpack on the bed, and I saw my mother’s smiling face on the screen. When I picked up, she screeched, “Jennifer Michelle Brown!”
I had to pull the phone away from my ear, her voice was so loud. I knew what mood she was in by what she called me. If it was Jenna , she was feeling good. Jennifer Michelle was reserved for when she was irritated. If she used my complete name, it was time to head for the hills.
“Hey, Mom. Missed you, too.”
“May I know why you haven’t called? You’ve been there a whole week already!”
“Mom, I got here yesterday.”
“Well, it feels like a week. How is everything? How’s your roommate? Your classmates? Your teachers? How’s the weather?”
“I’m good. My roommate’s name is Naya and she’s nice. My classmates were all groggy this morning, same as me. The weather’s good. It’s cloudy, I guess it rains a lot around here.”
“Well, I hope you grabbed your boots, then?”
“Yeah.”
“The black ones and the brown ones?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“I know you prefer the brown ones, and they are pretty, but they won’t protect your feet.
The black ones, though… You should use those when it rains.
Don’t try and be fashionable and end up catching cold.
I assume you’ve got your raincoat? The green one?
Jenny, I just don’t know if you know how to take care of yourself! Are you eating enough?”
“I try. The food here’s not as good as the food Dad makes.”
“Well, do what you can. You finally put on a little weight this past summer, and it honestly suits you, so try not to lose it,” she warned me. I looked at myself in the mirror. What she’d said was true, but I was able to pinch a little fat on my belly, and I wasn’t sure if I liked that.
“My pants aren’t falling off of me, so I think I’m OK,” I said.
Since Mom was obsessed with food, she turned back to that topic. She must have been psychic, because right away she told me, “Try to stay away from junk food. I sure hope you didn’t have a hamburger for lunch your first day there.”
“Of course not,” I lied, and she caught me.
“You lie just as bad as your father.”
I heard Dad just then in the background. He and Mom argued for a minute before she finally passed him the phone and he said, “Hello, Jenny.”
“Hey, Dad. Did Mom force you to talk to me?”
“You know how it goes. I hate talking on the phone. But I better be discreet. The sergeant’s standing right here and I’m sure she’ll chew me out as soon as I hang up.”
I could hear Mom snap at him, and I laughed. “Try to hold out till I get back, Dad,” I said.
“Oh, I will. How is everything? Did you make some friends?”
Naya walked in just then and waved at me as she closed the door. I pointed to my phone and mouthed the word parents as I told Dad how much I liked my new roommate and her friends.
“Well, that’s just great,” Dad said. “When I was in college, I hated my roommate and he made that whole year horrible. Probably that’s why I didn’t go back after that!”
“Yeah. I think I’ll make it longer.”
My father talked for a minute about how he hoped my brothers would get off their asses and go to school, too, and when I tried to scold him for giving them a hard time, Mom started blabbing about how she needed to talk to me some more, and I heard a thud that I assumed was her tearing the phone out of his hand.
In a near-panic, she asked, “Jennifer? Hello? You didn’t hang up, did you? Hello?”
“Mom, I’m here.”
“I’m sorry to repeat myself, Jenny, but you need to listen to me: no more hamburgers. And don’t eat chocolate every day either.”
“Mom, I’m eighteen.”
“And I’ll still be telling you this when you’re thirty because you probably won’t have changed. And you’ll always be my little girl, and I have a right to get worked up if I want to.”
I was laughing, but I was also exasperated. I asked her what she planned on doing when I’d been gone a month if she was already acting this crazy after one day.
“You’ll understand when you have kids, honey.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”
“If you don’t give me grandkids, I’ll kill you!
” she shouted. Then she excused herself and said of course it was my choice, but she knew I’d change my mind.
When I reminded her that she already had a grandson and asked if she’d forgotten him, she said she loved him a great deal, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want more.
“Why don’t you put more pressure on one of the boys?” I asked.
“Because they’re a bunch of layabouts. Oops, I shouldn’t have said that. Steve is right here in front of me.” I heard my brother protest, and my mother told him to hush before continuing. “I need to go. We’re going to go see your sister and Owen.”
“Tell her I’ll call in a couple of days.”
“Sure. Love you, hon.”
“Love you, too, Mom.”
She was shouting more nonsense into the phone about my diet and how I dressed as I hung up on her, looking at Naya. She grinned and said, “Your parents sound amazing. I’d love to meet them.”
“That would be a mistake on your part,” I assured her. “Being stuck with the guys at home is probably going to put an end to whatever sanity she has left.”
“Who are the guys?”
“My three older brothers and my dad.”
“Three brothers?” she seemed shocked.
“Yeah. There’s a sister, too. She’s the oldest of all of us, but she’s got a kid and she lives with him in her own place.”
“My brother, Chris, and I fought all the time. I can’t imagine what I’d have done with four other siblings.” She reached into a bag of gummies, pulled out a handful, and ate them.
“Oh,” I said, “there were fights. Trust me.”
“It must have been fun, though, right? When you take away the fights and the arguing?”
“Sure.” I smiled. I actually missed them already.
They were so… I don’t know, they just put themselves out there.
Shannon especially. If she were here, she’d already have a whole group of followers.
I wouldn’t have talked to anyone if it hadn’t been for Naya.
Even though I’d promised myself I’d be more outgoing.
It even felt weird not having anyone here to pick on me or make fun of me.
Naya asked me what I was doing that night, and I told her I had no idea. “Lie back on the bed and watch the world spin, I guess.”
“Wow, that sounds like some plan. I’m probably going back over to Will’s.”