6 Forbidden Dreams
Forbidden Dreams
I woke staring at the ceiling, sweating, my heart going a mile a minute.
Had I really dreamed what I just dreamed?
It couldn’t be.
I brought my hands to my face and cursed. No. I couldn’t have. I couldn’t have dreamed that I was doing it with Ross.
I looked over at him, sleeping calmly as an angel. He exhaled, gathered his pillow under his head, slid a hand under his cheek.
This wasn’t right. I didn’t like Ross. Why had I dreamed that, then? Was I losing my grip on myself after sleeping with him just one night? Did I feel guilty? But I hadn’t done anything wrong! And even if I had, Monty and I had a deal. So what the hell was going on? Why did I feel so hysterical?
I edged over a bit and rubbed my eyes, trying to relax. What was I supposed to do now? Just stay there? No. That was the one thing that was clear to me. I needed to go. ASAP. Figure things out.
I threw on my workout clothes, pulled my hair back in a ponytail, and left the room. No one had gotten up yet, so I wouldn’t have to explain why I looked so frantic.
The worst thing wasn’t the dream itself. The worst thing was…I had liked it. A lot. Too much. More than I ever had with Monty. Not that Monty and I had really done it enough for me to know.
I wanted to pound my own temples with my fists.
I went for a longer run than normal, trying to clear my head.
An hour and a half I stayed out. I wanted to be exhausted so the next time I slept, I wouldn’t have to worry about any sex dreams. When I was done, my knees and calves were aching.
I stopped a moment at the door to Ross’s building, bent over and panting.
Just then, my phone rang. My sister.
“Hey, Shannon,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
“Somebody’s panting. Were you out for a run, or is it something more interesting?”
“Running,” I said.
“Spencer would be proud of you. Since he got that job as a gym teacher, he’s obsessed with how everyone needs to exercise. Even me.”
“Exercise is good for you, Shannon.”
“Error. Exercising makes me tired. Being tired is bad for me. Therefore, exercise is bad for me.”
“I can’t question your logic,” I said, shaking my head.
“I’m calling because Mom told me you were moving back home.”
“What she means is she wants me to move back home. Obviously I’m not doing it.”
“Yeah,” Shannon replied. “I get the feeling they’re not crazy about being at home with just the guys.”
“You think?” I laughed.
My sister screamed at her son to stop running around before he fell and cracked his head open. Then she came back on and asked me what we were talking about.
“The thing with Mom, a.k.a. our financial problems.”
“Are you going to get a job, then?” she asked.
“I haven’t had time to look. But a friend offered to let me stay with him for a bit.”
“Did you say him ?” I’d hoped she wouldn’t notice.
“Shannon, don’t.”
“What kind of friend are we talking about?”
I reminded her I still had a boyfriend.
“Oh, you do. May I ask why?”
My sister couldn’t stand Monty. She had made that clear the first time she’d ever seen him, furrowing her nose and shaking her head. Nothing about her opinion had changed since, and I doubted it ever would.
“I like being with him,” I said. “What do you hate so much about him?”
“To start with, his name.”
“Everyone says that, Shannon. It’s so stupid.”
“I don’t know. I think there’s a lot to a name. Like your new friend… What’s his name?”
“Ross. I mean, that’s his last name. His first name’s Jack, but everyone calls him Ross.”
“See? That’s a normal name. I can already tell he’s better for you than Monty.”
“Whatever, Shannon. I need to shower.”
“Are you coming home for Christmas?” she asked.
“I know it seems like forever from now, but two and a half months can pass quickly. And Mom’s already freaking out about if everyone will fit and what she needs to cook and all that.
And don’t forget Mom’s birthday. That’s coming up soon and you really ought to be there. ”
“Shannon, I need a plane ticket to get there and I barely have a cent to my name.”
“Well, figure it out.”
“Thanks for being so supportive,” I told her before ringing off. I walked inside the building at the same time as an old woman who smiled at me and held the door. I wanted to say something nice to her, but nothing occurred to me. She asked me if I lived there.
“Yeah. For now.”
She smiled and said, “With the kids on the fourth floor, right?”
“You know them?”
“Yes, I’ve lived here for quite some time. They’re very good people.”
“Yeah, especially Ross. I guess he owns the place, and he invited me to stay there when I needed it. I doubt even my best friend would have done that for me.”
As I said that, I remembered my dream and got uncomfortable again.
I tried to reach for the 4 button, but the woman had already done it.
I asked her if she was our neighbor from across the hall, and she nodded.
I could tell she was sizing me up. I got nervous as I worried she might complain about the noise or tell me too many people were living there. But her expression was kind and gentle.
“Oh, when I was your age…” she said nostalgically. “I’d have loved to live with a couple of guys. I’d have set that apartment on fire, if you know what I mean. You can’t imagine what we were like back then in the seventies. We did things you kids now wouldn’t even dream of.”
Would this elevator never stop moving?
“So what, are you doing the walk of shame?” she asked.
“No! I, uh…”
“You can tell me.”
For some reason, I trusted her. Or maybe I was desperate, and I needed to tell the story, and I felt more confident with a stranger than with anyone I knew.
So I told her about my dream about Ross, and how I felt bad about it because he was supposed to be just a friend, plus he was kind of my landlord and I needed to keep things professional, but she cut me off. “So how was he?”
Jesus, this old lady was spicy!
“Not bad,” I said. “Better than my boyfriend. Who I feel like I just betrayed.”
She laughed and said, “Well, it sounds like a good start to the day. If I were you, I’d take it as a sign. Turn those dreams into realities!”
Finally the elevator stopped, we both stepped into the hall, and she opened her apartment door, turning back quickly and winking. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll keep your secret!”
Before I could reply, Ross opened the door, looking surprised. “Did you go for a run?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Not all of us can eat pizza four days a week and stay thin just because…”
Ross looked like he was going to say something back, but then the old woman called out from behind me, “Hey, Jackie!”
Did they know each other? I mean, she did say she’d lived there for a long time…
“Hey, Grandma,” Ross said with a smile.
Oh no.
No, please.
Had I really just told a grandmother I was having sex dreams about her grandson?
I hoped my cheeks were red enough from exercising that no one could tell I was blushing.
For the second time since the day had started, I wished the earth would just swallow me up.
To make things worse, Ross grabbed me around the waist just then and pulled me close as he introduced us, “Jen, this is my grandmother, Agnes. Grandma, this is my new roommate.”
“We just met,” she said with a malevolent smile.
“Cool,” Ross said, slightly confused. I was tongue-tied, too ashamed to move. But his grandmother salvaged the situation by telling us goodbye. “Well, I need to get some breakfast. You kids behave, now.”
As she vanished inside, I pulled away from Ross and entered the apartment. How could I be such a loser? Trying to tell myself what had just happened hadn’t happened, I overheard Ross say, “Man, you are drenched with sweat. It’s kind of sexy, though.”
“You’re gross,” I responded.
“Are you surprised?” He opened the fridge and took out a slice of cold pizza.
“Do you not have something healthier to eat?” I asked. “I’ve never seen a more depressing refrigerator in my life.”
“What do you mean, depressing? It’s got beer in it. How could a fridge with beer in it be depressing?”
“You know, a lot of people your age, when they have roommates, they keep a jar everyone puts cash into every week and then someone goes to the store and buys groceries for the house. It’s a good policy, maybe you should try it.”
He looked at me confused. “I don’t know,” he said. “I like pizza. I told you, I’m a simple guy.”
“We’re going grocery shopping, Ross.”
“You and me?”
“Yeah. I saw a supermarket right across the street.”
“Yeah, it seems like Will told me something about it one time.”
“Ross! How long have you lived here?”
“A year and a half.”
“You’ve lived here a year and a half and you’ve never gone to the supermarket.
I swear. You can be so smart sometimes and then turn around and be such an idiot.
Well, get ready for a new life experience, because I’m not going to eat takeout the whole time I’m here.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go take a shower. ”
“Can I come?” he asked, his mouth full of pizza.
“No!” I set off down the hall.
“Boring!” he shouted.
“Pervert!” I shouted back, hearing him chuckle as I shut the door.
“Free-range organic chicken?” Ross read from the label, picking a package up and setting it back down in the cart before pushing it further down the supermarket aisle. “Why free-range?”
“Because that means it had a good life. Not cooped up in a tiny cage getting pumped full of chemicals.”
“Does that change the flavor?”
I didn’t know, so I didn’t say, looking down at our items and counting them off: “Let’s see, we’ve got chicken, pepper, oil, milk, cereal…”
“Beef for my chili…”
“And eggs and fruit and vegetables.”
“Fruit and vegetables,” he said. “Disgusting.”
“Are we missing anything?”
“Beer. Laugh if you want, Jen, but that’s a basic necessity in our place.”
“You’ve already got enough beer. What we need is tomato sauce.”