Epilogue
Two Years Later
NINA
“Good morning, Princess.” His breath is warm against the shell of my ear before his lips find my temple. I groan in protest and turn to bury my face in his chest. The action prompts a rumble in his chest as he wraps his arms securely around my waist, and I half expect him to continue to try and draw me from bed, but he doesn’t. He buries his face into my hair and inhales, settling further into bed. We lay there a few heartbeats longer before he sighs, kissing the top of my head. “You have to get over to the office before graduation.”
I groan at that.
Today is the day the board will vote on a handful of different things, including where we will open the new Villa Incorporated corporate office. When I proposed moving the main corporate office to Colorado two years ago, the answer had been a resounding no. However, they’ve finally come around to discussing it further. And while I’m happy they’re open to change, I’m not sure the board will be too happy when I suggest a different location: Winchester. Or, should I say, I plan to suggest a move back to Winchester, instead. Recently I’ve begun to wonder if a permanent move to Colorado is a good idea after everything that has happened…Ultimately, it’s a decision Nick and I have to make together.
I have to get up and moving if I’m going to make the meeting and be back in time for Elena’s kindergarten graduation.
“Is there coffee?”
“Made it after getting Elena ready,” he says, planting another kiss in my hair.
“You’re a saint.” I glide my hands underneath his T-shirt, across the planes of his chest, and kiss my way up his neck. His dick comes to attention through the fabric of his sweatpants.
“Dee,” he warns, and I hum against his warm skin. “You cannot be late.”
“I won’t be if you stop talking.”
Nick rolls us so he’s on top of me and kisses me. He pushes my underwear to the side, slipping his fingers inside me, and I moan against his mouth. I rake my fingers through the hair at the base of his skull. He finally grew it out last year and I begged him never to shave it again. I missed running my fingers through the tapered dark brown curls too much.
He pumps his fingers in and out of me, using his thumb to circle my clit, and it’s pure bliss, this feeling of waking up next to him after going to sleep each night in his arms, knowing when I open my eyes he will be there…It’s everything. Sometimes I forget there’s an entire year he was missing from our lives, but then I notice little things about him or me or us, and it reminds me. Reminds me we aren’t—
My thoughts are interrupted when Nick brings my nipple to his mouth, biting down gently through the fabric of his gray T-shirt I wore to bed. I start to grind myself against his hand, but as soon as I feel that pressure building in my abdomen, he pulls his fingers from me.
He pulls my underwear down my legs and shoves down his sweatpants. Nick positions himself at my entrance, stroking his cock two times before thrusting inside me. And if there’s one thing I’m sure of, I will never get tired of this.
Nick makes breakfast while I take the fastest shower I’ve ever taken in my life. Just before I walk out of the bathroom, I notice two marks he left on my neck, and if looks could kill…Well, you get the idea.
When I walk into the kitchen, I’m ready to give him a verbal lashing but my words falter. Nick crouches in front of Tobias—our six-month-old son—who squeals with delight from his highchair. He just tossed a fistful of mashed avocado onto the floor, much to my husband’s dismay. I giggle and kiss the top of our son’s head.
“You’re going to be late,” Nick says, standing up from the floor. Passing me an egg and avocado sandwich and coffee to go, he plants a hard kiss on my lips and smacks my ass, urging me toward the door.
“I’m going, I’m going,” I say before wishing them good luck and leaving.
Nick isn’t a full-time stay-at-home dad but spends most of his days with the kids. They love it, and so does he. When I decided not to step down two years ago, we had a long discussion about what our life would look like while I was still heavily involved in Villa Inc. But the clock was ticking on my time at the company. I prefaced my decision to remain at the helm with the notion that by the end of the year of my brother’s fortieth birthday—which is now less than a year away—I would be taking a step back. My brother had less than eighteen months before I’d officially resign from my position as CEO and he’d have to step in. I’d remain on the board of both Villa Incorporated and DV Designs, remain a shareholder, and be involved in some projects, but it was my turn to enjoy the life my husband and I wanted five years ago. For now, though, we’re making the most of being in the city until we can return to our quiet life.
Occasionally, Nick works on a small project or offers expertise where needed, but mostly with DV Designs and less with Villa Inc. He and Michaela’s husband, Finn, get together once a week to “shoot the shit” and have time away from their wives and kids. Michaela gave birth two months after Tobias was born to Emerson Rose, so our husbands are in the trenches together and we know they need a break sometimes, too. The boys love it when Josh and Elizabeth come to town because it’s like a Three Musketeers reunion.
Nick stood up at his brother’s wedding, and while things aren’t perfect between the Davis brothers, they’re better. While he’s been patching things with his brother, I’ve been helping mine deal with the deal of our mother almost two years ago.
The board meeting runs over exactly thirty minutes and, naturally, they save the new location discussion for the end, which leaves me in an impossible situation. I told myself if the meeting went over more than thirty minutes, I would get up and leave regardless, and I did. Thankfully, it was already over.
Now I have exactly five minutes to get inside and find my seat before the ceremony begins. Nick is already inside, reserving two extra seats next to him and Jimmy; they left Tobias at home with Tessa. Luckily, Elena has no idea I’m late, and I’m hoping I’ll make it to my seat before she notices.
“I thought that was you,” a voice calls from my right. When I turn to see who is about to make me even later, a wide smile spreads across my lips.
Before I know what my feet are doing, they bring me to him instead of running up the steps. I don’t hesitate to return his tight embrace, which lifts me off my feet. “I thought you’d be inside already!”
“Got a little held up at the airport,” he says, setting me back on my feet.
I cradle his face between my hands. “It’s good to see you under better circumstances, Beau Turner.” We had seen Beau last month when Nick had to testify at the trial of the former Sheriff of Puck County. Rhett “Red” Wilson was finally being tried for his involvement in my husband’s disappearance, along with at least twenty others, maybe more. Nick was only a small piece in the puzzle, but his testimony was integral to the State’s case against Wilson. Cooper Hayes and Dakota Johnson had taken plea deals, agreeing to tell the police everything in exchange for fifty years each, instead of life behind bars. After an investigation into Chief Sloan, it was discovered he knew about Nick’s true identity but didn’t report it because Sheriff Wilson had threatened him. Sloan was forced politely asked to retire. He had no other choice; his options were either to step down or face charges of obstruction of justice and bribery. However, Wilson refused to consider a deal. He was willing to take his chances in the courtroom. Two weeks ago, he was found guilty. We’ll be back in Colorado next week for his sentencing, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea considering how the trial affected Nick. His nightmares returned first, and then he began to recede into himself, barely speaking to anyone, including me. It took at least a week after our return to New York before he seemed more like…him.
“You too, Sweetheart.” Beau covers one of my hands with his, giving it a gentle pat, before he motions toward the stairs. “We should probably get in there.”
“Nick and Jimmy are inside already.”
“How’s he doing?” Beau asks.
“Better every day.”
When we get into the school, I follow Beau through the crowd to our seats, and I’m surprised Nick left the two empty ones next to each other. Beau lets me go in first and we climb over the three people at the end of the row before I fall into the seat next to my husband.
“Was starting to think you were never going to make it,” Nick says, sweeping his gaze to the side without letting it fall on Beau.
“Hello to you, too,” I say, ignoring his tone, and kiss him as the lights go down to signal the start of the ceremony.
While he doesn’t like to talk about it, I know Nick is still getting used to having Beau around for some occasions. I wasn’t sure how to explain to my daughter Beau wouldn’t be around anymore. It felt like starting from scratch, similar to when I had to tell her about Nick’s disappearance, except this time there was a real possibility she would see him again. He wasn’t gone , he was just…gone. And how was I supposed to explain that? The topic had come up a few times as we settled into our new life with Nick back home, but the first time it became an issue was Elena’s fourth birthday when she wanted to invite Beau to her party. And even though we had moved back to New York, she didn’t care—she wanted Uncle Beau there.
I could see the sting flash across Nick’s features when she made that request. It wasn’t until she had gone to bed that night that he finally let it show. He sat on the tub ledge, head hung low, and asked me, “Why is our daughter asking for Beau to be at her party?”
“Because she likes him.”
“Nina—”
“Nick, if you feel this strongly about Beau not coming, you can have that conversation with our daughter. I don’t see why he can’t come.” I sat up further in the water and stared at him, waiting for a response, but got none. His eyes remained downcast, staring at his folded hands. I gently placed my hand on his knee. “Are you worried something will happen between me and Beau?”
He sighed. “I didn’t say that.”
“I don’t think you had to.”
Finally, his eyes met mine. The uncertainty in them broke my heart. I thought we had gotten past this, and had come to terms with everything that happened the year he was gone.
“I won’t sit here and beg you to let Beau come.” I bit down on my bottom lip. “But I wasn’t the only one he looked after while you were gone, Nick. And our daughter loves him. Beau became part of her life. If you have a problem and don’t want him around for things…then you have that conversation with Elena.”
He never had the conversation. Instead, he walked into the closet as I got dressed the next morning and told me to invite Beau.
When I see how tense Nick gets when Beau walks into a room, I wonder if I made the wrong choice; maybe I should’ve pushed him harder to talk to Elena.
Not to mention, my husband wasn’t the only one who felt uncomfortable with the idea. Initially, Beau wasn’t sure he should come, regardless of how much he loved Elena. While Nick had been gracious the morning of the initial interrogation, and during any follow-up interviews, that was business. This was personal.
It took a little convincing from yours truly to get the sheriff to agree to show up, and even then, I wasn’t sure he was going to show. When he did, Elena was over the moon. Her Uncle Beau had shown up to her party and thus began the newest family tradition of Beau joining us for (most) Elena-related events.
The graduation ceremony goes about as well as one would expect. Elena beams from the stage, and for a moment the image of her all grown-up, receiving her high school diploma flashes before my eyes. Before I can wipe the tears in my eyes, my husband wraps his arm around my shoulders with a gentle squeeze and kisses my temple.
“I love you,” he whispers against my hair.
“I love you more,” I say, turning to meet his own teary gaze.
Nick isn’t rude after the ceremony but isn’t particularly nice either. He and Beau shake hands, but my husband keeps his distance to maintain a level of cordiality. Jimmy, on the other hand, hugs Beau the moment we stand up. When Elena is released from the line, she runs straight to her father but wiggles out of his arms the second she sees Beau. I make a mental note of who she ran to first like I always do, in case I need to remind my husband who she loves most.
Nick
“So, I have a question,” my wife says, walking into the kitchen after she puts Tobias to bed. Our son is vastly different from his sister at this age—he’s wild and manic and adventurous—but the one thing that remains the same is his sleep schedule. Even at six months, he sleeps almost through the night.
Elena crashed about thirty minutes ago. She didn’t even fight it like normal, asking me to put her to bed when she couldn’t keep her eyes open a second longer. Normally, she would still be up for another hour, but after the day she had, I can’t say I’m surprised.
I’m running on fumes myself.
After graduation, we had dinner with the whole family, including Beau, at Elena’s request. She pleaded with him to join us as he looked up from her to meet my stare. I wanted to say no, but I nodded, and he finally agreed.
Beau’s eyes widened when he walked through the door of our new Upper East Side penthouse, and Elena reminded him it wasn’t polite to stare. The last time he was in town, we still lived at the Plaza, but we had outgrown that condo. Now that we lived in the city full time and had another body in the house, we needed more space, much to Michaela’s dismay. We gained one hundred additional square feet compared to the condo she and Finn owned on Park Row. It had become the running joke that their condo was the one thing my cousin had that my wife didn’t (i.e. a bigger condo). Nina rolled her eyes and laughed every time it got brought up, but Michaela fiercely defended herself. Do with that information what you will.
“What’s that?” I ask without looking up from the design I’ve been working on at the breakfast nook. Everyone left about an hour ago, including Beau, who was set to fly back to Colorado tonight.
“Is the reason for these two marks on my neck because you knew Beau was coming today?” Her accusation catches my attention, and I look up to meet emerald eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief. “I’m only asking because it took me an extra five minutes this morning trying to cover them up.”
“I’m not dignifying that question with an answer.”
She sighs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do.” Nina slides into the booth next to me, placing her hand on mine when I try to return to work. “Nick, I love you, but these feelings you have about Beau being around—”
“Dee, it’s not…” It’s my turn to sigh, lifting my hand from her grasp before I scrub it down my face. “I don’t hate him. I don’t particularly like that he’s around for some of these big events, but I see how it makes Elena light up and I could never take that from her.”
“Then why—”
“Because of the way he looks at you, Nina.” I cover my face with both hands and rub my eyes with the heel of my palms.
I know I shouldn’t hold on to the fear that one day she will wake up and leave me for him, but I can’t help it. I’m not whole. I’m not completely myself. Some memories are still foggy, and others I’ve only remembered over time. I’ve seen her eyes narrow when she says things and I don’t get them right away or remember at all. I worry that one day she’ll grow tired of dealing with someone who can’t always remember everything anymore. Someone who isn’t all there.
“Nina, I—I…”
She looks at me expectantly.
Do I tell her the truth? Do I tell her how unworthy I feel to be here? She deserves someone who can be wholly who she needs them to be. She deserves better. Our children deserve better.
“Dee, I’m sorry.” Taking both of her hands in mine, I turn my body toward her and look up to find confusion in her eyes. “I love you so fucking much, Davina Bay. And I am trying my damnedest to be everything you need me to be. That our kids need me to be. But I’m not…There are days I wake up and I’m worried it’ll be the day you decide it’s not enough…That I’m not enough.”
“What are you talking about? Nick, you—”
“I am not whole, Dee. I still forget things. I’m still dealing with my own issues from my time away, from what happened on the trail. I—I’m still catching up to you.” Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, I caress her cheek. “And Beau…Beau doesn’t have to do that. He is whole and he can give you things I can’t. Not anymore. When I see how he looks at you and Elena—hell, even Tobias—I know he loves you.”
“Così anche tu, Nick,” Nina says with a light scoff. So do you .
She catches me off guard after that, speaking so fast in Italian that I can barely keep up. I miss a few words here and there. Her words are a ramble of emotions, and not understanding why I can’t accept her choices. Desperate to know why I continue to try to push her away…
“Is it enough for you?” I ask. My voice is a low whisper, but it breaks her spell. I’m afraid her answer will be no . I’m even more afraid her answer will be yes and she’ll only say it because she feels obligated to. The inner workings of my mind are a deep, dark place sometimes, telling me the only reason Nina took me back is because she had to. That she doesn’t want me…Doesn’t love me. “Is it enough that even though I love you more than life itself, I’m not—” I take a deep breath, swallowing the tears. “I may stumble and fall. I am not the same person I used to be. And I don’t know I’ll ever be him again.”
“Yes.” Nina takes my face between her hands, her thumbs grazing my cheeks. “Nick, you don’t have to be the same person. I just need you to be you —whatever that means. And remember when you fall, I’ll be there to catch you.”
“Dee, I—” I don’t get to finish because Nina kisses me.
“Nick, I love you,” she says when we part, our foreheads pressed together. “I love you, Nicholas Davis, and nothing will ever change that.”
“Momma?” A small voice calls out and we both turn to see Elena. She rubs her tired eyes with her right fist, clutching a blanket in her left. Nina doesn’t waste a second, scooping our daughter into her arms and bringing her to sit on the bench with us.
“What’s wrong, Lena?” my wife asks, pushing the hair from the little girl’s forehead to kiss her.
“I had a bad dream.”
“Wanna tell me about it?” Nina asks, stroking her hair. Elena shakes her head, burying her face into Nina’s neck. “Alright, let’s get you back to bed. Tell Daddy g’night.”
My daughter reaches over and wraps her arms securely around my neck.
“Good night, Little Bird,” I say, kissing her forehead. Nina offers me a small smile before gathering Elena back in her arms and carrying her down the hall to bed. I stare after them for a few heartbeats before packing up my work, ready to call it a night. I was already having a hard enough time focusing, and there’s no way I’ll be able to get anything done now.
Walking into our closet, the sight of my reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror catches me off guard. The man in the mirror looks vastly different than the one I met two years ago when I finally forced myself to face the stranger who stared back at me. This man doesn’t wear the same weight on his shoulders, nor the dark circles under his eyes. Despite the worries in the depths of his mind, he looks happy and content. That’s because he is…
The day my wife showed up at Blackwood Ranch, I got a second chance. When I was forced to confront my demons at the trial last month, it drudged up so much of what I had worked to bury. And instead of soaking up every moment of this new opportunity I’ve been given, I know I’ve been wasting it. I spent my time worrying about losing it all over again, afraid that I’m not enough, and I’ve been letting it slip by me.
“Fossette.” Her voice breaks through my thoughts. I meet the reflection of her gaze over my shoulder. “Stai bene?”
“Yeah, I’m okay, Dee.” My feet carry me to her and I close the gap between us.
She moans softly when I pull her mouth to mine, tugging her bottom lip between my teeth. After a round of quick kisses, I stare into her eyes.
“Ti amo, Davina Villa. So fucking much. I’m so sorry I’ve been too wrapped up in my own head to love you properly for the last two years. I guess…No, I know, confronting what happened at the trial put me back in a bad headspace. It made it hard to see what was right in front of me, but I’ll do better, be better…I’m going to fix this…Right here, right now. Because if there’s one thing I know…it’s that I love you.”
Nina smiles, sticking out her pinky finger. “Promise?”
“Prometto.”