Chapter 15 Alexandria
ALEXANDRIA
Icover a yawn with one hand and drag the paper closer with the other. Squinting at the numbers, I rub my temple in the hope of staving off the headache slowly taking root.
I need sleep.
And yet, night after night, I forego it to spend hours in bed with Garrett.
Not that having sex is all that we do. In the months since he rescued me and Grandpa’s Jag from the side of the road, we’ve settled into a routine. One of us organizes dinner—whether we cook or get takeout—and we shut ourselves into his apartment.
I don’t remember the last time I slept at my house—in my own bed.
I don’t like to think about it too much, but if I did, I’d have to admit what we have is a relationship. We’re a couple. Of course, it all happens behind closed doors. No one knows we’re together. Hell, even the fact he worked on my car is a secret.
He’d go public in a heartbeat, and until recently, I was fiercely against it. Something changed a few weeks ago. I hate keeping secrets from my friends. Hate feeling like we’re doing something we shouldn’t even if that’s how I felt in the beginning.
Garrett makes me feel seen—real.
“You all right?”
Jolted from my thoughts, I glance up to find Olivia in my office doorway. I frown. “Yes, why?”
“You keep rubbing your head. Do you have a headache?”
“A bit. Probably need to hydrate more,” I offer as an excuse when there’s no need to justify myself. Crazy the things you say when you’re harboring secrets. “What brings you by?”
“Oh.” She steps into the room and closes the door. “I want to talk about the ball.”
“Okay.”
“Do you want to ride together?”
“I’m not going.” I’ve thought about it since Exclusively Yours purchased its usual batch of tickets over a month ago.
“Not going?” Olivia shakes her head. “What do you mean, you’re not going?”
“I don’t want to hang out in a room full of people I don’t like, a select few excluded of course, for hours wearing a dress I don’t feel comfortable in and shoes that are liable to cripple me before dinner service.”
“But…” She stares at me as though waiting for me to laugh and yell joking! “You’re really not going?”
“I’m not going. I already told Elizabeth.”
Olivia cringes.
“What?” I point at her face. “What was that?”
“I think Paul is going to propose to Elizabeth.”
“Ah, okay, and you think he’s going to do it at the ball?”
“Yes. I was talking to Margaret, and she let a few things slip.”
“Oh.” Concern worms its way through my chest. “You don’t think she’ll say yes, do you?”
“I think she’s under a lot of pressure from her family. And Paul is a little too…weasel-like to miss that vulnerability. If he sees an opportunity, he’ll take it.”
“And if he does it in public, the chance of her saying no is slim to none.”
“I thought maybe you could stick to her side all night and keep disaster from happening.”
“Should I though? She knows what we think of him.”
“Yes, but she’d compartmentalized her life so well lately, that we don’t see him at all anymore.”
“No, we don’t.” I mull that over. “As much as I want to save her, we can’t if she doesn’t see she needs saving.”
With a sigh, Olivia slumps back in her chair. “Is it bad that I want her to find happiness without sacrificing love?”
“Do we really know she doesn’t love him.” I shrug. “We might not see what she does. He might be…”
Olivia’s arched eyebrow has me tapering off.
“Yeah, okay. She doesn’t love him. But she loves that company. And her brother.”
“I wish her grandfather wasn’t such a dinosaur about this.”
“He was raised in a different time.”
“Bullshit. It’s about control. He couldn’t control his son, so he’ll control his grandchildren.”
“Things worked out for her brother.”
“I know. And maybe that’s why I feel like we need to intervene. They both should get what they want. Not just Edward.”
“I agree, but I’m still not going to the ball.”
“Fine, I’ll wave the Exclusively Yours flag alone.”
“It wouldn’t matter if I was there or not. All eyes will be on the man escorting you this year.”
Olivia grins. “I’m ready for the world to see us.”
“They’ve already seen you. But I get it, the Sapphire Ball will be like taking out a two-page ad spread in every newspaper and gossip mag in the city.”
“I’m sure Mother would prefer that.”
Olivia’s parents are all about the show. The fact their daughter is dating someone outside our social circle has been slowly making the news over the last year. Although, until now, there hasn’t been anything more than the odd snippet in the gossip columns. “Are they going?”
“No.” Olivia’s relief is palpable. “Thankfully, they’re still in Europe.”
“I’m seeing someone!”
Olivia’s mouth drops open. Snaps shut.
“I don’t know why I said that.”
“So, you aren’t seeing someone?” she asks warily.
“No. Yes.” I shake my head. “Shit. This isn’t how I wanted to tell you.”
“Okay. Let me get this straight. You are seeing someone, but you had no intention of telling me.”
“Right. Yes. And now I’m more confused than ever.”
“Why are you confused?”
“We’ve been seeing each other for months and—”
“What? How is this the first time I’m hearing anything about it?”
“It wasn’t anything at first. Just a chance encounter and hookup.” I shrug. “I’ve never had a one-night stand.”
“Is there a reason you’ve kept this a secret?”
“Like I said, at first we were just hooking up but…”
“It no longer feels like a hook up.”
I shake my head. “It’s never actually felt like one. We said one night, no strings. But it turned into more nights, some kind of strings.”
“And is this guy on the same page as you?”
“I don’t know. But I think I’m in love with him.”
Olivia’s grin slowly fades as she takes note of my expression. “You think it’s a bad thing?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if Gar—” I swallow the rest of his name. “I don’t know if he wants more than sneaking around behind closed doors.”
“Yes, you do. Be honest. Think about how you are together. How he treats you. As someone who spent months sneaking around, I know how confusing things can get. Especially when you’re determined not to fall in love or open yourself up that way to someone.”
“You think my past is clouding what’s happening now?”
“Is he the reason you aren’t going to the ball?”
“Not directly. I don’t want to spend time with people who constantly judge me for what I wear, say, or do. I have none of that judgement with him. I’m a different woman with him.”
“Do you like this woman?”
“Yes.” There’s no hesitation. With Garrett I’m the most genuine I’ve ever been, and I don’t want to lose that.
“Then you need to tell him how you feel and that you don’t want to hide your relationship anymore.”
“People aren’t going to like it.”
Olivia laughs. “Don’t let that stop you. If he makes you happy, if you love who you are with him and your life together, then fuck people. They can go live their narrow-minded lives and leave the rest of us alone.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Of course you can. Besides, all you have to do is follow my lead.”
Could it be that simple? Just say fuck everyone and worry only about what Garrett and I want?
It isn’t lost on me that I’ve circled back to my please-others habit when I promised I’d please myself first.
All I have to do is be brave enough to put my heart out there. And even if Garrett doesn’t feel the same, I know he’d never drop me cold. He’d find a way to let me down easy. He’d never want to hurt me.
And that thought right there is why I’m going to change up our lives in a way neither of us can come back from.