Chapter 2
I
know these hoes better come with some good gifts,” Shy said as she watched her assistant wrap the luxury items she had purchased.
“Not you just read my entire life down,” Lola responded, shocked but amused.
“I did. I wouldn’t miss it,” Lola said.
“You’re the best.” Shy beamed as she sat in the makeup chair while her team danced around her. She had built a life for herself that people dreamed of.
“Oh, don’t forget to book the videographer. I need to make sure I capture the content. My gifts were sponsored, so I must post the girls’ reactions when they open each one and make a recap video for socials.”
“Do I need to get photo releases from your friends so they can be posted?” Lola asked.
“Umm… they better not fucking ask me for no photo release. All these damn luxury gifts I’m bringing. I’m way over the $200 limit. They better let me get my content in peace,” Shy joked.
Lola nodded and took notes for accuracy.
Shy was so excited. She was an events type of girl.
She did everything with excellence. The best caterer had been hired, the itinerary had been set, and the dress code had been established.
She even had backup outfits in case somebody came out of alignment.
She could not wait to enjoy the next few days with her homegirls.
Her life was one big party. This was nothing new to her.
Being a self-made brand came with perks and a fast life that almost mimicked celebrity, but she didn’t always get to enjoy those perks with her real friends.
She was always on the scene with other influencers and brand girlies.
This would be the first time in a long time that she got to turn up with her besties.
She was sure she had gotten carried away with the planning, but it was only because she was excited.
Shy didn’t know when they would all be together again, so they were about to make up for lost motherfucking time.
Her phone rang as her makeup artist was applying her eye shadow.
“Can you get that for me, Lola?” she asked. “Who is it?”
“It’s Courtney,” Lola announced.
“Put her on speaker,” Shy said. “Hey, Court!”
“Hey, girl,” Courtney’s tone was all Shy needed to hear to know that something was about to damper her plans.
“What’s wrong? Why you sound like that?” Shy asked.
“Girl, James gotta work, and I can’t find a sitter for the baby, so I’ma have to miss some of the events this week,” Courtney informed.
“What? Noooo! Courtney!” Shy protested. “We’ve been talking about this for months! Your mama can’t watch the baby?” she asked.
“Girl, you know I don’t like to ask people for shit. I’ma just have to sit out. When I can make it, I will, but mom duty comes first.”
“This sucks so bad,” Shy groaned. “You can bring the baby with you. Maybe ask Ellie if Brooklyn can babysit.”
“Sis, I have a four-month-old. Brooklyn is a teenage girl. She don’t know how to care for a newborn,” Courtney said. “It’s cool. I’ll just have to get in where I fit in.”
“Okay, boo. I’m sorry. I feel so bad.” Shy’s sympathy was real.
Out of them all, she was sure Courtney deserved this week the most. She was laid off from the shop, following taking maternity leave after having her most recent baby, and she was hardly ever available for girl time anymore.
Shy hated it for her girl. Everything had always been hard for Courtney, for as long as Shy had known her.
She had been the first one to have a baby out of the gang.
Court had gotten pregnant at 16 and had dropped out of high school shortly after to get her GED so that she could work full time.
Courtney had been working ever since. Life had been an uphill climb from there.
“Don’t feel bad for me, girl. Everybody can’t live the soft life,” Courtney said.
Shy didn’t miss the resentment in Courtney’s tone.
“You deserve the soft life too, Court,” Shy replied.
A beat of silence filled the line, and Shy’s heart ached for her friend.
“I got to go, Shy. I know Ellie gets in tomorrow, but I’ma probably miss the welcome home thing at her dad’s. Y’all have fun. Take a shot for me.”
Courtney hung up the phone and sat there, dazed, as her stomach churned in discomfort.
She didn’t know how her life had come to this.
Something as simple as linking up with her childhood friends over Christmas break had become problematic.
She stood and walked into of the room where her child’s father sat.
He sat, legs wide, a beer balanced on his knee, before pulling it to his mouth for one long swig.
So much tension filled the space between them that she was almost hesitant to speak.
“I told them I wasn’t coming,” Courtney announced.
“I ain’t ask you to do that. Don’t put that on me,” James shot back. His eyes never left the television.
He was right. He hadn’t blatantly forbidden her, but the moment she brought it up, the interrogation had begun.
Where were they going? Would any niggas be there?
When would she be home? Why did she need hair and makeup?
Why was one of the events overnight? Was she sharing a room with anyone?
She had told him about Friendsmas months ago, and still, when the time came, his insecurities sprouted.
She knew what they would lead to. She would be defending unreasonable accusations for weeks if she moved in any way that felt suspicious to him.
He would ask her the same question, rewording it strategically to try to get her to give a different answer.
She had to tiptoe around the details of a perfectly innocent experience just to make sure she didn’t incite mistrust. She always felt cornered and defensive.
The truth wasn’t even true enough for him when his jealousy reared its ugly head.
It was like he wanted to catch her up in a lie just so he could release whatever anger he harbored.
It was exhausting, and it filled her with so much anxiety that she would just rather stay home.
“I didn’t say you did. I just told them you had to work,” Courtney said.
It wasn’t a lie. He did have shifts to cover.
He worked construction and those hours were long and hard, especially in the winter.
Forty-hour weeks didn’t come along easily in the dead of winter, so taking off wasn’t the best idea.
Hanging out with her girls just complicated shit.
She would rather disappoint them than shake up shit in her home.
James’ jealousy could lead to dark places, and she wasn’t willing to risk that.
Things had been good. She wanted them to stay that way.
If that meant she had to stay home with the baby, then so be it.
“You’re a mother anyway. You can’t bop around with your single friends looking for trouble. I don’t know why you was even trying to,” he mumbled.
A fire ignited in her chest because she hated it when he did this.
She was already salty about having to sit out of the celebration with her friends.
He had gotten his way. She was going to be inside.
Nigga just got to talk shit and pour salt in the wound, she thought.
Her pride just wouldn’t allow her to keep quiet.
“What does them being single have to do with me going out? What does me being a mother have to do with it?” Courtney asked, folding her arms across her chest.
“You can’t relate to them. Y’all ain’t on the same shit no more. Or are y’all?” he challenged, finally turning from the TV.
“Every time you leave up out of here with your single homeboys, I can assume you on bullshit?”
“How we get on me? We talking about you and them bops you run with,” James said. “Sound like you deflecting cuz you were trying to be on some ho shit.” She heard his anger building, but he was pouring gasoline on hers as well.
“Nigga, I’m 39 years old! What another woman does with her pussy has nothing to do with what I do with mine. We are grown-ass women. My friends ain’t got shit to do with me.”
“So, you admit they out here wild?” James shot back. Here he was, putting words in her mouth.
“They’re grown! I don’t even know what they doing it like these days because I haven’t seen them! I’m here, stuck in the house with your stupid ass!” she shouted. “You got your mouth poked out every time I leave the house!”
“You talking real slick, defending your fucking ghetto-ass friends. You act like I’m talking about you or something,” he accused. “If you had sat your ass down and mothered Quan, maybe he would still be here right now! You were out, shaking ass with these same bitches!”
His words snatched the air from her lungs.
He stood and stormed past her. “Let me get out of here before I slap the shit out you,” he mumbled.
She couldn’t even muster up a response. The sting of the memories that rushed her threatened to unravel her.
Their first son, Devin, had been gunned down when he was 14 years old while she was out celebrating her 30th birthday with her girls.
It had been nine years, and nothing had been the same since that fated day.
Her life had gone to shit in the blink of an eye.
James had always been a little controlling.
She met him in high school when she was 14.
He was ten years older than her, so the control had always been present, but after their son was killed, he had become downright mean, and she knew it was because he blamed her.
She didn’t need his punishment. She blamed herself.
She was grateful when her son’s cries wailed through the house.
The sound was like an alarm that snapped her out of a bad dream.
Shaken and draped in sorrow, she went to her son’s crib.
He was so little, such a gift. She had thought new life would make them happier, would make James less resentful, less angry, but it had done none of those things.
It had just cemented her into the relationship further.
Baby Christian had become the reason why she couldn’t leave James.
She had contemplated not having him. She had been on the brink of leaving the relationship altogether when she found out she was pregnant.
Now, she was here. Now, she was stuck. Courtney picked Christian up, and the guilt she felt was immeasurable.
She regretted having this baby, but damn it, she still loved him so much.
“Mommy’s so sorry,” she whispered as she nuzzled his ear.
“You deserve so much better.” Christian’s first Christmas would be spent in a tense home with parents who were disconnected and full of antipathy.
Perhaps, if she stayed home and focused on her family, things would get better.
I just gave this nigga another baby. This has to get better.