Chapter 21 I Looked for You Inside of Everyone Else #5
“It was wonderful, actually. We traveled for a couple of years. Tatiana did, too. When we came home to New York, Dan got his old job back at NYU, and I got my master’s in music theory in an online program.
I taught at the college level for a few years, and now I direct the orchestra and band at the high school. ”
“That’s fantastic, Grace. How is Tatiana?”
“She’s good. Still single and feisty. She’s with the New York Philharmonic so she travels a lot. She’s a very dedicated musician.”
“What happened to Brandon?”
She chuckled. “He was just one of many for Tati.”
“I should have guessed. So you never wanted to go down the same path as Tati? I might be biased, but I always thought you were a stronger musician than her.”
“I did, but . . .” She started fidgeting. “I, uh, never had the discipline she had. She was always better.”
“I don’t think so at all.”
“To the trained ear, Tatiana has more talent.” She smiled. “Last bite?” She held a fork full of peanut butter pie up to my mouth.
I grabbed her wrist, leaned in, and took the bite. The instant intimacy between us felt too familiar.
“I’m so sorry, but I have to get back. This has been so nice. It was good to see you again, looking so well and healthy,” she said.
“Let me walk you home.”
“It’s not necessary.” She moved to the edge of the booth to stand.
“It’s late, and I would feel better if you’d let me walk you.”
She hesitated. “Okay. You can walk me to my street.”
On the walk over, she twisted her hair up into a bun, exposing her tattoo. Green-eyed Lovebird. I couldn’t resist reaching out and running my fingers across the back of her neck. So it really happened. She flinched. “What are you doing?”
“I just wanted to touch it, to see if it was still there.”
She laughed. “Tattoos are pretty permanent.”
“I just wondered if you had it lasered off in anger.”
“I was more heartbroken than angry.”
Ouch.
I took her hands in mine. “I’m sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am.”
“I know. I am too. You still have yours, I assume?”
I stretched the neck of my black T-shirt, pulling it down to reveal the tattoo over my heart. “Yep, still there.”
She ran her fingers over it and whispered, “Just the ash.”
Her head dropped to the ground. I lifted her chin to look at me and her eyes were full of tears. “We were victims of bad timing. But here we are again.”
She smiled weakly. “I have to go.” Before I could stop her, she turned and rushed quickly down the street. I waited until I saw her walk up the steps of a brownstone, and then I headed home, pissed at the world, wanting to murder Elizabeth for screwing up my life in more ways than one.
As soon as I got home, I called my brother. It was only nine o’clock on the West Coast. Monica answered. “Hello?”
“Is Alexander there?”
“Hello to you too, Matthias. Alexander’s not here. He’s filing a big motion tomorrow so he’s still at the office.”
“Monica, you said you and Elizabeth were like sisters, right?”
“Well, we were family for eight years.”
“Uh-huh, sure. Did you know that Grace tried to contact me, and each time, Elizabeth found a way to keep that information from me?” My voice was harsh, accusatory. “Did you help her with these little deceptions, by any chance?”
“Stop.”
“No. You gave her the fucking family bassinet. You talked to her all the time. You told me yourself that she said things to you about how I was hung up on Grace. You didn’t like Grace from the beginning, and I knew that. You were both so jealous of her.”
“I’m going to hang up in two seconds if you don’t stop.”
I was breathing heavily, my pulse racing. There was nothing left inside of me but pure anger and adrenaline.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was never jealous of Grace. She was in your life for five minutes, and now you accuse me of this? Elizabeth never said anything to me except that you had a bunch of pictures of Grace that you refused to get rid of.”
“Elizabeth is the main reason I haven’t talked to Grace in fifteen years. Elizabeth is probably the reason I’m not married to Grace at this very moment.”
She sighed heavily. “Matt, you’re being melodramatic.”
“I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this.”
She was quiet for a moment. “I think you’re telling me because we’re family.” Her words surprised me. “You should get some sleep, Matt. You sound torn up. I’m sorry if what you said is true. I never saw Elizabeth as a conniver.”
“Me neither. But she did it.”
“I’ll let Alexander know and have him call you, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Monica. Goodnight.”
I was still staring out the window at two in the morning. My head was foggy, so I decided to take a walk. Before I knew it, I was drifting toward Grace’s street. It was totally quiet as I stood staring up at four brownstones. I didn’t know which one was hers—they were completely identical.
“Grace!” I called out. I could have phoned her and said, “Gracie! Grace, please, I need to talk to you!” but if you’re going to insist on talking to someone at two in the morning, you might as well pay them a visit. “Grace, please!”
A man across the street opened a window and yelled, “Get out of here or I’m gonna call the police.”
“Do it!” I yelled back.
“He’s fine, Charlie!” It was Grace’s voice.
I turned back to see her standing in the doorway of one of the brownstones.
I ran up the five steps to the door, my chest heaving.
I was inches away from her face as she looked up at me.
She was wearing a pink flannel pajama set with Christmas trees on it. It was May. I smiled.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
I took her hands in mine and stared down at them between us.
“I wanted to kiss you earlier but I was too chicken.” I leaned in and kissed her slowly, tenderly.
Her lips were soft but her movements were eager.
She kissed the way she always kissed, with passion.
She threw her arms around my neck, pressing our bodies together as we deepened the kiss.
She moved her hands to my sides, then to my waist, and under my T-shirt.
Her fingers traced the designs on my belt.
She pulled away and whispered near my ear. “You still have this?”
“You were always with me, Grace. I never found a way to let you go.”
She dropped her head to rest on my shoulder. “What are we going to do?”
“Date?”
She laughed. “You want to date me?”
I’d marry you right now if you’d let me.
“Yeah, I want to date you. You’re my favorite ex-wife.” She lifted her head and I searched her eyes. I was relieved to find amusement in them.
“I’m free on Tuesday after class.”
“Want to meet in front of Senior House around three?”
She laughed again but her tears shone in the moonlight. I had made Grace cry too much for one night. “Yeah. I’ll see you there.”
I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “Sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep, young lady.” I kissed her nose, turned, and jogged down the steps. “Tuesday at three,” I called back. “I’ll see you.”
“Keep it down,” Charlie shouted from the window.
“Go to bed, Charlie!” Grace yelled.