Chapter 18
18
FOSTER
All I wanted was an hour of sleep before switching it on tonight. Instead, nothing feels safe as I break through the curtain to the bunks.
The air’s laced with her, and my chest throbs and burns. It accompanies my thoughts as they play a game of what-ifs in my personal brand of torture.
And I just fucking trapped myself at the back of the bus.
Not that I had much choice unless I wanted to physically move her.
I couldn’t trust myself to touch her.
The space has never felt smaller, with nowhere to go and nothing but a thick, velvety fabric separating me from what I need to stay away from most.
“Fuck.” I’m forced to a stop by the bathroom door, a closet closing in on each side of me. “Fuck.”
I scrape both hands through my hair, willing myself to distance from the deluge of emotions clawing toward the surface. They’re so mixed up, tangled worse than ever. I’m the closest I’ve been to dredging up the corpse for a postmortem. I have this pounding desire to set it all ablaze, reduce it to ashes and ask her every single why that holds me prisoner.
Why lie? Why not just end it? Why cut me in the one way she knew would bleed me out?
Why not me?
I close my eyes, thinking the last one, knowing I can’t ask any of them. The questions threaten more than I can risk. It already aches to be around her. My armor’s scuffed and bent from the battle of having her on tour. Hearing any of those answers from Remi could be the sword that slips through my ribs.
Then everyone suffers.
Again.
Blowing out a breath, I spin around and find the cruelest mercy in the doorway. Remi hugs herself around the middle, standing barely inside the curtain like maybe she doesn’t want to be.
I don’t want her to be either, but I also don’t want her anywhere else. Two assholes struggle inside me, one needing to exist in misery for the other to have any chance at peace.
“What,” I say, not hiding the harshness in my tone. “You can’t do enough damage from out there?”
As I stalk down the aisle between the bunks, she swallows, but she holds her ground in her black-and-white striped mini skirt and tight black top. We set up for the same impasse as out there. Except we’re getting a different ending.
“I will move you, Remi.” The warning curls between us, and I don’t stop until I’m towering over her. She tilts her chin up to hold my stare. I’m beyond pissed I have to fight through the glint of sadness always lurking in hers.
Her breath picks up. Mine saws in and out.
She breaks the stalemate right before I follow through.
“You really think it wasn’t real between us?” She studies me when I don’t answer, and then her arms fall to her sides. She forces a lifeless attempt at a smile. “Right. I’m sorry I even asked.”
She backs into the curtain, and I clench my jaw, refusing the words. But when she moves to leave, I say them anyway.
“Was it real?”
She stops, casting her emerald eyes up to me. “ Of course we were.”
The sad morphs to something more akin to heartbreak as she starts to turn, and I step, wrapping my hand around the front of her neck and tugging her back to me. My mouth crashes down on hers. The damage is instantaneous. Her warm lips against mine and the feel of her sharp intake of air are all it takes before I need more. I plunge my tongue into her mouth, demanding it.
Fuck if ruin doesn’t taste sweet.
Remi claws at my shirt, and I groan as I push her against the doorway.
“Foster,” she breathes, my lips skating across her jaw, and because it’s us, I answer, “Remi.”
I kiss down the side of her neck, breaking away to rip off my shirt when she shoves it up. My lips capture hers again, and she latches onto the back of my neck. I grab her ass and press into her. Her moan makes my cock throb. I hike her up so she locks her legs around me, and I can grind right against her clit.
“Oh, God.” Her nails dig into my scalp, only making me rock harder. “We should?—”
“Not stop.” I bite her jaw before scraping my teeth lower and then nipping right above her collarbone.
She gasps when I suck the same spot, only letting up once I guarantee a lasting mark. She’ll have to work to cover it, but the need to see me on her borders on obsessive. I didn’t get the satisfaction from the one on Halloween. I’m not taking the chance on my new one.
The angriest jerk-off session of my life happened that night. Furious with myself because the memory of my fingers pumping into her pussy played on repeat. The way she tasted infused on my tongue. But no matter how much I hate wanting her, I. Can’t. Stop.
Remi’s hands glide down my chest and torso. Her feet hit the floor, so I can drag her top over her head. I toss it aside and pin her to the doorway with my hips, bracing my forearm above her. Our hard breaths twist together, and she shivers at my fingers drawing up her ribs. Then she teases hers down my abs to the top of my sweatpants with a long sweep over my tattoo.
My gaze drops to where her teeth sink into her lower lip. I pull it free and skim my thumb across it.
“I want this,” I tell her, voice rough as hell. “Your pretty little mouth on my cock.”
She stares up at me, a mirror to my desire. Her lids fall heavy as I push my thumb between her lips. She sucks and strokes with her tongue, eliciting a low sound from the back of my throat. I’ve officially depleted all reserves of self-control with her.
Before I lose it entirely, Remi slides off my thumb, and then she sinks to her knees in front of me.
Our gazes hold while she tugs down my sweatpants, but hers quickly redirects to my dick. She wraps her hand around my shaft and drags her tongue up the underside.
“Fuck.” I fist her hair and tip my head back, ready for a sweet death as she teases the crown.
“Eyes.” She echoes the command I’ve given her.
I smirk even before I look down to see hers waiting for me. Sultry but edged in a challenge.
Then I issue my own demand.
“Mouth.”
With my hold, I ease her forward, her sexy gaze on me when I push between her parted lips. She seals them around me and sinks down my cock. Her cheeks hollow as she starts to suck, pumping with her hand. The pleasure overrides any lingering sanity. I groan and tighten my grip in her auburn locks, thrusting into her and guiding her to meet me. Remi hums in response to me taking control and lets me fuck her mouth.
“Fucking phenomenal. I knew you’d be perfection on your knees.” I drive deeper and bump the back of her throat. “Take more of me, baby.”
I thrust farther in each time until she starts gagging on my cock. She moans when I withdraw, and I give her a second before I fill her throat again. Her thighs press together, her tear-stained lashes fluttering up at me while I drag in and out. The sight alone makes my balls draw up. Then she swallows around me, feeling too fucking incredible.
“Jesus, Rem. You’re a goddamn vision with my cock in your throat,” I tell her, bobbing her faster. “You’ll look even better painted with my cum, though.”
Her eyes flare at what she should consider a promise.
Bracing on the wall, I smirk down at her. “You like th?—”
I cut off at a muffled voice.
Remi pops off my dick and scrambles off the floor, wiping her mouth with a panicked gaze locking onto mine. A moment passes of me not giving a shit if one of the guys catches her sucking me off. None of us ever remotely care outside of maybe getting our own dick wet.
But Remi’s not a groupie or random. She’s Remi—in her bra, a gorgeous flush all over, and sexy lips swollen. Fuck all the complications between us and with the doc, no one’s seeing her like this.
At the first sound of someone boarding the bus, I trap my hard-as-fuck cock away and am already nudging her toward my bunk, swiping our shirts off the floor. I’m crawling in and dragging her with me at the same time when Christian laughs up front.
More pounding on the stairs precedes a “Fuck you” from Felix.
I drop onto the mattress and yank Remi against me. Her back hits my chest while I ease the bunk’s heavy blackout drape closed.
And I’m officially hiding on my own tour bus mid-blow job.
The material settles a heartbeat ahead of the other curtain rustling. One of the two jackasses walks through it. Easy guess is Felix, since he stops at his bunk above mine, meaning he stands right on the other side of the fabric. Directly in front of Remi.
Her nails dig into the arm I have wrapped around her, and she presses closer to me. Which translates to her ass rubbing all over my raging erection.
I grit my teeth and bite back a groan.
Felix fucks around in his bunk, Christian staying up front. Before I ditched at the end of our interview, I dutifully reported to Colton I was coming in here to sleep, but I have no idea if he shared with the group.
A zipper pulls above us, and then Christian audibly groans in the lounge.
“Yeah,” he snaps, likely answering his phone.
His voice bounces in distance, so he must have started pacing. The distraction plastered to my front holds most of my attention, though. My thumb sweeps over Remi’s bare skin below her shoulder. I breathe her in while, from what I can tell, she’s barely breathing.
Felix sighs like the weight of the world just left him. The big curtain swishes, but he stays on this side of it. “Here.”
Christian stops talking and comes closer. “You really need to hide in the fucking bathroom? The film crew’s certainly not in here shooting. Remi’s not even on the bus.”
Fuck.
Realizing what’s happening, I sigh. A different feeling behind it than Felix but over the same baggie of coke.
“As my fucking manager, do you want me to chance a camera stumbling in with me nose deep in a line?” he asks. A beat passes without a response. “That’s what I thought. Now snort your shit like a good boy and let me get high in peace.” He takes a step and calls back, “The rest of that goes to Dev, so don’t be a selfish prick.”
After he passes, Christian returns to his phone call. Felix disappears into the bathroom, closing the door.
A hot puff of air washes over my forearm, and Remi’s body sinks farther into me. Like she wishes she missed that entire exchange.
No one thinks she and the doc crew are oblivious to the drugs floating around on tour. Felix and Dev sure as fuck haven’t let up. But we struck a deal back in LA to be somewhat discreet while filming the documentary by not openly using with the cameras around.
In my mind the cameras equaled Remi.
I’m unsure if her reaction stems from overhearing what Felix clearly didn’t mean for her or because this forces her to bear responsibility in knowing without a doubt why people keep disappearing on her sans reason. I can’t help with either. But at least I guaranteed no one gets fucked up right in front of her.
Reckoning we won’t escape until they leave, I slide my arm under Remi. She rests her cheek on my bicep, and my thumb trails over her skin again. Dark flowers swim through my senses, and I drift lower, tracing the swell of her breasts. I slip under the black lace bra. Her breath hitches, my fingers grazing her pebbled nipple before I slide the rest of my hand in to cup her breast.
“He’s on tour—he doesn’t have time for that shit.”
She arches, pushing against my palm. And while I might not care about whatever Christian’s droning on about in his manager voice, my still hard dick’s very interested in the way her movement makes her ass press back. It twitches, still wanting the release that was excruciatingly close.
“ Fuck ,” I exhale, flexing my hips into her.
I catch her chin with my thumb and finger and twist it toward me, so when I push up, my face hovers over hers. My eyes instantly drop to her lips. “You drive me fucking insane.”
I cover her mouth with mine, my hand already shoving under the front of her skirt. Her gasp stays trapped between us, but then I kiss down to her neck and slide under the top of her panties, and a soft whimper escapes.
“Foster…” she says, barely audible, and my hand stills.
I press my forehead against her temple. “Do you want me to stop?”
A slight hesitation makes me start to remove my hand. She catches my wrist, keeping me there until she guides me lower, between her thighs. Drenched fabric rests on the backs of my knuckles, her pussy so wet I almost groan.
“Good girl,” I rasp, lips at her ear. “My cock’s not done with you yet.”
With the first swipe of my fingers through her slick center, a shiver works its way through her. I rub circles on her clit and adjust my arm that’s under her so I can palm her breast, barring her against my chest. She latches onto my arm and reaches back to grasp my hip. Her ass grinds on my erection through my sweatpants, and I mentally note to cockblock Felix and Christian from here to eternity.
I can’t take not feeling her skin on skin anymore.
I run my hand around between us and push her panties down her thighs and then work my sweats down to free my aching cock. A rough stroke smears precum and her wetness on my fingers over my shaft.
The need to fuck her is mind-numbing, but I don’t have any condoms in my bunk. It’s entirely her fault. She’s a witch with the magical ability of locking down my dick. Since she recast her spell, the only thing I’ve fucked is my hand. Can’t say I expected it to change with her sleeping on my bus.
On the edge of reason, I drag the head down the crack of her ass until I reach her thighs and push between them. She’s soaked, making it easy to glide through her pussy. Remi gasps, and her head lulls back when a different one connects with her clit. Nails sink into my flesh. A mark for a mark, I guess.
I draw back and thrust forward, earning another set of crescents dug into my forearm. They deepen while I slide back and forth, a grip on her hip. She makes a mess on my cock, allowing me to move smoothly without friction. Each stroke ends with me rubbing over her clit.
Her thighs clench when I tease her nipple, and a desperate sound spills out of her. My hand flies up and clasps over her mouth in time to catch another one.
Impeccable timing.
The bathroom door jerks open. Remi freezes, tensing at Felix’s footsteps coming down the aisle. I slow my hips, barely moving, but I don’t quit, continuing to fuck between her thighs and against her hot cunt at an excruciating pace.
He stops at his bunk to put away his coke. Inches from where her unsteady breaths heat the back of my hand. And I feel her pussy flooding my cock while he stands there. Fucking Christ.
While he unzips the inner pocket of the duffel he uses as his stash, my fingers loosen on her hip. I smooth my palm over the curve to her front, nudging my way between her clamped thighs until I brush her clit.
She squeezes the fuck out of my hand and dick as I start to rub, a low growl almost breaking out of my chest.
Another zip sounds, and then Felix walks away and through the curtain.
Thank. Fuck.
I thrust forward and add pressure with my fingers, pressing my mouth to her ear. “You’re fucking dripping, Rem. Did you want him to rip back the curtain? To catch you being a slut for me?” I rub faster, her hips rolling against me for more, and the vibration of a whimper kisses my palm. “That’s what you are, aren’t you? My little slut, in my bunk and about to come while I use your hot, sopping pussy to get off.”
She nods, panting through her nose.
“Dude,” Felix says not far from the big curtain.
Christian pauses his phone call to tell him, “You have the patience of a toddler.”
My teeth tug at her earlobe, making her shudder. “Come with them right there, baby. Show me how much you love it.”
Remi grasps my wrist for an anchor and shatters in my arms, so fucking breathtaking, succumbing to the pleasure. I can feel her fluttering over my shaft, and I’m desperate to cant my hips. To drive into her. Fuck her while she comes apart.
My palm muffles her moan while hopefully the curtain blocking us drowns the rest.
Her orgasm has a direct line to my balls, and the second her body goes lax, I pull my hand from between her legs and slip free, drenched in her cum. I stroke hard and fast, then smother a groan when my cock pulses in my fist. The first rope of cum decorates her ass. She whimpers into my palm while I paint the backs of her thighs with the rest. I was right about how incredible she’d look. I come harder watching my release drip down her skin than when I fuck anyone else.
When I have nothing left, my hand falls from her mouth. Our labored breaths quietly fill the bunk, but we’re the only sound. No talking. No walking. No audible signs of assholes anywhere to be found.
“Fuck,” I grunt, crashing my forehead onto her shoulder.
I only stay there a second. I grasp the side of Remi’s face, pulling her around, and kiss her. She tangles her fingers in my hair on a sigh, and my tongue finds hers as she lures me down, down, down. It stays hard and slow, hot and sweet.
Drawing back, I tuck my still semi-hard dick away and snag my shirt. I have to force myself to wipe the streaks of cum off my canvas.
New obsession unlocked.
After I toss it down, she rolls to her back, propping on her elbows. I crawl over her to get out but pause, hovering above her, and I lower my head so my nose touches to hers. “See how chivalrous I am? I ruined perfectly good art.”
She doesn’t risk talking yet but smiles. I kiss it before ducking through the curtain. I draw the other one to the side with the back of my hand, verifying the bus is empty.
“We won hide-and-seek.”
“Reigning champs,” she replies.
When I peel back the bunk’s curtain, she’s sprawled on my bed with a kick at the corner of her mouth. I look down at her. Her face flushed, hair covering my pillow, meadowy eyes more sated than sad. I keep looking but can’t see a difference between her and my Remi. I can’t feel the difference either.
It’s been overwhelming, to say the least, ripping between needing more of what I’ve missed and despising reminders of how I lost it. But staying on one side is somehow worse.
And it fucks with me. It really fucks with me.
I swallow, blinking out of a goddamn trance. “I need to go before anyone else traps us in here.”
Remi sits up, swinging her legs out of the bunk as I grab a clean shirt. Hers landed at the end of the bed earlier, and she reaches for it.
“You’re good?” I ask, pulling mine on.
A close-lipped smile flashes at me. “Yeah.”
The expression drops fast, and her eyes even faster. A tension takes over the space, both of us waiting for the switch to flip between us. But instead I shock us both and bend down, catching the side of her face. I set my forehead on hers.
“I’ll make sure no one hangs around the bus, so you can escape.”
She nods against me. “Thank you.”
A memory trickles in, the emotions that go with it close behind. Too close.
My thumb strokes her jaw before I straighten. Then I walk through the curtain. Off the bus. Into the sun.
And she still feels like my Remi—my perfect girl who looked like heartache and dissolved into a dream. Not callous and cold or capable of not caring about the pain she leaves behind. She feels like I want to believe her about us being real. The possibility bears down on me. Maybe I’ve been wrong this entire time.
I head back inside, security barricades lining the short path and two security guards flanking the venue’s exit. Already set up for the concert. Colt’s in the hallway, posted against a wall. He pushes off with his foot when I walk in.
“Sorry if they woke you up. I didn’t know they were out there until they came back in.”
“I wasn’t sleeping,” I tell him.
I hook my head, passing him, and he follows as the heavy door bangs shut behind us. It sounds like something cracks, but I ignore it. Probably just that armor I’m fucked without.