4 The Crazy Nun #3
Eventually, the torture—also known as the movie—ended, and I let go of Ross, who probably had bruises from how hard I’d grabbed him, though to his credit, he never complained. On my way out of the theater, I kept having to turn around to make sure I wasn’t being chased down by a crazed nun.
“So now what?” Naya asked.
“How about you two come over?” Will said, though I was pretty sure the offer only really extended to Naya. I said I ought to get back to the dorms, but Naya protested with a frown. “Don’t be like that. Come with. Please, please, please!”
“I can take you home after,” Ross added. “I’m starting to adapt to my new life as an errand boy.”
So, without knowing why, I said yes. Or maybe I did know why. Maybe I knew all too well.
The drive back seemed to take forever. Ross looked tired, too. The giggles and sweet nothings coming from the back seat were getting annoying, and at one point he asked me, “If I slam on the brakes, you think they’ll go flying out of the car?”
“I don’t know,” I said, “but it’s worth a try.”
He laughed, and Naya swatted at me from the back seat, growling, “I can hear you, idiots.”
We ordered a couple of pizzas and watched a home renovation show on TV back at the apartment.
Sue never showed her face. When it was over, I went to Ross’s room with him to put on a movie.
But I couldn’t pay close attention because I kept staring over at the closet, my nerves frayed.
When he noticed, I tried to deny it, but I guess I was being pretty obvious.
Finally he seemed to sense what was going on and said, “Look, if you’re still scared after watching the movie, it’s no big deal, but I can promise you, there are no monsters or possessed nuns in my closet. ”
“I’m not scared!” I said.
“Jen, you don’t have to deny it. It’s perfectly normal.”
“Why aren’t you scared, then?”
“Because I’ve seen like a million horror movies, and believe it or not, none of the villains have ever come out of the screen to murder me afterward.”
Maybe that was true. But it didn’t reassure me. It was nighttime, it was dark, and anything could happen. And to make matters worse, I had to pee. Bad. I bit my lip and asked, “Could you…uh…come with me to the bathroom?”
He stared at me and cracked up laughing. I scowled. “I knew I shouldn’t have asked you, Ross!” I hit him over the head with a pillow and shouted, “You stupid idiot!” Then I stood and walked toward the door.
“No, wait!” Ross was still amused, but he followed me. “Of course I’ll come with you.” He grinned and threw an arm over my shoulders.
“I don’t want you to anymore,” I grumbled, but he responded, “Too bad, because now I want to. Maybe I can add bodyguard to my list of duties.”
The bathroom was at the other end of the hallway fifteen or twenty feet from Ross’s room. It looked like a long, dark passageway full of mystery and horror. When we reached the bathroom door, I pushed him aside and said, “You wait here.”
“You don’t want me to come in, too, in case there’s a ghost in the shower?”
“Thanks, Ross, but I think I can protect myself.”
“At your service.”
I closed the door, peed as fast as I could, and started washing my hands. I heard a knock at the door.
“Hey! You still all right in there?”
“I think so,” I replied. Moron.
“How do I know it’s not an evil nun who’s holding a knife to your throat and forcing you to say that?”
“Because I said so!” I opened the door angrily to find him there chuckling to himself. “You’re not funny,” I said. “I’m really scared.”
“I am funny, and you might as well admit it.”
“Whatever.”
“You want me to hold you until sunup when the wicked nun can’t come get you?” he asked.
I responded, “Up yours.”
I walked back to his room with quick steps, and he jogged in behind me, flopping down on his bed so hard his laptop flew in the air, and I had to grab it so it wouldn’t fall on the floor. I asked him whether a horror film had ever frightened him, too.
“Oh, when I was little, and I saw The Exorcist , that scene on the stairway terrified me for nights on end.”
“So why are you laughing at me, then?” I asked.
“Because I was eight years old and you’re nineteen.”
“I’m eighteen!” I shouted as if that were an excuse. Just then, I heard knocking and moaning coming from Will’s room. I blushed. Ross looked, if anything, bored.
“Here we go again,” he said, right as Naya yelped.
“Are they always…” I began.
“So fucking annoying?” Ross said.
“I was going to say so affectionate.”
“Yes,” he responded, “they’re always so affectionate. But no worries. Sue will handle it in 5, 4, 3, 2…”
Before I could ask what he meant, he pointed at his ears and I heard thudding footsteps in the hall, pounding on their door, and Sue screaming, “I’ve got to be up at six! If you want to moan and whimper, take it outside, losers!”
Instantly, the noises ceased.
“You know, I complain a lot about Sue,” Ross said, “but she has her uses. Plus…” Before he could continue, his phone started to ring. On the screen, I saw a photo of a cute girl with blond bangs smiling.
“Do you mind?” he asked.
“Make yourself at home,” I said. “After all, you are at home.”
He stood and walked off toward the living room, where I couldn’t hear him.
I was tempted to follow him—I wanted to know what he was talking about—but I was a good girl, and I stayed there looking at the scene the movie was paused to and drumming my fingers until I got bored.
Then I went to the kitchen. He had his back turned in the living room and was mumbling too low for me to catch anything.
As I poured myself a glass of water, Will appeared there shirtless.
“You need to refuel before round two?” I asked him, passing him my glass.
“I would if it hadn’t been for Sue,” he said with a sigh. “Naya’s asleep now.”
“Yeah. It’s late. Maybe I should go back to the dorm.”
“You can always stay here.”
“You don’t have a guest room, though,” I replied.
“You can use the couch, or you can sleep in Ross’s bed. He’s like a stuffed animal. Who’s he talking to?”
“No idea,” I said, though I was dying to say it was a girl and ask if Will might know who she was.
But instead of taking the hint, he simply offered to drive me home.
I protested that Naya was still here, but he reminded me she was asleep, and we both knew once that happened, there was no point in trying to wake her.
“Give me five minutes,” he said, and in exactly five minutes he was back, dressed and spinning his key ring around his finger.
“Shall we?” he asked.
As we were walking out, Ross turned to me pitifully and said, “Are you going? We’re only halfway through the movie!”
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’m sleepy, though. Maybe I’ll watch the end of it back in my room.”
“That’s betrayal, that’s almost as bad as watching half a series with someone and then finishing it on your own.”
“You can come if you want,” Will told him.
Ross smiled and said, “If you insist.”
“I didn’t insist,” Will responded, but then they grinned at each other and the two of them walked out.
Will’s car was bigger than Ross’s, and I felt like a child in the ample back seat, trying to lean forward to take part in the conversation.
Ross was remarking on Will’s new stereo, which Will told him was a gift from Naya.
He didn’t know why she’d given it to him, but I guessed it was to repent in advance if he found out she hadn’t called him on the night of the party.
It was rainy out, and droplets were splashing the windshield.
I got lost in my own thoughts for a moment until I heard Ross utter my name.
“What was that?” I asked.
“Batman is obviously better than Superman, right, Jen?” he repeated.
Will asked him why all of his conversations revolved around superheroes, and Ross responded, “Because talking about the weather is boring. So Jen, answer the question.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I guess they both have their good and bad sides.”
Will laughed. “She’s saying that because she doesn’t want to offend you.”
Ross grimaced. Will argued it couldn’t be Superman, because he didn’t even have any special powers.
Ross, offended, reminded him that Batman was a millionaire.
As they went back and forth, I told them both I liked Wonder Woman.
They froze a moment, then Will told me, “Sorry, Wonder Woman’s boring.
” I told him she was the best, and Ross started making excuses: “It’s my fault, bro.
I showed her the movie the other day. I guess I shouldn’t have started off with the feminist superheroes.
Probably her brain wasn’t ready for it.”
“Hey! I like the Justice League, too!” I jumped in.
Will: “The Justice League sucks.”
Me: “You suck.”
“Look at you,” Ross said proudly. “When you got here, you didn’t even know who Batman was and now you’re talking about the superheroes like they’re your friends. How quickly they grow up. Isn’t that right, Will?”
I couldn’t let the Wonder Woman issue go. She had founded the Justice League! I was about to make my case again, but then Will tapped Ross on the shoulder, looking confused, and pointed to their right.
“Isn’t that Mike?” he asked.
Mike, Ross’s brother, was standing outside a bar. He looked like they’d just thrown him out. He was shouting through the glass door while a waitress flipped him off.
“Should we stop?” I asked.
“No,” Ross argued. “I don’t know if he still has a car, and if he asks us for a ride home, God knows what kind of trouble we could get into.”
“Ross, he’s your brother!” I said.
“Exactly.”
I asked him how he could sleep easily knowing his brother might be all alone in the middle of town and he responded, “Trust me, I sleep like a baby.” But after much arguing, and after me browbeating him, he groaned and nodded at Will, who cut the wheel, parked in front of the bar, and honked.
Mike walked over beneath the rain and peered into the window, then smiled and shouted, “Hey, little brother!”
“Get in and shut up,” Ross said unenthusiastically.
“Hey, Jenna,” Mike greeted me as he did so. “I guess you guys came to rescue me?” He settled in beside me, smiling, while his brother glared at him in the rearview mirror. “So where are we going?” Mike continued.
“I’m going back to the dorm to sleep.”
“The dorm? But it’s Friday night! It’s time to party!”
I told him I didn’t like to party, and he said I would if I went out with him, and Ross told him not to bother me, and Mike told Ross not to bother him.
Will found the whole thing amusing, but Ross was breathing loudly in frustration.
Changing the subject, I asked Mike, “Do you get thrown out of bars often?”
“I’m good at pissing people off,” he replied. “My brother can tell you that.”
“That’s the first intelligent thing I remember you saying in the last twenty years,” Ross told him.
Mike thanked him sarcastically and told Will to put on some music, which he did, probably to keep from having to hear any more bickering.
Mike belted out every song that came on full-throated while Will stared straight ahead and Ross scowled.
It seemed endless. I was happy when we arrived, and I thanked Will for bringing me home as I threw on my jacket.
“Thank you, Will?” Ross asked, offended. “What about me, I’m just a mannequin?”
“And thank you, too, Ross,” I said.
“Now that’s better.”
Mike asked if he didn’t get a goodbye hug, and Ross told him to shut up, which he did, pretending to zip his lips.