Chapter 44
I have to do this. There are no other choices. No one to call, nowhere to run. Brynn certainly can’t help me.
Clutching my gown, I take a deep breath and try to clear my mind. “Tell me what to do.”
The private physician squeezes my hand. “Scoot your bottom to the end of the table and put your feet in these stirrups. Then lie back and spread your legs.”
I blush.
“Now don’t worry about that part,” he interjects quickly.
“I’ll put a sheet over you and cover you completely.
I’m going to insert this device,” he holds up some silver thing, “into your vagina and open it up a little. It’s not painful,” he assures me.
“You’ll feel a little pressure, that’s all. There’s no need to be embarrassed.”
I appreciate his attempt at reassuring me, but I just want to get the whole thing over with.
Afterwards, I hear Grayson in the hall. “Thank you, doctor. It’s times like these I wish her mother were here. Now that she’s becoming a woman, I wanted to make sure she had her first physical.”
“Yes, I understand. You did the right thing.”
Grayson comes back in, finding me still in the gown, sitting up on the examination table. He carries a folder. “Well done, Laura. Turns out you’re not a whore after all. In fact, just the opposite.” A pleased smile creeps in. “Noah Riley does love a virgin.”
I wake in the hammock, staring at the wood planks of the porch’s ceiling, orienting myself. A chill runs through me, and I realize the blanket has slid off.
My knees are bent, spread wide in a pelvic exam position.
Groggily, I close them and pull the blanket back up.
My father had brokered a deal with Noah Riley, a man with very dark and select tastes in young women.
That exam had happened one week before Brynn helped me run.
She saved me from Grayson, sure, but also whatever horror Noah Riley had planned.
A giant portion of Grayson’s presidential backing was coming from Noah. Without the deal for me, I didn’t think that money would come through. The fact that it still has unsettles me. What does Grayson have up his sleeve?
I hate him for everything he’s done to me. That hate burns through my gut, and I rub my hand across my stomach to alleviate the fire.
Rolling over onto my side, I see West sitting in the corner of the porch, a lit candle beside him, staring out into the night.
“Hey,” I whisper. “You should’ve woken me up.”
“I couldn’t. You looked too damn peaceful.” He gets up and crawls into the hammock, pulling me into a snuggle under the blanket. “I’m sorry I was at Omar’s for so long.”
I cuddle into his arms and his clean scent. “Power is still out?”
“Yes.” With a sigh, he looks out across the valley. “Tomorrow we have to fly separate ways.”
I sit up. “What? Why?”
“I’m sorry. Some last-minute promo thing. But I’ll be at the hotel with the rest of you all by tomorrow night.”
“Oh, okay then.”
He tugs me back down and hugs me close. “Eve, I want you to know I’ve never brought a girl to this cabin before.”
His admission has me completely forgetting everything and focusing on him and me, and a sweet longing for more of everything.
He tucks the blanket around both of us and kisses my forehead.
Months ago, I would’ve never been able to be here like this.
But I love his arms around me. So strong and beautifully intimate.
“You okay?” I ask sometime later. “You’re so quiet. I’m not used to this side of you.”
West trails his fingers down my arm, and it sends a shiver dancing after it. “Just thinking, that’s all.”
“About?”
“You and me. But mostly you. I want to know you, all of you. Inside and out. But I don’t know if there’s anything I can be doing differently. Is there?”
Everything inside of me gentles. “You’re doing a great job.”
“Sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way.”
His confusion makes me wish I could be different from what I am. “I’m doing the best I can,” I tell him.
He nuzzles my cheek with his nose. “I didn’t mean that you weren’t.”
“Just don’t give up on me, okay?”
“Deal. But you don’t give up on me, either.”
I press my hand into his side and pull him closer. “I won’t. I never will.”
West kisses me, soft and tender, like I’m the most cherished thing in his life. I swear every kiss from him seems better than the others. How is that even possible? He shifts a little, tucking me in even tighter, and I let out a effortless sigh as I simply relax into him.
We continue lying in the hammock, and idly, I stare at the flickering candle illuminating the porch. If I could freeze this moment, I would.
“I can’t wait to make love to you,” he whispers.
“I feel the same way,” I whisper back.
“But just because I said that doesn’t mean there’s pressure. I hope you know that.”
“I do.”
He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Do me a favor?”
I nod.
“Relax and enjoy what we have. It’s pretty damn special.” He pauses for a second. “You said earlier you wanted to talk?”
I was kind of hoping he’d forgotten that. “Yes.”
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but let’s wait on that talk. Something tells me it might change our course, and I’m not as ready for that as I thought.”
Interestingly enough, I don’t feel relief. I feel even more anxiety. “When then?”
“Soon. In the meantime, I have something to say to you.”
I wait, but he doesn’t speak, and so I lift my head and look at him. Except something’s different. There’s an emotion in him that I haven’t seen before—nerves, hesitancy, excitement, fear… It’s an odd combination.
He takes a deep breath and, on the exhale, says, “I love you, Eve. So unbelievably much that I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“Oh, West…”
“God, that felt good to say.” He blows out a shaky breath.
I love him, too. How can I not? He’s extraordinary. He’s spectacular. He’s perfect, and the way his eyes crinkle when he’s amused… I like that the most.
He’s turned my life around. With his never-ending patience, friendship, and witty humor, he’s brought an enticement to my existence that I never realized I needed. My perpetual sense of loneliness dissipated the moment I met him.
But I don’t say any of that, and I don’t say those three words back. Because it’s not fair to him. I’m not the person he thinks I am. Until he knows the complete truth, I’ll keep those three words carefully protected inside.