Chapter 10
TEN
CIARA
I stared at the enormous pile of white fur doing his best impression of a throw rug on the floor of my flat. “I know you’ve basically forsaken all others since Isobel came into your world, and that you miss her like crazy, but kindly remember that I am your favorite aunt, who brings you all the bacon-flavored dog treats you want.”
Havoc, my brother’s massive dog who had totally claimed Isobel as his person the moment he met her, gave a half-hearted thump of his tail and looked at me with big, liquid eyes, as if I could somehow make his people change their minds to take him up to the exclusive recording studio in the Hebrides where Isobel was starting the re-record of her next album.
He was staying with me until they returned in a few weeks’ time. Honestly, I was surprised they hadn’t taken him along. Havoc had even gone on the last leg of her tour and become utterly adored by everyone involved with the show. But I supposed it would have been a challenge to take him to Italy for the two weeks they were spending in Tuscany to celebrate their engagement before heading north. So, I had a furry flatmate for the foreseeable future. I didn’t mind. I enjoyed sharing my space with another living creature. I’d considered getting a dog myself, but with the hours I worked during peak season, that hardly seemed fair. Plus, while my flat was plenty of room for me, it wasn’t ideal for a long-term canine companion of anything but the purse dog variety.
No, thank you. I wanted a big warm body to curl up in the crook of my legs and drape over my feet.
Right, because that’s a reasonable substitute for the adult companionship you’re not getting these days.
That made my brain shoot to Alex and how it had felt to have him wrapped around me in sleep.
No. Nope. Not going there right now. Or ever.
“Listen, how about we go for a walk? Get a wee bit of exercise? I know it’s not the same as tromping around the forest out back of the house, but there will be stuff to sniff, aye? And maybe we’ll stop by the market to pick up some sausages for dinner.”
At the “s” word, Havoc’s ears perked up. Sausage might be the only thing he loved nearly as much as Isobel.
“There’s a good lad. C’mon.”
He came to his feet and walked straight into the harness I held for him. I clipped the buckles and snapped on his leash, and we trotted down the stairs and around to the high street.
The weather was gorgeous, and as it was one of my days off, I had hours to spend on anything I wanted. We’d start with the walk and a few errands, then maybe I’d think about taking Havoc out to Lochmara for a hike around the loch. Maybe he could have a playdate with Dugal, Kyla and Raleigh’s pup. Tall enough to reach my ribs, Havoc dwarfed him, but what Dugal lacked in size, he made up for with enthusiasm.
Rather than continue on past the pub, I kept going on the cross street, following the pavement toward a residential area. Of course, that took me straight past Hamish’s office and, thus, Alex’s flat. I didn’t let myself glance up at his windows, but that didn’t stop me from thinking of him.
It had been two days since Kissageddon.
Forty-eight hours since he’d turned my world upside down—again—and left me wound tighter than a bowstring. The whole thing had been enough to make me almost forget entirely about Afton’s recent pregnancy announcement, which had been the whole reason I’d been going to the market on an event day to begin with. There’d been an unfortunate morning sickness incident that meant a last-minute change to the menu.
I hadn’t thought through the ramifications of calling on Alex for help. I’d been so caught up in the surprise of having transitioned from merely awkward with Brodie into truly uncomfortable, edging toward feeling legitimately unsafe, that seeing Alex had been a relief. Regardless of the fact that my heart wasn’t safe with him, I’d known he’d step in to rescue me without hesitation, and I’d used the only shorthand I could think of to ask without making a scene.
I should’ve known better. I should have understood that he’d take that to mean I wanted a repeat performance of exactly what he’d done in Edinburgh, with another man who hadn’t taken no for an answer. Playing my boyfriend was not, in and of itself, a problem. But then he’d kissed me.
I’d spent years telling myself that I’d romanticized and inflated the whole thing. But the reality was so much better than I remembered. The moment his mouth touched mine, every ounce of resolve I’d had simply melted away, and I’d all but climbed him like a tree. Heat warmed my cheeks at the memory. The echoes of that kiss had been rattling through me ever since, eroding all the walls I’d thrown up against him.
The truth was, my anger at him was waning. My hurt over what he’d done hadn’t dimmed in the least, but maintaining that degree of fury for any length of time was so bloody hard to do. I just… didn’t have the energy to stay actively mad. That was part of why I’d wanted to avoid him. Because psyching myself up to get angry all over again simply left me knackered.
And then the damned kiss reminded me of everything I was missing. Everything I wanted and gave up on because I’d convinced myself I’d dreamed that kind of chemistry and connection. With the irrefutable proof of it replaying in high definition in my brain, I didn’t think I could delude myself again.
Which left me where, exactly?
“Ciara!”
The female voice jerked me out of my musings to find Flora McGowan stepping out of the chemist’s. Holy crap, in all my woolgathering, I’d circled all the way back to the high street.
“Mrs. McGowan, hello. How are you today?”
“Fine and well, and you?” She shifted her bag up to the crook of her arm to free her hands and bent to give Havoc a good scratch behind the ears. He groaned and leaned into her touch.
“I’m well. Just doing a spot of dog sitting for Ewan and Isobel, while they’re out of town.”
“I heard about their engagement. I’m so pleased for them both. They make such a lovely couple.”
I smiled. “They do. They’ve been good for each other.”
“Have they set a date for the wedding yet?”
“Oh, not yet. I’m sure that’ll depend on album releases and tour schedules, and whatnot. But no doubt word will get around when they do.”
Mrs. McGowan’s lively green eyes sparked as she smiled at me. “And perhaps you’ll be following along next?”
My fingers flexed on the leash. “Pardon?”
“I heard tell you’ve been stepping out with one of Ewan’s friends. The black-haired one. Hettie Fraser said you had quite the lip-lock outside the market the other day.” The pink in the old woman’s cheeks said she was delighted by this news.
I should have known that he couldn’t have kissed the bejeezus out of me and not have tongues start wagging. I realized I had to decide whether to correct people’s assumption that Alex and I were seeing each other. It was exactly the impression I’d intended, insofar as it came to Brodie. So long as he considered me available, he’d keep coming round. But he hadn’t been the only one to see, and these were more of those consequences I hadn’t foreseen.
This was going to get back to Ewan. Hell, it was probably going to make it to my parents, if not before, then certainly by the time they returned from their cruise. Bollocks. I didn’t want to make explanations to any of them. Either I was forced to admit the truth, that the situation with Brodie had gotten out of hand, which would lead to it getting even more out of hand when the men in my life elected to go take care of the situation themselves. Or I had to consider an alternative that was unarguably crazy and one thousand percent ill advised.
I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.
Forcing what I hoped appeared to be an easy smile, I shrugged. “Oh, I’m in no hurry to walk down the aisle myself.”
There. That was neither confirmation nor denial. I needed to get out of here before she asked more questions.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to be getting on. My best to Mr. McGowan.” With a little wave, I left her on the pavement, heading for the far end of the high street.
Maybe by the time I made it to my destination, I’d have talked myself out of the lunacy I was contemplating.