Chapter Nate #2
“Then why does she look like she hasn’t slept in days? And why is she flinching away from you like that?”
“I don’t know!” The words come out full of frustration. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to reach out, to talk, but she won’t even look at me.”
“Maybe because you hurt her,” Layla shoots back, all fierce protection for her best friend. “You better spill, Wesley. What happened between you two?”
“I can’t,” I tell her, shaking my head. I don’t know what Iris has said to Layla. But something in my face must give it away because Layla sighs.
“She told you, didn’t she?”
“You know?”
She nods, some of her anger from before melting away. “She told me last month. She said she was gonna have to tell you soon or—” she doesn’t say it, letting me fill in the gaps.
“Or break up with me.” The words taste like poison on my tongue. “She was thinking about dumping me. I can’t believe this. I thought we were happy, and the whole time—” I shake my head, the realization that Iris hasn’t been on the same page at all, hitting harder than anything she told me.
“She didn’t want to,” Layla tells me, “She was terrified, Nate. This is Rosehill, not exactly known for equality. And clearly, you didn’t take it well.”
“I love her, Layla, I really do. But this—” My voice falters, shame I don’t understand burning through me. “I can’t wrap my head around it. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. I should care, shouldn’t I? I shouldn’t want to be with her anymore.”
“Bullshit,” Layla declares, making me glance up. She pins me in place with a look that tells me she sees straight through me.
“You’re making this harder than it needs to be,” she continues, “It doesn’t change anything. Iris is still Iris. She’s been trans this entire time. The only thing that changed is you knowing about it.”
“It ain’t just that. I don’t— I’m not—”
“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t,” she snaps, cutting me off.
“You’re better than that, Nate. I know it doesn’t bother you, and you know it doesn’t bother you, so it’s not about that.
This is about whether you’re gonna man up and be the person she deserves or if you’re gonna let your hang-ups ruin what you two have. ”
I open my mouth to defend myself, but stop when she interrupts. “You need to get over it. Because if you don’t, you’re gonna lose the best thing that ever happened to you. And trust me, if you let her walk away over this, she’s not coming back.”
“I’m trying,” I tell her. There’s no use in lying to her or myself.
Layla’s right.
“Try harder. She loves you.”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I know she does.”
Just my luck.
The cheerleaders are practicing in the gym today. Which means, Savannah.
The last person I want to see right now.
It’s starting to piss me off that everybody thinks this is about her. I ain’t like that. I haven’t thought about her in years, and certainly not since I met Iris. I care about her too much to be thinking about another woman.
I stride past Savannah, ignoring her when she looks like she’s gonna say something, and close myself into my office.
I’m sitting at my computer, about to start trying to learn more about being transgender, so I can be less of an idiot if Iris is ever willing to talk to me, when there’s a knock on my door.
Before I can call out that I’m busy, the handle turns, and Savannah’s walking toward my desk. Her blonde hair is up in a ponytail, and she’s wearing a pink tank top cut so low it’s gotta be in violation of the faculty dress code.
Maybe back when we were together, I would’ve thought she looked good, but now, I don’t feel a damn thing but annoyed that she’s interrupting what I was doing.
“Hey, stranger,” she purrs. I can’t hold in the eye roll I give her in return.
“Savannah, what do you want?”
“You’ve been hard to catch,” she says, leaning forward, making me worried her boobs are gonna fall out of that shirt. I ain’t interested in seeing that.
It’s nothing compared to Iris—
“I thought maybe we could… catch up.”
“Nah,” I say, looking back at my computer screen to continue typing, my jaw clenched this time.
“Oh, come on, I know you miss me, Nate.” She reaches across the desk, her manicured fingers brushing my forearm.
I jerk away like she burned me. “Don’t touch me.”
She stiffens, her smile slipping as she stands up straight and crosses her arms. “What’s your problem?”
“My problem?” I repeat, anger bleeding into my voice. “You walked out on me, and now you think you can just waltz back in? I’ve moved on!”
“I left because you wouldn’t put me first. You were too busy playing daddy.” There’s venom in her words as she spits out the word, like there’s something wrong with me taking care of my brother.
“Don’t you fuckin’ talk about Alex,” I snap.
“It’s the truth, Nate. You could have had a real life with me, but you chose to chain yourself to that kid instead.”
“He’s my brother!” I spit back. “I love him. I wasn’t gonna abandon him!”
“Yeah, well, look where it got you,” she sneers. “Alone. And now what? You think you’ve moved on? With her?” Her voice drips poison on that last word.
“Her name is Iris.”
Savannah scoffs. “Please. She isn’t even a real woman, Nate.”
Her words hang there, full of hatred and jealousy. And when what she said fully hits me, rage surges through my entire body. I stand up, towering over her,
“Don’t you ever fucking say that again,” I growl. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that.”
“Oh, come on,” Savannah sneers, looking up at me with an ugly expression on her face. “You actually think you can replace me with that?”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart and get my anger under control. She’s not worth it.
“You never loved me. You loved the quarterback. The ring. The perfect life. But you never gave a damn about me.” She starts to say something back, but I don’t let her. “Don’t you ever talk about Alex or Iris again. Not ever.”
Her face twists, flushed with anger. “You were supposed to grow up, Nate. Not get stuck in this pathetic town playing babysitter and falling for that freak.”
“I’d do it all over again, every bit of it, because they’re worth it. The only regret I have in life is wasting so much time on you.” Shock flickers across her face before it hardens.
“We’ll see how long that lasts,” she spits out. “When this town sees what she really is, what you are, don’t come crawling back to me.”
“I wouldn’t wait around,” I say, looking back at my computer screen and clicking on an article called How to be a good partner to someone who is transgender.
I’d better read that. Gotta make sure I don’t mess up again. If Iris will even take me back. ‘Cause if there’s one thing this conversation has made clear, I need to fix things with her. We had something special until I ruined it like a dumbass.
Savannah huffs and marches out of my office without another word, the door slamming so hard the pictures on the wall rattle.
Once she’s gone, my body relaxes, a weight I didn’t even know I’d been carrying finally lifted off. I should have stood up to her a long time ago.
But right now, it feels like I did right by Alex and Iris.