Chapter 33
I haven’t moved from where Grayson left me. I remain in the fetal position, curled tight. I don’t have to look to know I’m bleeding.
My room darkens as the clouds shift to cover the moon.
I focus on Mom. I’m so angry she left me. She had to know Grayson would turn his ferocity to me. He’s right, she was weak. She took the coward’s way out. What true and loving mother would leave their daughter in this fallout? Not one I care to hold fond memories for.
The air in my room shifts as Grayson steps in. He stands in the dark doorway, staring at me. If he’s back for more, have at it. I don’t care.
With a long and weary sigh, he approaches me. He reaches down, and I flinch away.
“There, there,” he gently says, reaching for me again.
Carefully, he helps me to my feet. I stare him straight on, letting him see the cavernous void in my soul. Because that was his goal. Well, goal attained.
Another soft sigh escapes his lips as he cautiously wraps his arms around me in a comforting hug.
“I’m sorry,” he lightly says. “I was mad about something else and unfairly took it out on you.”
Despite the deep-rooted pain clawing over my back, I still melt into his embrace.
It feels so good and kind. He keeps one arm around me as he leads me to my bed.
He helps me take off my cotton dress, leaving me in just my bra and underwear.
It’s the first time I’ve been this naked in front of him.
I should probably be embarrassed, but I’m not.
“Lie down on your stomach,” he softly says. “I’ll be back.”
I do as he says and, breathing slowly, I relish the air that soothes my raw back.
He returns. “This might sting a bit.”
Lightly, he pats the first welt with a peroxide-soaked cotton ball. I hiss and flinch.
“There, there,” he tenderly says, continuing.
I don’t hiss or flinch after that. I simply stay very still, loving how kind and affectionate he’s being.
“Don’t worry. We’ll tell everyone you fell through a glass door.”
Pacing the room is doing me no good. I’ve lost interest in my guitar. It now sits in its case, waiting to be picked up again. The Dallas scene outside my hotel window is the same repetitive thing—just people coming and going.
I’ve spent the last couple of days warring with myself over things back home with Brynn being followed.
Hey, it’s okay. I promise. All that matters is we got you to safety.
Brynn’s words come back to me and provide some level of comfort.
She’s got great parents. They’d never let anything happen to her.
Anne walks into our room. “Okay, you’re coming with me. I am so sick of you moping around.”
“Coming where?”
She gives me a tolerant look. “Are you kidding me?”
I shrug. Honestly, I don’t know what she’s talking about.
“The holiday party. Didn’t you get the invite from Ms. Kelly?”
I search through my brain and come up empty, but who the heck knows with how distracted I’ve been? “I guess.”
With a sigh, Anne grabs my hand and drags me out the door.
On the first floor of the hotel, there’s an enormous conference center that Ms. Kelly rented out. As we step inside, I immediately look to see if there are any reporters or cameras. But it’s a private one, with just the tour people and their plus-ones.
Four gigantic Christmas trees take up each corner, and twinkle lights drape from the ceiling. Food and drink stations line the walls. People pack the place, but the gigantic room makes it seem spacious in an overwhelming yet intimate way.
I take in everyone’s holiday clothes, looking down at my own usual jeans and screen print tee. I’m underdressed. Big time.
Anne’s very much in holiday mode with a white sequined top, black skinny jeans, and red stripes dyed into her faux-hawk. She even traded her usual eyebrow hoop for a red ball.
“You look really nice,” I tell her.
She gives me an odd look. “You saw me getting ready.”
She’s right. I did. Have I been that out of it?
“Listen, I don’t know what has been wrong with you, but you’re even more withdrawn than usual, and frankly, that worries me. Have some fun, okay? Have a drink. If somebody comes up to talk to you, then talk, for God’s sake. Make a new friend.”
I hate that I’ve worried her.
She hugs me. It’s the first one we’ve had since I hugged her in our hotel room back in Pittsburgh. God, does it feel good, so good I give her one last squeeze before she saunters off.
I stand by myself, listening to the holiday music and watching the fun. Such a normal thing. Even though I tell myself not to, I scan for West, but I don’t see him. I do see Toby, the drummer, on the other side of the room, surpringsingly behaving himself.
I walk over to one of the drink stands where the bartender gives me a friendly nod. “Want the holiday special?”
“Sure.” I take the glass he hands me and note my hands are shaking. What am I even doing here? What if I freak out again like I did at the other party?
“Everything okay?” the bartender asks. I nod and take a big gulp and cough.
He chuckles. “Easy there, killer.”
I chuckle with him and turn to survey the crowd again. Across the ballroom stand West and Simon with Illana and Kirstie. Of course, Illana’s here. Perfect, gorgeous, model Illana. Jealousy pings around in me, and it only irritates me. I have no place being jealous.
I take another big sip. This is good.
“What’s your job?” the bartender asks.
I turn toward him. He’s not so much cute, but he’s got a pleasantness to him that pulls it out in me, too. “I’m a roadie. I work mostly in sound.”
“That’s cool.”
Someone comes up to the bar, and I turn back to the crowd and West. He’s staring at me now and gives me a tiny acknowledging nod. Come talk to me, I will him.
Illana looks then. She touches his arm to draw his attention away.
It may be my imagination, but it seems to take him way too long to look at her. What is he thinking? Does he want me here? Does he want me to leave? I can’t tell.
I finish off the drink and set the glass down.
“Another?” the bartender asks.
I nod. “Sure.”
He quickly mixes it and hands it to me. “Probably should get some food. There’s more liquor in that than you think.”
Good suggestion. But as I walk over to a buffet, I catch my step.
Whoa. He’s right on the liquor. I load a plate up with meatballs, find a spot at an empty table, and eat them faster than I’ve ever eaten anything in my life.
What can I say, I’m hungry and buzzed, and being buzzed makes me stop thinking.
I wipe my mouth and look back across the room. Illana’s touching West’s arm, pressing her breast into him as she whispers into his ear. But he’s looking over to the bar where I just was.
I want to wave so he sees me, but that’s idiotic.
Her hand slides across his chest, and I grit my teeth. Her nails flex into him, and I take my drink and down half of it. It helps numb me even more.
“You look kind of out of place,” says some guy who comes up beside me.
I turn toward him, taking in his shaved head. “Didn’t know I was coming, otherwise I would’ve worn a dress or something.”
Chuckling, he nods at my shirt. “Yeah, but then Tweety Bird would’ve missed out.” He sits down beside me. “My name’s Jerome.”
“Eve,” I tell him and take another deep sip. It rolls down, fuzzing my thoughts even more.
Jerome shifts closer. “You here with anybody?”
I give that more thought than it needs. “My friend, Anne.”
“Not a date then?”
I giggle and then frown. Did I just giggle?
He shifts even closer, and now we’re almost touching. “You’re the only girl in here with blue hair.”
“I’m a blonde.” Woops, I probably shouldn’t have told him that.
Jerome leans in. “I’m not bald.”
I glance back across the room to West. He’s staring at me again. It makes the hairs on my neck tingle. Without really thinking about it, I finish off the drink.
“I’ll go get you another,” Jerome says.
Still staring at West, I slowly nod.
West doesn’t say anything to the group he’s standing with, just steps away, and comes straight toward me.
Behind him, Illana says something, and he ignores her.
I watch him the whole way, consumed by his presence.
God, I’ve missed him, and the closer he comes, the more it hits me just how much that’s true.
Finally, he’s in front of me.
“Hi,” I say.
He doesn’t say hi back. “How many of those have you had?”
“One. No, two.” I frown. “Maybe three.”
Jerome comes back with my third. Or fourth. He gives West a confused look. I offer them both a smile.
West takes the drink from Jerome. “Thanks, but she’s with me.”
“I didn’t know.” Jerome holds his hands up. “Sorry, dude.”
He walks off, and I turn to West. I’m with him? That’s interesting.
He doesn’t seem as amazed as I do. “Can you walk?”
“Sure.” I shrug. “Why?”
He arches a brow. I get up, the room tilts, and I reach out at the same time West grabs my arm.
I giggle. West sighs.
And that makes me giggle more.
“What are you doing?” he groans.
I take the drink from West’s hand and down another gulp. “Trying to blend in. Trying to be normal.”
He plucks the glass right back out of my hand and sets it down. “Not like this, Eve.” He grabs my hand and leads me straight across the ballroom and out into the lobby.
“Where are we going?”
“To your room.” He presses the button for the elevator. “You’re buzzed and too naive to know how guys will take advantage of that. I don’t want to worry about watching you the whole time.”
“I’m not na?ve!”
West clenches his jaw and leads me into the elevator. I stare at his hard jaw, and the more I stare, the more my buzz transitions into anger.
The elevator dings, and he steps out. “What room are you in?”
“Room 843,” I tell him, studying the blurred number plaques on the wall.
He holds his hand out. “Let me have your key.”
I fumble in my back pocket, giving it over, and slowly I follow him down the hall. Hot tears unexpectedly press, and my bottom lip begins to tremble. I don’t want to be back here.
West opens my door, pausing. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know.” Sniffing, I walk past him and into my room.
West hovers in the door. “Eve…”
I fall back on the bed, throwing my arms over my face. “I’ll be fine.”
Quietness ticks by, and I find myself missing the party. The music. The bartender. My drink. A tear slides free, and I wipe it with my hand. I’ve cried more since meeting West than I have in my entire life. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad.
I blow out a breath, and somewhere in the distance, the sound of the ice machine pops as it releases cubes.
What am I going to do? West is the first real thing I’ve ever felt, and I screwed it up. My past is crowding my present and making it impossible to have a future. He’s not even my friend anymore, and here I am right back where I always am. Alone in my barrier.
I scoff. I’m unbelievable.
My hotel door clicks closed, and I shoot straight up in bed to see West standing inside my room.
I give him a dark look. “You didn’t leave?”
He shakes his head and flips the dead bolt.
The click echoes through the room and my mind. I lick my lips. “What do you want?”
He crosses the room and puts my key on the desk. He opens a water bottle and shoves it at me. “Drink.”
“That’s a five-dollar water bottle you just opened!”
“I’ll pay the five. Now drink.”
I do, guzzling almost half of it, and when I’m done, I repeat, “What do you want?”
“You and me? We’re having this thing out.” He jabs a finger at me. “I swear to God if you clam up on me, I will leave and I will never talk to you again.”