Chapter 21
Christmas Eve
E
llie read the message, and tears came to her eyes.
This was her first time coming home for Christmas in years, and a huge piece of her heart would be missing.
Nobody ever discussed the ways friends broke your heart.
They could be worse than the destruction of a romantic relationship.
Every woman expected men to fuck up eventually.
Even the best man didn’t get the complete benefit of the doubt.
Women just braced themselves for men to mess up, so when it hit, it didn’t come from out of nowhere.
When a friendship failed, you realized how much you relied on other women.
Friends were your secret keepers, your hitters, your moral advisors, your spirit lifters, your insecurity destroyer, your worry mitigator, and your intuition confirmer.
Friends were there at rock bottom, wiping your tears.
Friends were there when you lost your virginity.
Friends were there without judgment, holding your hair out of the way when you overindulged.
Friends were there when you were on some crazy shit, riding past a nigga crib to see if he was cheating.
Friends were there when you gave birth to your first baby.
Friends were there when your parents left this earth.
Through every single phase of life, your day-one friends were imprinted on every memory that mattered.
Ellie felt incomplete, knowing that Sloan wouldn’t be with her today.
She knew calling her wouldn’t change anything.
When Sloan said she didn’t want to be reached, it was a firm boundary.
She would be surprised if her friend’s phone was even powered on.
Ellie wanted to try, but she was still so angry at Sloan.
A conversation needed to take place, but today wasn’t the day.
She climbed out of bed and went to wake her girls, but their beds were already empty.
She heard their infectious laughter, and she descended the steps of her parents’ home to find her girls in the kitchen with her father, preparing for Christmas.
Papa didn’t play when it came to his holiday meals, so they were starting on Christmas Eve.
Brooklyn was being taught how to clean greens, and Tessa was cracking eggs into the cornmeal.
Ellie entered the room and placed her hands on Tessa’s shoulders, leaning down to blow kisses on her cheeks.
“Good morning, my love,” Ellie greeted. She reached down into the cornmeal and picked the shells out that Tessa was leaving behind.
“Morning, Mommy!” Tessa shouted.
“Hey, Ma, morning,” Brooklyn added.
Ellie walked behind her daughter and hugged her from behind as she rested her head over Brooklyn’s shoulder. “I love you, baby girl.”
“Love you too.”
“Hey, Papa,” Ellie greeted her dad last as she bent down to kiss his cheek. He sat at the table, peeling sweet potatoes.
“Grab a seat; you can shred some cheese,” Papa said, motioning for her.
Ellie smiled. She didn’t mind helping. Some of her best memories were of her with her dad in this very kitchen. He was the reason why she could cook so well.
Cass walked into the house, carrying his father’s fryer.
“Papa, let this be the last year you forget something and send me out to get it on Christmas Eve,” Cassidy joked.
“Good luck with that. Daddy gon’ forget something every year,” Ellie stated.
“I went to three stores to find this,” Cass shot back. “That’s what took me so long.”
“You’re a good son, Cass. You won’t be talking all that shit when I drop my famous turkey in that there,” Bishop bragged.
Cassidy and Ellie laughed at the pride in Bishop’s voice.
He fried turkeys for the whole neighborhood— it seemed like.
Every Christmas, their neighbors would drop off their coolers and get in line, starting two days before the holiday, to pay him to season and fry their big bird.
He had taught Cassidy the recipe when he was a teenager, and while Cassidy’s skill was a close second, Bishop was the undeniable king.
This was Cassidy’s first Christmas home in years, and Ellie felt a sense of completion being able to spend the holiday with her entire family. The only person missing was Sloan.
“I’ma get you set up in the backyard,” Cassidy stated.
“I’ll help you,” Ellie said.
She grabbed the peanut oil from the pantry and followed Cassidy out of the sliding glass door that led to the deck.
She watched him unbox the new turkey fryer as he set it up next to the other three Papa planned to use.
“What you hovering for, E?” Cassidy asked.
“Ain’t nobody hovering,” Ellie replied, rolling her eyes because he knew her too well.
Cassidy looked up at her. She was twin. They carried their mother’s features so similarly.
“What’s going on with you and Sloan?” Ellie asked.
She saw a flash of hurt cross his face before he looked back down and continued with his task. Ellie instantly wanted to beat Sloan?ˉs ass.
See, this is why they don’t need to be involved with each other because if she hurts him, I’m going to kill her, and if he hurts her, I’m going to skin him alive, she thought.
“Hand me that oil,” Cassidy said. She didn’t know if he was avoiding her question or thinking about what he wanted to say, but it was clear that he was affected by it.
She felt her brother’s heart. She knew him so well, even after all these years.
This was a heavy topic for him. He wore his heart right on his sleeve.
Sloan had pinned it there and signed her name to it in permanent ink, just in case he got lost. “Cass!”
“It ain’t your business, E. Leave it alone,” Cassidy said. He poured the oil inside the fryer.
“What do you mean it ain’t my business? Sloan shouldn’t be your business!” Ellie exclaimed. “So, y’all are messing around?”
Cassidy stood and blew out a sigh of frustration.
“Sigh all you want, negro, but get to talking,” Ellie demanded.
?°I don?ˉt know what you want me to say,” Cassidy stated. His guilt was evident. His shoulders hung low, and his eyes held no joy. Her brother was carrying sadness in his soul, and it hollowed her stomach.
“Cass! She’s my best friend! How could you?” Ellie asked.
“How could I not, E?” He scoffed and looked out over the backyard.
He asked the question like the thought of not having Sloan was absurd.
His passion was palpable, and Ellie was stunned.
“She’s beautiful and smart and funny and driven and independent and…
” Cassidy stopped talking and clenched his jaw as he gritted his teeth.
His nostrils flared as he thought of Sloan, and Ellie stood there enraged. “How could I not?”
“And what about me? Neither of you cared to think of me? She knows my rules about my friends and my brother, and I know you. What happens when you become disinterested? When somebody prettier comes along? You just came home; you got two decades of coochie to catch up on. You not trying to settle down and stick to one woman. You gon’ do something stupid.
Then, I’ma have to choose between you and my friend, and of course, I’ma choose you, but I lose her,” Ellie argued.
“I was a kid, E. You’re judging me off shit I did as a teenager, man. I’m not out here hopping from woman to woman no more, trying to smash everything moving. It’s different with Sloan.”
“Oh, yeah? What about Lola? Cuz you left the party with her,” Ellie stated. “You saying it’s different with Sloan, but you sliding with Shy’s assistant? Somebody Sloan will have to see and interact with?”
?°Nothing happened with Lola,” Cassidy answered.
?°Nothing happened?” Ellie challenged. ?°You didn’t fuck that girl?”
?°No,” Cassidy answered resolutely.
?°You Didn’t kiss her?” Ellie asked.
Cassidy sighed in exasperation.
?°A kiss is something, Cassidy. Sloan will cut that damn girl?ˉs lips off over a kiss. Any misstep with Sloan matters!” Ellie argued.
?°I know, man,” Cassidy sighed.
Ellie shook her head. “Sloan is family, Cassidy! There are certain boundaries you just shouldn’t cross! Especially for no stupid-ass casual hook-up!”
“It ain’t casual, E,” Cassidy declared. “It’s so far from casual, it’s crazy.”
It was the second time she had heard this admission, and Ellie fought the urge to yell at him some more.
“And yeah, I thought about you. I’ve always considered your friendship with Sloan.
I know what she means to you. I thought two things could be true at once.
I thought I could have her, and she could still have you, but it doesn’t even matter because it’s over.
It was over before it even started,” Cassidy said.
“Don’t be mad at her. This ain’t her fault.
It was on me. I’m the one who complicated shit.
I opened that door, and she shut it down. She’s too good for me.”
Ellie had never seen Cassidy this affected. Her brother usually presented a strong front, no matter the circumstances. He was trying, but she could see that Sloan hit differently for him.
“Do you love her, Cass?” Ellie asked. His silence was loud as he tapped on the window to get their father’s attention. “You all set up out here, old man!” he shouted.
“You do, don’t you?” Ellie pushed.
“It’s all good, E,” Cassidy said, playing cool.
“But, Cass…”
Cassidy’s exasperation had a limit. He loved his little sister, but he didn’t want to discuss this with her.
“She’s afraid of me, E! And I ain’t talking about no metaphorical bullshit; like, she’s afraid I’ma break her heart.
She thinks I will harm her. She thinks I’m violent.
She sees a murderer when she looks at me. ”
Ellie’s eyes watered. He was so much more. The measurement of his manhood was so much greater than his biggest sin.
“So just leave it alone,” Cassidy said, as he disappeared inside the house.