Chapter 29
twenty-nine
. . .
Brynnlee
Strong arms circlemy waist from behind and my body jerks in response. “Stay,” a soft whisper next to my ear insists, and my heart races. “Please.”
I don’t speak, not because I don’t have a million things I want to say. It’s because I can’t seem to form any words. They are there floating around in my brain but somehow getting lost in the way my body responds to his touch. I don’t want to like it. Scratch that, love it. I love how strong he feels holding me, and how safe I feel at that very moment. I shouldn’t feel safe. I don’t want to feel safe.
His body sways with mine, as he holds me close.
“Let me just hold you like this for a minute, before you push me away.” Jensen nuzzles in closer, and I hear him inhale as he skims over the side of my neck with the tip of his nose.
My throat feels raw.
“I just want to pretend for a second that these last two weeks haven”t happened.”
“But it has.” I push the words past my lips and try to turn in his embrace.
“I’m married.” The confession hurts even though it”s something I already know. “She cheated on me, probably more times than I’m aware of.”
Stepping forward his arms break apart and I turn to face him. The air in my lungs feels as though it”s sucked out in one big whoosh. Seeing him, those gorgeous eyes and lips that I almost instantly fell in love with hit me. I wasn’t prepared for the way seeing him again would make me feel.
“Two wrongs do not make a right.” The buzz I was feeling quickly fades.
He’s beautiful standing there before me, stubble shadowing his jaw. Wearing jeans and a Henley, tight, fitting his chest making it hard not to reach out and place my hand there. “For whatever reason you decided that it was okay to put me in the position you did, doesn’t make me any less angry. I am not the kind of woman that thinks sleeping with another woman”s husband is okay. Problems or not, Jensen, nothing about it is okay.”
“We are married only by paper,” he says in a rush taking a step toward me and I step back. “Before you and I were an us?—”
“There is no us,” I correct him and I notice the way his throat bobs when he swallows hard.
“There is,” he pushes back. “There’s a you and a me, then there is an us.” I shake my head but he doesn’t stop. “And I like us, in fact I fucking love us. I’m a better man when there is an us. I feel like I’m the man I was a long time ago, the man I lost. I haven’t felt like that man in a long time.”
“You lied to me.” It”s something I can’t let go of.
“I never lied.”
“Lying by omission is still lying, Jensen.”
“We’ve been separated for more than a year,” he says in a rush.
”So why not just tell me that?” I say, throwing my hands out in frustration.
“Would you still have given me a chance had I told you that?” he asks me and lowers his head taking a slow deep breath. “You stepped up beside me at that bar and I felt something I’ve never felt before.”
“Don’t play me, Jensen?—”
“I’m fucking serious, Brynn.” It’s the first time since he stepped up behind me that he actually raises his voice. “You set me on fire, from the inside out.” He places his hand over his chest. “Like I’d had the wind knocked out of me and could barely breathe.”
Tears pool in my eyes.
When he closes the distance between us it surprises me and I don’t have the chance to move before he cups the back of my neck and pulls me close. “I’ve never felt the kind of pull I feel when I’m near you.” His lips cover mine, the gentle swipe of his tongue makes me gasp and he takes advantage. “Never,” he adds as he rests his forehead to mine and I take a moment to catch my breath.
“I can’t do this.” Tears threaten to spill over.
“Can’t do what?”
I don’t answer as I create distance. “You have things you need to work on.”
“Baby, I?—”
I hold up my hand, halting him. A pained look is taking over his features, his hands are fisting at his sides, his jaw flexing.
“Please, don’t follow me.” And with that I turn around and walk away. Pausing long enough to offer a goodbye to Marco and Keeton, who both offer me concerned looks.
“I’ll get a cab,” I tell Taylor and she follows close behind, telling me without words that where I go, she goes. The moment we climb into the cab I lean my head onto her shoulder and give in to the wave of emotions that are coursing through me.
My father entersmy office and instead of saying anything he walks across the room and pauses at the windows that overlook the street below. It’s generally not a good thing when he is quiet which makes me nervous. My stomach has been in knots since walking away from Jensen last night.
I couldn’t sleep, and was the first one to arrive at the office this morning. I needed to focus on something other than my longing for a man I can’t want.
“Is everything okay?” I push my father, needing an end to the silence. “Dad?”
“I met Jensen.” The second the words leave his mouth I feel lightheaded. I grip the arm of my chair, needing to feel grounded. I’m not sure how to respond. “He stopped by looking for you the other day. From the way Lucy was grilling him I can only assume you left instructions for her to turn him away, if he showed his face here.”
It’s then he turns and finally looks at me.
“She didn’t budge,” he assures me. “But he also didn’t make it easy on her either.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I feel like everyone is team Jensen. Like I’m somehow being unreasonable with my feelings.
“He and I had a talk.” My stomach grows tense. “Actually he did most of the talking but that’s beside the point. I told him that I wouldn’t be his way in.”
He walks toward my desk, leaning over, lining up his gaze with mine.
“You and I share one very dominant trait, my beautiful daughter.” I try my best to breathe evenly unsure of where this is going. “That stubbornness once almost cost me the life I have today. Sometimes you have to let it go, give a little. It could be the difference between happy and resentful.”
Reaching out he places his finger beneath my chin, tipping my head upward. “But know that whatever you choose, I am always on your side.”
He stands and leaves my office and for the second time in less than twenty-four hours I give in to my emotions.