Chapter 43
43
FOSTER
I feel like she’s mine again after Roman and Sage visit her. I won’t stop reminding Remi or myself of it, but the dread nudging at my consciousness has lost the war.
Now I need to surrender to something of my own.
Despite the impromptu interviews between Dev, Felix, and me, I finally cave to the softball interview I’ve avoided since the start of the doc. Unfortunately, that means one-on-one time with the puppy Remi abandoned for me to take care of.
I agree to record after the concert, so Xander has time to set up while we’re onstage. Our vibes might never be fantastic, but I’m tolerating him better as the days go on. He watches us like Remi would as if he were channeling her. No skirts and Remi legs I imagine locked around my head, so not as fun to look at.
When I dip into a shadow by the stage tonight, I stare at my screen for a solid minute, mental gymnastics engaged. It’s my mom’s birthday. She hasn’t responded to the voice note I sent her weeks ago, but I force myself to call her anyway. Her voicemail picks up, so I resort to another text.
Happy birthday, Mama.
I relax with my duty done and close my eyes, absorbing the sound of the crowd, but a message breaks my calm.
Do not try contacting us again.
For a number of heartbeats, I just stare at the message from my mom, but by the time I scoff and shake my head, something has twisted inside me in a way it hasn’t until now.
This time when I call, it goes straight to voicemail. I know. I know right then she—or he —blocked me.
And that twisting escalates until it snaps.
I pocket my phone and track down Christian outside the dressing room. “The label wants to schedule the documentary to release with our album?”
“Around then. Why?”
With a shrug, I snag the door handle. “I can’t be curious?”
Curious about how long I’ll have between what I’m about to do and the results.
“Adams…” he warns, but I’m already in the room.
Felix sets down a bottle of bourbon and nods. “You lost? Shouldn’t you be lurking in the shadows right now?”
“Nah. I think it might be time to dispel some, tease a little light into my life.”
I pluck the spy glasses out of Dev’s hair from where he’s lounged out on the floor. He opens his eyes, long enough to acknowledge me and goes back to visualizing.
When I find where Remi’s guy Nate has set up for the night, I also find Xander. Exactly the two I needed.
Nate trails off when I reach them. “Hey … uh, Adams.”
I flash him a closed-lip smile and slap him on the shoulder, swiping a mic pack. “He’s going to need you.” I dart my eyes to Xander.
“For what?” asks the puppy.
“My solo interview. I changed my mind. I wanna do it now.”
He shakes his head. “I haven’t set up the backdrop yet. We won’t have time before you play.”
“We have a backdrop ready to go. Now grab your camera and meet me center stage. Nate, you’re with me. I need you to catch audio for me.”
They exchange unnerved glances before I walk away, but I almost forget a key element and spin, still going. “And get Remi on a call. I want her asking the questions.”
Nate’s grabbing at equipment when I flip around, sliding the spy glasses on. Turning them on, I glance to check he follows so they can pair the audio with the video later. Once we reach the stage, I wait for him.
“Set up wherever, so long as I’m in range out there.”
“Yeah!” His voice cracks. “You got it.” He lowers to the floor with the receiver and recorder, and then he’s slinging his headphones into place. “We’re recording.”
I nod, throat drying. I gauge whether the tightening in my chest is a sailor’s knot or noose. The question is whether I’m about to stabilize after all this time or destroy something I can’t get back.
A sense of serenity joins the fray when I realize they’ve become the same thing. Two ends to the same rope.
The stage lights are off when I walk on, but no one needs them. And they fucking lose it. I stop center stage and wave before doing a 180. When I drop onto my ass, I lean back and brace on my palm, then slip off the glasses, turn them, and angle so the camera captures me along with the crowd behind me.
The Adams becomes clearer and louder, my name pulsing. The mic won’t pick it up, so if Remi decides to use this, she’ll need to overlay another recording, but I hear it. I always hear it.
“I’ll never get used to this,” I tell the camera.
I talk about our first performance as a group—before I started using a stage name, but I leave that specific part out—and compare it to the arena I’m sitting in now. During story time, I play with the crowd. I raise my right arm to see what they’ll do. After that side roars, I swap to the other.
Xander looks slightly bewildered as he crosses to me. Without prompting, he sits three feet in front of me and crosses his legs like he knows what I expect of him. It almost has me impressed until I notice the position of his phone.
Sure enough, he nods. “Yeah, no problem.” He hands it to me, and the fucking match to my soul is right there on the screen.
“Hey,” I say to Remi.
“Hi. I have a feeling this interview won’t be what I had in mind.” She has her knees pulled up to her chest, head tipped to the side to rest on a couch cushion. When I smile, she sighs. “I hate when you go rogue.”
“Liar.”
“Any specific instructions from either of you?” Xander’s unfolded a tripod, and he switches on a light attached to his camera.
“Hold her for me.” I hand him his phone, and he keeps Remi facing me. “You ready to show me what a skilled interviewer you are, Rem?”
She blinks at me. “You haven’t told me anything, Adams.”
“Feel your way through it, baby. We’re giving the world a breadcrumb to run with. Think of it like a tease—you’re good at that.”
While she nails me with a glare, I nod at Xander, but I trust she’ll catch on quick.
Once Puppy starts rolling, he nods back.
I steady myself, banish the cutting sense of betrayal I’ve endured for far too long. My heart’s fallen in line with my head and body, and I say a silent, “ Bye, Mama .”
This time, all I need to blow up Andrew West’s life is to provide the fuse.