Chapter 29 #2
It was official. He was head over heels in love with the man walking next to him. The only question left was whether Jay reciprocated his feelings. If he didn’t, Aaron would have to be content with these memories of their shared smiles and fleeting, tender touches.
They skipped lunch in favor of ice cream.
Sitting side by side on a bench with their cones, they watched a long line of people patiently waiting for their turn to feed a leaf of lettuce to a bored-looking giraffe.
Aaron turned to Jay, about to ask where he wanted to go next, but the words caught in his throat.
Jay was looking at him with such intensity glittering in his eyes that Aaron felt himself flush.
“What?” he asked and dabbed at the corners of his mouth self-consciously.
A shy smile crossed Jay’s face. “Nothing,” he whispered, glancing away. “You look very pretty today.”
Yep. Aaron was in love.
Hours later, as they were getting ready to leave, Jay suggested an early dinner. Aaron agreed, not wanting the day to be over. Soon they were sitting in a cozy booth at a tapas place in Aaron’s neighborhood.
After ordering half of the menu, much to Jay’s amusement, Aaron leaned back in the booth and pursed his lips in thought.
He wanted to broach the topic of dating, but it was a scary thought.
What if Jay wasn’t interested? Things would be far too awkward to continue their arrangement, and Aaron wasn’t ready for it to be over.
But he was ready for something else.
Inhaling deeply, he steadied himself. “Can we talk about our next scene?”
“Of course.” Jay’s eyes locked onto Aaron. “What do you have in mind?”
“You don’t mind, right? Taking requests?
I’m sure you had something planned for last night.
” Aaron held his breath as he waited for Jay’s reaction.
His inexperience made the discussion feel like a dark maze.
Some Doms probably preferred complete control over the scenes, but he hoped Jay would be more accommodating.
“I don’t mind at all. Our dynamic is a two-way street—I may be in control of what happens in the moment, but you’re ultimately in control of what happens at all. If there’s something specific you want, tell me. I’ll do my best to make it happen.”
Jay’s sincerity shone through his voice, firm and steady, but it didn’t entirely get rid of the nervous knot in Aaron’s stomach.
He braced himself, acutely aware that his next words might cross some lines.
He’d never voiced this particular fantasy before—not to Mark, not even to his Kink Talk buddies.
“It’s…a little out-there. A little violent?” Aaron swept his gaze around the room to make sure no one could overhear. He noticed his fingers nervously drumming on the table and forced himself to stop. “I’d understand if you weren’t into it.”
“We’ve done violent before.” Jay chuckled and put his hand over Aaron’s, its warm weight calming and familiar.
He had a disarmingly sweet habit of touching Aaron in moments of discomfort, always somewhere innocuous—on his shoulder, forearm, or wrist—and always soothing.
Whether they were conscious gestures or part of Jay’s innate charm, Aaron couldn’t say.
All he knew was that he never wanted Jay to stop.
“True, but this is beyond what we’ve done.” Aaron paused, letting Jay’s touch seep under his skin. In theory, what he was asking for was relatively common and perfectly normal, but sharing his deepest desires—desires that might disgust Jay or freak him out—was still nerve-racking.
“I can guess if it helps.” Jay’s low voice broke through his mental gymnastics. “Is it a consensual non-consent sort of thing? Forcing, restraining, struggling?”
Aaron studied him for traces of judgment or repulsion but didn’t find anything.
Jay’s dark eyes danced with hunger and desire, threatening to draw him in and never let go.
Slowly, his smile turned dangerous, almost predatory.
Lust coursed through Aaron as Jay licked his lower lip without breaking eye contact.
Loud laughter from the other side of the restaurant jolted them out of their trance. A group of friends singing an off-key rendition of “Happy Birthday”. Everyone clapped as the song ended, and by the time Aaron turned back to Jay, the moment had passed.
“Do you want to tell me more? Any specifics?” Jay prompted.
“I feel so ridiculous right now,” Aaron admitted. “After everything we’ve done, I still can’t bring myself to say it out loud.”
“You’re always safe with me, Aaron,” Jay said emphatically. “And if you’re uncomfortable, we can talk about it later.”
“No, I just need to get over myself.” Aaron shook his head in frustration. There was no reason to be hesitant. He was safe with Jay. And if he couldn’t bring himself to describe what he wanted, did he even deserve to have it?
Jay waited patiently.
“It’s nothing intricate. No talking, no role-play. Duct tape on my mouth and around my wrists, maybe a knife, and then a hard fuck.”
Jay tilted his head, his brow creasing. “By a hard fuck, do you mean…”
“Yes. I told you it wasn’t a hard limit, just a temporary boundary.
I trust you. And I have my latest results on my phone, since CNC and condoms don’t really mix.
” Aaron winced at the words as they left his mouth, realizing how they sounded.
“I didn’t mean it like that. Of course we can use condoms if you prefer.
Safety is really important. I just meant…
if you’re interested, I have my results. ”
Jay nudged a plate of olives out of the way and leaned forward on his elbows.
“I have some concerns about safety. Not condom safety.” He grinned at Aaron.
“I’m fine with that part. But duct tape isn’t great for restraints.
It’s difficult to remove quickly in an emergency.
I’d rather go with rope.” He hummed in thought.
“I’m definitely not taping your mouth and closing off an airway.
Maybe a cloth gag, like a bandana? You’d be able to breathe but not talk. ”
Aaron nodded along with Jay’s musings, waiting for the other shoe to drop. From the carefully measured tone of his voice, it was obvious that Jay was working up to an objection.
“I need you to understand that there’s nothing wrong with what you’re asking for. It sounds really hot, and we can workshop the details to make sure you’re safe.”
“But?”
“But…” Jay hesitated. “A scene like that requires a lot of trust, for both of us. We’ve only played a few times. You’re still new to this dynamic, and I’ve never done anything that intense. Maybe we can build up to it. I don’t want to ruin your fantasy by rushing into it.”
Something in Aaron softened. Jay cared about him.
Cared about his safety, both physical and emotional.
While a part of him wanted to convince Jay that he was ready, this wasn’t just about him.
Jay seemed anxious about crossing the invisible boundary, and Aaron knew better than to push this sweet, sensitive man into something he wasn’t ready for.
“Makes sense.” Aaron nodded and picked up a stuffed mushroom. “For the record, I do trust you. But I get it.”
Jay seemed relieved Aaron didn’t argue with him. He quickly changed the subject, and they spent the rest of the dinner talking about other zoos they’d visited around the country, which snowballed into an in-depth discussion of all the places they hoped to visit one day.
Aaron decided not to overthink Jay’s decision.
His caution made sense. While Aaron cared deeply for Jay, ready to rush in headfirst and break down every boundary, Jay didn’t know that.
Aaron would have to either open up or wait for the natural progression of their relationship to bring Jay’s walls down.
And Aaron wasn’t ready to open up. Not yet. Prepared as he was for the potential rejection, he wanted to keep living in a world where anything was possible. As long as he kept his feelings to himself, the possibility that Jay could love him back still existed.
They parted ways in the parking lot. He kissed Jay’s cheek as they said goodbye, and a brief flicker of emotion crossed Jay’s face, gone before Aaron could place it. As always, Jay offered him a ride, but Aaron craved the quiet solitude of the short walk home.
Warm evening air settled around him as he strolled past colorful storefronts, glancing at the window displays with curiosity.
The L train passed in the distance, its rumble a near-constant presence in the city.
The scent of something rich and garlicky intensified as he approached an outdoor patio filled with conversation and laughter that spilled onto the sidewalk.
A vivid scenario flashed in Aaron’s mind—sitting across from Jay at a cozy table, a glass of red wine in his hand, soft music in the background. Relaxing after a long week of work, then going home together and waking up in the same bed.
He’d never craved anything so much.