Chapter 67
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
HANNAH
Inever realized heartbreak was a physical pain. I never knew that when the organ that keeps you alive shatters, it’s like everything around you stops, and you’re left with the worst kind of agony imaginable.
The physical and emotional pain wars inside you, each trying to best the other, leaving your body and mind ravaged and broken.
Everything around me is quiet, or maybe I just stopped processing sound after I heard those shots. The shots that took the lives of the men I love.
Loved, I guess.
No. That’s not right. Love.
Because I’ll always love them with every single piece of my broken heart.
Until my own dying breath, I won’t know another love like theirs.
I was lucky because I didn’t just have one true love.
I had two.
Two hearts that beat in time with mine.
Two souls destined to walk this mortal plane beside me.
I curl further into myself, desperate to stop the pain, to wake up from what has to be a nightmare, and for the second time today, I regret the time I wasted on shit that didn’t matter.
Who gives a fuck about losing some clients when I just lost the only two people to ever make me feel seen?
The car moves quietly through the streets of New York, but Jeffrey could be taking me straight to hell right now, and I wouldn’t give a fuck.
Everything I cared about just died right alongside my men.
I guess there’s a freedom in having nothing left to lose.
The car descends into darkness, and it takes me too long to realize we’ve pulled into a parking garage.
Maybe he’ll take mercy on me and kill me too.
Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be so lucky. I’m far more valuable to him alive than dead, and that thought brings on a fresh wave of sobs.
“God, you’re a disgrace,” he sneers. “At least your mother had the self-respect not to fall apart like this.”
For the first time since he dragged me into the car, I meet his eye as he stares down at me with disgust. “What do you mean?” My words are barely audible.
“When I had that delinquent father of yours taken care of. He was a liability, and he had to go, especially when he started making plans to take you away. I couldn’t allow that. I needed you to ensure the future of the family.”
I open my mouth to say something but quickly snap it shut again. Because what do you say when you’ve spent your whole life thinking your dad abandoned you, only to find out he’s been dead all these years?
I don’t know how to react to finding out I’ve been resenting a dead man for leaving me, when he died because he wanted to take me away.
Oh god.
Just when I thought the agony in my chest couldn’t hurt anymore, I’m proven wrong once again.
He chuckles, like my pain is the most amusing thing he’s seen all day. Hell, he’s a sadistic motherfucker, so maybe it is. “Marianne was at least graceful enough to accept her place in this family and do what was required of her for the good of the Malone name.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to say anything before he shoves the door open and climbs out.
For a blissful moment, I think he’s going to leave me here, that he’s going to give me an opportunity to run, but then a hulking security guard reaches into the car and tugs me out.
He has the courtesy to be gentler than the cop was at the airfield, but short of shoving me to the ground, that probably isn’t a difficult feat.
As badly as I want to give up, to curl up in the nearest corner and cease to exist because the agony in my chest is so deep, that’s not what the guys would want, and I owe it to them to fight.
Even if it was only for a few weeks, they gave me the kind of peace I’d only ever dreamed of, which means I owe them everything.
I’m escorted into an elevator, the guard holding on to my arm the whole time like he’s fully expecting me to make a run for it. Which is probably fair, seeing as I was just thinking about doing that very thing just a few minutes ago.
Granddad is typing away on his phone, as if he didn’t just have the men I love executed in broad daylight by the police, and like he didn’t kidnap me from that same airfield.
“There’s pepper spray and a taser in your purse. Use them if you need to. If you feel threatened or scared, don’t hesitate.”
Asher’s words come back to me as we ascend, and my fingers wrap around the strap of my purse that’s still hanging from my shoulder. I don’t remember grabbing it from the car, but maybe it was muscle memory, a natural thing to do, even in the throes of grief.
I bite down on my bottom lip as I try to decide how to play this.
Unfortunately, as much as I would love to think I have the speed and reflexes to take them both out at once, that’s just not the case, and trying would get me in a whole lot of trouble.
If I have any chance of pulling this off, I have to be smart about it.
Jeffrey slips his phone into his pocket and turns to face me with a sneer.
His eyes track over what I’m wearing and the state that I’m in.
I’ve barely stopped crying since I woke up this morning, so I can’t imagine I’m going to make a good impression on anyone he plans on introducing me to today.
Which hopefully means he won’t bother at all.
“Take her to the restroom to clean herself up.” He notices my purse on my shoulder, and for a second, I think I’m about to be busted, that somehow he knows Asher packed the tiny bag full of things that can hurt them.
“I trust you have something in there that will make you presentable. Unfortunately, I expected that you would take some pride in your appearance and didn’t bring you a change of clothes, so that will have to do. ”
I’m about to ask what I need to be presentable for, but the doors slide open before I get the chance, and I’m once again shoved forward.
I wish these assholes would stop manhandling me like a fucking doll, but as we break off from Granddad and the door to the restroom is held open for me, I realize I’m about to be left alone, even if it’s just for a handful of minutes.
“Be quick, and no funny business,” the guard grunts before sliding his eyes over the set of stalls, finding each door wide open and no one waiting for us.
I don’t know why they would be, or even who he thinks he might find.
The only people who would come for me are dead.
A fresh wave of distress tugs in my chest. How is it possible that I’ll never see them again? I’ll never be in their arms again, never feel their lips on mine, never have the bone-deep knowledge that everything is going to be okay just because they’re with me.
I clutch at my chest, dragging in ragged breaths as I try, and fail, to pull myself together.
It hurts so much.
It’s barely been an hour, and yet somehow I can barely remember a time before this agony.
I drag a deep breath in and meet my own eyes in the mirror.
I look every bit as disheveled as I feel—tear tracks down my cheeks, puffy eyes, torn leggings, and dried blood on my hands.
God, I could have my entire beauty set up in this purse, and it wouldn’t have a hope of making me look human.
Forcing myself forward, I carefully wash my hands, allowing the cool water to soothe the tender skin. Once I’m satisfied all the dirt and grime are gone, I bend forward and splash my face. It’s not going to do much, but it might be enough to bring down some of the inflammation around my eyes.
I glance back up into the mirror and find the same haunted eyes staring back at me.
“I can do this,” I whisper hoarsely. “I will do this. For them.”
Allowing myself another moment of self-pity, I think about their faces, their smiles, the way their entire beings lit up when I walked into a room, and I use that strength to pull the taser from my bag, flick it on, and slip it up into my oversized sleeve.
I knew wearing Asher’s sweatshirt was a good choice.
Once I have it in place, I check the pepper spray and feed it into the front pocket. It’s not going to disable someone for long, but it is easier to take down more than one person with it, so I want to keep it handy.
A loud bang pulls a scream from my throat.
“Hurry up,” the guard shouts.
With one final deep breath, I turn around and head to the door.
I’m not going down without a fight.
I haven’t come this far and lost this much to give up now.