Chapter 42
This morning, my heart kept filling to the point that it felt like it was going to explode, so I had to escape them—quickly. Fortunately, they hadn’t put up any fight and had let me retreat.
I’d ended up in the yellow bedroom, ripping away the plastic that covered the furniture that had been placed inside. All three of them circled like sharks, poking their head in the room in a coordinated order like they’d planned it. I ended up asking Rafe and Cade for help to move things around.
I placed my fists on my hips and stared at the layout I’d chosen, but my gaze kept drifting to my shirtless Alphas. There was no reason for them to be so sexy. Rafe’s sweatpants hung low on his barrel-muscled waist, sinful indents at the side leading to his covered cock.
Cade propped his arms behind his head, elongating the muscled line of his torso. He was much leaner than Rafe while Dorian physique was somewhere in the middle.
My nest bed was the largest there was, an empress mattress that would fit all of us, and another two people. There was a vanity I’d had them set up in front of the big window, and a nightstand pushed to the side of the large, ivory bed frame.
“Thank you for your help,” I murmured, forcing my eyes to stay on their faces.
Cade grinned and rubbed the back of his neck, turning it from side to side. With every move, his abdomen flexed. He knew what he was doing. “Anytime, baby.” He leered. “If you want me to service you in any way—"
Rafe gripped the back of Cade’s neck and dragged him out. “What the fuck,” Cade groused. Dorian hovered near the door, and he closed it behind them. In his other hand, he held a slim wooden paddle. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen.
“We need to talk,” he murmured. Dread settled in my stomach. Those words had never been uttered to me, but my body reacted to them like there was some sort of energy attached to them.
“Okay?” I studied him, trying to read his stiff expression. None of their emotions echoed to me. A dull sensation lived in the middle of my chest where I felt them . . . like they were blocking me.
Waning sunlight filtered through the window, casting a golden light inside.
“Is there anything I can do?”
I cocked my head, having no idea what he was talking about. The earnest look in his eyes didn’t shift as I continued studying him, and I could read the pain in them.
“You think I don’t notice the caution in your eyes?” he said, taking a step toward me. His nostrils flared with his exhale. “And I deserve it.”
Maybe I was a little cautious around them. I didn’t want to open up and end up getting hurt. This morning when I’d gotten away from them as soon as I woke up was a clear indication of that.
“Eva.”
All it took was two more steps, then he was in front of me. His eyes kept flicking side to side, and he was pale. Taking my wrist, he pressed the wooden rod into my hand. I had no choice but to grab it.
“You suffered so much because of me.” He licked his lips.
“Even before we found out about you being our Scent Match, Rafe and Cade had already softened toward you. They asked me if we could keep you.” He shuddered.
“I was so stuck on my promise, in my stubbornness, that I fought the overwhelming ache you brought out of me.” He swallowed so hard I could see his throat bobbing.
Dorian let go of my hand and with a quick movement, he unbuttoned his shirt before tossing it aside.
I could only watch, gripping the rod. He dropped to his knees and tipped his chin up to keep hold of my eyes.
“I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I can never express how deeply I will regret not treating you as you should have been from the moment you entered our lives.” He licked his lips again. “Your softness, your heart. You are everything we’ve always needed and didn’t know.”
He pressed his hands onto the carpet I’d rolled out across the wood floors before everything had been moved around. Dorian lowered until I could see his scarred shoulders.
“It’s fair that you take out your anger on me.” Then it clicked what he was saying. What he was offering. I turned my hand and looked at the wooden rod, then at him. Some of the scars on his back were shaped like it.
At the hotel, Cade said I could hit him.
Emotion swelled in my throat.
All they had known was pain, and he wanted to prove himself to me by offering this? My hand went limp, and the rod clattered on the floor. Dorian’s shoulders jerked at the sound.
I could never hurt him. Dropping to my knees, I scooted forward and sank my fingers into his thick, silky hair.
“Dorian,” I chastised, sliding my arms around his shoulders and tucking myself closer until his head pressed against my belly.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, arms winding around my waist. “I’m so sorry.”
He leaned harder against me, sliding lower and lower until his head rested on my lap. Tenderness filled my chest. His vulnerability battered my senses.
I held him tight in my arms, rubbing his textured back in circles. All the pain they’d experienced, I couldn’t imagine how hard all of this had been for them.
Damn their upbringing. Damn the adults that failed them at that damn orphanage.