Chapter Forty
CHAPTER FORTY
Nina
FUCK.
I wasn’t ready for this conversation yet. What am I supposed to say? I’m not going to lie. I planned on telling Nick about Beau and everything that happened, but I didn’t plan on doing it right now.
Thanks, Beau.
No, this isn’t his fault. I should’ve told him Nick was sitting next to me, but then he’d follow that up with a million other questions. The first one being: Why didn’t I let him go with me? The answer was simple. I needed to do this alone, but what if Nick hadn’t remembered me? Having Beau there would’ve been a smart idea.
My fingers white knuckle the steering wheel for a count of three before they relax, straightening out.
“Nina,” Nick says, removing his hand from my leg. “Why is Beau—”
“It’s a nickname, Nick. That’s it.”
“Not when it comes to my wife, it’s not. What is going on?”
I sigh, closing my eyes for less than a second. When I reopen them, I stare at the road ahead. “Nick, I’m not going to lie to you.”
He interrupts me. “Did you fuck him?”
When I glance at him, there’s a hint of betrayal in his eyes. It hurts to see it there, but I can’t lie to him. I sigh, pushing a hand through my hair. “Yes, Beau and I slept together about three months ago. It only happened once, but—”
“Wow.” Nick breathes, scratching the stubble on his cheek. “You and Beau.”
“It’s not like that, Nick. I promise it’s not. We’re not together. It’s complicated.”
“Seems pretty straightforward to me. You didn’t wait long, did you, Nin?”
He’s digging in deep using that nickname. My husband doesn’t call me Nin. He calls me a variety of things, but never Nin . He has only called me that once before, and just like then, he’s using it to get under my skin.
“You cannot be serious.” I scoff.
“I mean, first it was Luke, and now—”
“Stop,” I say, cutting him off. We are not about to compare Luke Benson and Beau Turner. “This is not the same. Nothing happened with Luke. Nothing. Those flowers…They weren’t meant for me. Luke sent his girlfriend flowers and they got mixed up with the ones you sent.”
“That’s not the point, Nina.”
“Then what is the point?”
This is unbelievable. How can he sit there and act like he didn’t have his fair share of extramarital activities while he was gone? At least I have a good excuse, I thought he was dead. He’d been gone for nine months and there were no signs of him returning from the grave any time soon. I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t for Jace and Ben, would I have ever found him?
“You and Charlie—”
“Didn’t sleep together!” Nick’s voice explodes around us and my shoulders fall when I huff. “I didn’t sleep with her. I couldn’t. Why? Because you were the one thing on my mind. I’m glad to know I was, too.”
“That’s not fair,” I say, tears building in my eyes. “I thought you were dead.”
“And yet, here I am.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, Nick,” I say, taking a deep breath and trying to keep the tears from spilling. “Not about work and not about this. I just got you back. Please, don’t do this.”
He doesn’t say anything in return. His gaze remains on the passing landscape that goes by in a blur. We’re less than an hour from home now and I don’t want to show up during an argument. Especially not this argument.
“Nick—”
“I need a minute, Davina.”
From my peripheral, I see his shoulders rise and fall with a deep sigh, the window fogging from the warmth of his breath against the cool glass.
We’re two minutes from our driveway and we still haven’t talked. The rest of the drive has been in complete silence, and I almost wish he’d yell at me—get it over with so I’m not walking on eggshells. Instead, he gives me the cold shoulder and sits there letting it stew and brew. I understand he’s hurt, but I don’t understand being angry at me when he and Charlie spent their own time together. And how she reacted tells me there was more to it than a simple kiss to test the waters…She was too upset, too hurt for that to have been the case.
The house comes into view a few minutes after we’ve twisted around the curves leading up to the door. Light floods from the windows, creating a warm glow as the sun sets behind the trees.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, eyes set on his lap when I pull to a stop in front of the garage. I haven’t opened the garage, yet, hoping to give us a few more minutes before the others discover I’m back. “Nina, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You’re right, it wasn’t fair for me to react that way. I can’t be mad at you or him; and honestly, I don’t think I am. Mad, I mean. I’m upset, and I’m allowed to be upset.” When his eyes meet mine, they hold a level of grief I know all too well. “I just need time to…adjust.”
“We both do, Nick.”
Nick reaches across the console and his fingers caress the side of my cheek before turning my face toward his. “I love you, Davina Bay. Ti amo da morire. ”
I love you to death . We’ve expressed those words a few times over the years, but they hold a greater weight now than before.
A smile tugs at the corner of my lips when he speaks Italian.
I whisper, “Ti amo da morire.”
“Good, because that’s what it’ll take to fucking get rid of me.” He kisses me. “Just please don’t give up on me…on us.”
“None of it matters if it’s not with you, Nick.”
He kisses me again. “Please be patient with me. I promise I’ll get there. I’ll be normal again.”
I don’t think we’ll ever be normal again. Normal went out the window when he walked out the door last year.
Nick sighs, glancing at the house. “I need a minute before I…go in there. Before the chaos starts.”
“Come in when you’re ready.” I squeeze Nick’s hand and climb out of the car, but I barely make it up the front steps before being swept into a pair of strong arms. Beau frets over me, touching my hair, my cheeks, my neck, my shoulders, my hands, and finally my cheeks again, cupping them in his warm hands. Instinctively, my fingers grip the front of his shirt, pulling him close. When his green eyes meet mine, I can see the worry being replaced by relief.
“Don’t do that again.” Beau finally takes a breath. “Do you understand me? I was worried fucking sick about you. What in the hell was so important—” His words falter and his gaze travels over my shoulder. “Is that…?”
I nod.
“Holy fuck.”
My hands fall from his shirt at the same time his hands fall from my face. Nick walks up the sidewalk and Beau’s head swivels between us, trying to determine if this is real. Before either of us can say anything, before I know what’s happening, Nick’s arm pulls back, and his fist extends straight into Beau’s face. Beau stumbles back two paces, and I start to reach for him, to check on him, but stop myself.
“Sheriff!” Beau’s deputy, Max, comes down the stairs. “You just assaulted—”
“No!” Beau extends his arm, catching the deputy as he rushes down the sidewalk toward us. “No, it’s fine.” After a deep breath, Beau glances my way. “I deserve that.”
“What is going on out here?” I hear Kai call before he and Elizabeth appear. “Holy shit.” My brother runs down the steps, past me, past all of us, and pulls Nick into a full embrace. I swear the impact knocks Nick back a step, but he returns the gesture. When Kai pulls back, he grips Nick’s shoulders, before one of his hands cradles Nick’s cheek. If I didn’t know better I’d think they were the long-lost couple.
“Get a room!” A voice calls from behind us.
“Shut up, Sheffield!” Kai yells back at Finn before he clamps down on Nick’s shoulder one more time. “Fuck, it’s good to see you.”
One by one, everyone comes out of the house and greets my husband. Each time, there’s a look of disbelief before they rush down the steps and sweep him into a hug, not waiting for the person before them to finish. It’s a wild rush of emotions watching the scene unfold. I stand to the side, next to Beau, letting everyone have their moment. The same way I had to when I first saw him at Blackwood Ranch.
“What’s all the commotion out here?” I hear Jimmy ask and he finally emerges from the house, Alex not far behind him. His blue eyes sweep across every face until they land on Nick, and I can see the tears begin to well. Jimmy slowly makes his way down to his oldest son before he pulls him into the tightest embrace of anyone here. “Where have you been?”
“It’s a long story, Pop.” Nick smiles, tears brimming in his eyes.
“And I want to hear every bit of it,” Jimmy says, stepping to the side so Alex can have his turn. Jimmy’s eyes find mine and he smiles. For the first time since the others joined us, it feels like I’m not an outsider watching a family reunion.
“We’ll tell you guys everything, but first, I need to see my daughter,” Nick says when Alex tries to push for answers.
“She’s inside with Brie,” Jimmy says, motioning toward the house.
My husband glances my way as if asking for permission, and I nod, motioning for him to lead the way. “Don’t leave,” I whisper to Beau, only loud enough for him to hear, and he responds with one curt nod.
Elena hasn’t left her father’s side since I stepped aside to reveal him standing there twenty minutes ago. Tears fell down her cheeks as she clutched his neck, and every few seconds, she would pull away and look him dead in the eye to make sure it was really him. Another piece of my world slid back into place watching them cling to one another. When Nick’s gaze met mine, I half expected him to reach out for me to join them like he always did, but his arms remained wrapped securely around our daughter. He offered me a half smile before returning his attention to Elena, who finally pulled away to chastise him in half English, half Italian for being gone for so long.
Even now, Nick sits in the middle of her room, listening intently as she moves in every direction to show him every little thing she owns, even the things he’s seen before.
“You have a minute?” Beau whispers, joining me in the doorway. His eyes land on Elena as she hands her dad the Barbie horse Beau had gifted her for her birthday last year. She explains what each button and tassel does—one makes it bow, another makes it dance—four in total and I still forget what each one is meant to do.
“Yeah, I don’t exist to them right now, anyway,” I say with a small laugh, and follow him down the hallway.
Beau waits until we get out the front door and to the driveway before he asks, “You want to tell me what in the hell that’s all about?” His hands rest on his hips and his stance tells me he’s not leaving until he gets an answer.
“What?”
“That.” Beau motions toward the house. “That…awkwardness between you and Nick. Nina, you just spent the last year looking for him, hoping he’d walk through the damn door, and if I’m being honest, you don’t exactly seem—”
“He knows.” My gaze falls to the ground before I look up to meet his gaze.
“Yeah, I got that.” Beau points to his face, where discoloration has already started to set in on his cheekbone.
“I am so sorry, Beau.” I touch his cheek, and my thumb gently skates over the bruise. “He’s not exactly happy with me. Actually, he’s pretty mad about the whole thing.”
“Mad at you?” Beau scoffs when I nod. “How can he be mad at you? If he should be mad at anyone, it should be me. I’m the—”
“Absolutely not.” I shake my head. “You did nothing wrong. This is all on me.” I step back from him, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms. “Do you know what it was like to get that phone call? After all this time, to hear that he might still be alive?”
“You should’ve told me, Nina. I would’ve gone with you.”
“I needed to do it alone.”
“Alone? Sweetheart, I didn’t even know where you were! What if something had happened? What if it turned out not to be him?”
“But it was.”
“But what if it wasn’t?”
Truthfully, I hadn’t thought about that possibility. When I heard Jace say they had found Nick, my sole focus was getting there as soon as possible. I didn’t stop to think about the other outcomes.
“I don’t know, Beau.” I look to the sky, closing my eyes with a deep breath. “He had amnesia. That’s why he never came home…Whatever happened on the trail—”
“Did you ask him what happened?”
“No, not yet. We were too busy trying not to argue over the fact that I was about to move back to New York and that you and I slept together.”
“I’m sorry, Nina. I—I should’ve stopped, I shouldn’t have—”
“Don’t. Don’t do that,” I say. “I don’t regret it, Beau. And I don’t want you to, either.”
Beau stares for a moment before his gaze falls to the ground. He folds his arms and sighs. “He seems to remember everything just fine now.”
“I wouldn’t call it perfect, but it helped jog his memory when he saw me. He’d been…having small memories, but nothing clicked.” I sigh. “Do you know what it was like to see him today? I didn’t know what to expect or if he’d even remember me. But then I saw him…I touched him for the first time in over a year, and it was like my whole world came back into view. But I still have this ache inside of me because I don’t know what’s going to happen, Beau. We aren’t the same people. I’m not the same.”
Tears begin to fall down my cheeks. I should pull away when Beau reaches out to wipe them away, but I don’t.
“How do I know he still loves me? That he won’t want to return to the life he was living back there? How do I know we’re going to make it?”
“You don’t, Nina.”
“And then there’s you. For the past year, I have carried this…pain, this agony thinking my husband was gone. Not just gone… Dead . And the whole time, you were this shining light in the dark. You pulled me out of the dark and helped me keep going even when I didn’t want to. You were here for me. You made sure I was okay when no one else did…I care about you so fucking much and the thought of losing you makes my head spin. I won’t let him be mad at you. This isn’t your fault.”
“Oh, Sweetheart.” Beau exhales.
“What am I supposed to do, Beau?”
Beau cradles the sides of my neck. “You walk back in that house and tell your husband everything you just told me. Because I know you, Nina, and I know that despite whatever feelings you have toward me, whatever feelings I have for you…I’m not the one for you. He is.”
When I try to look away, he doesn’t let me.
“You have spent the past year looking for him, never giving up. Don’t give up now. Nick is hurt. But he’s only hurt because he loves you.”
“Beau—”
“I’ll be okay, Nina.” He smiles and I tighten my grip on his arms when he kisses my forehead. We stand there for a moment longer before he finally takes a step back and readjusts his posture to stand straighter, arms folded over his chest. “Where was he?”
And just like that…Beau Turner has transformed into Sheriff Turner right before my eyes.
“Bezer.”
His gaze narrows. “Where is that?”
“Some small town about an hour and a half from the trailhead. It’s barely a blimp on the map. Blink and you’d miss it as you drive through.”
“Still in Puck County?” Beau asks, and I shrug. “How many miles would you say it is from Achor?”
“Maybe forty miles from where you found his stuff, but driving it’s longer because of getting through the mountains.”
Beau disappears into his thoughts, and I watch an idea form behind his eyes. “Where exactly is Bezer?”
“You take 133 to one of the county roads south of Achor. I don’t remember which one.”
“That has to be Puck.” Beau shakes his head. “He was right under our nose the whole time.”
“Nina.” We both turn to see Nick standing only a few feet away. His eyes roam every inch of the scene before him, scrutinizing every detail—how close Beau and I stand apart, the flush in my cheeks, the fresh tear tracks on my face—as he walks closer. “Everything okay, Sheriff?”
“Yeah,” Beau says, keeping his gaze locked on Nick, a quirk in the corner of his mouth. “Just trying to get some details from your wife. Help fill in some blanks.”
“You don’t want to talk to me?”
“I do, but—”
“I told him it could wait until tomorrow,” I say, interrupting them. Nick glances at me, then back at Beau; whether he means to or not, his eyes narrow slightly. “Tonight is about family. They can interrogate us tomorrow.”
“First thing in the morning,” Beau says, looking at me. “Be at the station at nine.”
“We’ll be there,” Nick says before I can.