Chapter Twenty-Three
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
April 2028
I CLOSE MY EYES for a brief moment, pulling myself up on one of the kitchen island barstools. It has been a long two and a half days of sunup-to-well-past-sundown searches resulting in nothing . Even after the search parameters were extended, there have been no signs of Nick. This morning is the first time since Wednesday night we haven’t gathered to continue the search. Beau told everyone to stay home, we’d regroup tomorrow after some time to rest and recoup.
Our house has been filled with people—family, friends, police, searchers—but I still feel alone. There’s a gaping hole where Nick should be, and it’s only getting worse as more time ticks by. I’m doing my best not to think the worst. Not to let the nightmares win. But every day, that little voice in the back of my mind gets a little louder.
It’s been a week since Nick went missing, and three days since the police finally started their search. Our house has become the official headquarters of the search party. Beau wanted to start within our immediate radius because no one had any other ideas of where to start. Even when I pointed out Nick’s hiking shoes were missing, Beau was skeptical of changing the course. We don’t know which trail he went to—there are at least seven within a twenty-mile radius of us—and if he is trying to find his way back home from one of the trails nearby, at least rescuers would find him.
Every morning before we leave the house to pick up where we ended the day before, Beau begs me to stay behind. On the off chance Nick shows up, I should be home. I should be waiting for him. Every day, I say no. I refuse to sit around doing nothing while my husband is missing. And every day, Beau meets my no with a resounding sigh before he rolls his eyes and opens the passenger door of his SUV, grumbling on his way to the other side. Sheriff Beau Turner is stuck with me whether he likes it or not.
Sitting at the kitchen island, the coffee mug is hot in my hands when I lift the rim to my lips and take a long sip of the burning liquid. The heat trails its way down my system, warming parts of me still cold from being out in the elements the past few days. Setting it back down on the marbled counter, I open my eyes to find my adopted sister, Elizabeth, standing on the other side of the island. Her brown eyes are full of pity.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I say.
“Like what?” Elizabeth asks.
“That.”
The same way everyone looks at me lately and I hate it. The only person who hasn’t been treating me like I might break any second is Beau, but I think he’s scared to. I don’t want anyone’s pity. I want my husband. I want my best friend back.
“Everyone looks at me like that. I don’t need you doing it, too.”
“Nin, I know you want to find Nick—we all do—but you can’t find him if you’re not taking care of yourself. You should rest.”
“Rest?” I scoff. “Elizabeth, how can I rest? My husband is out there! Who knows where he is or if he’s hurt or lost or…”
“Or what, Nina?”
I refuse to say it. I refuse to believe Nick is dead. He can’t be. We haven’t been able to fix things…I haven’t been able to fix things.
“We’re going to find him, okay?” Elizabeth reaches her hand out toward mine, but I pull away. “But please…You’re not going to be any help to Nick or Beau if you don’t take care of yourself.”
Tears begin to blur my vision. “This is all my fault.”
“Your fault? Nina, why would you say that? This is not your fault.”
“We had a fight right before he left.” I sigh. “I can’t help but think that maybe if he wouldn’t have gone off alone if we didn’t—”
“Nina.” Elizabeth cuts me off. “A fight doesn’t make this your fault.”
It only makes it partly my fault.
I take a final drink of my coffee before pushing the mug toward her. “I have to go. I’m meeting Beau.”
“Nina—”
“I heard you, Elizabeth,” I say without looking back. “I heard you.”
Because it’s a Sunday morning, Beau and I will be the only ones in the station other than the one deputy who is officially on duty. Pulling into the parking lot, Beau climbs out of his SUV wearing civilian clothes—jeans and a maroon button-up—but his badge still clings to his hip. I can see it from here. I park next to him and before I can even turn off my car, he opens the door, like he has every time we’ve been together lately. I can’t remember the last time someone opened the door for me who wasn’t hired to do so.
“Thank you,” I say, taking his hand and stepping down from the driver’s seat. He closes the door and motions for me to lead the way inside.
“Get any sleep?” Beau asks, opening the station door.
“Did you?”
We both know the answer.
“Hi, guys!” Deputy Johnson calls from his desk in the corner of the bullpen.
I stifle a yawn and wave toward him, walking straight to Beau’s office.
“You want a coffee?” Beau asks, earning an enthusiastic nod from both me and Johnson. “I wasn’t asking you, Johnson. I was asking her.”
“Well, I thought if you were offering…”
Beau rolls his eyes, and I can’t help but chuckle, leaning against the wall outside the locked office. The sheriff grumbles to himself, pouring three cups of coffee and walking one over to Johnson. “Not one word,” he mumbles when he greets me with my cup.
“I wasn’t gonna say a thing.” I bite down on my lips, trying to hide a smirk. I’ve enjoyed my time with the sheriff and his deputies, despite the reason why we’re together. They are like a breath of fresh air compared to the stifling fog inside my house.
“The chopper is out,” Beau says from behind me when we walk into the office.
That’s news to me. I thought everyone was taking the day off.
Beau closes the door and comes to sit at his desk. “The guys wanted something to do, so they went ahead of us to see what they could find.”
“Find anything?”
“Nothing unusual.”
Of course not.
Beau keeps talking, but I don’t hear him. I’m too busy racking my brain for any information over the past ten years that could help us find Nick. When we sold the old Haven house four years ago and moved, it put us further off the grid, which we love, but also means there are any number of places he could’ve gone, and we’ve combed through almost all of them.
“Nina.” Beau sighs, catching my attention again. “We need to talk about something.”
“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”
Beau tries not to roll his eyes, sipping his coffee before he cracks his knuckles and plants folded hands on the desk. “It’s been a week, Nina...”
“I’m aware.”
“…and it’s still pretty cold at night and conditions on some of these mountains are less than optimal. We have to be realistic about what we’re going to find.” Beau clears his throat when I don’t say anything. “We may be walking into a recovery, not a rescue.”
Despite knowing this was coming, hearing the words doesn’t hurt any less. I don’t want to hear that they think Nick is gone—not just gone missing but gone . They haven’t found anything pointing to that and I know he’s not gone…He can’t be.
“Beau, he’s not dead.”
“Nina, we need to be realistic—”
“You just started looking for him! You are not giving up on him. Not yet. You need more money? More resources? Fine. Tell me what you need, and I’ll make it fucking happen. But I don’t want to hear any more excuses. You have a lot of time to make up and a lot of ground to fucking cover. We are not giving up on him.”
Beau doesn’t say anything, only takes a deep breath, maintaining his composure.
“Start by calling your guys in first thing tomorrow. Gonna be overtime? Fine. I’ll pay the difference. Need to feed them? Great, I’ll do that too.” I stand from the chair and plant my hands on his desk, leaning over him. “In case you’ve forgotten, Sheriff Turner, I’m the reason your ass is even in this chair. If it wasn’t for me and my family, Nick included, you’d still be a beat cop. Or have you already forgotten?”
“I am well aware of—”
“I don’t care what it takes, Beau. You bring him home. Do you understand me?”
Beau nods.
“Good, then I’ll see you bright and early, sunshine. And you better bring your A-game.”