Chapter 3
Nate
She’s still holding my hand as we head back toward the school, our shadows stretching in the streetlights.
Her hand fits real nice in mine.
Like it’s meant to be there.
Tonight went better than I could’ve ever hoped.
Sure, I embarrassed myself at the bottle toss and tried a cheese dip so hot that it about had steam coming outta my ears, but I got to hear her laugh.
I got to watch her light up when she won her prize.
I got to sit next to her and feel her head on my shoulder.
I’d stay like that forever if she let me.
The sun’s gone down, taking the warmth of the day with it. The wind picks up as we cross the edge of the lot, rustling the trees and sending a chill across my arms. Iris shivers, wrapping her arms tight around that stuffed bear, her shoulders drawn in.
“You cold?” I ask, even though I already know the answer. She shrugs, starts to say she’s fine, but I’m not having that.
I nod toward the red beast parked under a parking light. “My truck’s right here.”
I let go of her to dig around the backseat and pull out a red and white hoodie that says COACH on the back. It’s old and faded, from several years ago now, but it’s still warm.
I offer it to her.
She hesitates, but takes it, looking at it with wide eyes. “Thank you,” she says sincerely.
“Looks good on you,” I say, when she pulls it over her head.
It swallows her whole, but she looks so goddamn beautiful in my clothes. She ducks her head, her dark hair falling forward to hide her face, but I still catch the hint of a smile.
A comfortable silence settles between us, and part of me doesn’t want to go. Maybe she’d say yes if I invited her back to my place-
No.
I need to say goodnight before I do something stupid that scares her off.
She beats me to it, looking up at me, her hair blowing around in the wind. “Are you going to kiss me?”
That question knocks the breath right out of me.
Not because I wasn’t thinking about it, I’ve been thinking about it all night, but because she asked, and she looks like she wants it. And she’s looking at me with these wide eyes that already have my heart pounding before I’ve even reached for her.
“I was trying to be respectful. Didn’t want to push my luck.”
“I—” She pauses, looking down, but I can see the moment she decides. “I want you to.”
That’s all the encouragement that I need.
I lean in real slow, giving her time to change her mind, but when I put my hand on her cheek, her eyes flutter shut.
I kiss her soft lips, as careful as I can.
She makes this surprised noise in the back of her throat that makes me want to push her against the truck and kiss her deeper until she makes more of those sounds, but I don’t.
Not this time.
When we pull apart, she looks up at me, and her lips are parted like she can’t believe what just happened.
“Worth the wait,” I murmur, my thumb brushing her cheek.
“Really?” she asks, her voice barely louder than the breeze.
“Yeah, more than.”
Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I walk her the rest of the way to her car, opening the driver’s side door when we get there, but she stops before getting in, looking like she doesn’t want to go.
“Text me when you get home?”
She nods, and I step back so she can pull out, lifting a hand in a small wave. She waves back, awkward, but so damn cute.
I watch until her car disappears, my heart beating like it’s trying to run outta my chest.
All night, I kept waiting for her to pull away, to change her mind the way she has in the past. But she didn’t. She kissed me back.
And if that don’t make me the luckiest son of a bitch on earth, I don’t know what does.
I wake up before my alarm, when the sun is barely coming through the curtains.
I don’t know how long I stare at the ceiling, replaying last night over and over again in the quiet of the house. I don’t let myself think about how it doesn’t feel much different from any other time these days.
I drift my thoughts back to Iris, smiling like a fool in love at the thought of her.
Man, I am so gone on her.
The way she held my hand, the way she laughs, the way she tastes. I almost can’t believe she let me kiss her.
At the memory of her lips on mine, my hand slides down to the waistband of my boxers, dipping inside to wrap my hand around my half-hard cock.
I give myself a teasing stroke, thinking about the little bit of skin she was showing last night, and what she would look like if I-
Shit.
I tear my hand from my boxers the moment I realize what I’m doing, leaving my cock hard and aching without relief.
But I can’t think about Iris that way when we only had one date.
It ain’t right. It’s disrespectful to her.
Alex comes out of his room when I’m making myself some coffee, humming an old classic rock song.
He’s being real quiet.
Like he’s trying not to wake me up.
I already got a smile on my face, excited to tell Alex about my date. “Morning, kid,” I call out, turning to face him.
His shoulders are hunched under a black hoodie, and his head is ducked, blonde hair falling forward.
At first, I don’t see it, still caught up in last night.
But then he looks up.
The bruise is ugly. Purple and raw, swollen around his eye, and every happy thought I had this morning fades, replaced by a sick feeling of horror. Coffee sloshes out of my mug onto the floor.
“Shit, Alex!” I exclaim, going to see about him, but his posture locks up instantly.
Defensive.
“It’s nothing,” he says, with an edge, telling me not to poke, but I don’t give a damn.
“It doesn’t look like nothing,” I snap. “Who the hell did this?”
He shrugs, not looking at me. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Alex. Please. Talk to me.” His jaw clenches so tight I can see the muscles flutter under his skin, but he doesn’t say a word.
“I’m serious,” I press, reaching toward the bruise, “If someone did this—”
“I said it’s fine,” he bites out, but his voice cracks.
He turns away, hiding the evidence, and it guts me that he’s shutting me out. We’ve always been a team, told each other everything, but right now, it feels like we’re a million miles apart, and I can’t do anything to reach him.
I’m hit with a strong wave of guilt.
I was off at the damn festival, on a date, while Alex was out there, god knows where, hurt. I’ve known something was going on with him since the start of the school year.
Hell, I don’t think I’ve had a normal conversation with the kid since that first morning.
I take a shaky breath and try again. “Come on, man. You know you can tell me anything, right?” A flicker of something passes over his face, but then it’s gone.
His gaze drops to the floor.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says, and the way he says it, how small he sounds, scares me more than the bruise.
I feel fucking helpless.
“You don’t have to talk right now, but you’re not alone, okay? Whatever this is, you don’t have to deal with it by yourself.”
Alex’s shoulders sag a fraction, and he opens his mouth like he might say something, tell me what’s been going on with him-
But then he turns and heads for his room.
I’m left standing in the kitchen, feeling more defeated than I ever have.
Last night, everything felt simple, like things were starting to look up. But right now, it feels like I’m failing at the only damn thing that matters.
This is one of those moments where I just need my mom.
I try to keep it together, do right by Alex. Liz and Ben, too. But I’m not their momma, no matter how hard I try to take care of them. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do.
I wipe the spilled coffee off the floor with a dish towel, my movements mechanical, my mind still stuck on Alex’s face. The black eye, the way he wouldn’t look at me-
I know he wanted to talk to me, to tell me what was going on.
Something about all this pings in my head. Tells me whatever is going on is bad, but I can’t put it all together.
I’m on the porch, thinking about everything, when I get a notification on my phone.
A text from Iris.
It’s just a good morning, but damn if I want to hear her voice right now, and I’m too upset to care if calling her would be weird.
“Nate? Hi,” she answers on the third ring.
“Hey, sorry to call so early.”
“No, it’s okay, is- Is everything okay?”
I rub a hand over my face. “Not really.”
There’s silence on the line, then, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I look around the front yard. The trees are changing, and some leaves are already on the ground. Alex and me usually rake them up together, compete over who can make the biggest pile.
Probably not this year, though.
“It’s Alex. He came into the kitchen this morning with a black eye.”
“Oh my gosh,” she says, concern blooming in her voice. “Is he okay?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “He won’t talk to me. Kid shut down completely. And I- I don’t know what to do.”
I should stop there, I know I shouldn’t overshare when we’ve only been on one date. But there’s something about talking to her, hearing the genuine concern in her voice, that makes it all spill out.
“I raised him, you know? Since Mom died. I was still a kid myself, but I tried to be everything for my siblings. Big brother, dad, whatever they needed. Especially Alex. I’m all he’s ever had.
And most days, I think I did okay. Hell, I did a damn good job.
But now, it feels like I’m failing him when he needs me. ”
“You’re not failing him,” she says. “You’re trying. You care so much, I can see that. Everyone can.”
I swallow, my eyes starting to burn. “I wish Mom were still here. She’d know what to do. She always knew how to talk to us; she even knew how to get through to Dad. And now it’s just me, and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
My voice shakes, but I keep going. “I’m supposed to be the strong one, but this morning, I felt useless. I mean, what am I even doing if I can’t protect him?”
Iris exhales on the other end, “Nate, listen to me. I never got to meet your mom, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that she wouldn’t want you beating yourself up over this. She would be so proud of you.”
That nearly undoes me, a few stray tears falling from my eyes. But Iris is right, I know she is.
Mom wouldn’t want me sitting out here blaming myself. She wanted us all to be happy and loved, and sometimes I guess I forget that includes me.
“Sorry,” I say, rubbing my nose. “I didn’t mean to dump all this on you. Probably didn’t want to spend your Sunday morning listening to my family drama.”
“I’m glad you called. I mean it.”
“Thanks, Iris,” I say. “Really, for listening.”
“I’ll always listen.”
I let out a breath, lighter than before despite the situation. “You got a way of making things feel less heavy, you know that?”
“I’m glad,” she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice.
I glance at the back door, my chest still tight but not as much as before. “I should go check on Alex. I’ll text you later? And see you on Monday?”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too. Take care, Darlin’.”
I hang up, staring at the phone a second longer.
The house still feels heavy. Alex is still hurting, but maybe I’m not completely alone in this.
I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt like that.
After we say goodbye, I sit on the porch for a minute, my phone still warm in my hand. Talking to Iris helped, but now, I gotta get it together and try to help Alex.
The kitchen still smells like coffee and the beginning of a good morning before everything went to shit, but I don’t linger on it. Instead, I set the mug in the sink and roll up my sleeves.
If I can’t get Alex to talk, I can at least try to get him to eat.
While the eggs are cooking, I put some of those pancakes Alex loves so much in the microwave and throw it all on a plate.
I even drizzle some syrup over the combination, even though it damn near makes me gag to think about.
I pause at the entrance to the hall, balancing the plate in one hand as my throat goes tight again. Used to be, I didn’t have to wonder if he’d open the door.
“Hey, bud. Brought you something to eat,” I call from outside, tapping on his bedroom door.
There’s no answer.
I almost walk away, but then the doorknob turns.
Alex doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at me. But he opens the door enough for me to pass him the plate.
“Thanks.”
“Try to eat, okay? I made it how you like it.” He gives me a small nod, his eyes staring past me.
But I let him be, because I don’t know what else to do.