Chapter 12
AARON
Days were blending together. Between work, furiously unpacking his belongings, and arranging the new furniture, Aaron didn’t come up for air until Thursday afternoon, his stomach fluttering with anticipation for that night.
He hadn’t seen Jay, but they’d texted throughout the week, mostly sticking to silly jokes and pictures.
When Jay had sent him a sweaty, smiling post-practice selfie with a soccer ball under his arm, Aaron spent far too long staring at it, imagining peeling that damp tank top from his body.
In return, he sent Jay a shot of himself holding a thick report as if it were a soccer ball, matching Jay’s pose and facial expression exactly. His phone immediately buzzed with a barrage of laughing emojis, making the half an hour he’d wasted trying to get the perfect shot worth it.
They straddled the line between friendly and flirty.
So far, their interactions had been strictly platonic.
Mostly. There’d been a few charged moments at the club when Jay’s intense gaze lingered on his lips, electricity humming between them, but Jay always looked away first, leaving Aaron confused.
He didn’t even know if Jay liked men. It never came up. At the club, Jay was friendly with everyone, watching demonstrations and performances with curiosity, but never initiating anything. Almost like he was waiting for something, though Aaron wasn’t sure what.
Aaron did his best not to read into Jay’s flirty remarks and heated glances.
It would be too easy to let himself believe it meant something, to build it up in his head and end up disappointed.
Jay was a sexy, experienced Dom, too young and adventurous to want to saddle himself with a recently divorced, inexperienced sub.
Sure, Aaron knew he was attractive for his age. He was no stranger to interested looks and bold advances at clubs and bars, but he was also realistic. Jay was out of his league, plain and simple.
Otherwise, wouldn’t he have made a move by now?
Aaron rifled through his closet and emerged with a frustrated groan.
So far, he’d been wearing his one pair of black jeans and whatever button-down struck his fancy, but he wanted to make an effort tonight.
People would be dressed up to model—wearing sleek black leather and latex, their hair perfectly styled, their makeup elaborate and impeccable—and while Aaron had zero desire to have his picture taken, he didn’t want to look drab by comparison.
Unfortunately, his closet had nothing exciting.
There’d never been a need for it. With a sigh of frustration, he threw on the jeans and a silky white button-down.
The glossy fabric was cool to the touch, hugging his skin and falling just below the waistline when left untucked.
After adding eyeliner and mascara to make his eyes pop, Aaron squinted at the reflection in the mirror.
This was the best he could do—it would have to be enough.
Jay was already at the club when Aaron walked in.
Leaning on the counter by the bar, he looked deep in conversation with an attractive blond, who had his hand on Jay’s forearm and a sly smile on his face.
Black straps crossed his body from shoulders to thighs, leaving a smooth chest and toned legs on full display.
He fit right in.
And Jay looked interested.
Aaron hesitated, unsure whether he should approach or let them keep talking.
He tore his gaze away, searching for a distraction.
All around him, beautiful, seductive people glided through the space, their laughter and bright smiles filling the air.
Aaron tugged at the hem of his shirt, fingering the smooth fabric that looked dull and out of place.
He’d always been confident in his worth, which made it all the more ironic that it was the one place he’d spent his life yearning for that now made him feel like an outsider.
And he was an outsider. That much was clear. No amount of research or observation would make up for whatever was missing inside him.
He turned around and shot out the door, past the lobby, and back onto the dark sidewalk, gasping for breath.
His phone was at the coat check. He had to go back inside and retrieve it, but all he wanted to do was go home.
His insecurities layered over one another, crushing his chest, making him feel like a teenager again.
The door opened behind him, and someone approached.
“Aaron?” Jay’s voice, followed by his hand settling on Aaron’s shoulder, its warmth penetrating through the fabric. Lost in a haze of self-doubt, Aaron turned slowly. Jay’s face came into view—his expression soft and blurry around the edges.
A sudden sting in his eyes pulled Aaron back to reality.
“Shit.” He stepped back, shrugging Jay’s hand off his shoulder. On top of all the reasons why he was an inferior choice, now he was on the verge of crying for absolutely no reason. “I’m sorry. You should go back inside.”
Jay frowned and erased the distance between them. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing!” Aaron snapped. “I’m just having a moment. Please, go back inside.”
“Hey.” Jay cupped Aaron’s face, his dark, piercing gaze locking with Aaron’s and threatening to consume him. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.”
The concern on Jay’s face was unbearable. And completely unwarranted.
“This is embarrassing.” Aaron’s voice broke, and he swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I’m not minimizing. Literally, nothing is wrong. I’m a mess for no fucking reason. I should go home. This was a mistake.”
“What was a mistake?”
“Coming here. Joining this place. Maybe moving to this city.” He used the edge of his sleeve to dab at the moisture in his eyes. The glossy fabric wasn’t very absorbent. “I don’t belong here.”
“What are you talking about?” Jay’s gentle grip on Aaron’s chin tightened, tension vibrating through his fingertips. Confusion and worry mixed on his face, his brow furrowed, his eyes wide and full of questions.
Aaron was on the verge of calling it quits and fleeing, abandoning his phone and what was left of his pride, but Jay wouldn’t let him run. For some reason, Jay wanted Aaron to spell it out.
“Come on!” Aaron raised his voice. “It’s fucking obvious.
Go inside, look around, and then look at me.
The place is full of these young, incredibly attractive people that are wearing less than a yard of fabric between them.
And here I am, wearing a fucking button-down shirt because that’s all I have.
Middle-aged, divorced, boring. They probably let me join out of pity. ”
He shook with anger and regret. He shouldn’t have voiced his insecurities, should have carried them home in silence, but it was too late.
Jay’s reaction caught him off guard. He wrapped his arms around Aaron in a tight embrace, pulling him close. Too drained to resist, Aaron pressed his face into Jay’s neck and let himself sink into the comfort of Jay’s touch.
They stood motionless, the silence of the next few minutes broken only by Aaron’s ragged breathing.
Jay didn’t offer platitudes or try to calm him down—just held him close, rubbing soothing circles on his back until his breathing calmed.
When Aaron tried to pull away, Jay didn’t let go, instead gently pressing Aaron’s head back to his shoulder.
“Now it’s my turn to talk,” Jay said. “I’ve battled my share of insecurities, so I know how they can twist your reality and make you see things that aren’t actually there. I want you to hear me out and trust me.”
Aaron nodded, words escaping him.
“I see a beautiful, successful man who has his priorities straight. Who knows what he wants and doesn’t apologize for it.
Who doesn’t change who he is under pressure.
A man who walks into a room full of people who spent all day dressing up, wearing his everyday clothes and nothing but a dash of eyeliner, and still manages to be the most attractive person in the building,” Jay whispered, the steel in his voice unmistakable, leaving no room for argument.
“It’s hard to see ourselves objectively sometimes. But you can trust me to see you.”
He murmured the last few words directly into Aaron’s ear before tenderly kissing his temple.
The softness of Jay’s lips, the warmth of his breath, the weight of his words—it was too much.
Aaron was paralyzed, afraid to take a breath and shatter the moment.
The things Jay was saying were sweet, meant to boost his mood, but they seemed too good to be true. They couldn’t be.
Except Aaron wanted to believe Jay. Against his better judgment, and fully aware of how illogical it was, he wanted to believe that he belonged.
The next time he pulled away, Jay didn’t stop him. Meeting Jay’s gaze, he whispered, “Okay. I trust you.”
Jay’s smile was bright as he enveloped Aaron like a shield. Something had shifted, the firm grasp of his arms no longer meant to soothe tears but to offer something else entirely. Jay hugged with his whole body, channeling the intensity of the moment into the gesture.
“We don’t have to go back inside,” Jay murmured into Aaron’s hair. “We can go somewhere else.”
“No, I’m done freaking out for the night.
” Aaron took a deep breath and reluctantly stepped away.
He would gladly spend all night touching Jay, but he’d ruined enough of their plans tonight.
“I want to watch the very beautiful people get their pictures taken. Also, there’s something you’re wrong about. ”
Jay frowned. “What’s that?”
“I’m also wearing mascara. Waterproof!” Aaron winked at Jay and held open the door. As Jay shook his head with a chuckle and walked in, Aaron congratulated himself on pulling off his very first wink.
The place was still full of youthful bodies wrapped in leather and lace, but Aaron’s insecurities had settled. Jay’s tender words buoyed him, his heart beginning to accept the idea that he could be enough.
They walked through the club, stopping to watch the photographers at work.
Each one had claimed a small space for their equipment, arranging the backdrops and lighting to their taste.
Gorgeous models drifted from one setup to the next, carrying themselves with the grace and confidence of youth.
The popular regulars drew shouts from the photographers, coaxing them into a session.
In the middle of the chaos, a young man with a camera caught sight of Jay and waved him over.
“Hey, Jay!” he yelled over the noise. “Having fun?”
Jay paused and gave him a tight nod. “Gordon. How’s it going?”
“I’m getting some good shots. Wanna hop in there?” Gordon gestured toward his makeshift stage.
“Oh, no, I’m fine. Not dressed for the occasion.” Jay waved at his clothes, a flicker of unease passing over his features. He edged closer to Aaron, their shoulders brushing together.
“Come on, you look great. Strike a pose,” Gordon insisted, coming closer. So focused on Jay, he hadn’t spared Aaron a single glance. Not that Aaron minded—Gordon’s intense stare was unsettling, and he wanted to grab Jay and drag him far away.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’m okay.”
Gordon’s smile transformed into a scowl. “Hey, man, what’s up with you? You’ve been coming here for months and you never do anything. Always with that red bracelet, just hanging around.”
Jay flinched, hurt darkening his face. Still raw from earlier, that flinch was more than Aaron could handle.
“Hey, man.” Aaron stepped in front of Jay, shielding him.
“Jay doesn’t owe you an explanation. I’ve read the club policy, and there’s nothing about having to participate.
He can come here and do nothing but stare at dicks every day until he’s ninety if that’s what he wants.
So why don’t you fuck right off and remember that this is supposed to be a judgment-free zone. Keep your shitty opinions to yourself.”
Aaron’s words hung in the air. Gordon stood frozen, his lips parted in surprise.
“Well-said.” A tall man appeared from behind, clapping Aaron on the back. “Gordy, you better watch yourself. I’ve told you, it’s not a good idea to drink before showing up. You’re gonna get banned for being an asshole.”
“Uhh, shit.” Gordon scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry, Jay, I didn’t mean to be a dick. It’s just that we all keep expecting you to join the party, and we keep wondering who you’re gonna pick…”
“It’s fine. No hard feelings.” Jay offered him a strained smile before grabbing Aaron by the elbow and tugging him away until they were on the other side of the club.
“That was awesome,” he said when they stopped and faced each other. “You defended my honor.”
“I guess I’m still a little on edge. Should I feel bad for laying into him like that?”
Aaron didn’t think he could bring himself to apologize to the horrible man who’d upset Jay.
“Don’t worry about it. Gordon gets like this sometimes. He’s a bratty sub, and he doesn’t always turn it off.”
“Was that tall guy his Dom?”
“They play together sometimes, but Gordon is a solo sub. He fucks whoever catches his eye on any given night.”
Aaron tipped his head back with a quiet scoff. Things were starting to make sense. “I’m going to take a wild guess that you’ve caught his eye many times.”
“Unfortunately for him, he’s not my type.”
“Not into bratty types who speak their mind?” Aaron asked with a teasing smile. This was the closest they’d gotten to discussing Jay’s preferences, and he was desperate to learn as much as he could.
“I love the types who speak their mind.” Jay paused and gave Aaron a meaningful look. “But not the whole brat dynamic. I don’t want to act like someone’s keeper.”
“Same here. No masters or sirs for me.” Aaron watched Jay’s face for a reaction. As far as he knew, honorifics were a huge part of the lifestyle. Refusing to use them would be a dealbreaker for many Doms.
Jay didn’t seem to find his words shocking. “Yeah. It’s not for everyone. I’ve never had any interest in anything like that.”
A quiet sense of satisfaction settled in Aaron’s chest. Every new thing he learned about Jay made him even more perfect than before. He wished they could keep talking, but the crowded chaos wasn’t conducive to a heart-to-heart.
He would just have to make sure they got an opportunity for a cozy private chat soon.
“Come on.” He pointed to a woman seductively licking a lollipop for the camera. “Let’s go watch for a while longer, and then this old boring man has to go home for his beauty sleep.”
Jay chuckled and placed his arm on Aaron’s lower back, steering him through the crowd. “Anything for the man who gave me permission to stare at dicks every day for the rest of my life.”