28. Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Eight
Jake
“ M egan is pregnant,” Carter blurts out of the blue as we lounge on the sectional in his living room, pretending to watch a war flick neither of us was paying much attention to. My head whips around so fast I can feel my brain slosh against the inside of my skull.
“Come again?” I ask, staring at my best friend like he’s suddenly sprouted a dick from the middle of his forehead.
“Megan and I are going to have a baby. She told me the day I received my acceptance letter from Harvard.”
For a long moment, all I can do is sit there, frozen and a little dazed as I try to process the literal nuclear bomb he oh so casually dropped into my lap.
I imagine this is about the average reaction when you announce a surprise pregnancy to an eighteen-year-old boy, even if that boy isn’t directly affected by it.
“Fucking hell. That’s some serious shit. Are you guys keeping it?”
Carter runs a hard hand down the length of his face before he gives a single nod.
“We are. Neither one of us feels right about getting an abortion. I mean, we’re talking about a human being, right? Our own flesh and blood. ”
I blow out a heavy breath.
“Yeah, I guess so. But what about college? What about your big career? You’ve worked your ass off to get here, man, and you were this close to making all your dreams come true.”
Carter just shrugs, like this doesn’t change fucking everything. Like he’s not about to be responsible for a whole freaking human for the next eighteen-plus years.
“I guess dreams change. Was I freaked out when she first told me? Sure. Was I bummed that Harvard, an education I’ve been working toward for years, is off the table?
Yes. Fucking gutted, dude. But this is the girl I love, and she’s having my baby.
As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one right choice, and that’s staying in Jenkins Creek and providing for my family. ”
I’m gobsmacked. Flabbergasted. Couldn’t respond if I tried.
He does that every now and then, leaving me speechless with his wisdom and general outlook on life.
Always knowing exactly what to say or how to act in any given situation.
So confident in his ability to do right by the people he loves.
Sometimes, I’m quite literally in awe of the guy.
“Would you want Tess to get rid of it?” Glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I push down the unease rising up whenever the focus is shifted toward me.
I’ve never been big on the touchy-feely shit.
But Carter’s been like a brother to me my whole life, and him finding out he’s going to be a father before high school graduation is a huge fucking deal.
Outwardly, he may appear calm and collected, but deep down, he’s gotta be shitting himself.
The least I can do is share my genuine thoughts on the matter and help talk him through this.
Step up and be there for him the way he’s always been there for me because the next few years are going to be really fucking challenging.
“I guess not. But our situations can’t be compared.
” I lean forward, staring at my feet for a prolonged moment before meeting his curious eyes.
“For one, I wasn’t accepted by one of the most prestigious law schools in the country.
Hell, I haven’t even applied to college.
If Tessa were to get pregnant right now, she’d most likely not go to Arizona, and I can’t say I hate the thought of that.
It’s selfish and probably a little unusual for someone my age, but I think I’d probably be happy about it. ”
Carter studies me like he’s trying to determine how much he can safely say without me slamming my protective walls into place.
I have to admit, it doesn’t feel great. Have I really been that prickly lately that he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me?
That’s never been us, and I hate that I’ve let it come to that.
“Would you? Would you truly be happy if she stuck around?” My brows draw together in confusion.
“What kind of question is that?” I ask, voice laced with a heavy dose of suspicion.
I straighten in my seat, getting ready for whatever this is, and angle my body toward him.
“Of course, I’d be happy. I mean, first and foremost, I want her to follow her dreams. I wouldn’t want her staying out of some misguided sense of obligation or, worse, out of guilt for leaving me behind.
But if something out of our control were to prevent her from leaving, I don’t imagine I’d be too upset about it. ”
“Huh,” he says, leaving it at that. That manipulative sack of shit. He knows damn well his vague answers drive me up the wall, which is exactly why he does it.
“What?” I snap, no longer caring about whether or not I’m being prickly. “I might not be as smart as you, but I’m not an idiot. It’s obvious you have something to say, so let’s have it.” I fold my arms across my chest and press my lips into a tight line, letting my annoyance show.
“Well, it’s none of my business, but I care about both of you, and lately, it seems you’re doing just fine without her.
” My eyebrows shoot all the way up into my hairline.
I go to open my mouth, ready to defend myself, but before I can speak, Carter holds up a hand to stop me.
“All I’m saying is you’ve been hanging out with Chase and Ted’s crowd a lot, and Tessa seems kind of unsure about where she stands with you. ”
“She said that?” I ask, genuinely surprised.
“Not to me personally. But Megan said something along those lines. Apparently, the girls had a heart-to-heart after the whole pregnancy bombshell, and Tessa mentioned she’s not so sure you still love her. I guess she feels like she’s losing you or something.”
I huff out a laugh.
“That’s crazy.”
“Is it?” he asks, holding my gaze like he can sift through the bullshit and uncover the truth if he just stares hard enough.
“I’m having fun. I enjoy hanging out with the guys. Things may have gotten a little out of hand a couple of times, but I’m not hurting anyone.”
“Other than yourself and the girl who stood by you for years, no matter how tough shit got for you.”
Alright, that does it. I’m not going to sit here and get lectured by a guy who’s about to throw away his entire future because he couldn’t keep his dick wrapped.
“So? I’m smoking a little more weed than I used to and snort the occasional line on weekends. Every once in a while, I probably drink a little more than I should. Fucking sue me. It’s really not that big a deal, and I have it under control.”
“You didn’t seem to have it under control a couple of weeks ago when we found you passed out in a puddle of vomit.
And if I remember correctly, that’s exactly the kind of thing your father used to say back when he first started drinking.
” He flinches the second the words pour from his mouth, and I can tell by the instant regret in his eyes that he wishes he could take them back altogether.
Doesn’t make it sting any less. Jumping to my feet, I jerk on my sweater and bite the inside of my cheek so hard I taste blood.
“I can’t believe you just fucking went there,” I mutter, ready to get the hell out of here before I say something that can’t be undone.
“Jake,” he starts, emotion thick in his voice .
“No. Save it. If you truly believe I’m anything like that piece of shit, then there’s nothing left for us to say.”
“Just hold up a damn minute. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
I round on him then, chest heaving with barely restrained anger.
“How exactly did you mean it, Carter? Please, enlighten me, because I’m pretty sure I never once turned into an abusive asshole when I was drunk.
I don’t go around slinging insults at anyone who looks at me sideways, nor do I beat the snot out of people I love for shits and giggles.
You’re my best fucking friend. Don’t you dare compare me to him.
Not you.” My lower lip wobbles, and I inhale a shaky breath, beating the unwanted show of emotion back into submission.
The last thing I need is to break down like a little bitch, but the glimmer of raw pain flashing in his familiar mossy eyes doesn’t help, and I feel myself creeping closer and closer to the edge.
“Ever since Mom died, I had to control every aspect of my life,” I say, desperately needing him to get it.
To not judge me like everyone else in this gossip-driven town and just have my back the way he always has.
Carter’s expression softens, and I clear my throat to get rid of the tremble in my voice.
“I wasn’t able to let my guard down, let alone enjoy myself.
Do you have any idea what it’s like to flinch every time you hear the sound of the front door opening in your own house?
Always on high alert and walking around with a sick feeling in your gut because you know the tide can turn in the blink of an eye.
You saw what he’s capable of,” I say, holding his gaze and willing him to understand.
“Finally, the pressure is off. And for the first time in two years, it feels like I can breathe again. Don’t I deserve to simply let loose and experiment a little?
To make a few mistakes along the way and not think about the consequences?
I’m so fucking sick of always having to be the responsible one.
The one holding it together for everyone else.
I earned the right to be selfish. To unapologetically live my life and do the things I’ve been missing out on for so long.
So why don’t you all just get the fuck off my back and spare me the disapproving looks? ”
Carter is one of only a handful of people whose opinion greatly matters to me. So, I don’t mind letting him get a glimpse behind the facade. I don’t shy away from holding his eyes, wordlessly begging him to look past my flaws and simply love me anyway.