Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
ALEX
When Ciara only stared at me in stunned disbelief, I dropped my gaze. Guilt draped over me like a chain mail blanket. I’d brought this to her doorstep. Not deliberately, but what did that matter in the end? I should never have come here. Never have assumed I’d get to move on and have a normal life. I’d made enemies. The choices I’d made would impact the people I cared about for the rest of my life.
Ciara still hadn’t spoken. I didn’t know what else to say, but I tried anyway.
“I owed you the truth. That’s it. Or as much of it as I can give you. I don’t know what happens next, but I swear to you, I will do whatever I have to in order to make sure you’re safe. No one else will get to you again.”
“I know.”
At her calm, matter-of-fact statement, I lifted my head.
I saw none of the hostility and anger she’d had when I first came back into her life. There wasn’t even really worry, though I was sure that would come later, after she’d had a chance to process. She was looking at me as she had when we met three years ago. With that open acceptance that had been as heady as any drug.
Leaning forward, she cupped my face between her palms and kissed me. Although every instinct I had roared to haul her into me and devour her mouth, glorying in this connection, this moment, I held very still because I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve anything from her.
Easing back, she skimmed her fingers through my hair. “Alex.” Her eyes searched mine. “You were in an impossible situation. And I’m sorry I made it worse.”
I jerked in her hold. “You didn’t?—”
“I did. I’d like to think I would have understood three years ago. My brother was in the Royal Marines for a long time. He never talks about his service. I know some of that is because of security reasons and some because of trauma. We’ve never pushed him. If I’d realized who you were to begin with, I’d probably have been more forgiving.”
Looking into those blue eyes that had haunted my dreams, I gave her the honesty I hadn’t been able to offer before. “If I’d realized who you were to begin with, I never would have touched you.”
She flinched back. Damn it, that wasn’t what I’d meant.
“That’s nothing against you. Your brother is one of my closest friends and was my commanding officer to boot. It was just a line I wouldn’t have knowingly crossed.”
Her expression turned fierce, which was somehow both adorable and attractive. “Then I’m glad you didn’t know, because I don’t regret being with you.”
Her words struck me speechless. Ever since I’d gotten to Glenlaig, I’d felt like one big walking regret. As if I were a permanent reminder to her of a mistake she wished she hadn’t made. I hadn’t blamed her for that at all. Not when I’d handled things with her so poorly.
This was forgiveness I wasn’t at all sure I deserved. But I wanted to grab on with both hands. So I admitted the truth, because I didn’t want to lie to her anymore about anything, if I could help it. “Neither do I.”
How could I regret a moment with this woman? Sure, our connection was awkward and complicated because of my prior relationship with her brother. And I had no idea where we went from here, one way or the other. But I knew exactly how short life could be. If she was willing to give me another chance, who was I to waste it?
Her thumb stroked my stubbled cheek in a slow, back-and-forth rhythm as she stared at me. “Will you be with me now, knowing exactly who I am?”
I went still at the question. She didn’t know what she was asking. I wanted her. I always wanted her. But it wasn’t that simple. I’d been holding myself back for what felt like so long. I didn’t know if I could give her what she needed. “You’re hurt.”
It was a reminder as much to myself as to her.
Her lips curved, and she skimmed her hands across my shoulders. “I’m fine. A little sore, maybe. But orgasms are excellent painkillers.”
I huffed a laugh. “Cheeky minx.”
That smile turned feline as she closed the distance. “You like it.”
“God, do I.”
This time, when she kissed me, I lost the war with myself. Angling my head, I licked along the seam of her lips, groaning as she opened for me. The taste of her was intoxicating. I’d kissed her several times since we’d started this fake dating thing, but she’d always held something back. I could feel the difference of kissing her with no more resistance, no more barriers, no more lies. It was like it had been the first time, but more. Because she was more. And a part of me had known she would be from the moment we met.
Mindful of her injuries, I carefully pulled her in, needing her close, wanting to dive deeper. But my efforts to drag her into my lap were thwarted by our awkward positions. Without breaking the kiss, I rose, lifting her easily before turning and sinking down where she’d been on the sofa, this time with her straddling my hips.
With a contented purr, Ciara settled more firmly against my erection and began to roll her hips. When I’d been with her before, I’d loved how unapologetically she chased her own pleasure. She was a woman who knew what she wanted and went after it. And I was the luckiest bastard that she wanted me, despite everything.
As I worshiped her mouth, I slid my hands beneath her jumper to find soft, velvety skin. She arched into my touch, reaching back to drag off the jumper. I caught a flash of livid bruising from her shoulder, down her chest, and froze.
Ciara slid her fingers into my hair and tipped my head back. “Eyes up here. Unless you’re planning to kiss it all better.”
“That might take a while.”
“We have time,” she insisted and took my mouth again.
And that was my own personal miracle.
We’d only had one night before, and we’d made the most of it. But now I wanted to take my time. To savor and explore every inch. I didn’t know how this situation would end, but I’d treat this as a beginning, and I’d give her every part of myself I could for as long as she wanted me.