Chapter 20
TWENTY
CIARA
Despite the chill wind that told me winter was well on the way, I leaned over the fence rail to scratch the nearest shaggy head of one of Pippa’s herd of Heiland coos. They provided the milk she turned into the artisan cheese that was her passion. It hadn’t yet outstripped her remote computer coding gig as a job, but all the progress she’d made in the past few years meant she was well on her way to being able to call herself the Cheese Queen of the Highlands. Not that she’d ever call herself such a thing. She was far too shy to make such an assertion. But I absolutely would on her behalf. That was what friends did.
The cow leaned into my touch with a groan.
“Betsy likes that, she does. She’ll take all the cuddles.”
“Do you ever want to bring them in, like Raleigh and Kyla did Mabel when she was a baby?”
My cousin and her husband had found an orphaned calf in the wild and brought her back home. In the early days, she’d been kept inside like a big dog, and even now that she’d moved fully outside, she raced around with their pup, Dugal, as if he were her very tiny brother.
“I have my moments, but sanity usually prevails. I do keep a cot out in the barn, though, just in case my ladies need anything.” Pippa reached over the rail to love on one of the other cows that had sidled up for some attention. “How are you? How are… things?”
That was as good a way as any to describe the situation with Brodie. I jerked my shoulders in a restless shrug. “It’s been almost two weeks. There’ve been no weird deliveries or messages. No hang up phone calls. It’s been quiet, which has me a bit paranoid, I guess. I want to believe it’s over, but I don’t trust it, you know?”
“Given everything he’s pulled, that’s not surprising.”
After the dead flowers, I’d finally broken down and told my friends and cousins everything. I’d convinced them to keep it from Ewan, as I knew he’d rush back, and I didn’t want to do anything to interrupt Isobel’s creative focus. As I’d predicted, all the assorted menfolk had been furious I hadn’t come to them for help. Alex had intervened there and reassured them he had the situation well in hand. What that meant, I had no idea. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But it put everyone else’s mind at ease. I’d also asked everyone to hold off on telling my parents, who’d been out of the country on a three-week river cruise through Europe. They’d gotten home last night, and no doubt, I’d have explanations to make at the next family dinner, but at least I’d bought myself some time.
“Honestly, the only thing keeping my parents from demanding I move home is the fact that Alex installed security on my flat, and he’s still escorting me to and from work.” I gave an uneasy laugh. “I feel a little like I’m playing hooky right now, coming out here on my own for this pickup.” I’d even left Havoc back at the castle. It hadn’t seemed fair to stuff him into my car for the long drive both ways when he wouldn’t get a good chance for a romp in between.
Pippa’s brows drew together. “Should you be on your own?”
“I can’t always have a bodyguard. Alex has his own job.” And I didn’t want to change my whole life because of a threat that might be over.
“How are things going with him?”
I hardly knew what to say. The truth was that things with Alex were feeling all too real, exactly as Sophie had warned me they would. We’d been spending more and more time together because of the situation with Brodie. I actually had to remind myself on the regular that we weren’t really together, because he was the first person I contacted when I woke up in the morning and the last one I spoke to at night because we usually shared our evening meal.
If everything with Brodie was truly over, then I needed to put an end to this fake relationship before I got in over my head.
I ignored the voice in the back of my mind that insisted I was already going under for the third time.
Pippa was still studying me with those big, dark eyes behind her glasses.
“Things are fine.”
The beads on her braids clacked as she angled her head and arched one dark brow. “When I’ve seen you two together, it definitely looks more than fine. But I can’t blame you for being wary and taking things one day at a time after everything that happened with Brodie. That has to have shaken your confidence.”
My confidence had been shaken long before Brodie, when I’d let myself believe that a one-night stand might be the start of forever. But the latest situation certainly didn’t help matters in that department.
“True enough.” Stepping back from the fence, I shoved my hands into my pockets. “I should get back. Afton sends her profound thanks for the extra cheese for recipe testing. She’s got big plans.”
“I hope she’ll share some of whatever she makes with it. I’m always interested in trying new applications.”
“I’m sure she will. You know there’s nothing she loves more than sharing her food.”
“Must be nice working with her.”
I laughed. “It does not suck.”
Bidding my friend farewell, I got into my car and headed back toward Ardinmuir. It was a twenty-five-minute drive from Pippa’s croft at Lochmara all the way back to the castle. Good thinking time before I got back to work and immersed myself in the plans for our latest client.
Really, calling things off with Alex was the only sane move. We weren’t like Connor and Sophie. This wasn’t going to turn into some kind of new romance. We weren’t going to get a surprise happily ever after. Despite being surrounded by them, I wasn’t at all sure they truly existed. Not for me. Alex hadn’t said anything about changing the terms of our arrangement, making things real. If I’d harbored a few fantasies in that direction, well, I was no longer letting that foolish schoolgirl run my life. I was smarter now. More independent. I didn’t need a man in my life to be complete.
But God, I wanted one. Or more properly, I wanted him. I’d probably want Alex Conroy as long as my body still drew breath.
But there could be no possibility of a second chance—or even, really, a true first—without trust. A part of me wanted to give more trust because he was so close to Ewan. But that trust only extended so far as believing he truly wanted to protect me and had the skills to do so. I knew my brother had trusted his life to these men and vice versa. That didn’t automatically make them all decent relationship prospects for anyone, though. The reality was that Alex didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth of why he’d ghosted me three years ago. And I didn’t trust my own judgment when it came to relationships anymore. Which left us right back at square one.
Another vehicle came up fast behind me. My attention automatically shifted to the mirror. Not a 4x4 I recognized, but they were ubiquitous up here. With the glare off the windscreen, I couldn’t see who might be driving. Their flashers weren’t on, but maybe the driver had some sort of emergency. I tapped the brake, intending to slow down and pull over so they could pass.
But nothing happened. My car didn’t slow.
Heart leaping into my throat, I pressed the brake again and again, feeling less resistance each time.
The dark SUV was right on my bumper, but I could hardly focus on that. I had no brakes, and my car was picking up speed. My hands gripped the wheel so hard, my knuckles turned white.
Think, think, think!
I pressed the button on the wheel to activate hands-free calling. “Call Alex!”
“Calling Alex.”
The phone rang once, twice. “Ciara?”
“My brakes are out, someone is riding my bumper, and I don’t know what to do!”
“Where are you?” His voice was sharp but calm, which cut through a little of my own terror.
“On the forest road headed back from Lochmara. I’m maybe a mile from the bridge over the gorge.”
“Take your foot off the gas entirely.”
“I did that already. I’m going downhill.”
“Pump the brakes. Sometimes it’ll build enough pressure to give you a little bit of braking power.”
I did as he ordered. “Nothing.”
“Okay. It’s okay. I want you to downshift your car.”
I hit the clutch and did as he said. The car bucked and shuddered, but slowed a little bit. “It’s doing something.”
“Good. Keep going. All the way down.”
I’d made it to second gear when the SUV hit my bumper. My body whipped forward with the impact, and I screamed.
“Ciara!” Alex wasn’t calm now. I could hear panic in his tone.
“The other driver just rammed me. Whatever speed I lost, I’m moving fast again.”
He swore low and vicious. I could hear noises in the background, like he was getting into a vehicle himself. “Try to pull the emergency brake.”
I yanked the lever, but nothing happened. “It didn’t work.”
“Can you turn at all? Are there any other hills on either side of the road? Any brush?”
“No. No, there’s the river to one side and trees to the other.”
“Any guardrails you can brush?”
“Not until the bridge itself, and I don’t think I can make the curve at this speed.”
“Are you wearing your safety belt?”
“Aye.”
“Okay, I want you to take it off.”
“What?”
“You’re going to steer toward the river.”
“Are you crazy?”
“It gives the best odds for survival. Angle toward it rather than straight on. Make sure the windows are down. Use your hands and feet to protect your head and neck on impact, and get clear of the car as soon as it’s submerged. The current may carry you downstream, but if you just float along, it’ll help prevent injury. It’s going to be okay. I’m coming for you.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks because I knew there was no possible way he’d make it in time. “Alex, I’m scared.”
“I know. So am I. But it’s going to be okay. Aim for the river, Hellcat.”
I stabbed the buttons to lower the windows. Wind immediately whipped into the car, yanking at my hair.
“I’m almost to the bridge!” I shouted. “I’m going for it!”
But just as I was reaching for the button to release my safety belt, the SUV rammed into me again, this time sending me into a spin. I screamed as I felt my tires leave the road, and the car began to roll.