12. Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones
CHAPTER 12
STICKS AND STONES MAY brEAK MY BONES
NATE
April, 1994
7 years old
I squeeze my toy car really tight, my hands are sweaty against the plastic. Tomorrow's my birthday, but I don't feel happy like I should. Instead, my tummy feels funny and I’m scared because Daddy is yelling in the living room. He's never been this loud before. There's a big crash that makes me jump and hide under my blanket.
I peek through the little space where my door isn't closed all the way. Mommy looks really scared; her face all scrunched up weird.
Then Daddy hits Mommy, and she falls down crying.
My heart goes boom-boom-boom so fast it hurts. Jake's still sleeping in his room far away because he's just a baby, and I'm glad he can't hear all the scary noises.
I want to run out there and tell him to stop, like how superheroes do in my cartoons, but I'm too scared. Daddy doesn't look like my Daddy anymore—his face is all red and mean, and he's acting like the bad guys on TV.
"You want to lie to me again, Lydia? How fucking dare you. After everything I've done for you." Daddy's words are super loud and angry.
"Scott, please. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly. It shouldn't happen but it did." Mommy talks really quiet, like when I'm sick and she tells me stories to help me sleep.
"You're right, you weren't fucking thinking. But then again, you never do." Something else goes crash—it sounds like when I accidentally broke Mommy's favorite glass cup last summer.
"You will be sorry, Lydia, believe me. You will be."
When morning comes, Mommy wakes me up with a big smile that looks weird and wrong. She helps me put on my Superman shirt, because it’s my favorite. She keeps talking about how fun the party will be, but her eyes are all red and puffy like when she cries. There's a dark spot on her face that she tried to hide with her makeup stuff, but I can still see it.
"Mommy, you're sad."
"No, honey, I'm not sad. How can I be sad when it's my beautiful boy's seventh birthday today?” A tear falls down her face even though she's trying to smile.
"I don't like it when Daddy gets loud," I whisper, holding my car even tighter. Mommy kneels in front of me, and I can smell her flowery perfume that she always wears.
"Honey, listen to me, okay? Sometimes grown-ups have arguments, but they figure things out eventually. Today's your special day, so let's try to think about happy things, all right? Can you do that for me?"
I nod because I want to make Mommy happy, but my chest feels funny and empty.
The doorbell keeps ringing, and lots of kids from my class come in. Justin comes with his big smile, already talking about games we can play. Then Ollie shows up with a huge present, but Nora is the one that makes me feel a little better. She runs right to me and gives me the biggest hug ever.
"Happy Birthday, Natey!" She shows me a picture she drew. "I made this for you."
It's all of us being superheroes.I’m flying with big wings because I told her once that I wish I could fly like birds do. Ollie has super big muscles, Jake can run super fast with lightning around his feet, and Nora can touch stuff and make it pretty with flowers and colors. My face gets all warm looking at it. It's my favorite present ever!
"I love it," I say, my voice getting stuck in my throat a little. "I'm going to stick it on my wall in my room."
Her smile makes everything feel brighter, like when the sun comes out after it rains.
"Hey, Nate! Let's play Seven Minutes in Heaven because you're seven!" Justin says, super excited. We don't know what that means, but big kids play it, so we want to try.
Me and Nora end up in the dark closet together. I can smell the laundry soap Mommy uses and feel Nora sitting close to me. I can’t see her because it’s dark but my tummy feels all fluttery, like there are butterflies inside.
"Nate?" Nora whispers. "Why do you look sad?"
"I'm not sad," I lie, but my voice sounds wobbly.
"Liar, liar, pants on fire," she says, but not in a mean way. She says it nice, like when Mommy tells me everything will be okay.
“When Mommy or Daddy is sad, they give each other a kiss to feel better." Then Nora leans in and gives me a quick kiss on my lips. "Did it make it better?"
My heart does a funny jump, and I feel dizzy like when I spin around too much. "Yeah, I think so."
The door opens super fast, and the light hurts my eyes. "Time's up, lovebirds!" Justin yells and runs away laughing. Nora stands up and holds out her hand.
"Come on, Nate, I got you." Her hand feels warm and safe in mine.
In those seven minutes, Nora didn't just give me my first kiss—she made everything better. I think she took a piece of my heart. But I was okay with it because it was Nora.