Chapter 19
AARON
The real world seeped in gradually—dim lights penetrating his eyelids, plush fibers on his skin, soft murmurs drifting in and out of his hearing. There was a comfortable, heavy weight pressed against him, its once-spicy scent turned sweet.
Aaron blinked away the dreamlike haze, his senses sharpening as soon as he identified the warmth pressed against him as Jay.
They were cuddled together on a small loveseat under a fleece blanket, in an area he’d never seen before.
The gray panel dividers on both sides prevented him from seeing the rest of the room, but he could hear the low hum of whispered conversations nearby.
“You’re back.” Jay shifted away, taking the warmth with him. He was back a second later, handing him a plastic bottle. “Have some water. Or do you want some juice?”
Aaron reached for it, stopping halfway when he noticed his hand shaking.
He’d read about subdrop, but the research hadn’t prepared him for the full-body exhaustion. He let his hand fall, and his eyes closed. The water could wait. He just needed to take a few deep breaths and center himself.
“Hey, you’re alright,” Jay said, sliding closer to Aaron, concern coloring his voice.
After a soft snap of the cap, the bottle tilted against Aaron’s lips.
He swallowed the cool liquid as it came, soothing his parched throat and clearing his head.
Jay had him take small sips, pausing often, until the water was gone.
Aaron let himself sink into Jay’s side and squinted one eye open. “Where are we?”
“The aftercare lounge. I forgot to show it to you during our tour. It’s pretty low-key,” Jay responded, snaking an arm around him to pull him closer.
“This blanket’s pretty nice.” Aaron patted the soft fabric. “I guess I know where those membership fees are really going.”
He turned to Jay, taking a good look at the man beside him. He was perfectly put-together, as if the scene hadn’t affected him one bit. Not that Aaron thought it would. Jay wasn’t the one experiencing it for the first time. Still, he wanted to make sure their aftercare went both ways.
He sat up and slipped his arms under the blanket, wrapping them around Jay. “Are you okay?”
“I think that’s my line,” Jay huffed, but didn’t sound upset.
“We’re both allowed to feel things.” Aaron emphasized his words by tightening his grip. “So?”
“I’m fine.” Jay blew out a breath and shook his head. “That was intense.”
“It really was.” Aaron bit his lip, wondering how much of his inner emotions he could share.
The articles on etiquette didn’t mention anything about fawning over your Dom after a scene.
But this was Jay, and Jay deserved the truth.
“It was amazing. You were so in tune with me, it’s like you could read me like a book. ”
“You were pretty great yourself.” Jay’s soft smile faltered. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. Well, yes, but in a good way. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do.”
“Are you sure? I got really rough, and I really should have checked in with you ahead of time about your limits and…”
Aaron interrupted by placing a finger over Jay’s mouth. “Hold up. Stop talking for a second.”
Jay stilled, his eyes locking onto Aaron’s.
“I said green, right?”
“Right, but—”
“And—” Aaron raised his voice and tapped Jay’s lips to get him to stop talking. “—I told you not to hold back, right?”
Jay nodded.
“Every time you hesitated, I encouraged you to keep going. I had plenty of opportunities to safeword or tap out. Right?”
“Right,” Jay said, breaking eye contact. “But it’s my responsibility to worry.”
“Jay, I’m a grown man. I’m capable of speaking up for myself. I know what I want, and I wanted every fucking glorious, filthy second of what happened between us.”
A ghost of a smile touched Jay’s lips as tension drained from his stiff shoulders. “It was fucking glorious, wasn’t it?”
“There you go.” Aaron lightly punched him in the shoulder. “Bask in the afterglow of a job well done.”
“You know, I expected you to be all soft and blissed out for a while, not reading me the riot act within ten minutes,” Jay said.
“Yeah, well.” Aaron shrugged and cuddled up to Jay, resting his head on the broad chest. Any other time, this move would be too forward, but they were still in aftercare mode, and Jay needed more than just words.
“I don’t like to see you frown. And I need you to understand where I’m coming from so we can skip all this self-doubt business next time. ”
The soothing rhythm of Jay’s heartbeat picked up, making Aaron wonder if he was back to worrying about the scene. Except they’d already talked through that, and Jay seemed to accept Aaron’s reassurance. So why was his breathing suddenly so shallow and erratic?
A slow, sinking sensation lurched in Aaron’s stomach as he replayed their conversation in his mind. He hadn’t meant to imply they would have another scene in the future—the words had just slipped out—but both of them enjoyed themselves. Why wouldn’t there be a repeat?
He lifted his head to look at Jay. “We are doing this again, right?”
Unnaturally still, Jay stared straight ahead without saying a word. A pang of disappointment echoed through Aaron. Jay probably didn’t do repeats. Or maybe he didn’t enjoy himself as much as he’d said.
After waiting for Jay to meet his gaze, Aaron gave up and rested his cheek against Jay’s shoulder, determined to hold on to the fleeting touch. “Never mind.”
Trying to ignore the bitter ache in his chest, Aaron focused on the positive.
His first scene. He’d anticipated it for so long—the big moment when all the research, all the theory, all the fantasies gave way to the real deal.
His biggest worry—making himself vulnerable to a stranger—turned out to be unnecessary. Jay was easy to trust.
So why couldn’t they do this again?
He pushed away and sat up straight, facing Jay, who hadn’t moved a muscle, his eyes still fixed on the empty space in front of him.
Aaron poked his bicep to get his attention, determined to get answers.
“You know what? No. Not never mind. Why don’t you want to do this again?
It doesn’t make any sense, unless you lied about having a good time. ”
Jay whipped his head around, eyes stormy and wide with confusion. “What? Of course I didn’t lie. I just…” He blew out a breath. “I don’t want you to make decisions while you’re still feeling the aftereffects. What if you wake up tomorrow and realize the whole thing was an impulsive mistake?”
This man. Aaron was an overthinker, but Jay took it to the next level.
“You just accused me of not having any aftereffects! Also, if I wake up tomorrow thinking this was a mistake, which I will not, because this was the highlight of my year, but even if I did, you know what I would do? I would text you a Never mind. What do you think, I’m gonna feel too awkward to say I changed my mind? Have you met me?”
“When you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous.” Jay chuckled. The stormy depths of his eyes had calmed, his boyish smile as irresistible as ever.
“Exactly.” Aaron stood and stretched his arms. His body and mind were back to being in sync, and he needed to get home before he fell asleep right there in Jay’s arms.
Jay jumped up to follow. “Are you okay to drive?”
“I took a Lyft.”
“Dressed like that?” Jay’s voice pitched up as his hand flew up in shock, and Aaron couldn’t help giggling at the scandalized reaction.
“Chill out, dad, I wore a trench coat.”
“Aaron? I know you’re a grown man and all, but I’d feel so much better if you let me drive you home.”
Aaron was about to make another joke, but something in Jay’s voice stopped him. He seemed seriously concerned about Aaron’s safety.
In all honesty, it made sense to take Jay up on his offer. Aaron was tired, barely dressed, and still coming down from the haze. Having made up his mind, he hooked an arm around Jay’s elbow and pointed the other hand straight ahead. “To the coat check and beyond!”
Jay snorted in amusement, the nerd that he was. Just the way Aaron liked them.
After wrapping Aaron up in his trench coat and double-knotting the belt, Jay led them outside.
The sidewalk was empty, the sound of their steps echoing in the darkness.
The warmth of the day lingered in the air, faint traces of a vaguely floral scent drifting around them.
A profound sense of peace washed over Aaron.
He could feel it—the universe was making him a promise. Things would only get better.
He veered toward Jay and snaked his arm around his waist. It was a silly gesture, but Jay didn’t question it, mirroring the movement and pressing closer without missing a step.
There was no need for words as they traveled the short distance to a late-night parking lot. A sleepy attendant handed Jay his car keys and waved him off, paying no attention to the fact that they were wrapped around each other.
“Do you need the address?” Aaron asked as he settled into the passenger seat.
“I have it from last time.” Jay snapped his phone into the dash mount and brought up the route.
Aaron eyed the screen with interest. He couldn’t help but notice that Jay didn’t get his address from the Recent section.
It was saved under Aaron’s name.
That didn’t have to mean anything. Maybe Jay saved everyone’s addresses.
But maybe he didn’t.
“So about next time,” Aaron said, pausing in case Jay decided to interrupt. Jay sent him a sharp look but didn’t say anything, so Aaron continued. “When I wake up tomorrow and I’m fully alert and in possession of all of my faculties, I’m going to text you.”
“I’d like that,” Jay said softly. “But we need to have a conversation first, go over our boundaries, hard limits, everything.”
“Works for me. I got all that stuff ready to go in a neat little folder.”
“Seriously?”
“I like to be prepared.” Aaron shrugged, hiding a smile. Jay had no idea just how organized he could be. “Let’s say the text is just a formality. How do you want to do this? I can email my list to you.”
“I’d rather hear it directly from you, if you don’t mind.”
“That’s fine. Do you want to come over? Or we can meet for dinner if you want to be on neutral territory,” Aaron teased, hoping Jay would choose to come over. He would look so good on Aaron’s couch.
“Let’s not get kicked out of any restaurants. How about we split the difference and I bring some takeout over to your place? You can show me what you did with the furniture.”
A satisfied grin stretched across Aaron’s face. Finally, Jay was acting like this was a done deal. No more of that nonsense about Aaron changing his mind.
“Sunday?”
Pushing for tomorrow would be too much. If it were up to Aaron, they’d hash everything out right there in the car, but it was clear that Jay needed some space.
He might pretend it was for Aaron’s benefit, but Aaron saw through that excuse.
Jay was a sensitive soul, and Aaron was happy to give him time to gather his thoughts.
Jay pulled up in front of Aaron’s building and parked before answering. “Sunday. But don’t think I forgot about our deal. You have to text me tomorrow, and you have to mean it. Changing your mind isn’t going to affect our friendship.”
“You’re too sweet,” Aaron murmured, leaning over the console to press a tender kiss against Jay’s cheek, his lips brushing against the dark stubble.
It was short, coarse. Aaron was tempted to rub against it, to revel in the sting of sharpness, to bask in the afterburn.
Shaking off the urge, he wished Jay a good night and jumped out of the car.
The night’s events caught up to him as soon as the elevator doors closed.
He’d wait until tomorrow to parse everything out.
For now, he let go of everything and focused on the emotions swirling around him—the exhilaration of his first time, the pleasant aches in his body, the butterflies exploding in his stomach at the memory of his delicious scene partner.
Jay had been intoxicating. His masculinity—effortless and constant regardless of his clothing—was elevated by the polished elegance of the suit. His good looks were aggressive, impossible to ignore.
Aaron never stood a chance.
He fished his phone out of the coat pocket as soon as he was in his apartment, bursting at the seams with the need to tell someone about his night.
With a few taps, he landed in the Kink Talk chatroom.
The members always discussed their milestones and cheered each other on, but Aaron had never had any good news to share. Until tonight.
He started typing up a message, trying to put into words the myriad of feelings floating through his mind. A few sentences in, Mark’s message popped up on the screen.
MARK: You awake? I see that green dot.
Aaron had kept him updated on the furniture situation, and with most of it delivered and arranged, he expected Mark and Rachel to show up any day.
AARON: I’m awake, but please don’t tell me you’re at the airport right now expecting a pickup.
MARK: Ha! I will never be so brave and spontaneous that I just show up unannounced, I promise. Never know what I might walk in on.
AARON: Yep. Never know ;)
MARK: Oh snap, you got someone at your place right now? I can message you later.
AARON: No, I’m alone now. But I wasn’t earlier tonight…
Not many people would feel comfortable casually joking around like this with their ex-husband, especially just a few months after the divorce, yet the dynamic worked for them. The friendship bond they’d built over the years was far stronger than their marriage had ever been.
MARK: About time! You can tell us all about it when we see you in a week! We’ll be there Friday morning, but don’t worry about taking time off, we can entertain ourselves.
AARON: I’ll work something out. Send me the details.
MARK: Rachel says you’re an angel and for me to shut up and let you go to sleep.
AARON: Rachel is wise. I’ll see you soon.
Aaron sighed and tossed his phone aside. As much as he looked forward to seeing Mark and Rachel, their visit put some pressure on his timeline with Jay.
Jay was a bit skittish, which was surprising for a Dom, but it was part of his charm. Aaron would have to tread carefully. But he didn’t have a choice. He was already addicted to getting lost in Jay’s dark eyes while giving up his control and getting everything in return.
He had to convince Jay to play again.
Distracted by the conversation with Mark and daydreaming about Jay, Aaron forgot all about the chatroom until the following night. When he finally noticed the unsent message, he shook his head at his forgetfulness and sent it off.