Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
December 2008
Nantucket Island
I t wasn’t a surprise to any Nantucket local that Winnie was the star of the Christmas pageant. At six years old, there wasn’t a lot, performance-wise, that Winnie couldn’t do. She could sing. She could dance. She could address a crowd better than Josie ever could, her eyes sparkling, her voice filled with pizzazz. Neither Josie nor Tara knew where it came from. Maybe Donnie’s side of the family? It certainly wasn’t from theirs.
At the pageant, Josie sat next to Tara, who sat beside Donnie. Together, they watched their little girl, their Winnie, as she whisked across the stage in a bright red velvet dress Josie had made herself on the sewing machine. The crowd applauded every time Winnie did anything, and in the end, Donnie, Tara, and Josie were the first on their feet, calling out Winnie’s name.
“That’s my little girl!” Donnie called out. “That’s my Winnie!”
Tara and Josie breathed sighs of relief. The two of them had run lines with Winnie, who’d helped her memorize the solos and the dance moves. Josie could feel the movements in her feet as Winnie performed them. Winnie hadn’t forgotten a thing.
The crowd spilled into the aisles, but Josie, Tara, and Donnie worked themselves upstream to get to the stage. There, Donnie presented Winnie with a bouquet of roses, which Josie had picked up that afternoon because Tara was too busy with a client. Of course, it seemed like Donnie was the one who’d bought the flowers, and Winnie gushed at how beautiful they were and thanked her father over and over again. Josie decided not to care. She just wanted Winnie to be happy. And Donnie loved Winnie, too. He was just forgetful and bad about showing it.
Tara squeezed Josie’s hand. “Are you still going out after this?”
Josie laughed nervously and scanned the auditorium. “We were supposed to meet after the show. Maybe he forgot?”
“I don’t think he forgot,” Tara said, nodding toward the corner, where Mike stood with his ex-wife and two children, both of whom had been in the pageant. “He’s a good dad,” Tara said. “And a good guy.”
“Does anyone know why he and Felicity broke up?” Josie asked.
“They kept that a tight secret,” Tara admitted. “But that’s proof of how much they respect each other, don’t you think?”
Josie grimaced. “You’re right. Why am I so nervous?”
“Maybe because you haven’t been on a date in years?”
“Neither have you,” Josie said.
Tara rolled her eyes. “I’m married!”
Josie wanted to say that Donnie should take Tara out more often. She wanted to point out that just because you were married didn’t mean the romance had to die.
But she didn’t, because she didn’t want to make Tara sad. Tara still loved Donnie, she was pretty sure, despite everything.
After Mike hugged his children and ex-wife goodbye, he spotted Josie and ambled through the crowd to get to her. He gave her a simple side hug and then high-fived Winnie. “You were fantastic, kid!”
Winnie blushed and held her daddy’s hand. “Thank you very much.”
Josie liked that Mike had congratulated Winnie. He was a gentleman. He respected women and children.
“Where are you two off to?” Tara asked.
“Not sure,” Josie said. She felt skittish and strange. “But I’m starving.”
“Me too,” Mike admitted. “We’ll make it up as we go along.”
Josie and Mike said goodbye to Donnie, Tara, and Winnie and left the auditorium. Snow whirled from ominous purple clouds. They decided to walk to a local burger place, but when they got there, it was too packed with school parents and kids, so they decided to walk someplace else. They ended up at a bar and grill, sharing a seafood platter and having a couple of beers. Josie hated how nervous she still felt. She could tell Mike was anxious, too. He even admitted it was his first date since his divorce.
“Does Felicity know we’re out together tonight?”
“She does,” Mike admitted. “I wanted to get in front of any gossip.”
“That’s kind of you.” Josie considered telling Mike that this was her first date in many, many years, but she figured he knew that. They weren’t strangers.
Josie really struggled to know what to say. She ended up talking too much about Winnie and what they did together, and Mike talked about his kids, too. Maybe it wasn’t the most romantic of conversations. But it killed time. And anyone who saw them through the window of the bar would say those people were on a date, and there were no awkward silences. It was a win, she guessed.
“You’re really close with Winnie,” Mike said later. “But it makes me wonder. Would you ever want children of your own?”
Josie felt the question like a ray of light. She set down her fork and picked up her beer. “I’m a little old, I guess. People think it’s too late for me.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-nine”
Mike tilted his head. “That isn’t too old.”
Josie drank her beer and didn’t answer.
“Who told you that was too old?” Mike asked, pressing on the wound harder than anyone should.
“It’s just how society thinks of things,” Josie said.
“It’s 2008,” Mike reminded her. “Things are different. People are different. And women have whatever lives they want to have.” He raised his shoulders. “My wife was twenty-eight when she had our youngest.” Mike flinched and immediately corrected himself. “I meant to say my ex-wife.” His hand was a fist on the table. “Sorry. It’s hard to switch over to saying ex.”
“I get it.”
But the magic over the table dimmed a little bit. Josie drank more of her beer and wondered if she should make an excuse and go home. Maybe Winnie would still be awake. Perhaps they could watch a movie together and go to bed early.
It wasn’t like Mike wanted to be the father of her children, anyway. He already had children of his own.
He was probably just looking for a little fun.
What was she looking for?
I want to build a home with someone.
“Have you seen any good movies lately?” Mike asked then.
Josie winced. Their date was off the rails. But when her eyes shifted away from Mike’s face, she spotted someone at the bar—someone who definitely shouldn’t have been at the bar.
It was Donnie.
It was Donnie with another woman.
At first, they were just talking with their noses a little too close. But then Donnie’s lips were on hers, and they were kissing in the middle of everyone. They didn’t care about Nantucket gossip, and they didn’t have anything to hide. Josie gaped at them. Mike followed her gaze and scrunched his nose.
“Isn’t that Donnie?”
“It sure is,” Josie breathed.
Before Mike could say anything else, Josie was on her feet and storming up to Donnie. She didn’t plan what she would do next. But she had her beer in her hand, and suddenly, that beer was on Donnie’s face. Josie had never thrown beer on anyone before. She never would again.
But she’d never been so angry in her life.
“Josie!” Donnie gasped. His face was red with anger.
“What are you doing, Donnie?” Josie blared.
The woman Donnie had been kissing was on her feet. Some of the beer had gotten in her hair, and she was crying and gasping. Josie guessed she was from out of town. Maybe she didn’t even know Donnie was married with a daughter at home. He wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. That emboldened her.
“Josie, come on,” Donnie was saying. “Listen to me…”
“Who do you think you are?” Josie blared. “You have a wife, Donnie. You have a daughter. You have work in the morning! We rely on you! And here you are…”
“I’m just having a drink with a friend!” Donnie cried.
“It didn’t look like you were just drinking!”
Donnie twisted around to look at the bartender. Beer dripped off his nose. “Did you see what she did, Barney? Aren’t you going to call the cops?”
Barney rolled his eyes. “I don’t call the cops about domestic disputes.”
“She threw a beer in my face!”
Barney didn’t answer.
“I’m going to call her right now!” Josie blared. “I’m going to tell her what you did! And she’ll—”
Donnie blinked at her. “What is she going to do? Is she going to throw me out?”
He smiled because he didn’t think Tara would ever throw him out. He smiled because Tara looked away when he did anything wrong.
Josie had seen it over and over again.
Suddenly, Mike touched Josie’s shoulder gently. “Josie, I think we’d better get the bill and get going.”
Josie bit her tongue to keep from crying. She didn’t want Donnie to see how upset he made her.
“I never should have called you,” she rasped. “You don’t deserve Winnie!”
Donnie let out a laugh. “You don’t get to decide whether I parent my daughter or not.”
“You never would have known about her if it wasn’t for me!”
Mike tugged her away from Donnie, which outraged her. But she couldn’t find the words. Suddenly, she found herself in Mike’s truck, shaking with anger and cold. Snow had piled up on the front window, so Mike got out to clean it off. The radio was playing “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree,” and tears were burning hot and wet down her cheeks.
“I hate him!” Josie said as Mike drove her home.
She knew Mike wouldn’t ask her out again.
She knew she’d have to awkwardly run into him at school functions until Winnie graduated.
But right now, she didn’t care.
Mike drove Josie back home. Neither of them spoke until Mike pulled into the driveway. Josie wanted to leap out of the truck and run inside—like some kind of teenager—but she figured Mike deserved more than that. Josie’s lip quivered. Suddenly, she was thinking about her age and how she probably would never settle down and have children. She hated Donnie so much! Could she change the locks before he got back?
“Thanks for coming out with me,” Mike said to break the silence.
Josie hung her head. She felt foolish.
“I’m sorry about Donnie,” Mike offered.
“It isn’t your fault.”
Mike sighed and got out to open Josie’s door for her. Josie clambered out, feeling exhausted, and hugged Mike good night.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to date,” Mike said into her shoulder.
“Me either.”
Mike laughed gently and stepped back. “I’ll see you around?”
Josie’s eyes filled with tears. Her body was betraying her. “It’s a small island.”
Josie hurried up to the front door and let herself in. The house was silent. It was past Winnie’s bedtime, and maybe Tara had given up and gone to sleep as well. Josie got herself a glass of water and crept to her bedroom upstairs, passing by Tara and Donnie’s bedroom as she went. She decided to stand in the hallway for a second. The bedroom door was cracked. Maybe she could hear whether Tara was sleeping or not. Only a second later, she heard Tara say, “Why are you acting so creepy?”
Josie sputtered with laughter and then burst into tears.
Tara got out of bed and opened the door. Josie felt pathetic and ragged. Tara hugged her. “What’s wrong, honey? What did Mike do?”
Josie blubbered. “Mike is fine. He’s fine. He’s still in love with his wife.” It wasn’t a lie.
Tara led Josie into her bedroom, where she’d slept alone for the past several years, and got under the covers. Josie changed into a sleep shirt and slipped under the covers beside her sister. Tara waited expectantly. She wanted the full report of Josie’s first date in years.
What could Josie tell her? She couldn’t lie. Not about this.
Tara reached out to wrap a hand around Josie’s wrist. “You don’t have to date Mike, you know? There are other guys.”
Josie closed her eyes. Her chest spasmed. “It’s not that.”
“What is it?”
Josie knew what she said next would put her in a precarious position. She didn’t want Tara to think she was “going after Donnie.” The truth was he was a dirtbag and had always been. How could she get Tara to believe?
“I saw Donnie at the bar.”
Tara raised her eyebrows. “You went to that trashy bar and grill with Mike? He should have taken you to a restaurant!”
“Donnie was there with someone.”
“Yeah. I know. He went with Reg.”
Josie shook her head and turned to face Tara. They were lying on her pillows with their hair spilling across the sheets. “He was kissing someone. A woman.”
Tara’s face scrunched into a ball. She was quiet.
She was quiet in a way that made Josie understand that a part of Tara knew Donnie was sneaking around on her. She couldn’t admit it to herself.
“I’m sorry,” Josie whispered.
Tara turned to face the wall. Josie reached out to touch her sister’s shoulder, but Tara flinched away.
“I know you don’t want to believe it. But I wouldn’t lie,” Josie said. “I love you and Winnie too much. I want Donnie to be good enough for both of you. But…”
Suddenly, from downstairs came the sound of the front door screaming open and slamming shut.
“Tara?” Donnie’s voice echoed through the house. “Tara, where are you?”
Josie leaped out of bed. She was ready to throw another beer on his head.
Tara got out of bed, too. Her face was pale.
“Tara?” Donnie sounded drunker than he’d been at the bar. Josie imagined he’d taken shots after she’d thrown the beer on him. He was in a rage.
Josie and Tara sped to the staircase and found Donnie at the base of it. His drunkenness made him sway so much that he had to grip the railing, and he couldn’t make it more than a few stairs without falling back down.
“Don’t believe anything Josie says,” Donnie ordered. “She’s a liar.”
“Stay down there, Donnie,” Josie said. “And be quiet. Winnie’s asleep.”
Donnie growled. “I’m coming up there. This is my house with my wife and my daughter. You don’t have a family, Josie. You need to go out and get your own.” He hesitated and nearly fell. “She’s jealous, Tara. She doesn’t have what we have.”
Josie’s gut twisted with rage.
But suddenly, Tara shot downstairs and directly toward him. It was almost as though she was going to attack. Donnie was caught so off guard by her that he collapsed against the railing. Tara took his hand and pulled him the rest of the way down the stairs and into the living room. Josie brought up the rear, ready to jump on him if he tried to go up and talk to Winnie.
Tara’s voice was direct. “I need you out of the house immediately.”
Josie could hardly believe what she was hearing. She wanted to jump up and down.
Tara’s eyes were bloodshot. Standing as she was in one of Donnie’s band T-shirts and a pair of pajama pants, she looked so small and sad. But she pointed a finger at Donnie’s chest, and Donnie fell onto the sofa. She was too strong for him, even like that.
Josie wanted to tell Donnie he was pathetic. But she knew this was Tara’s battle to fight.
“I won’t have you here acting like this with Winnie asleep upstairs,” Tara continued. She sounded on the edge of tears.
“Come on, Tara. It’s all right. I was a little loud, but I’ll be quiet now. I’ll be fine,” Donnie said.
“I want you out.”
“Tara, come on. Don’t believe what Josie said!”
But Tara crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him so ferociously that even Josie was frightened.
“Come on, Tara. Let’s just get in bed. Let’s—”
Tara spun on her heel and stormed to the kitchen. Donnie tried to get up but fell again.
“You’re pathetic,” Josie whispered, not loud enough for Tara to hear.
Donnie began to sob loudly. Josie wanted him out of the house. She wanted Tara and Winnie to wake up tomorrow to a life that no longer felt messy and jagged because of Donnie.
Josie entered the kitchen to find Tara with both palms flat on the counter. She gazed out at the inky-black night.
“I’m going to put him up in the motel,” Josie said. “He can’t drive himself.”
“Make sure he has some cash,” Tara whispered.
“Okay.”
Josie returned to the living room to find Donnie crumpled up and weeping. But she didn’t have compassion for him. She helped him to his feet and walked him to her car, then backed out of the driveway. Because he was so drunk, he’d parked his truck so awfully that he was half in the driveway and half in the yard, and the mailbox was in pieces. He’d always resented that it still said “Steiner” on it. Now, it always would say Steiner. He’d lost his right to the house. He’d lost his right to their lives.
Josie checked Donnie into a motel room and left him snoring and fully clothed on the double-wide bed. She left twenty bucks on the bedside table and paid for the room in full. When he woke up with a hangover, he’d have to remember what happened and what he’d done. She hoped that it would hurt.
He hadn’t known what he had. He hadn’t known to appreciate the love in his life.
Now, he wouldn’t have it at all.